I am a Robert Greene fan.
The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War (I don't have the one he wrote with 50Cent) are all displayed prominently on my bookshelves, and the abuse each one of them has taken (bent pages, cracked spine, coffee spills/burns) would indicate that I've read them several times.
Further, it comes as no surprise (well, to me I mean) that I am feeling a bit cynical this evening, and for that, I apologize; I think that my internal struggle with cynicism thanks to Greene may have influenced this week's intellectual proposition. I shall let you be the judge, however, as to whether or not this was a good or a bad thing.
As many of you know, and if you didn't you do now, I am not that into "people." There are a select few I would ever willingly share time with, and more often than not, it shows. The true friends (not the acquaintances--you have to have those or it's really hard to survive in the world as an adult) I have now are friends I've had for quite a while--it's not always easy for me to make new ones and frankly, I don't often (ok, probably never) try. But, don't misunderstand me--I know that this is not considered "normal" and I often wish that this aspect of my personality were not so deeply rooted. I recognize my flaws, I just often feel like it is too late for me to really change them.
Now, before I go any further, I feel it pertinent to actually define what I mean when I say "people."
So, here it goes, for lack of a more...academic definition:
PEOPLE: Individuals who are not kids (and yes, I realize the absurdity there since EVERYONE was at one time, in fact, a kid--I never said my appeals were to logos); mostly over the age of 30 and under the age of 80 (for some reason, I find the elderly fascinating).
And there you have it--the definition of people in the world of Cassie Bunje.
This rather pessimistic and certainly asocial view of the human race is not something with which I was born, however, I feel that it began cultivating itself at a rather young age. My childhood was not one to be looked back upon wistfully, and it didn't really get much better as I grew into young adulthood. This was due, almost entirely, to my interactions with and observations of, you guessed it--people. In fact, until I became a teacher, I held out very little hope that I would ever be able to gaze upon the face of another human being without a hint of scorn, mistrust or distaste. True story. Truth be told, and this is not me being dramatic at all--you could probably accurately say that teaching saved my soul. More on that later.
So, back to today and the churning maelstrom of pessimism taking hold of me. In my reading earlier ( I was searching for a quote from Greene and forgot which book it was in--so I skimmed them all), I happened upon an interesting quote.
I would like you to read and reflect on this quote and tell me what you come up with in terms of whether or not you agree with what it says, and what it even means. As always, qualify your answer with an anecdote of personal (or not-so-personal--whichever you prefer) experience to help illustrate the point you are making.
Here it is:
"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Greene
Have fun, my pumpkinsunshinefaceheads...
(W.C. 400)
I am a really nice person: a loving, caring, friendly young man with joy radiating from my always-bright smile welcoming everyone I know, and everyone I hope to know, to wonderful conversations about just about anything, from partying to my favorite sports. I skip down the halls of Oakcrest gleefully from class to class, and no matter what class I skip to, I am always surrounded by people that care for me almost as much as I care for them. However, I lie sometimes. But not too often, make no mistakes; I am a really honest person. The only thing is that this entire paragraph is complete bull. Also, I am not really an honest person. Honesty is a decision, not a character trait. It is “a strategy for social interaction” that I see no value in using at the moment. Therefore, do not believe anything I am about to say.
ReplyDeleteI can be nice, probably, but sometimes I just choose not to. It is difficult to be nice, and I have no need to wield kindness because I have nothing to get out of it. Kindness is a weapon used when someone wants something. For example, if I were to get busted gambling on Bingo, I would be fined a lot of money and my parents would be disappointed (well, not really, but this is just a scenario). If I needed a way to avoid the elephantine length of prison time that being busted Bingo-betting while broke yields, I would need to become un-broke, ask for the money from my loving parents, and do so with a gigantic smile on my face. I would do this because I want something; normally, I would never wear a smile, my face just looks weird while wearing one, but if I could get something out of being nice, like not going to prison for life, then I would be nice. Moreover, sometimes people are nice seemingly by nature. Perhaps these people are trying to set an example for others to be nice, consciously or unconsciously. Therefore, what they are getting out of being nice is more people being nice. Thus, niceness spreads like the great influenza.
But wait! There is a cure! Do not talk to people! Think about it: being nice is hard. If there is no one to talk to, then there is no need to be nice. If one hangs around nice people, he or she may catch “nice” due to its contagiousness and be forced to live the hard-knock life of a good fella. (It has been shown in film and literature that “Goodfellas”, and “Wiseguys”, get killed often.) If one does not hang around nice people, or, just to be safe, people in general, then there is nothing to worry about. There would be no expensive, and addicting, medication needed if one is not nice. Medication, such as cheap Christmas cards, birthday presents, informal greetings, high-fives, fake smiles, fake laughs, fake frowns when the tone of the “friend” is sad, and the generic “okay”s and “wow”s spoken when one gives his or her “friend” the sense that he or she is actually listening to the conversation, would be unneeded if one is not nice.
Thus, I agree with Robert Greene, although it seems that being nice may be easier for some people than others, the ultimate decision to be nice comes about due to the outside environment, such as when hanging around “friends” or trying to extort money from parents or gullible old people looking to buy girl scout cookies despite having no teeth.
Wow we went in complete different directions Bryan.
DeletePeople do not produce kindness because they just flip on a switch. There is no decision to be nice, a person just is. Emotions fuel our actions and words, there is no logic to them. If it was just a choice, why do we lash out at the people we love the most?
ReplyDeleteFor the past ten years of my life, my relationship with my brother was great. We would not fight like other kids, probably because of our age difference of six years. But lately we bicker and argue often. He becomes a cocky monster who thinks he is a big man, and I make an effort to deal with little bullshit as possible in my life (besides school, can not do much about school). I bet I was a big pain in the butt at that age too, but man, my brother has no idea how much crap he says everyday. He is a little kid, he cannot play life by his own rules. He does not have enough knowledge about how the world works to know what is best for him. He is just a kid, and I love him, so my intention is to just help him and be kind and be there for him. But sometimes his attitude rubs me the wrong way big time and I flare up. I never decide to be mean, my mouth just starts moving before my brain tells me to chill out.
I can only speak for myself personally, but I think if it was a conscious choice to be nice to others, then I would always choose to be nice. I never want to inflict any harm on anyone intentionally, it just happens sometimes. People have enough troubles as it is, I do not want to add on to it. So if I would always pick to be nice, it could not be a conscious choice. Why do I say rude things if I want to be nice? There is no logic to it.
I stand by my opinion that people do not choose to be nice when interacting with other people. People experience happiness, and then they will want to share it with other people. People experience sadness, and they would want to avoid everyone. People experience anger, and they will lash out. Emotions cause our interactions, not logic. We are not perfect robots. We are human beings.
Melis, I completely understand. I have the same siblings arguements with Lada. I love her so so so much. But she is still young and expects unrealistic things. I always try to talk to her rationally about roles in musicals that she probably will not get. It's sad but it's true. She hates when I put her down and sometimes I don't even mean to be pessimistic about things, but being rational has helped me in the past!
DeletePeople make decisions everyday-being nice is one of them. Everyone decides what they are going to say and do to other people. Whether they will say something mean or nice will usually depend on their mood. Same goes for actions, depending usually on someone’s mood will usually decide how they will act to someone. When in a tense situation you can either choose to be the bigger person or immature. When being the bigger person you are deciding to be nice and bite your tongue when you could easily be immature and scream and yell all sorts of mean things.
ReplyDeleteFor example when I get in an argument with my parents I choose to be nice because I know that will be the best thing I can do. Sometimes I choose to be mean and it only digs my hole deeper. I act nicer to my parents because I know it will either lesson my punishment or help them not be as angry. An example of someone doing the opposite and choosing to not be nice in a tense situation is when a disobedient kid get in trouble in class. Instead of choosing to act nice to the teacher after being called out for something the student continues to be a disruption and chaotic. This only leads the student into further trouble.
While being nice is a choice it is also one hundred percent a strategy of social interaction. The number one reward to being nice is to get something you want. When I am nice to my parents it is to lessen a punishment and when I am nice to my friends it is to keep my friends. When I am nice to teachers it is to earn their respect. Being nice is a way of life, if you are mean to everyone then everyone will hate you. When everyone hates you, you will not have anyone when you need people most and you will basically be living in isolation. Although you may not want to always bite your tongue it is usually a strategic mood to do so, so you can keep your friends and make new ones.
Being nice is a choice and not a trait-while being good is a trait. Most people are good natured while a handful are straight up bad people. Although you can be a good person you can also choose to be mean. Another example could be myself. I like to think of myself as a good person at heart however I hardly bite my tongue. This usually is not a good thing for me. I do and mean well however I rarely step doing. Meaning I come off rude or mean many times even when I mean well. There are a few people in mind who do make nice seem like a trait however I have heard them not bite their tongue and say rude things which leads me to believe niceness is a choice however good-natured is a trait.
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ReplyDeleteWhether a person is born nice or chooses to be remains completely debatable. The first thing I thought about when reading this post was the “nature vs nurture” controversy. To this day, psychologists still don’t know the innate qualities of a human. Many factors like DNA, home life, environment and experience complicate the challenge of finding a human’s innate nature. With all of this considered, I firmly believe that niceness remains a choice. My reasoning for this stems from the fact that people choose their reactions. Although in some cases we react without thinking, in most situations a person chooses their reaction. In life, when things don’t go our way we get upset. Being upset is a natural human response but, whether we act on that feeling remains up to us. Our moods strongly influence our reactions but, our response is still our choice. For example, growing up with siblings can be irritating. They steal your stuff without asking, never close the door on the way out of your room, and much, much more. Even though I get annoyed with my siblings pretty often, I choose to be nice to them to prevent an unnecessary fight. When my brother constantly leaves his dishes in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher, I do it for him. Obviously, I don’t like doing my own dishes let alone his but, I choose to be nice and do the simple task anyway. Another factor when it comes to someone choosing to be nice, is what they get out of it. A lot of times we choose to be nice in order to stay on people’s good sides. Whether it’s a parent, teacher, principal or boss, a person most likely chooses to be nice to these people because of their authority. Also, a person may choose to be nice because of an incentive. I remember a couple years ago I saw this older kid hanging out with this younger, rich kid. Before their hangouts, which included a Philadelphia Fylers game and snow skiing, the older kid complained about the “annoying” younger kid. Even though the older kid could have changed his mind about the younger kid, I knew that he only hung out with him for his money and extravagant hangouts. In this case, the older kid used his niceness as a social strategy in order to get what he really wanted (skiing, hockey games, etc). Whether you’re being nice for an incentive or none at all, being nice is a choice. Despite temperament, mood, or nature vs nurture, being nice is a choice you make, and even a social strategy.
ReplyDeleteDepending on what day it is I could either be the nicest person ever or I could literally be like a spawn of satan and there's not really an in between. It all just depends on how I wake up that morning. If I wake up and I feel sick and tired I will start the day out being pissy and mean but as the day goes on I realize that that's just not me and I start being nicer and happier. But I was not just born nice, I choose to be nice because honestly I could choose to be the meanest person in the world but that gets you absolutely nowhere. You need to be nice to get what you want, yelling at people left and right is just going to make people hate you and not do what you tell them. If you instead ask people nicely they are more likely to do you a favor. If you aren't nice people will not want to talk to you and you won't have any friends
ReplyDeleteMy friends are my friends because I am nice to them, I don’t yell at them and tell them they are terrible people because if I did they wouldn't be my friends, they would probably hate me. When I wake up mean it makes my friends not want to talk to me because of my mean attitude they would rather just leave me alone and let me be mad on my own. On the other hand, when I am nice they are always around me laughing and doing stupid activities. I just love being nice to people because it makes me feel happier about myself and I feel as if my day goes by faster if I'm gamboling around instead of dragging my feet with a stick face on.
Let me break this quote down, "Niceness is a decision” yes it totally is a decision, I don't know who would decide to actually be mean on purpose but either way, they decide to be mean. It costs just about $0.00 to be nice to everyone so just do it anyway. “It is a strategy of social interaction” as I stated before, if you aren't nice to people they won't want to talk to you, if you want to be able to interact with people you need to be nice or you might as well go sit in the corner. “it is not a character trait” It is a character trait, when you describe people you either describe them as nice or mean. However you present yourself to the world is how people will describe you. If someone sees you kicking puppies they will assume you are a mean and terrible person. If instead someone sees you picking flowers for someone they will consider you a nice person. However, you can be a nice person and do some bad things or you can be a mean person and do some nice things. Your actions and words show your personality so be careful of how you show yourself to the world.
Everyone is born with the ability to be nice. The way that we are brought up usually leads us to being nice or bitter. If we are brought up in a loving and caring family, then we will turn out nicer than someone who is brought up in a household of yelling and screaming. Most of the time I'm a nice guy, but sometimes I'm nicer than others. For me it depends on the people that I am around. If I am around someone who always annoys me or disrespects me I won't be nice to them. Actually, I'll just shut them out because they find the need to make others feel less than them. I don't need these kind of people in my life. No matter the household you live in or the kind of people you hang out with, everyone shows niceness at some point.
ReplyDeleteNormally people show this quality when they need something. For example, before I had a job, I needed to borrow money from my parents. I used to be obsessed with video games, so it was probably for a new game. Three days prior to asking my mom for money, I would be start being extra nice to her. This wasn't the occasional hug kind of nice that a kid can be. I would clean the kitchen, fold the laundry, and put dishes away so she didn't have to do it. Sometimes she appreciated the help and bought the game for me. I guess nice guys don't always finish last.
People also show this quality when they are trying to get out of trouble. Recently a cop pulled my mom over while I was in the car with her. Before the cop came to the window, she was angry about being pulled over because she swore that she wasn't speeding. As soon as she started talking to the cop, she immediately apologized for speeding and said it was her fault rather than arguing with the man. Cops pulled her over on multiple occasions, but she has never gotten a ticket. I guess she gets off the hook because she is nice to the cops. I can't see any other reason why she doesn't have a ticket. During this experience, I was amazed how someone's mood can change so drastically when they get in trouble.
For some people, being nice just comes natural. They are nice people every day without thinking about it. For others, niceness is only a strategy to benefit themselves. The everyday nice people are the ones who volunteer at animal shelters, or even compliment someone else to make their day a little better. These people don't benefit from doing these things, it's just who they are. I admire these people, and I strive to be one someday.
If being nice was a character trait, then maybe we would be in a better society. But that is not the case. I agree with Robert Greene’s quote; niceness is just a strategy to interact with other people. I mean who wants to be friends with someone who is a complete bitch? Exactly, no one. People choose to be nice when they want to. On a Monday morning, whenever I come to school, people should stay away from me because I act like the devil’s child. I may act like the rudest person around because I’m just not in the mood. My mood progresses as the day goes on. At the end of the day, I may be the nicest person people will find. It is because I’m in a better mood and I am actually awake.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I want my parents to buy me something, I act like an angel. I may buy my parents small gifts or I might give them kisses and hugs. This usually works and I get what I want at the end. Being nice helps me stay out of trouble too, because whenever I’m mean or rude to my parents, it usually results in me getting a punishment. The same thing works with teachers too. I choose to be nice to my teachers because I mean, I would not want to be on a teacher’s bad side. I know that teachers already are in a bad mood because all the stress that they have, so why add to it. Being nice to a teacher results in the teacher being nice to you. If people choose to be rude to a teacher, then well..., prepare for hell.
People are nice because they want to have friends, they want to have a social life. The sad part is that, although some people are nice to me whenever they talk to me, the moment I turn my back around, they talk shit about me. But if we are not nice to people, we may not have as many friends. Being nice is a huge strategy to life. Although I may not like someone, I still act nice to them because everyone deserves respect. Well, some people really do not deserve respect because they are just plainly rude. People who are rude, choose to be rude. Everyone is born with a good- natured heart. How people choose to represent themselves is completely up to them. I choose to represent myself a good person by being nice.
Up until now I just accepted the fact that some people were nice and some were not. I knew that people obviously choose to be mean or rude, but it didn’t really occur to me that people choose to act kind. Nice people were just that way and I never questioned it. However, thinking about this quote I realize that Robert Greene is hundred times correct. People decided to be kind and respectful, no matter if they do so knowingly or not. They could be the most arrogant, uncaring, and obnoxious person in the world to others, yet they don’t choose to. Because they know right from wrong. Not just from a moral compass standpoint, but also in a way that being nice allows for more opportunities and friendships. A social tactic if you please. A considerate person will move farther in life than a thoughtless one. Just by having the common sense to have manners and to show sympathy and to be respectful to those people you don’t particularly like, you can achieve so much.
ReplyDeleteSure, the way you act can reflect who you are, but acts can change and that doesn’t mean who you are does. The way you act depends mostly on your mood. If you’re cranky one day and blow up on someone, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person; it means you’re having a bad day. You can’t be defined and described by the way you act, only reflected through it.
I choose to be nice to many people, even to those who don’t deserve it, because I know that being the better person is the best thing to do. Being rude and haughty doesn’t get you anywhere, especially when it comes to someone you don’t like. There are a few people (less than five) at this school that I can say that I don’t like and who annoy me to no ends. Especially one person. But I won’t say whom, except that he or she doesn’t take this class. And let’s pretend this person is a male named Jerry. The way Jerry treat others and arrogantly demand the how things need to be his way or no way makes me very, very upset. Not to mention how he constantly argue with teachers how he is always right even when he is most definitely wrong and show no respect for anyone except for himself makes me want to, dare I say it, punch him in the face (metaphorically of course because I would never do that to anybody). Now I don’t hate Jerry, I just dislike him very much. But, I don’t think Jerry knows this. In fact, I show him kindness and offer to help him with this math homework because, although Jerry may be a terrible person in my eyes, I believe that no one deserves to be treated harshly without an actual legit reason for deserving it. Jerry annoys me a lot, yet he’s never done anything to me so I would never do or say anything to him. Unless he asks me of course. Sure I could be as rude as I want to be with him but I make the decision not to because it is just what I believe. The fact that I think that everyone should be respected and treated with kindness until they do something to me that is unforgivable and wrong. Jerry and I may never be friends as much as we are acquaintances, but now I know that the way Jerry acts isn’t who he truly is, just like how he way I act nice isn’t who I am.
Being nice has never really been a character trait. It’s more like when people say, “Just put on a smile” It’s fake. People use niceness in different ways, weather it’s to make someone like you or appeal in some other way. If you decide to be nice, you are really just putting on a show. You act nice during a job interview, even if in real life you’re the meanest person ever. Most people care about what other people think, which makes niceness come into play. If you like someone, than you should act nice. Most people in the world like nice people, or people who come off as nice. Niceness is a heartwarming action.
ReplyDeleteMost days may not be the best examples in my ways of being nice, especially in the mornings. However, some days, mostly when I drink coffee, I am happy and I act nice almost all day. You may even see me in the hallway with a smile. I am not really fond of people that I am not friends with. Frankly if I am not friends with you, you probably piss me of in some way. But on those rare occasions when I act nice, I just let everything that makes me mad float off of my shoulders. But this in not me, that is not my character. I am simply putting on a face, normally so people don’t think bad things about me. I do not want to be seen as that kid that doesn’t talk to anyone in the morning and who is quiet in his classes. When you act nice it shows that you are open, and people can approach you.
The only way that I can clarify my believes about this quote is by making the following statement: One person can be mean more than others, but that person that is mean more, is not a mean person. This is like when your teacher is mad because everyone in the class is talking. They will probably yell at the class and most people would say that that is mean. But the teacher is not mean, they are just fed up, so they acted mean for a short amount of time. It is almost like an emotion, it is here one second and gone another.
People choose to be nice. Sharing kindness and cheer is a choice made by you. It can qualify as one of your traits, but that is your decision to make it your trait. I agree with Greene because people decide to be either nice, mean, or rude in daily conversations. No one is born with niceness as a character trait. Although, how you were raised could determine your personality or nature. For example, being smart is a character trait through genetics, being nice is not genetic.
ReplyDeleteSome may say or notice that I tend to be nice a lot… maybe too much, but that’s just me. My parents raised my siblings and I to respect everybody, even if you share differentiating opinions. Therefore, I qualify “niceness” as a choice and/or a conversation strategy. My siblings and I were not automatically born being nice, we were taught to be. Also, I choose to share cheer and kindness. Producing negativity and sadness is not in my nature, that is not my purpose in life; my purpose is to try to make people laugh, smile, or feel good, that is what I like to do… that is what I choose to do.
However, in the habit of acting nicely, over time niceness could turn into your character trait, because of you always instantly deciding to be nice. Therefore, you could say niceness can fall into one of your character traits over time, not overnight. Hence, if I chose to write about niceness being a character trait, that’s where I would branch off from.
“Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait.” Although some may refute this quote, I agree with Greene because vulgar people purposely choose to live that way. Therefore, why not choose to be nice? Also, if being nice was a character trait, wouldn’t you think there would be a lot more friendlier people in our society? When you give people a choice, they will decide, act, or say whatever they want, and unfortunately people choose to to be cruel and vulgar.
I used to think that the way an individual is raised determines whether or not they choose to be kind, but the more I think about this theory, the less I find it credible. I’ve known gotten to know many people throughout my life, some nice and others not-so-nice. Among these not-so-nice people is one of my best friends (ironic?), who I have been close with since middle school. “Not-so-nice” is actually quite the understatement, I’d say she falls under the category of raging bitch (sorry I’m a bad feminist but this is the only describing word I could think of). To be fair, she’s only a raging bitch like 90% of the time; the other 10% she dedicates towards loving her cats. I still love her, though, and through the years I’ve become really close to her family. Surprisingly, her mom and dad are some of the nicest people you will ever meet, which does not help to explain their daughter’s bitchiness. I have come to conclude, therefore, that niceness is the product of an individual’s personality, rather than an individual’s upbringing.
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree with Robert Greene’s statement that being nice “is not a character trait”, I believe that certain character traits can drive a person to be kind. For example, I hate conflict and try my best to avoid it at all costs. Because of this, I find that being nice is a generally productive way to be on good terms with other people. There’s little opportunity for conflict to arise when you make it hard for someone to find fault with you. Even if someone is rude to me, I’ll continue to be nice, or at least indifferent towards them to avoid further conflict, but that’s just me.
Other people, however, live for conflict and drama, and are therefore more likely to be rude or “not-so-nice”. They will go out of their way to start a fight, either by finding fault with someone or by instigating them. This, to me, does not make any sense whatsoever. I don’t see the possible benefits that being rude could provide for anyone besides gaining the reputation of “raging bitch”.
Some people might also fall under the category of not being exactly nice, but not being rude either. These people usually just don’t care for social interaction, and therefore can’t be bothered to put effort into being nice. Sometimes I wish I could be one of these people and not care about what others think because being nice can be very exhausting and time-consuming. However, if I wasn’t nice I probably wouldn’t have any friends so I guess my “strategy of social interaction” actually benefits me in the end.
I agree with what Robert Greene wrote whole heartedly. I do believe niceness is a decision and not a character trait. But I think a better place to start is defining “niceness”. One persons definition of niceness might clash with someone else’s ultimately causing a flaw in social interaction and character traits. Quite frankly I strongly believe that character traits are highly overrated. No one is constantly a certain way forever although it may seem that way, everyone has their moments. With that being said inconsistency is reflected my decision or choice; social interaction being a choice. For example, roaming the halls of Oakcrest you will NEVER and I mean never find everyone getting along and being kind to one another…do you know why—for the simple reason of choosing “social interactions” nothing about character traits. Even people who do share similar or same character traits will not get along, it’s either people call others fake for being too nice or others get pissy because they aren’t nice enough. Like enough already. Over the years character traits of good quality being the constant are quickly dying which leads me to my point… why even make niceness a strategy of social interaction anymore if everyone is going to get it twisted.
ReplyDeleteTo be nice is to care. Sometimes caring about a person can be odd, especially if they are strangers. Humans are made to be selfish. It takes a lot of character and impulsiveness to instantly put others before yourself. Simple things like holding the door for someone or smiling at acquaintances are habits. I try my best to keep up those habits because I don’t like to be ignored. I like it when my tennis friends notice me in the hallways. A simple smile will do!
ReplyDeleteBut not all niceness is a decision. Parents pass their personal beliefs onto their children. If those parents are not necessarily “nice” people, the child won’t learn to have manners, respect others, and generally care about others. It makes me very upset when I am at a public place, such as grocery store, and I encounter parents yelling at their children. The Mom wasn’t scolding or correcting her daughter’s behavioral mistakes, but she was screaming at her five-year-old and calling her “stupid”. This mother lacked boundaries and lashed out on her child in public. She does not qualify as nice and, unfortunately, her daughter may receive some her mother’s bad habits.
Maybe I just over-analyzed a disciplinary issue of a small child or maybe I judge that family too quickly, but I know that kindness is a priority and it is something that is learned. Of course, people who lack niceness can always change their ways. Because of this, kindness is also a choice. It can be a habit (if it is made one), a learned quality, or choice. Therefore, I agree with Greene because niceness is a decision that has to be made, but it can also be a character trait that it passed down and taught by someone.
In this really big and mean world, there are some genuinely nice people out there. But the majority of people are nice not because it is a part of their characteristics but because it is their conscious decision to be nice. People decide to be nice because it is a part of social interaction. Without social interaction people are just lonely and being lonely is just not fun. So we are nice to others so that we build relationships which in turn create bonds and friendship. A part of being human is that we want to feel accepted and build relationships with other people. One of the ways to do that is by being nice. Our decision to be nice comes from worrying about our image. A person acts nice so that others accept him/her and then that person feels good about himself/herself. We want others to like us so our natural response is to be nice.
ReplyDeleteI like to think I am a nice person. From a young age, my parents instilled upon me the idea that I must be kind to those around me. I try hard to show others my kindness and I love being nice to others. But this niceness is not a result of me being born with it. I am a nice person because it was my decision. In every one of my friendships and mostly likely everyone else’s, I was nice to the person because I wanted them to like me. I worried about how my image was perceived and I did not want to come off as mean. Plus, who likes being mean. Being nice is much easier than being mean. Being mean just puts you into a negative mood and then you are constantly in a bad mood.
However like I said in the beginning, there are people out there who are genuinely nice. The one person I can think of personally is Jasmine Tran. She is such a nice person. I do not think she is nice just because she cares about what others think of her. I really believe she is naturally nice. When you meet her she comes off as such a nice person and then when you talk to her more you realize she really is a nice person. I do not know how she does it but I praise her for being so nice.
I have never really thought about nice-ness in the way that Robert Greene has. Perhaps I have only thought about people who are mean or rude. I say to myself, well they must’ve been raised that way or maybe they are choosing to be rude because they are in a bad mood today. I have obviously encountered a rude person before, and each time they make my blood boil.
ReplyDeleteMaybe, I think too much like a nice person. I know I can switch between irritable and kind quite often, so this makes me believe in Greene’s quote. I don’t think that people are nice on their own. Either they are nice because they were raised like that, or they have learned from social interactions that they should be.
I have always been taught to be nice to everyone, but this is only because I’ve been treated badly by others, and keep that feeling when I talk to another human being. I have learned through my social interactions that I can’t gain anything from being mean to someone. I never want to treat someone poorly and cause hurt towards them. It’s just not fair to them. Especially when they didn’t do anything to deserve it! But, on the same accord, I will dish out what you give to me. If you give me sass after I was being nice, I will drop the sass right back so fast, that you won’t even see it coming. Like today at the All-Day Choir Rehearsal, I was repeating that O Girls and O Boys were to go to the risers because everyone was confused. Everyone cleared the risers except for this one girl. The first thing that was off-putting was her body language; she was dilly dallying and sprawled across the risers, about 10 seconds after everyone else cleared the risers. So I repeated again that they were to clear the risers in a non-threatening way, because she was on her phone, so maybe she didn't hear. And the way she responded, and pushed past me, really ticked me off. She said, “Obviously,” in such a rude way, and it was under her breath. I honestly had to restrain myself from biting back at her for that, because we were just trying to get through the whole set of songs so we could go home, and she was holding us up. The second account was ABSOLUTELY unacceptable. She calls one of my good choir friends and his brother, “The Retard Brothers”, and when they say something back, she continued threatening them with curse words and fighting. Finally, I said, “Please stop, we need to get on with rehearsal.” I have always known this girl to be a smart-ass towards others, and especially me. But no one messes with my friends.
This gets into my next point; I want to explore the notion that people choose to be evil or unkind. The girl obviously chooses to be rude to people she doesn’t know. This can be seen everywhere, especially in today’s news, but in even more extreme ways. Terrorists, murderers, criminals; they have all chosen the path of pure evil. Just the same as people choose to be nice based on their social interactions.
But then I am convinced otherwise. If anyone knows Lainey Day, I don’t think there is one mean drop of blood in her veins. How can she not be born happy and kind? I must not see something, maybe she isn’t all nice all the time. Or perhaps, she’s an exception to this rule. People are not born to be nice, because they are made by God, and they have to find Jesus in their hearts during their walk. At least, this is what I’ve been taught, by Lainey, my parents, and my church. Lainey has so much love and faith in her heart, that I do not think it is possible for her not to love others and be nice to others.
*I am not writing this to create a religious war, just btw. Believe what you believe! :)*
I agree with Greene when he said that niceness is a decision. It is truly conflicting to not be nice to people you associate with, even if you do not enjoy their presence. If you speak your mind and do not hold back at all, people will begin to dislike you and disrespect you and I know no one enjoys to be the person who everyone hates. So niceness is a tool to be used to construct a mask over oneself to protect themselves from harm, so to speak. I have constructed a "mask of niceness" myself, but I do not always have it on. There are some cases, personally, when I do not require that mask because I distance myself from the people I know will bring a negative atmosphere around me. I use this mask to deal with the butt-holes that are out there who everyone has to deal with in their lives. These "butt-holes" are everywhere, it is inevitable to not cross paths with them. When I do come across people like this, I tend to be nice to them (depending on the individual) so that I keep on their good side so that I do not have to deal with their "evil" attitudes, or their bad side.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I agree with Greene saying that niceness is a strategy to deal with society, but I must say that I disagree with him as well when he said that niceness is not a trait. I disagree with that because I am naturally nice. I am not trying to seem ignorant or sound like I am full of myself. I am genuinely nice and I notice this myself, let alone having a few people mentioning that to me. I know that nature dug this trait deep within me because I tend to go out of my way to do something for someone else or I give and do not expect, nor want, anything back. There have been a number of cases where I would set aside my homework, regardless of how much I had, to help out a person, for example, about talking to a crush or breaking up with a callow partner. I have this need to help someone, but I do not do it for people to like me and say "awww he's so cute and nice." I do not want that nonsense (though sometimes I do appreciate compliments like those). I am nice and try to help because I enjoy it. If I truly help someone solve a problem or make someone's day, then I will be proud of myself that I got to actually help someone. It is a good feeling when your niceness pays off and that becomes a drive for me to keep doing what I do. I also go by the phrase "to gain respect you must first give respect." I do not know if that quote was word by word, but the point is that I respect people who deserve it and hope that I, too, genuinely have the respect, and niceness, returned. But do not get me wrong, I provide niceness to the right people. Not only to my friends and to people I generally like and enjoy being with, but to people I see who deserve it or need it. It depends on my interpretation of the individual if I will be nice to him or not. Not many people deserve my niceness. Being a natural nice person, I know the weaknesses of being nice and one of them is that people will take advantage of you if you do not keep the niceness under control. This is why I watch myself who I share my niceness with. I am nice, but I am not stupid. I, actually, have experienced being screwed over because people have taken advantage of my niceness too much. Actually, I decided to be smart about myself and keep my niceness in tact when necessary not too long ago.
Anyway, I am a weird guy who agrees with both sides of the argument. I both agree with niceness being a tool to deal with society and that it is also a trait. Though I do not think there are that many people who are genuinely nice, similar to me (not exactly like me, but similar), but there are many people who are "fake," as modern society labels such people as. I see a lot of this "fake" and it sometimes annoys me to a certain degree, though I prohibit myself to be bothered by it frequently. It is understandable, though, why these "fake" people are "fake," but the reasons for it are not too severe usually.
If I exist, a person who is gifted with a character trait of niceness, if I am a bonhomie, then there MUST be others like me, so because of this reasoning I must, once again, disagree with Greene and conclude this story with it. (By the way, I do not know if I used that vocab word too well in the end there, but I wanted to use it so...yeah!).
DeletePersonally, I believe that humans are born pure, untainted, and uninfluenced. When a child is first born the only thing that they know how to do is breath. Actually, I take that back, because when a child develops in the mother’s womb it receives its oxygen solely from her. It isn’t until after the baby is pushed out, and after the doctor uses a nasal aspirator to clear its airways, that a baby can breathe. In some cases, this process does not work and the baby is instantly rushed to a surgical room. Anyways, my point is that when human beings are born they have absolutely no knowledge. They can’t even breath on their own, let alone posses something they’ve never experienced.
ReplyDeleteIt is easy for children to be manipulated and controlled by society, simply because they don’t know anything. Also, a child’s environment, can most likely determine what they will become. Hence the phrase “most likely”, meaning that that this is not always the case. Most teachers, parents, babysitters, guardians, and/or family, encourage the child “to be kind to others” or to “play nice”, and usually the child does so. They know nothing more than to share their toys, not to hit others, and to be nice to each other, unless they were told otherwise. Also, a child learns and does what they see another person do. They are like human sized parrots that mimic a person’s every move. For example, my aunt said the word “shit” in front of her two year old son, and he continued to say it throughout the day. Don’t worry though, she gave him a nice whooping, and he hasn’t repeated it since then. However, this goes to show how easy a child picks up on things, and how fast those things can change them.
Furthermore, adults tend to sugarcoat everything in terms of kindness, because that is all they want the child exposed to. So, if that is the only thing the child is exposed to, then that is all they will know; well at least until they grow older. Usually, once the child matures and exposes themselves to th rest of the world, they can make their own decisions. There are three paths a child can take once they reach this phase. The first is to continue believing what their surrounding environment has forced upon them. The second is two completely disregard everything they learned as a child, and explore life in their own way. The third is a combination of the first and second path, in which the child chooses to mix their old beliefs with their new ones. At this point in life, the child can make their own decisions and formulate their own opinions.
ReplyDeleteIn the case of this blog post, the child will decide if they want to remain what they originally were(nice or mean) or if they want to abandon their old ways and transform into someone knew.
I fully agree with Robert Greene’s statement. I believe that as a child, people are forced to believe that they are either nice or mean, due to their surrounding environment. I also believe that as a young adult/adult, I believe that people have the choice to be nice, mean, or both, simply because they have their own mindset. However, in no way, shape, or form, could a person be inherently nice. As people get older, and step into the “real world”(not the sugar-coated world that adults described to them when they were 5,6, and 7) they realize that the only way to survive, avoid loneliness, and to get what they want, is to “kiss ass” and be nice; even to those who do not rightfully deserve it. It kind of reminds me of when my brother calls me at school. He asks me how my day is, how I am feeling, and all this other nonsense, when really all he wants to know is if I’m going to eat my biscuit or corn muffin. He’s really addicted to those, but in the end he gets what he wants, because he was successful in buttering me up.
I would say about 90.99999% of the time I am nice to people. However, if someone catches me in a shitty mood, on a bad day, or during one of my “stress attacks”, I advise them to stay clear of me, because I can be a total bitch. Sometimes I don’t even realize it! Although, if someone does catch me during one of my phases, I always end up apologizing, because I never mean it. That is just how I am.
When I read that quote, it actually blew my mind for some reason and made me rethink things. Anyway, I agree with Robert Green. Everyone given the choices to act nice or mean. If niceness wasn't a choice, then will our society changes? Imagine how different the world would be if people only acted nice because of their genetic and not by their choice. Back to the topic at hand, I feel that we choose to decide on acting nice because of our environment.
ReplyDeleteFor example, my family taught me at a young age to respect everyone and work hard. I worked hard in my classes and behaved like a good, respectful boy. Since I spend most of my time watching television during my childhood, I watch TV shows and movies where the good guys always win. I guess the influence of most TV shows and movies I watched rubbed off on me. Because of TV shows and movies, I almost automatically chose to become the good guy. I act nice and kind to almost everyone. The times when I become annoyed by someone, I steamed up and become angry. Now, I realize I don't need to act nice to everyone. I realize now that I chose to act nice to appeal to everyone. That somewhat blew my mind.
Choosing to act nice could be your choice. Anyone using niceness as a social strategy, most of the time it should work. Its quite hard to tell if someone putting up their real smile or it just part of their mask. Someone can actually be nice on purpose or it just a charlatan faking it. Also some people do contain a niceness trait, but its hard to tell. Because of this quote, I can't tell who faking their smile or actually putting up a real smile.
Another one of those blogs where I disagree then I agree then I question myself. I’ve been staring at this quote. Why am I writing another one of these pointless intros? Also, I know I say “I think” and “I guess” a lot, and I know it is terrible. I promise that I tried taking them out, but the truth is I typed them because I really am unsure (definitely style right there).
ReplyDeleteI don’t think I’m a nice person, but I don’t think I decided to be that way. I couldn’t be described as necessarily nice; I just tend to openly speak my pessimistic opinion. I guess I’m mean to try to push people away- a defense mechanism. But, I’ve always believed in keeping it real which I might not do in the nicest way. Maybe it’s because I’ve always felt that people disappoint and lie like my parents always have, so I’m mean in a way to shut people out and make sure no one gets too close. When you’re nice, it is a social interaction and people like you. It makes you vulnerable when people like you because you could get hurt which is probably why I avoid being nice. I didn’t choose my parents as my parents, the way I grew up helps explains why I am the way I am. Some traits can come naturally, but many you learn through nurture and your life experiences. I’m the way I am because of the things happening around me and I adapted.
Also, I feel like the word “decision” throws me off because it makes it sound easy. You can either choose to be nice or choose to be mean. Maybe I choose to be mean as a defense mechanism, a way to push people far enough from my life. But, I’ve gotten so accustomed to doing so. Can you really change? Can I really decide whether or not I can be nice?
I’m going to disagree because being nice and truly honestly nice is hard to decide to do genuine. You cannot just decide one day to be nice. It would take commitment and a lot of change and practice.
You deserved to have the character trait of being nice if you can honestly genuinely do so. You can’t choose who you want to be because acting something you just aren’t, isn’t real. I guess everyone does nice things, but that’s not enough to make it a character trait.
Maybe I was a tad wishy-washy, but I felt so conflicted for the longest time. I just keep thinking of the “what if….?”; I tried thinking about it and letting my mind soak this idea, but I still get drawn to the many things I could say if I agreed.
As a strong advocator, if such a word exists, for the idea that everyone should continuously strive to become a better person, I believe niceness is one of those requirements. However, the decision is purely theirs to be a butthole or a gift to mankind.
ReplyDeleteThe “niceness” gene, unfortunately for hopeful individuals, remains a myth. I believe “niceness,” like Robert Greene, is nothing but a life choice. Just because someone prefers to live a life without love, does not mean the cause is apparent in their genes.
Due to society’s hostile attitude towards Dicks, most people must adapt and find a way to strive in that ilk of environment without having to resort to drastic measures. A simple Staple of a strategy is to act polite. Learning manners from your Auntie Anne will be nothing but beneficial to your public interactions. People feel more comfortable and willing to talk to someone who treats them with respect. And most people, when treated with respect, will reflect the same attitude towards you; making it an overall pleasant and easy experience with your fellow man.
Take me for an example. As much as I seem to be most people’s cup of sunshine, I can’t help but have rude and/or insulting comments floating around in my brain. What makes me different from sociopaths and the average butthole is the ability to choose not to say it. I find it logical to do so. It protects another individual’s feelings and the result of the interaction will not leave me with agitated pain sensors.
I would like to start this off by saying that I honestly cannot comprehend why people can be cruel to each other, or why it is so prominent in our society today. Niceness exists only as a strategy in social interaction, not as a character trait. In civilization, it makes sense that people would be nice to each other considering that if people act kind towards one another it removes the conflict. Then again I am puzzled by the question “is niceness a character trait, or a strategy of social interaction” simply because as a social interaction it is not used very often. I am talking about pure niceness, which means that you’re nice for the sake of being nice rather than using it to manipulate someone to benefit you. Most people use so-called “niceness” in order to benefit themselves, which personally I believe that this cannot be considered nice but instead cruel because you purposely manipulate someone to do what you want. I would occasionally use “niceness” to manipulate my parents into getting me something at a young age but as I matured I realized how wrong that was to do.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I should take about cruelty more than “pure niceness” because it is more evident. Cruelty is easier than being nice first of all, it really doesn’t require a lot of energy to be rude or simply not care about anyone else besides yourself. People are cruel, it’s as simple as that, as a society we have become so selfish that the thought of benefiting anyone else besides ourselves is out of this world. Humans don’t enter this world evil (even though I believe we are born from sin) it is a skill that is learned over the years dealing with other cruel people. For example, little children are more likely to give money to a homeless person rather than an adult, simply because they have not developed the “survival of the fittest” mentality yet. This mentality has caused most hatred, because we all want to increase our chances at survival, in order to survive we need to “thin out the herd” which explains why people are cruel to each other.
Furthermore, niceness is not a character trait but instead a form a social interaction. Niceness is purely a decision rather than anything else because it goes against “the survival of the fittest”, niceness is viewed as a form of weakness which could be why so many people take advantage of it. Niceness, for the most part, is used to manipulate other into doing what you need them to do, which supports that niceness is a strategy of social interaction rather than a character trait.
When a person shows signs of niceness to you or any kind of positivity or kindness; it is by choice and not a natural born trait that we inherit by the combination of our parent’s DNA. Being nice is a good thing and can ensure many good judgements from people. But it can also be a burden, because if you’re too nice you can get trampled all over. Also, from environmental forces you can be taught to show kindness or not. Usually kindness is taught by your parents, but in some certain situations a child can be raised(not by their parents) from personal experiences to show kindness or not. That’s why being nice to people can possibly be only to a few.
ReplyDeleteYou don’t have to be nice to everyone. But if you are meeting someone for the first time you should show mutual respect as they would to you, but if circumstances come where you don’t like the person because of attitude, disrespect, or how they portray negative values in your life; then you have a right to portray niceness or not. Now when I say this statement, I don’t mean to be a total asshole to that person, but just either don’t talk to them or have small talk. Such as “how are you” and get on with the rest of your life. You don’t have to be a total asskisser and be at your knees begging them to like you. You get to choose that and that also corresponds with being nice to others.
For myself, I’m seen as the genuine nice guy, who’s always there for a helping hand. But later on I found my voice and learned to say no. It was hard at first, but I had to think about myself first before others. Especially with people I don’t like. Sure those people may not like me and judge me for who I am. And yes I do take it in as a self reflection, but at the end of the day I am who I am. And it’s staying that way. And if I have different opinions on things I will change.
So to answer the question, I agree with Robert Greene and his philosophy of niceness. Being nice has it’s good, bad, and ugly side. Being nice doesn’t come from your genes, it comes from your heart and emotions and your experiences you have.
Niceness is definitely a decision. People use it a a social strategy to persuade other people into doing what they want. If you act nice to someone, the person feels obligated to reciprocate the niceness back. It’s almost like a guilt trip; if the person isn’t nice back to you, they would feel guilty about being a mean person. Personally, I hate turning down other people’s request because I hate conflict and disappointment. I usually never say no to people (unless it's about sharing food). I have never had a single person, at least to my knowledge, who hated my guts because I’m generally nice to people. I use niceness to defend myself against making enemies because even if people don’t like me, they can’t hate me. However, sometimes I’m terribly mean because I’m in a terrible mood. Don’t ever catch me when I’m hangry, I become a really nasty person with a permanent scowl on my face. When I’m hangry, I have zero-tolerance for people and I don’t care about acting nice because all I want is food. My goal isn’t about get along and pleasing people anymore, it’s about finding something good to eat. There have been multiple instances when I got in trouble for frowning and acting so moody around family. In all cases, I was deprived of food and something was preventing me from eating.
ReplyDeleteThis prompt also reminded me about this one quote from Malala Yousafzai. She said:
I started thinking about that, and I used to think that the Talib would come, and he would just kill me. But then I said, 'If he comes, what would you do Malala?' then I would reply to myself, 'Malala, just take a shoe and hit him.' But then I said, 'If you hit a Talib with your shoe, then there would be no difference between you and the Talib. You must not treat others with cruelty and that much harshly, you must fight others but through peace and through dialogue and through education.' Then I said I will tell him how important education is and that 'I even want education for your children as well.' And I will tell him, 'That's what I want to tell you, now do what you want.’
If she could speak with her shooter, she wouldn’t attack him or anything negative because that would only perpetrate his hate. Instead, she would be nice to him. There’s a very specific reason for that niceness; Malala wants to change her shooter’s mind about education, even if it would be only in the tiniest bit. It is the strategy that she's using in order to persuade him. She's not just being nice because she's a nice person, she has a motive.
I think that the way you act has to do with the experiences you went through as a person. But I do think people can also choose to be nice, mean, loving or etc. For example, someone who got treated badly as a child at home might come to school and bully other kids because of the pain that one kid has inside of them. While on the other hand someone who lives in a stable household and is taught to treat others with respect and how you want to be treated, then that person will probably be more respectful and nice. I don’t think people really wake up and tell themselves that they are going to be mean today, they probably had to go through something to make them feel a certain way which is why they treat the people the way they do. But if a situation does curve your mood and causes you act to mean I think that people can try and decide to be positive and nice even though that's not what they’re feeling.
ReplyDeleteSome days I wake up for school completely miserable and I don’t want to be bothered that day and I can sometimes come across to certain people as being mean even though I’m just in a bad mood. I’ve come to learn though that being angry and mean is a choice, and if I wanted to I can easily say that today even though I had a rough morning I’m still going to be positive and treat others well. So overall I do agree with the quote.
Kill people with kindness is what my grandma used to say to me whenever someone would hurt my feelings. “Smile at them Heather, because all they want is a rise out of you.” I strongly believe that being nice is a choice, a decision, something someone has to set his or her mind to. If being nice was a trait I feel as if our world would be such a happier place to live in. I agree with Robert Greene when he says, “It is a strategy of social interaction” because it is 100% true. The complete miserable asshole isn’t going to have as many friends as the down to earth nice and generous kid. For example, when I am at a new place like for instance a party with new people, I try to be nice to make new friends. If I went up to a stranger and was rude that stranger isn’t going to want anything to do with me.
ReplyDeleteIn another hand, I don’t believe being nice is so hard, as some people would disagree. I don’t believe it is that hard to hold the door for someone or simply say thank you to the person holding the door. I hear people everywhere complain about that “why should I be nice if they aren’t nice?” The answer is simply treat others how you want to be treated. Karma is an evil thing and it really isn’t that hard to be nice. Even when I come across rude people I try to be nice before I lose my crap just because they probably need that ounce of love and niceness in their lives.
If my mother woke up and was nice I feel that our relationship would be 10 times stronger. If she just woke up and said good morning before I left for school instead of stayed in bed all morning I feel our relationship would be 10 times stronger. If she went out of her way to ask me how my day was instead of screaming at me I feel our relationship would be 10 times stronger. I don’t understand why she is the way she is but I know one thing for sure, I sleep a lot better when I’m nice to people instead of mean. Maybe that’s why she’s always tired, maybe that’s why she’s always in bed all morning.
Even though niceness is definitely a decision, I don’t understand why people choose the opposite and are so cruel. I wish I understood what kinds of satisfaction bullies get out of being bullies. If niceness is a decision and not a trait, then why not just be nice? Why is it so hard? I know I can be completely miserable sometimes but just that extra inch of happiness and niceness is what always makes me feel better about myself.
I actually never thought of it this way. After thinking about it, I’m still left a little unsure. I would define niceness as giving a smile to those who may not even deserve it, or not thinking just about yourself. Although, it all depends on the situations in which you're working with. Now that I think about it, couldn’t all or most character traits be your decision ? Couldn’t people choose or decide be playful,kind, or any other character trait ? Or are people actually “born” that way and its unchangeable ? Well, I guess that’s debatable. Let me not branch off to something else before I confuse myself. I guess I will say the quote from Robert Greene was correct. Being nice is a decision and not categorized as a character trait. From what I know, people aren’t nice to others no matter what or unconditionally,because that to me is a character trait, something that most people can define a person as, or something that doesn’t change. I believe people present themselves based off how they feel about others. For instance, If someone comes off with an attitude towards them, they will act in a way that isn’t so nice and of that nature, but if someone comes off in away that is polite and respectful they will react similarly. In other words, not everyone can define someone as nice because everyone decides to present themselves in different ways toward others. Except this is where I get confused. Aren’t some character traits opinionated also, just as niceness is.
ReplyDeletePersonally, when I meet or socialize with someone I am nice until that person changes how I should act. Similar to what I said before, it takes a person to come off in a disnice manner for me to act the same. I was raised to always have respect for people and treat others how I wanted to be treated. In result to that, that I surprisingly obeyed I decide to act this way. If someone was to go up to a person and tell them to use one word to describe me you would get many answers that vary from being nice, polite, respectful, etc. to things like bitchy, or abrasive. After typing this blog and re thinking I would say niceness isn’t so much of a decision, but instead a reaction. I mean you still do decide in a way to act in this manner, but from my beliefs you mainly act toward another without thinking by how they treat you.
If you were to ask my parents, family, teachers, friends, or my friend’s parents to give one word to describe me, they’d all say nice-- okay maybe not my parents. I would say that the majority of the time I’m very nice. Some days I’m nicer than others, just as I am sometimes nicer to one person than I am with the other. Niceness is 100% a personal decision. There’s infinite sides to every person, even if you only see the good sides, because I promise they have plenty other sides they don’t show you. And that is their personal decision.
ReplyDeleteThink about it-- how are you treated when you DECIDE to be nice, and how are you treated when you DECIDE to be mean? Here is a GREAT example… when you have an attitude, or maybe you really don’t but your mom insists that you do and you better change it before she changes it for you, and you go to ask for something in a “mean” way, whether it be the new iPhone 6s Rose Gold, the newest shoes that are $20479284772.89, or to simply get out of the house, the answer's gonna be no. But when you decide to be nice to your parents and you ask them very nicely for something whether it be the new iPhone 6s Rose Gold, the newest shoes that are $20479284772.89, or to simply get out of the house, you have a 99.99% chance of getting a yes. It’s all in how you decide to act.
Personally, although I can be pretty mean-- remember, dynamite comes in small packages-- like I said before, most of the time I’m nice. I don’t have many reasons to be mean, and even if I do, I kill them with niceness. I don’t believe in being mean to people just to be mean. But when there comes a point in time that I don’t receive the same amount of niceness that I give, I’m extra nice because nothing bothers someone more than the person being nice to them when they want them to be angry and mean. Of course there are times when I decide to be mean as well, and those are times are just as bad.
I can ever see it in my parents, especially my mom. God forbid I give an “attitude” I had no idea I had, spoke to her in the wrong tone, again that I was unaware of, or I do anything wrong, she decides to be mean. And when mom decides to be mean, you might as well shut up and take it or else you’ll get bashed even harder. But on the other hand, you can tell when mom decides to be nice. For instance, this past Thanksgiving break I was asked to help clean, set up, cook, and then help clean up the aftermath for both Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday and my Mom-moms birthday on Saturday, I wasn’t just simply asked. Mom made dinner early Wednesday night (I honestly couldn’t even tell you what it was oops…), didn’t ask me to do any chores, sparked up a good conversation and hung out with me for a bit, ya know, the “usual”-- NOT. I could tell she had something up her sleeve and what do you know, after the great night I had of relaxing for a change, she asks me, which is the equivalent to telling me, but asking is her nice way of telling me I better help out. Of course I would’ve done it regardless of how I was “asked,” but since she asked nicely and decided to be nice to me, it was easier for me say yes to than if she was bitchy about it and demanded me to help. Niceness is key in decision making, you’re not born with it and you can’t obtain it because it’s as simple as a decision.
I agree with Robert Greene as to have a certain quality in you is a decision. You decide rather you want to be nice or mean. A character trait is something you were born with. For example a physical feature. You can be born into a family of rude, inconsiderate human beings, yet be the nicest lad someone's ever met. And that’s all in your decision. To differentiate, just because you're born into a family that is known to be polite and joyful doesn't mean you'll end up like them too. You can decide to be a mean, hateful person. Just as the Grinch was in How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The Grinch decided to hate Christmas, it wasn't a trait inside of him. In the human version of the movie, the Grinch decides to hate Christmas because as a child he was made fun of everyday in school by almost everyone. The person who most made fun of him, became the mayor of Whoville. So, the Grinch decides to hate him the most. Every decision has reason or logic behind it. The reason you are a specific quality is because of a decision. You do not become any quality with a character trait.
ReplyDeleteI am a rather nice person. But I know when to be nice and when not to be. I DECIDE which one I want to be. In situations there's always options, and one must DECIDE what they want to do or how they want to react. One may be an overall nice person, but that is their decision. They may be born a butthole but something they will experience can completely change that. And they will DECIDE to be nice. I, for example, have been a really nice person all throughout my others. But my teenage years, learning to not trust everyone and be so nice to them, have affected my decision on rather or not I should be as nice as I was. There is two certain people that I will never change my decision on, my mom and my girlfriend. They are the two people that inspire me the most, and my decision of taking care of them, being nice to them, and never abandoning them will never change.
Experiences might change your decision on what type of qualities you want yourself to have. A quality cannot be a trait simply because you can change that quality. But what we can do is suppress a negative trait, by deciding not to express it. So even to your traits, you decide. Most of the things you do will be based on decisions, not traits.
I never really thought about it before. Nice was nice, nothing more. But Robert Greene is correct; Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction, and a powerful one too. By being nice to other people, you can sway their opinion of you, get them to do your dirty work, or simply become friends with them. It’s a win-win situation. Being nice is what helps us get through our daily routine. If weren’t nice, no one would like us, talk to us, or even acknowledge us. Everyone would be lonely. Hence why we choose to be nice: Compliment other people. Say please and thank you when necessary. Never talk back. No one gets hurt and everyone is happy.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice can be difficult sometimes. There are moments when you just want to scream at the person, lash out at them, tell them all their flaws. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. But remember where you are, who you are with. It's like being a child or an adult. You can either choose to be a child and let your irrational thoughts run wild, or you could be an adult and learn to accept (or ignore). It is up to you to decide whether or not you want to be the bigger person. But you must to be mindful; which one will produce a greater outcome? I mean, the answer is obvious. You’re going to be the adult, the nicer one, and attack the person with kindness because you know that everything will be easier if at least one person is mature. No one gets hurt and everyone is happy. Does that make sense? I really hope it does.
I feel like over time, as you keep choosing to be nice, you don’t even acknowledge it anymore and it becomes normal. Almost like a trait. You don’t really have control over it anymore, it just happens. I always saw myself as nice, and maybe that is why. I keep choosing kindness over meanness (is that even a word?) without even thinking, and it slowly became my norm. And it all started because of me. I may had people guide me and tell me right from wrong, but it was still my decision. I chose to be nice, no one else.
This blog made me think about it a lot. Being nice is a decision but I also think some people are just born that way. I know people who are nice every single day with a huge smile on their face, because that is just the way they are and I know people who decide to be nice because they are having a good day. I think deciding to be nice is based on many different things. You can base it on whom you are talking to, waking up on the wrong side of the bed, or just being stressed out. I think that these things shouldn’t make you be mean to someone but that’s just me. Ultimately, it is your decision but you don’t have to be mean to everyone just because you wake up wrong or are stressed out. I choose to be nice every single day no matter what the circumstance is. I can be sad or angry and I will still be nice to everyone because that’s just me. I mean if you go around to one or two people might say I am a bitch but I know what I am and that’s not one. I can be mean if I want to, but I choose to say everything in my head. Even if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I will still treat people with respect and be nice because that’s how I was raised. I happened to be raised a certain way, which is part of why I am nice. This brings me to my last point. Being nice also comes from the way you are raised. If you happened to be raised in a stable home with everything you have ever wanted treated with kindness and respect, your most likely are going to treat people like that. If you were raised unstable with an extremely bad childhood, most likely you will be mean. Although there are some people who were raised in hellholes but turn out to be extremely nice. I think everyone’s decision should be to be nice but some people can’t help the way they are. Now I am changing what I think being nice is. Being nice is a decision but I also think it’s based on other things too like how you were raised. Overall I do agree with the quote but I would tweak it just a little if I could.
ReplyDeleteI thought about to writing this post. In the end though, who am I kidding I could not stand the fact of not answering to this blog post. So here I am. The only reason why I didn't want to write this blog post though is because of crew. No it really wasn't it's because I honestly did not know what to say about this subject. I choose to be nice, but only because that's the way I was brought up. Now i'm not saying that I would be a complete and total bitch if I hadn't been taught the right way but there are some people who I would not be nice to if my mom hadn't told me that I needed to be nice to everyone I came across. There are times when I can’t deal with people and I want to punch everyone in the face and I wish I could but everyone sees me as someone nice (except Kennedy) so I have to still be nice. Otherwise, I will get comment like “hey are you okay” “hey what's wrong” “hey” and all I want to do is punch everyone in the face. So after I went on my rant and had to go back on blogger to look up the prompt. Yes, I do believe that this is 100% a social strategy. Atleast thats how I use it. I am nice to everyone even when I don't wanna be because I know if i'm mean no one will like me. I could care less though if you don't like me, see now that contradicts my other statement. There's people though that I could live without. I believe though that you have to be nice in order to get through life, I know people that aren't exactly the nicest and I know they are not going anywhere in life. Maybe they will, who knows but I will never be able to look at them as successful people. That is the sole reason I try to keep my attitude to a level because I know what I think about people who are mean and wouldn't want them to think that about me. So in the end I agree with the quote. I am sure that niceness is a social strategy for many people. Anyone can get anything if they are nice. It makes me think maybe I should be nice. I mean I am nice but maybe I should be a little bit nicer so I can get what I want.
ReplyDeleteI always preach, “Just be nice to people!” because I believe everyone deserves niceties and politeness. But niceties and politeness are just that-- sweet little phrases that people throw out but don’t really mean, for the sake of keeping social relationships intact and avoiding confrontation. I tend to group niceness with politeness, because both seem to be learned traits. The toddler is taught to say “please” and “thank you” and eventually the toddler learns through continued social interactions that being nice yields rewards, whilst being mean does not. However, niceness doesn’t just benefit the people around, but it benefits the person being nice as well. In my own personal experience, being nice to people and giving a compliment here and there makes me feel better about myself, and if I ever get the occasional compliment, it really makes my day. There are some who struggle immensely to be nice, and I think that’s just in their character to be a bit more choleric and rough around the edges. For others, being nice comes at an incredible ease, because they are naturally kind.
ReplyDeleteWhich brings me to my next point, because I 100% believe that “nice” is in no way, shape, or form synonymous to “kind.” Nice holds no meaning; you can be nice to someone and secretly hate them inside. But people who are truly kind are the kind of people I like to be around. Kindness is caring deeper than just surface level, and it holds depth and weight. Kindness comes from the heart; niceness comes from the brain. Being nice is wishing someone a nice day; being kind is comforting someone when they’re not having a nice day. But while kindness is extremely important, not everyone is naturally kind, which is why it’s easier to just be nice and call it day for some. Niceness might not hold the same weight as kindness, but at least it’s better than nastiness.
I’m a person that gets angry easily, and it’s something that I really dislike about myself. I want nothing more than to be easy-going but it’s simply not in my nature, and I can’t train myself to be any different. So when I’m angry with someone, or annoyed by a certain situation, I tend to lash out. But then my philosophy of, “Just be nice to people!” will start ringing in my head and then I’ll start feeling really guilty and try to change my thought process. (That’s me making a conscious choice to be “nice.”) I always wonder if other people think I’m nice, or if they think I’m obnoxious, or pretentious, or unapproachable. But I think that discussion was for a previous blog post.
Robby boy definitely does not lack accuracy with this quote. People know how to manipulate others and know how they want to be seen whether that is their true form or not. Don’t get me wrong I believe there are some people who genuinely have kindness flowing out of their ass, like Cait Beck. (Which I deeply respect.) But far more often there are people that know exactly how to flip that switch when they’re with others.
ReplyDeleteA prime example is my mom. Day and night I’m told how lucky I am to have such a nice mom. And I am she provides the necessities and attempts to be loving. Sometimes I do see a spark of niceness but then that spark quickly extinguishes with an overly aggressive tone attitude behind closed doors. With me, my brothers, and my dad she lacks people skills and forgets how to say anything nicely especially if she’s had a bad day. But, if family or her friends come around there is only a cavalier woman tidying up the house making small talk. I’m not complaining she could be much worse and I am thankful for what she does but it is truly impressive how one can transform so fast.
Aside, from all of the personal moment I’ve seen my mom remove her mask and pop off after people leave, there are much more major examples of this. In 2003, a man was sentenced to life without parole for the murders of 48 women and suspected of killing 20 more. Gary Ridgway managed to commit these heinous crimes while being tied down to the Mrs, who didn’t suspect a thing. Ridgway managed to come off as the perfect husband for 13 years. However, he was the perfect serial killer as well. This man trained himself to be so nice and “polite” that even someone who lived with him for over ten years couldn’t see a thing. He knew how to act around others and how to socialize.
Niceness takes practice but it also takes common sense. If one is a constant curmudgeon then no one would enjoy their company. I’ve been told I’m nice and it’s not something to practice I just know people don’t deserved to be treated shitty. Ultimately, niceness is a decision.
Robby boy definitely does not lack accuracy with this quote. People know how to manipulate others and know how they want to be seen whether that is their true form or not. Don’t get me wrong I believe there are some people who genuinely have kindness flowing out of their ass, like Cait Beck. (Which I deeply respect.) But far more often there are people that know exactly how to flip that switch when they’re with others.
ReplyDeleteA prime example is my mom. Day and night I’m told how lucky I am to have such a nice mom. And I am she provides the necessities and attempts to be loving. Sometimes I do see a spark of niceness but then that spark quickly extinguishes with an overly aggressive tone attitude behind closed doors. With me, my brothers, and my dad she lacks people skills and forgets how to say anything nicely especially if she’s had a bad day. But, if family or her friends come around there is only a cavalier woman tidying up the house making small talk. I’m not complaining she could be much worse and I am thankful for what she does but it is truly impressive how one can transform so fast.
Aside, from all of the personal moment I’ve seen my mom remove her mask and pop off after people leave, there are much more major examples of this. In 2003, a man was sentenced to life without parole for the murders of 48 women and suspected of killing 20 more. Gary Ridgway managed to commit these heinous crimes while being tied down to the Mrs, who didn’t suspect a thing. Ridgway managed to come off as the perfect husband for 13 years. However, he was the perfect serial killer as well. This man trained himself to be so nice and “polite” that even someone who lived with him for over ten years couldn’t see a thing. He knew how to act around others and how to socialize.
Niceness takes practice but it also takes common sense. If one is a constant curmudgeon then no one would enjoy their company. I’ve been told I’m nice and it’s not something to practice I just know people don’t deserved to be treated shitty. Ultimately, niceness is a decision.
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ReplyDelete"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait."
ReplyDeleteI think this the only quote I have ever received in any form of English class that does not require some kind of elaboration or paraphrasing because it is very simple and doesn’t use the language of pre 19th century like everything I have done in English insists on having. I’m gonna do it anyway though. According to this quote by Robert Greene, Kindness is a choice, it is not something that you are naturally born with or without.
Now this is a very true statement to a certain extent. I am a very nice person and I refuse to let anyone tell me otherwise. That right there honestly sounds not nice, but that’s just how it is, if I don’t know you yet I’m going to be nice to you and unless you give me a reason to do otherwise, I am going to continue to be nice to you. Now, honestly there are some people I am just mean to, but it is either because it’s funny and we are (at least i think) good enough friends for them to take a joke, or they just piss me off. Some people have strict definitions of nice, and will read the last few sentences and say that I am not a nice person, but like I said I believe I am a nice person and I refuse to let anyone tell me otherwise. If I am mean to you or you see me being mean, there is a reason. I’m never mean to people just to be mean, I do not find satisfaction in being mean to others, I don’t see a purpose in being mean to people for no reason, so I don’t do it. I like to live by the golden rule they use to tell us back in Hess, even though not always strictly, “treat others how you would like to be treated.” It doesn't happen, but I would love it if everybody treated me with kindness, so i try to do the same to everybody else. I also like to “enforce” that rule in the way like I previously stated, if someone is not nice to me, I’m not gonna use that cleshay, “kill them with kindness,” I’m just not going to be nice to them.
I know niceness is a choice, because I chose to be this way. I’ve changed a lot over the past five years or so. I was not always the way I am today, I was never as nice as I am today. Don’t get me wrong, I was never a bully or anything along those lines, but I used to be the type of person if you were nice to me I was nice back, If you were indifferent or neutral toward me, I was mean or indifferent to you, if you were annoying or mean to me, I was mean to you. Now you may ask, what’s different about you now and you then? Well, there are a lot of people indifferent or neutral toward me, and now that they add to my category of being nice to, it’s very beneficial to me as I have made new friends and it just feels better to be nice. also, I am no longer mean to annoying people, unless they're excessively, purposely annoying me, then I gotta tell them to shut the hell up. But as I was saying before, I have changed a lot, in a positive direction. It was actually an overnight choice, believe it or not, I was laying down at night, and I was just thinking to myself, why don't I become a better person. From here on out I am going to be a lot nicer, give compliments, just be a better guy, this can’t hurt. Now obviously although the choice was made in about five minutes, the personality shift did not happen overnight. It took a long time to change the way I was, but I’m happy it happened. I’m rambling, the point is, niceness is a choice, and I know that firsthand.
There is one little problem to this theory though. I, along with others I’m sure, cannot be mean when there is no reason to be. It’s physically possible, but when I do it my mind just tells me no, you’re not supposed to be this way. When I see someone being senselessly mean, I just wonder why they are doing this and how they have the heart to do it. Niceness is still a choice, but being senselessly mean is a different story, I cannot do that.
ReplyDelete“Kill with kindness” is just another strategy niceness is used for. Kind is just another devious act we often force out of us. Especially in our environment it’s hard to separate the truth from the things we do and say to make our presence known. Niceness is a weapon used as a disguise, used as seduction and used as a lie. It’s hard to be nice and if it weren’t for the fact society and everywhere but the quiet lonely place of your panic required this casually faked niceness frankly I wouldn’t give it a second thought. When you really look at the world and the stupid little seemingly obligated compliments we continue to give away to make friends or make amends, are they ever really genuine. How can a compliment such as I really love your shoes or dress or whatever outfit ever be genuine? Even from the most generous caring person I see it as niceness disguising the real underlying jealousy. Not to say I myself do not fall for the so easy nice persona when around people. Because truth is no one actually means to be a loner nor wants to be. They like interaction most crave for something to keep their mind off the true problem eating away at them. And so they resort to niceness because it may be the only thing getting them through the day without everyone asking “what’s wrong?”
It’s so easy being cranky and mean. It takes effort to be nice. It takes effort to put a smile on when we really could carry a blank face and avoid people. Our emotions are a decision we make to fit in to the circumstance we are placed into. Socially niceness is a required “character trait” therefore deems it as a strategy in society rather than a trait. It’s hard to argue it as a trait especially with many religions from an early point on in history stating all people are destined to be evil and things of that nature. But I agree to that too. No one is every born the most amazing person in the entire world. They learn and prosper due to their surroundings and comprehend for themselves what is right and wrong according to their own moral codes. They choose the kind of person they want to be. No matter how messed up your life is I believe you don’t have to follow the same path as the situation you were put into. Just because you haven’t seen niceness doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to act that way. More likely I would think anyone with a difficult upbringing would want to so everything and anything to avoid the detrimental experiences they were forced to experience.
It all requires motivation, decisions require motivation and reason. We must first have a reason to be nice to portray the act. Otherwise why would we waste the efforts? It’s so much easier to criticize and not give a care opposed to putting up a frontier to act like you care. Niceness is used to get through the long days. The amount of happiness you contain, your mood and just about anything positive determine how genuine your niceness truly is. Robert Greene said it first and better, niceness is a choice we either play with the fire or allow the world to burn.
Robert Greene once said "Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." How I interpret this quote can be similar to others or just my crazy mind and thought processing. What it means: Being nice is a decision someone makes. Being nice isn't a reflection of someone and it isn't a character trait. Being kind is a strategy to talk to others. I absolutely agree with Greene. I feel that people will try to fake something that they don't posses so they can try to or somewhat fit in. Not going to lie I've used this strategy a lot of times. I'm a really shy person around new people and my anxiety goes through the roof, it's actually pretty bad. Once I calm myself down I usually blandish strangers and try to be perceived as a nice person. Now I'm not saying this is always the case, because I am nice person (sometimes) and not for social interaction. But as for others I do feel this is true. I know people and have seen people in my life be the biggest assholes ever. The biggest! But when they're around a different surrounding and people it's like a switch just got flipped. The asshole that they naturally are goes away and they become like a Betty Crocker. I don't know if that was the right reference? Anyways I mean someone who is extremely nice. But the people who do this is, is so they can fit in. They don't have a nice characteristic, they're just trying to act and seem nice so others will like them. Although I can be nice sometimes (when I want to be) it isn't a characteristic about me, I usually use it for social interactions (not all the time though, sometimes I just want to do something good or be nice). So yes Robert Greene's quote I agree with that niceness is a strategy for social interaction, and not a characteristic.
ReplyDeleteI agree partly with Robert Greene. I believe everyone is born with the “niceness” trait. Some show more of it, while others may lack to show it. But, that does not mean the trait is not coded in their genetic makeup. “Niceness is a decision”, I 100% agree with that. I agree that everyone decides to either be a kind, sweet person or a total bitch on specific days. It is a decision to show niceness. “It is a strategy of social interaction”, I agree with this. At some point or another everyone has said something to another person so they sound more appealing. Whether it was with your best friend or a teacher, we pull our “niceness” trait out to interact with another human being. This makes the conversation more easy going and less awkward. “It is not a character trait”, I disagree with this. I feel everyone is born with this. It may not come out early in life, or in life at all, but that doesn’t mean it is not there. Everyday people wake up in a bad mood or in a good mood. They go to work or school and decide to show this trait or not. When you don’t show it, it certainly doesn’t mean it isn’t embedded in your DNA.
ReplyDeleteJust recently, actually this Thanksgiving, my mom, my dad, me, and my 2 sisters met my mom's real father and her stepmother. Of course we were all hesitant, but there is a first for everything. Plus, they offered to drive the 6 hours from WV to get here, so we thought, “wow they really want to see us and get to know us”. Anyway, Thanksgiving day we get up around 7am to prep everything to gain 15 pounds later on in the day. We are all very anxious to meet them and see what they’re like. 10:10am a truck rolls up in the driveway, so we all get up, take a deep breath and go outside to meet the grandparents. Immediately, we all get hugged and my grandma says “oh my god it is so amazing to be here and see you guys. It is so warm outside”. Trait. After laughing and making small talk, we pile into the house. My grandma starts pulling out gifts and chocolates and continues to say how nice it is to be here- without even talking to one of us. She says it out of nowhere. She offers to take us to the pond and feed the ducks with leftover bread, not because she has to, but because it is who she is. My grandma is very sweet, kind, loving, etc. She shows it. It is in her DNA.
To make my point, we have “niceness” coded in our DNA. We don’t always show it, but it is there.
ReplyDeleteSince we live in an opinionated world these days, choosing to be nice or having niceness as a trait can be arguable. One could be having a sour or wonderful day which would affect the person’s attitude and action towards another or thing. One could have been raised or treated constantly in a certain way that would also affect a person’s doings. Both are reasonable predictions for one to argue. Personally, I strongly agree with Greene’s quote. I’ve encountered and witnessed many people being unacceptably mean to me or someone else. I see this happening all over the world, ranging from bullying to harassment. I can’t fathom why people have the sick minds to treat other people in this manner, possibly with no reason at all. Sadly, there will always be those kind of people.
I have a little brother that’s not so little, that is a freshman here at Oakcrest. People who don't have brothers may think that having one is awesome and it may be but that’s not really the case with me. I dislike saying this but it’s true; I live with the kind of person that is disrespectful, spoiled and is grumpy 24/7. It’s not always pleasant living with him when all he ever does is try to get what he wants and pick an argument with me or my mom, but mostly with my mom. Ever since he was little, he would throw tantrums and get in trouble in school for various reasons. Now, he matured a bit but not significantly. There's are relieving days where he is nice and happy but it doesn’t last because one little thing could easily piss him off and change his mood for the rest of the day(s). After everything being said, he is a good person deep inside, he just needs help to capitalize that. I do love him because he’s family, that doesn’t change. I just hope his actions and words do change.
I believe that most people are nice, but some have different motives to why they don’t choose to be nice. However, they can always turn that around and learn to be; they just have to make that decision.
"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Green
ReplyDelete"Nice" is not something you are born with. It is a decision that can only be made by the person themselves. Unfortunately, it is also something that can be used as a weapon because you never know who's being nice just for the sake of making someone happy, rather than doing it to use someone. No one is forcing you to be a nice person, but in my opinion, it should be a decision that everyone makes.
Why someone would choose to be mean is beyond me, but I see it every day. Even students at Oakcrest will make fun of someone's clothes, hair, voice etc. It's extremely common with young girls because we've been taught from a young age to not trust anyone. I think that could be a good thing or a bad thing, but it causes us to lash out.
Niceness is optional and has nothing to do with where you come from, but it does have an effect on where you choose to go. It will get you far in life and it costs nothing.
What you get back is all in what you give. If you spend your entire life worrying about everyone else and spend your days just trying to bring own other people, what are you living for? Not "why are you living?" which is a completely different question. What do you live for? Do you live to wake up and say "I think I'm going to be mean to everyone I see today just because I feel like it"? Imagining what the world would be like if everyone made that decision to be nice is the ultimate dream.
"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Greene
ReplyDeleteOur decision to be nice does not reflect on our character.
We’ve been taught to respect our elders. But does respect not require honesty and sincerity? If it lacks sincerity, doesn’t it become submission? While treating others poorly in public with lack of general respect displays immaturity, it is more prominent when treating someone nicely even though they degrade you. In other words, being “fake” is more immature than expressing true feelings because the former cannot be done in a healthy, considerate way, while the latter can. They are not the same thing.
Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction because there are two ways to conduct it:
1. Be nice to everyone for the benefit it brings you; here, your niceness is selfish and therefore insincere.
2. Be nice to everyone for the benefit it brings them; here, your niceness is genuine and compassionate and therefore sincere and genuine.
In 2005, Brian Nichols went on trial for rape and shot four figures of authority including his judge while in the courtroom. He escaped and set out for his next victim, 33 year old widow Ashley Smith. After following her home from the store late one night, he forced his way into her home and tied her up. He threatened her life if she didn’t cooperate. He said “I don’t want to hurt anyone else”. She was nice to him, though. She was scared, but she was nice to him. He told her that he believed God had sent him there, to her, because she was an angel that could guide him onto the right path. The first night she was there she cooked him pancakes and spoke to him about what he believes his purpose in life isthmus long conversation is what prompted him to confess to all of the crimes he committed and to serve his time accordingly, where Smith encouraged him to share the word of God. Smith was nice to Nichols only to benefit him. She had an opportunity to call police before she actually did but she chose not to because she felt that Nichols needed more consonance and more conversation before he was captured. That's when she made him food and watched his own man hunt with him. That's when she chose to be nice to benefit a man who needed “nice” very badly.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/14/atlanta.hostage/
Being nice is a social strategy. You can be nice to get what you want, or to make someone feel better and to brighten their day. If you are deciding to be nice, it may not always be sincere and that is only acceptable, in my eyes, if you're being nice to benefit someone other than yourself.
You are born either nice or nasty, but people change. The world will change you. You can be born with the character trait, “Nice” but the world has a habit of beating the “niceness” out of people. Depending on the events in your life you can continue to be nice or you can completely abandon your sweet nature and become a terror. I was always a nice girl. My parents friends described me to others as nice, I am still nice, but I am not naturally nice anymore. It takes a little work for me to be nice. The world beat my kindness into the dirt because kindness is viewed as weakness. People take advantage of those who are weak, they play your decent soul to their advantage. After years of getting manipulated for my inability to say no, I gave up on being nice. This does not mean I do not have the insistent urge to be nice. I always want to help people and make their day but I don't let myself anymore. I have my best interest at heart now. You cant be too selfish but being selfish is what helps you survive. Being nice makes you finish last. Maybe you can learn to be nice, maybe it takes a lot of work but you can learn to be nice again. All I know is that the people who were born sharks never seem to change. They're always circling looking for a way to further themselves not caring who the ruin on their way. You can see it in your own family. Everyone has that one relative that shows up to family occasions just to piss everyone off. They make mean comments about your job, say some racist things, complain about the food and leave. If you eventually get tired of them and stop inviting them its safe to say they wont change. People can change I do believe that but it takes so much work for someone to make such a he personality change. If you’re born mean you will always be mean. You may be able to hide it with small gestures of kindness but what you feel in your heart is what you truly are. You will never really know who's naturally nice. people will always surprise you whether its good or bad. People can hide their true selves behind being nice or being mean. Its all about what the world wants to see, and everyone will always alter themselves just a little bit to get what they want.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know how I feel about this quote. I love quotes and usually love reading them but when I saw “is not a character trait” my head sorta tilted. Being nice is (hopefully) always what everyone strives to be. Yes, being nice is a decision but not a daily decision. People are either nice or mean, there's only few exceptions where it can be wishy washy. I 100% believe being nice IS a character trait NOT just a decision. I’m really against being mean to someone even if they deserve it, I just don’t think it's worth it. It’s so much easier to just walk away or smile. Its not fake either, I just don’t see the point of belittling someone for my own good. Being nice is a reflection of your character and especially the way you handle things. There’s going to be times where you encounter people that are just plain stupid. Everything they say pisses you off and you just want to tell them to stop talking. But what does that actually solve? Nothing. It creates unnecessary drama that you’ll regret you retaliated on. There's a difference between approaching situations in a mature way, which would be considered nice, instead of just “being honest” and speaking your mind. Yes, you are being true to who you are but you could do the same thing without all of the extra stuff. If you have to decide to be nice in situations its not from the heart, which is not the real way of being nice. Sometimes being nice can be mistaken for being weak. It is possible to be nice and strong and that the difference between most people. You have to have the strength in you to realize what’s worth it and what's not. Generous people don’t plan when they're going to show they care and to whom. They just always show who they are, making that a character trait. People are people. High school makes you dislike people. I never really hated people and I still don’t HATE anyone. I’d so much rather kill them with a smile or my kindness than to bash them. It's just who I am; my character. I don’t like to admit or talk about myself a lot but I do consider myself nice. I’m actually scared to be mean to someone. I also don’t decide to be nice. I don't second guess being nice. I was raised being told there was no choice besides being nice, so technically being nice wasn't a decision it became who I was.
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ReplyDeleteWaking up on the right side of the bed can automatically make me feel like I’m going to have a good day. I have no reason to complain about anything really. All smiles to people in the halls, giving extra compliments, and actually walking into class without feeling of wanting to drop out :-) Rainbows and chocolates so far right? How about when I wake up on the wrong side, you ask? Well, let’s just say you don’t want to piss me off. I have a resting bitch face regardless, but when I’m upset, I really can be a bitch lol ANYWAYS my point is, just because I am nice majority of the time doesn’t make it a trait. It is my choice to be nice for my own well-being. Obviously when people talk about me, I want to be seen as a good person. My actions and decisions all depend on my mood tbh.
ReplyDeleteWhen I’m iffy about a difficult multiple choice question, I circle my answer, but in the last five minutes of class I impetuously change it. Does this mean, my overall trait is being impetuous? It was a choice I made. When I watched the movie “Inside Out”, I cried during several scenes (“Inside Out” is an awesome movie for all ages, I recommend it). Just because I cried doesn’t characterize me as a depressed person. When I give compliments, stay optimistic, etc., it’s all a choice. I don’t want to speak on others behalf, but I’m sure others decide to make pleasant decisions to make peace with their conscience. “What goes around comes around”, meaning karma will come back to bite you in the butt so be careful what you do/say. Not many teens make the smartest choices, it doesn’t mean they’re dumb or irresponsible.
If you’re not like me, you are unicorns and skittles 24/7, then that can be argued as a trait. But it is still your choice to be that way. You determine your own actions and how to live your life. Being characterized as a nice person is what everyone should aim for, but again, I believe it is still not a trait.
I completely agree with John Green’s statement of niceness being a decision and NOT a character trait. According to dictionary.com “A character trait is a word that describes a person”, before proceeding futher with the questuion I wanted to make sure I knew for sure how one would describe a character trait. Niceness is an action. One must choose whether or not to be nice based upon the situation. For example, when it comes to students in school just because a girl chooses to help the quiet boy who looked a tad bit confused on his homework does not mean she is a nice person all the time. In that situation she chose to be nice. In saying so five minutes later that same girl may walk out of class and trip a freshman because she had the urge to do so. Again repeating niceness is a decision. Often people seem to have niceness as a trait but I believe that is just a persona people put on. Opinions are everything, to the young, the old and the in between, no matter what anyone says opinions do affect a person. Most put on a nice persona to make sure they look good, to put on a nice perosona they would have to do nice deeds they do not just come off nice.One cannot posses such as a trait because being nice all the time is simply impossible. You can describe someone's actions as nice but not someone's character.
ReplyDeleteI do not know why I can not fully explain this quotes meaning, I just simply don not think I know the point/view that I would like to get across.
Basically I have a angel and devil on each one of my shoulders .When my left shoulder whispers to be I become a total angel and some days I'll even grow wings. But some days my right shoulder whispers to me and I turn into real b*tch with a arrowed tail. The way I act can reflect who I am but acts can change and that doesn’t mean who I am does. The way I act depends mostly on My mood.It gets really bad at in times where i'm with people I don’t wish to be around, thats a obvious time when satan pays me a visit. But somehow I constantly find myself around these “people” I don't know how. No I’m not rude and no I'm not judge mental toward anyone,but i have feelings and they do show in my attitude. Some people have had a way of hurting me so badly or disrespecting me so much to a point that my feelings takeover because of the situation and I act totally immature n the inside around them and I’m a b*tch. You will catch me doing the whole snotty routine, I’ll roll my eyes, whip my hair, ignore them as much as possible and try to avoid being more than 5 feet away from them but that's me. NO I won’t say inappropriate things to embarrass them nor myself because we should both have morals. I try to avoid awkward situations that put me the situations that I decide to be b*tchy in. I agree with Greene 100% "Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Robert Greene.
ReplyDeleteEveryday that I wake up I make the decision to be nice and or be rude.It's not something I often think about before school or on the weekends it kind of just happens naturally but yeah i decide it unknowingly or obliviously. It's not a trait that I carry it's a decision I make. Social events is where my decisions play big role. There are days where i'm the nicest person you could ever meet, I could praise the ground you walk on, speak in a soft voice, and even smile all day. Thats a good day but not only on a good day but when i'm around people I love or like being around. I rarely have a day when i'm in between deciding which I want to exhibit that day whether to be nice or to display satan like characteristics. By all means being mean is not the way to be but the days i wake up sick and tired it's hard to have a smooth nice kind of day. It's actually like walking around with needles in your back and trying not to flip the hell out. Despite being raised to always be nice to new people, treat them the way I want to be treated, I was pure then. But from then to now i've experienced life more and more of it everyday and being nice all the time is hard in such a harsh world. Staying positive is the only thing you can do on days you decided to be rude you feel as though you don't have the choice to be nice because everything some days is falling apart. I show many different ways to interact and I decide which is the best for me that day.
Personally, I’ve always hoped that niceness was a character trait because I feel like more people would be nice because they felt that they had to instead of the want to. If more people decided to be nice the world would just be a better place. But that’s just not how life works and it’s because people don’t want it to work that way. It’s hard to explain this quote only because I know people who have always been genuinely nice and I would use it as an adjective to describe them but after thinking deeper into the situation it makes sense that they choose to be nice people. I’m leaning more towards the decision that niceness is a decision that everyone makes, it’s just an easier one for some people. I lean more towards it being a decision because whenever someone is having a bad day they can either choose to act how they feel, or they can choose to be nice to prevent taking their anger out on other people. Then there’s situations where you choose to be nice to someone because everyone else was being mean or just because they needed a friend. Not everyone is a nice person. Those people not only avoid the decision of being nice, they don’t even think about being nice to people because that’s just not who they want to be. So, they’re deciding to be mean. How you act towards people is your decision, it’s not a character trait. For some reason, especially as teenagers, I feel that we are drawn to the mean boys and the girls that have the attitudes. We want to be the person to change that mean boy or sassy girl into someone that’s nice. Everyone would love to be able to say that they had a positive influence on someone and I believe that’s why we always want the person that treats us the worst. As far as guys go, more of them choose to be mean or bad because they see the amount of girls “bad” guys get. The more attention a guy gives a girl, the more she distances herself. And vice versa, if a girl is trying to be nice, guys see her as being too attached or too clingy. This isn’t always how it works, but mostly this is the scenario. Others just choose to be a mean person because it’s easier. No worrying about anyone, you can focus on yourself, people would know you’re a mean person so that’s less people you would have to talk to. But being nice and friendly really helps with making connections with people and it positively reflects on you as a person. Being a nice person can go a long way.
ReplyDeleteI completely disagree with this statement. Being nice to someone with a gesture can be a decision but being nice is a character trait. The difference between these two things happens to be fairly simple, premeditation. If a person thinks about holding the door open for someone else, who has three grocery bags in their hands and struggles to open the door, it falls into the category of a nice decision. If a person holds the door open for someone, who is perfectly able to hold it open for themselves, it falls under the nice character trait. There are not nice people in this world. There are not nice people in Oakcrest. The boy that curses at the teacher for not allowing them to have their hood up and earphones in most likely does not have that nice character trait. Not to say that they cannot perform an act of kindness every once in a while. But, the girl that goes out of her way to help her peers no matter what mood she’s in most likely has the nice trait.
ReplyDeleteThe main reason I believe that being nice does not solely revolve around a decision pertains to the fact that there are oblivious people. They might not notice the person carrying the grocery bags and just continue walking. This does not mean they aren’t nice. They just don’t seize the opportunities to be nice, because they aren’t aware of their surroundings. Everyone has the capability to do nice things, but not everyone can be a nice person. I know people that don’t even notice when they are being mean. I also know people that are nice without consciously thinking about being nice. They say please and thank you and hold doors open for other people and pick up items other people’s dropped items.
Yes, there are some instances where people are nice as a social interaction. For example, first impressions impact what friends one will have. Most people, even if having a bad day, will do actions they might not normally do. I for one will literally buy a whole pizza or cup of coffee or something food related for a person I just met. I don’t own a lot of money but I feel as though people appreciate food more than anything else. Because being nice is a character trait and also an action, it’s hard to determine which point of view is right or wrong.
ReplyDeleteAt first, I really didn’t know whether to agree or disagree with Robert Greene because his argument is logical. Although, his quote was cynical and I didn’t appreciate his negative attitude. So, for the sake of having an answer, I disagree. Don’t get me wrong, one can obviously choose whether to be mean or nice to someone, it all depends on your actions. Plus, it’s very true that some people use kindness as a tactic to benefit themselves. However, this does not mean that niceness cannot be a personality trait. I truly believe that there are many people in this world that are genuinely nice that Robert Greene did not account for.
I know many people who are very nice; and I highly doubt they’re doing it for “strategy.” For example, there are days where I walk into school unhappy. Some of my friends usually notice my melancholy vibe because it’s rare to see me in a bad mood. Then, the next day, one of my kind friends decide to give me food in hopes of cheering me up because of the off day I was having (Shoutout to Teagen). Other than that, many people like her perform random acts of kindness similar to this on many occasions. They don’t do it to for personal gain; they do it because they want to see people happy. These are the people whose personality is “nice.”
I like to consider myself a nice person. I am rarely mean and if I am, I’m being sarcastic. Now, that doesn’t mean I never been cruel to anyone before; but when I do, I immediately regret it. Every time I do something “mean,” I feel awful afterwards. That’s why I always try to be nice. Eventually, I don’t even have to try anymore. Being kind just comes natural to me and it made me a calmer person. Therefore, if you constantly try to be nice, it might just become part of your personality.
I whole heartedly agree with this statement. I do not believe that people are nice or that people are anything. I believe that people choose to be whatever they want to be for that set environment or situation.
ReplyDeleteMany people are "nice" around teachers but as soon as they leave the class room they are complete jerks to almost everyone. I choose to be nice in most situations just for the sake of everyone else but many times I choose not to be anything. Due to my anxiety if I have the option to not have everyone hate me then ill take that option and silently sit in my desk and I wont be anything. I will not be mean or nice to anyone and that is one of my strategies of social interaction (my best strategy is sarcasm). Many people I know are very different around different people so, though I say most of my friends are nice I don’t always agree with that because at the drop of a hat they can be incredibly mean. I do not believe that people are born anything I believe that with time and experience we choose to be what we want and we learn which social interaction strategies to use in certain situations.
I realize that I only wrote a little bit and I apologize for that. I didn't exactly have a lot to say about this, it was a very straight forward statement to me so my response was very straight forward.
It’s surprisingly true. Scary. Oh wait, yes. I agree with Mr. Greene. I never realized how true it is. Niceness is nothing but a choice. Of course there’s probably wonderful, nice people but they choose to be. If someone says, “OMG Gabby has like niceness embedded into her!” Yes Gabby chooses to be nice but it isn’t her. Really hard to explain but it’s true.
ReplyDeleteThe quote is stating that, a human isn’t born with the trait. Him/her are choosing to act like that maybe to please others.There's definitely a reason for someone acting nice. I believe that if a person wants to become a nice person, they have to stop doing mean. You know? For instance, don’t say you’ll be nice then say something mean to your sister. I do think there is a person that is just nice and doesn’t do anything mean. Most people are nice but do mean things. So does that mean there nice? Or bad? I don’t get.
There have been plenty of events that have occurred and I became very nice. Usually, when I want something. For example, every time I go over my grandma’s house, I beg my uncle to play his game. Sometimes works. Sometimes not. I used my niceness as a strategy to get what I wanted. So, no, I am not a nice person all the time, When I want to be nice, I choose to be. This time in my life I am definitely not nice but I can be.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is born pure of heart, naïve and malleable, and ready for the world to groom it. Through life’s experiences and the paths we choose to take we form our personality. I believe that everyone possesses pieces of every characteristic, but they are in different proportions for every individual. For example, you may appear extremely cynical but there may be a part of you that wants to have a loving relationship or that has the smallest bit of hope for humans. The character trait, niceness can be defined as when you naturally want to do good for others or yourself. Therefore, niceness is a characteristic which everyone owns only some portray or act upon it more often than others. Usually these characteristics are built at home as a child and carried on into adulthood. My father is a perfect presentation. He should be labeled as one of the nicest people in the county. It is his nature. He forgives quicker than you can say sorry and never fails to put other people’s needs before his own. In fact, if you asked (pretty much) any person who works at Stockton University if they know Roberto Castillo almost always do they know and love him. In no way, shape, or form am I claiming that he is a perfect human being. There have been a few rare occasions where other parents rubbed him the wrong way and he wanted some vengeance. But he never acts upon his frustration because his episodes of frustration pass so quickly. The positive pieces of his personality overthrow the negative pieces. My dad grew up in Venezuela with very strict parents. When I talked to him about his childhood he labeled “mi Abuelita y Abuelito” as honest, hard-working, and self-sufficient. We reached the conclusion that his niceness is the result of his up-bringing. Additionally, one of my best friends, Kassia, is another extremely nice person by nature. Her parents nurtured her with abundant love and taught her rights from wrongs. I have never heard a rude comment leave her mouth, like ever, and I have known Kassia since sixth grade. She doesn’t perform nice actions because she feels it is the right thing to do, she is nice because it’s who she is.
Therefore, everyone has a little of every characteristic in them. If you were totally cynical why perform nice actions at all? Do you not want to hurt the other person’s feelings? Or maybe impolite actions would denigrate your reputation. Whichever option is chosen it still leads back to having a smidge of niceness inside of you. You want to be considerate to others or considerate to yourself.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is born pure of heart, naïve and malleable, and ready for the world to groom it. Through life’s experiences and the paths we choose to take we form our personality. I believe that everyone possesses pieces of every characteristic, but they are in different proportions for every individual. For example, you may appear extremely cynical but there may be a part of you that wants to have a loving relationship or that has the smallest bit of hope for humans. The character trait, niceness can be defined as when you naturally want to do good for others or yourself. Therefore, niceness is a characteristic which everyone owns only some portray or act upon it more often than others. Usually these characteristics are built at home as a child and carried on into adulthood. My father is a perfect presentation. He should be labeled as one of the nicest people in the county. It is his nature. He forgives quicker than you can say sorry and never fails to put other people’s needs before his own. In fact, if you asked (pretty much) any person who works at Stockton University if they know Roberto Castillo almost always do they know and love him. In no way, shape, or form am I claiming that he is a perfect human being. There have been a few rare occasions where other parents rubbed him the wrong way and he wanted some vengeance. But he never acts upon his frustration because his episodes of frustration pass so quickly. The positive pieces of his personality overthrow the negative pieces. My dad grew up in Venezuela with very strict parents. When I talked to him about his childhood he labeled “mi Abuelita y Abuelito” as honest, hard-working, and self-sufficient. We reached the conclusion that his niceness is the result of his up-bringing. Additionally, one of my best friends, Kassia, is another extremely nice person by nature. Her parents nurtured her with abundant love and taught her rights from wrongs. I have never heard a rude comment leave her mouth, like ever, and I have known Kassia since sixth grade. She doesn’t perform nice actions because she feels it is the right thing to do, she is nice because it’s who she is.
Therefore, everyone has a little of every characteristic in them. If you were totally cynical why perform nice actions at all? Do you not want to hurt the other person’s feelings? Or maybe impolite actions would denigrate your reputation. Whichever option is chosen it still leads back to having a smidge of niceness inside of you. You want to be considerate to others or considerate to yourself.
I disagree with this statement 100%. Being nice is a character trait that you make. Every morning that you wake up you have a choice to dictate if your day will be good or bad. This is exactly the same if you decide to be nice or mean. Nobody can control how we act only ourselves. You can either choose to be mean or nice. Even if someone is being mean to me, there’s really no need to stoop down to their level to retaliate. Knowing my character I probably would just annoy them. “I’ll take that short”. These are daily situations that’ll happen for as long as we live. Depending on your character you can choose to be nice or mean. Deciding to be nice is not a strategy of social interaction. For example, I can be in a nice mood in class, then my teacher says “Pop Quiz”. My whole mood can change in a matter of seconds from nice to just plain old grumpy. That’s just my reaction at the moment. But I’m not going to let that one thing decide how the rest of my day is going to end up. We all have different characteristics, that’s what makes every human-being unique. The only problem is how will we showcase ourselves to society. Only you can decide that for yourself.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Robert Greene. Niceness is a strategy that people use in everyday social interactions. But doesn’t that mean that, in a way, almost all character traits are merely strategies to use in social interactions? In a sense, yes it does. We just become nice or become rude in order to express how we feel or think about the person we are talking to. Imagine being alone as the last person living on Earth. Would you care to be nice? You would probably live like a king and be rude to the mother Earth by littering because, come on, who would want to go throw the trash out when you know you can just throw it anywhere?
ReplyDeleteWe are obliged to being nice as human beings because if a person doesn’t choose to be nice, then the person would be heavily criticized by today’s society. Jean-Jacques Rousseau once said, “Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains”. We restrict how we behave and how we feel towards other because of society. It is the society of human beings that is the reason why we use strategies when in a social conversation.
A character trait of a person, as I said earlier, depends on which society he/she grew up in. As babies, at a very young age of probably 1 month, we are emotionless and have no sense of social interactions so babies are not obliged being nice. If that baby grows up in a neighborhood where people try to be nice, then he/she would be obliged to being nice by the ad populum fallacy. His reasoning would be somewhat like this: “If everyone is being nice then I am going to be nice too.” On the contrary, if the baby grows up on the streets, in the hood, in the back alleys, or behind Babies “R” Us, he/she would be obliged to be rude and act like a gangster because that is what his/her brethren and sistren do too. In short, it is all because of peer pressure.
Being nice is a choice. You can be a generally kind person but you choose to be nice. You chose to act a certain way in order to get something out of someone. I personally act mean when I want to get my point across, I act nice when I want something or a favor. But thats not the only case. Im nice also because I am generally a kind person. What's the point of being mean to somebody if they are nothing but nice to you? Exactly. I want to act nice to the people I care about and want happy. But when I am anger by them I get a little bit mean. You act a certain way toward people depending on your feelings. Nice cant be a trait if you sometimes act hostile or rude towards people. We are all human and we are all going to have emotions and automatically act certain ways without realizing. Sometimes when Im in an argument I say rude or mean things without realizing and I roll my eyes and stuff and I dont even know it. But when someone is describing me they will say "oh shes a nice person". Like yeah, Im a nice person, but being nice is a choice and not a character trait. Or someone will say about someone shes a mean person or hes a mean person. That doesnt meant that mean or hostile is a triat. Its their desicion. Just like being nice is a decision and a strategy. People are nice to get something usually or people are mean to get a point across or just because they do not like somebody. My desicion is to be nice to everyone, that is just my personal decision because I am a very sympathetic person and I want people to not feel upset because for some reason I really care about other people alot. But this doesn't stop me from choosing to act mean when someone is either mean to me or I just do not like somebody, but I usually try to stay nice because you know the whole "treat others how you would like to be treated" I kinda go bu that. So yeah I one hundred percent agree with Robert Greene. Being nice is a choice and a stratagy, you arent just born nice or born mean or born with no feelings, well you might be, but usually not :)
ReplyDeleteIn the world there are kind, genuinely good-hearted people, and then there’s nasty, rude people that have to exist. There always is some reason for the way that a person chooses to act. There are reasons there are the good people in the world and the bad people. Good-hearted people usually are nice. They fill their acts with kindness as much as they can. That is their choice, the action of being nice their choice. Everyone in the world has it in them to act mean. There could be the nicest person probably that one has ever met, and still they have it in their ability to be mean. Vise Versa a person who is mean chooses to behave that way. They easily could be nice, ad for whatever reason at the time they feel the need to be mean. Therefore, being nice is a choice. A personality trait is usually something a person cannot change. It is who they are. They grew up to be that way and no one can really change it. Being nice during social interaction in no way coincides with it being known as a character trait. Like I said, there are good people, but that does not mean they are always nice. People choose to act nice in social interaction most of the time. It’s just common curtesy to be nice to someone when you interact socially. Think about it. Usually someone who is a horrible person for example, someone like a serial killer chooses to act nice socially, but however behind the doors of society they exist of only being a bad person and that is their choice. There’s the mean people in the world and there is the good. One chooses to act nice maybe out of the kindness of their heart, but it still does not qualify as a character trait.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Robert Greene. Niceness is a strategy that people use in everyday social interactions. But doesn’t that mean that, in a way, almost all character traits are merely strategies to use in social interactions? In a sense, yes it does. We just become nice or become rude in order to express how we feel or think about the person we are talking to. Imagine being alone as the last person living on Earth. Would you care to be nice? You would probably live like a king and be rude to the mother Earth by littering because, come on, who would want to go throw the trash out when you know you can just throw it anywhere?
ReplyDeleteWe are obliged to being nice as human beings because if a person doesn’t choose to be nice, then the person would be heavily criticized by today’s society. Jean-Jacques Rousseau once said, “Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains”. We restrict how we behave and how we feel towards other because of society. It is the society of human beings that is the reason why we use strategies when in a social conversation.
A character trait of a person, as I said earlier, depends on which society he/she grew up in. As babies, at a very young age of probably 1 month, we are emotionless and have no sense of social interactions so babies are not obliged being nice. If that baby grows up in a neighborhood where people try to be nice, then he/she would be obliged to being nice by the ad populum fallacy. His reasoning would be somewhat like this: “If everyone is being nice then I am going to be nice too.” On the contrary, if the baby grows up on the streets, in the hood, in the back alleys, or behind Babies “R” Us, he/she would be obliged to be rude and act like a gangster because that is what his/her brethren and sistren do too. In short, it is all because of peer pressure.
I agree with Robert Greene. Niceness is a strategy that people use in everyday social interactions. But doesn’t that mean that, in a way, almost all character traits are merely strategies to use in social interactions? In a sense, yes it does. We just become nice or become rude in order to express how we feel or think about the person we are talking to. Imagine being alone as the last person living on Earth. Would you care to be nice? You would probably live like a king and be rude to the mother Earth by littering because, come on, who would want to go throw the trash out when you know you can just throw it anywhere?
ReplyDeleteWe are obliged to being nice as human beings because if a person doesn’t choose to be nice, then the person would be heavily criticized by today’s society. Jean-Jacques Rousseau once said, “Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains”. We restrict how we behave and how we feel towards other because of society. It is the society of human beings that is the reason why we use strategies when in a social conversation.
A character trait of a person, as I said earlier, depends on which society he/she grew up in. As babies, at a very young age of probably 1 month, we are emotionless and have no sense of social interactions so babies are not obliged being nice. If that baby grows up in a neighborhood where people try to be nice, then he/she would be obliged to being nice by the ad populum fallacy. His reasoning would be somewhat like this: “If everyone is being nice then I am going to be nice too.” On the contrary, if the baby grows up on the streets, in the hood, in the back alleys, or behind Babies “R” Us, he/she would be obliged to be rude and act like a gangster because that is what his/her brethren and sistren do too. In short, it is all because of peer pressure.