For the purposes of this week's blog, I'm going to ask you to jump into the Way Back machine--and review the old concept of the Hero's Journey. (don't worry--I'll do the review for you! Just keep reading.) The Hero's Journey is ubiquitous--I don't know why we stop teaching it in 9th grade. Even that song from "97 Bonnie and Clyde" I referenced last week has a journey theme. Really, all literature does, in some way, but more importantly, all LIFE is, in some way, our own private hero's tale.
Many of you already know the circular concept of the hero's journey, but here is a quick refresher:
There is "the call," which is, ostensibly, the beginning of the journey;
there is the threshold--literally, crossing over from the known into the unknown;
the "challenges or trials," a.k.a. life's little problems or dragons to be slain,
"the abyss"--when you think the whole world is against you and nothing will ever be right again.
Once you get past all of that you move on to "the transformation," or in other words, the "What have you learned, Dorothy?" moment,
"the atonement"--how have you made peace with what you've learned or become,
and finally, "the return" (with a gift), where you come back to the only place you've ever known a changed person with a host of knowledge/skills or wealth to aid in all future endeavors.
Like we said at the beginning, basically, all of literature revolves around some schematic of this journey, and if you think about it, all of your lives do too. Especially at this stage of your high school careers. Some of you have lived lives and seen things you never should have, never wanted to or never thought you would, for better or worse. All of you have been through problems and overcome obstacles and persevered.
My question this week is--how? How did you do it? What type of mental, spiritual, physical, or intestinal fortitude (look it up if you don't know it) did you need to have in order to emerge victorious from your journey? What was the journey? Did you embark upon it willingly or were you pushed? What did you learn? Did it change you? For the better? Or worse? Did you have help, or "guardians" as they say in Journey jargon? Tell me about it. (400-450 words--this is for those of you that seem to have paragraphia anorexia--which is, btw, not a real thing)
I did not emerge victorious from my journey. I needed mental and intestinal fortitude (disregard spiritual and physical fortitude) which I did not have. I did not embark upon my journey willingly (I never embark on journeys willingly) and it changed me for the worse (as many of my journeys do). I did not have help, nor did I welcome help in any way, and my family was not even aware of my journey until a few days after its conclusion. According to the calendar, the journey was three days long, but in actuality the journey took place over a single 72-hour day where the Sun went neither up nor down, never showing itself, and the moon loomed over me way up over the horizon causing a drawn-out twilight consisting of hopes, usually high up in the sky, eclipsed by the moon. Mondays suck, especially when they are 72 hours long.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, on the first day of the drawn-out Monday, my grandmother’s funeral was on my mind, despite the fact that she had died a year before. I was sad, sure, but I didn’t cry at her funeral. I guess in my mind I rearrange the letters in “funeral” to get “real fun” and show that expression on the outside, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that I didn’t show signs of sadness at my 50-something year old grandmother’s funeral. I didn’t show signs of sadness when I was over her house and found out that, just two doors down, lay her dead body, and I didn’t show signs of sadness when she was buried next to her brother and two children that didn’t live past the first day. In fact, at the time, I was pissed off that the funeral was on a Friday and that I’d have to miss school for it. I didn’t hate her; I spent a lot of time around her while she was alive; she was bedridden during the last decade or so of her life, so I’d spend hours sitting in a chair next to her bed and watching television with her—she’d call me smart while we watched Jeopardy, which is funny because back when I was like 8, I only got like seven clues right during the entire episode. To this day I still wonder why I didn’t show emotion at her funeral, or even while I gazed upon her lifeless body in her bed before an ambulance took the corpse away. But all of that happened a year before the aforementioned Monday.
Last school year, in April, my journey began. I’ve never really had much luck with friends; I’ve never been to a friend’s birthday party and have only been over a “friend’s” house once (in kindergarten, I think). With that said, for five years now I have had a couple of friends. They don’t get angry with me, they don’t judge me or ask me for homework, and I don’t ask anything of them either. Even though we don’t talk to each other, we’ve had the most interesting conversations. They are Eastern box turtles; a mother (Boxie) and four five-year-old children (Sheldon, Piddles, Ducky, and Boxer). In the beginning there were five children. Squirt (one of my siblings named him after the small sea turtle in “Finding Nemo”) was always different. After Boxie’s children emerged from their eggs outside, I immediately found four offspring. It is normal for an Eastern box turtle to lay 3-8 eggs at one time, so I figured she only laid 4. About a month later, I found a fifth turtle outside, Squirt. His back legs were scarred, he didn’t have any back claws, and he was very small. I figured he must have either been born deformed or was attacked by something while outside. His brothers noticed this difference as soon as I placed him around them (they were all put inside the house in a giant fish tank) and didn’t let Squirt get food or water, and once Piddles, being the asshole that he is, bit Squirt, I quickly separated Squirt from the other turtles by putting him in a separate smaller fish tank. There Squirt stayed for about three-and-a-half to four years.
About a week before the Monday, Squirt stopped eating. His plastron (the part of the shell under the turtle) soon became dented in. I placed Squirt in his water dish every day, he was having trouble walking, to ensure that he drank, and he did, but when I placed him in the food dish, he refused to eat. The food dish, this time, was filled with dried up mealworms (beetle larvae) that were bought in the bird-feeding section of Home Depot. I kept Squirt in the dish in hope that he would start eating, but every day the same amount of mealworms was in the dish; that was during the first two “days” of the 72 hour Monday. Whenever I walked past the fish tank and saw Squirt, I said to myself, “He’s sleeping; he’ll eat when he wakes up.” Turtles do sleep a lot, especially when they are young, so this lie was not too crazy. This is the only time in my life where I remember lying to myself; I am simply not that kind of person: the truth is the truth and should be pursued, whether detrimental to the pursuer or morbid in nature. I did not pursue truth during that day. The rational part of my brain knew that he was dead, but my irrational side took over, at least until that last 24 hours of the Monday. The calendar said “Wednesday” and I was getting ready for school. I “wake up” (give up on trying to fall asleep) at six and go out to the bus fifteen minutes later. My rational side won at the worst possible time. Throughout the entire Monday, I avoided the tank at all costs, but this time, I moved closer. Squirt’s eyes were sunken in giving him the complexion of a skeleton. It seemed like he was just another dead organism in the food dish. I couldn’t just leave him on top of all the dead mealworms, but school was in a couple of minutes, and one cannot simply bury a friend in five minutes, so I picked up his lifeless body and put it in his house, a hollowed-out log, threw up in the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and went to school (I didn’t pay attention in any of my classes). That was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. In between placing him in his house and puking in the toilet, I realized how emotional I was. Why was it that a dead turtle got me upset, but my dead grandmother didn’t? I don’t know. The only thing I learned was that life sucks and doesn’t make sense. It changed me for the worse because I don’t regret not crying at my grandmother’s funeral, even though I think I should; and that bothers me.
DeleteI hope that the “400-450” words “paragraphia anorexia” thing wasn’t a cap on how much be should write, because my blog post has over a thousand words...
Life is hard. Everyday there are new struggles to try and overcome and it never really gets easier, or at least that I know of. High School is supposed to the best 4 years of your life but, for me, it has been mostly tears, stress, and physical pain. I wake up everyday with a great mind set and hopes to have a good day. Although, from around 7:05- 2:30 that mindset is crushed and the only thing I do afterwards is go home to take a nap in hopes to forget about all the stress. But then, I wake up from the nap to find myself even more stressed out because of the hours of work I have to do after all the hours of school. School ruins my happiness everyday. I love learning and seeing my friends but I hate the waking up, the repetitive schedule, and the people who should go to etiquette school because they have no clue how to act in a public setting.
ReplyDeleteAs a 16 year old girl I am forced to go to school. Technically I’m allowed to drop out but that is not acceptable in the Parlapiano household. The journey has been going on for almost 3 years and it is not complete yet, just one more year to go but I know it will be super rough. Throughout this journey I have always acted very happy and did not show the side where I would go home and have mental breakdowns from all the stress. Every year it gets worst and worst yet I manage to keep it all inside. I thought it would get better junior year until I started to feel physical pain. I now have 5 herniated disc, scoliosis, and over extended lordosis and kyphosis. Which is not something you want. Now here I am in the most important year of highschool risking surgery on christmas break and this journey is not getting any easier. Sometimes I find myself sitting there just contemplating dropping out and then I realize that I want to be a doctor and that isn't an option.
My parents totally do not help me out at all. All they do is bombard me with chores that do not need to be done. My mom has me vacuuming under my bed and dusting my walls. Completely necessary I know. But there are some people who have made this journey a hell of a lot easier then when I started. I have no clue what I would have done without my friends or some certain teachers that have given me the best life advice. They showed me that I just need to push through it and even though it will be rough I will come out on top eventually. This journey is not over but once it is I will be able to look back and realize that I made it. This is now 495 words. Opps.
Not going to lie, life is tough. One minute, you’re at the top of the world; the next, you’re at the very bottom of the abyss. It seems like the world is against you. It seems like you have nothing left in you, and the only “right” thing to do is give up. Its a tough feeling, I know. But let me tell you… “Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.” (Thanks to Brainyquote for that quote!). This might sound cliche, but things happen for a reason. We are who we are because of these struggles. No matter how horrible the circumstances are, the fact that we have the audacity to overcome it and crown victorious is what makes life worth wild. Life has to come with struggles, because without it, how can we ever grow? Not everything can be easy. Forgive me for saying this, but life can only give you lemons. Whether it be rotten (can lemons be rotten? idk.) or not, it is up to you on how you decide to make the lemonade. Its not something you expected to happen, but dude, if you really want that lemonade, you gotta do what you gotta do. One day, when you’re old a wrinkly, you’re going to look back on this and be like, “Well damn….” and you’re going to have the biggest smile on your face because you know its over; You got through it! So yes, life is tough. Its hard and annoying and can be a pain in the butt sometimes. But, all i have to say is that, if you take things one step at a time, I’m almost positive you’ll find your way out of that abyss, my friend!
ReplyDeleteI come from a pretty big family. And its great! We create lots of memories together (as you can tell from my OP)! But it also sucks because then that would mean more goodbyes. In my sixteen years of existence, I’ve been to, physically, three funerals. I’ve visited family members in the hospital so many times, the idea is not foreign to me. And sucks because it feels like a piece of us is dying with them. Despite the financial issues, we put everything aside and book a ticket to see them. Nothing else matters but them. Currently, I am going through this very situation. My aunt in California has been living without kidneys for a while now. Over time, she developed lupus disease. I guess fate finally caught up to her because she is now on life support. To be honest, this caught us all by surprise. My mom and her other siblings put their differences aside and flew out there to see her. I, unfortunately, couldn’t go. She was doing great for a while, but then she got worse. Is it rude for me to say that I’d rather have her dead than attached to a bunch of machines? All her life shes been suffering, mentally and physically, and now laying on her deathbed, attached to machines, shes STILL suffering. I don’t think its fair for her or for my aunts and uncles or for my mom or anyone in the whole universe! Like I said, life is tough.
I remember the last time I say her, which was at my grandpa’s funeral (I know), she had purple hair. And I asked her, “Why do you have purple hair?” and she goes, “Because I like the color purple!” Cute, right? That was my fondest memory of her. Because at the very moment, I realized she didn’t care about her sickness. If she wanted to go clubbing, she’ll go clubbing. If she wanted to smoke, she’ll smoke. If she wanted to dye her hair purple, you bet shes going to dye her hair purple! That lady could talk to no tomorrow, and devour an entire meal in less than a minute! She lived her life to the fullest, and she appreciated every moment of it.
(CONTINUED)
DeleteI’m grateful for the people in my life. Without them, I don’t know how i’ll be able to go day-by-day without breaking down. I always feel like I have to put on this brave face to protect the people I love, but its nice to be the one who needs protecting sometimes. I know my family and I will get through this. I mean, its not the first time its happened. And like always, we will focus on the positive and stand right by their bedside till the very end. Together, we will tackle this obstacle one at a time.Because during that time, you have to realize, they need us just as much as we need them. I guess that’s why I’m so positive all the time. Life is a struggle, but that doesn’t mean you have to dwell in the negativity that comes with it. And that is the greatest lesson my aunt has ever taught me.
Part 1
ReplyDeleteMy hero’s journey began this past September. At the beginning of September of 2015, there was a huge difference in the way my grandmother looked which concerned us all. A week or so past and she looked as though she was dead, but still alive. I got a text while in APUSH sixth period that my mom had taken her to the emergency room just to be sure she was okay. If you know me, nothing’s ever okay and I make a huge deal out of everything, being the worry wart I am. After getting her into a room, they found her blood count at a 3 out of 11, which means there was little to no blood in her body and there was severe lack of oxygen to her brain. This was my “call” and where this journey had begun. That night and the day following were my threshold. As my mom- mom sat in the ICU, the doctors were clueless as to why this was all happening. The needed an CAT scan and multiple other tests to be any more familiar with her health issues but of course there were dragons to be slain. The only CAT scan they had was under maintenance, making it impossible to make this process go any faster and get my mommom better. Not to mention the challenges of my mom- mom being a compulsive liar, the start of alzheimer's, having to go to school and get homework done and not having the time I wanted to be by her side. Just as most life’s little problems blow over, the CAT scan was up and running on day 3 of being in ICU and from then on they were rolling. She went through test after test after test after test over countless days as they pumped blood into her body even though it was coming out faster than they could put it in. Our main focus was just to keep her alive until results came back. Results came back the following week and on September 25, 2015, my family and I fell into our abyss. The doctor explained to us that the results showed that my mom- mom had bladder cancer. They showed a cancerous tumor in her bladder the size of 3 golf balls, taking up ¾ of her bladder. Just when I thought that was the worst of it, life had different plans. The doctor explained to us a couple days after hearing such horrible news, more tests came back that it was stage 3 bladder cancer. That’s when I lost it. One of the hardest things to see, despite my grandmother having cancer, was the confusion from lack of oxygen to her brain and every time the doctor or my family would speak of cancer, it was as if it was her first time finding out.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteFrom the day I heard the words “bladder cancer,” I started researching. I like to know the facts and statistics and not be out of the loop, so I did my best to understand everything. In the process of trying to understand everything, I started to transform. My transformation from being clueless about the cancer, to knowing more than I did helped me cope with it and take it day by day. This also helped me with my atonement. I’ve made peace with the fact that my mom- mom has bladder cancer and the fact God has a plan for us all. I’ve been more willing to believe that everything happens for a reason. As for my return… although my journey isn’t completely over, I am a changed person. My journey has changed me for the better in the way that I value the big things in life more than the little silly things like I did before. I always worry about the little things like homework and when it came to my mom- mom, none of that mattered as much as she did. I’ve always been a family and friends oriented person, but this experience has changed the way I value my friends and family. I’ve learned that they’re the ones that’ll catch you in mid fall, or help you back up after you have already fallen, but they’re also the ones who will kick you down in order for you to learn how to pick yourself up on your own. I’ve come to cherish what and who I have to the fullest because in my situation, although I said family will always be there, my mom- mom may not and nothing matters to me more right now than her. And I value and cherish and appreciate the time I’ve had with her, and the time I have with her because life gets in the way and life isn’t fair and life isn’t always in your favor, as we all know.
Rowing a race in crew is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. At so many points throughout the race, you think "I can't do this" or "I can't pull this hard for the whole race." Whenever these thoughts pop into my head I just think of the eight other guys that I will be letting down if I let up for even a stroke. Knowing that the other eight guys are working just as hard is all the motivation that I need. This motivates me to pull harder and puts those negative thoughts at the back of my mind. Obviously you need to be in a focused and determined mental state to row your best throughout the entire race. If someone is in any other mental state, they won't pull their hardest.
ReplyDeleteJust like ones mental state, your physical state needs to be at its peak to race at your peak. The pain that this sport puts on ones body during a race is excruciating. This is why rowers need to be in great physical shape. We need endurance to last the 1500 meters at high intensity as well as speed to get up and down the slide in time with everyone else. Once the lactic acid starts to build up in our muscles, its easy for our bodies to shut down; which is why we need to be in great shape to overcome this pain. Intestinal fortitude is exactly what a rower needs to be successful. The courage and the endurance to go on is needed throughout every point of the race.
I arrived at this journey by being pushed by other teammates. I was willing to sign up for the sport and see it to the end, but it was the people in my boat that pushed me to be better. Seeing the guy in front of me work his butt of pushes me to work just as hard. He makes me want to win as much as he does.
From this journey I have learned that I can push my body to its limits and climb out of the boat knowing that I gave it everything I had. This experience did change me because now I expect more out of myself with all of my sports. I expect to push my body to the same degree on the soccer field. I changed for the better because now I have more hustle on the soccer field; I also have the determination to finish runs towards goal and to always mark my man. As I said before, my teammates are the ones who help me throughout this journey. They push me and motivate me every day to make our boat the fastest that it can be. I can't wait to start this journey all over again once winter crew comes. I'm not looking forward to the pain, but I look forward to feeling accomplished after every practice and the positive atmosphere on the crew team.
I know I don't have to reply, but man... you just took words right out of my mind. Everything you said about crew and how you apply the lessons that you've learned to other things is just what I do, and probably the other guys do it too. So yeah...
DeleteEveryone has their own life and their own problems. Sometimes I’ll catch myself saying “My life sucks” but when I think about my problems I say to myself “I’m being selfish because other people out there have it worse.” I never talk about my personal life much because I don’t think it’s important. When I have problems I want to talk to people about it but I feel like people wouldn’t care. I’ve always thought this way and I still do.
ReplyDeleteNot many people know or maybe they do, I don't really remember if I told a lot of people but I have depression. Like have you ever seen that commercial for depression medicine and there’s a girl and a black blob is constantly following her all day. I don’t see mine as a black blob more like a cloud. Sometimes my cloud is white and fluffy, sometimes it’s a little gray, sometimes it’ll be raining, and sometimes there’s a thunderstorm. Most of the time it’s gray though.
I can’t remember exactly when I first had depression maybe elementary school? Yeah it sounds kind of ridiculous that an elementary kid has depression but at that time I was going through a lot. My parents were fighting and my mom threatened to leave one week. The next week my dad threatened to leave. I thought my family was falling apart. I remember how much I loved school back then because going to school meant I didn’t have to deal with what was happening at home. I remember getting off the bus and I instantly felt upset that I had to go home. That was around the time my little cloud developed.
My first thunderstorm was in 7th grade. For a whole month I was lost. I questioned who I was and my place and wondered why I was even alive. I felt like I had no purpose here. One day during 7th grade I didn’t go to school. Only three people know why. I didn’t want to go to school so I forced myself to become sick. I ate until my stomach was full and made myself throw up. It didn’t work and so while sitting on the bathroom floor, I thought about ways for me to get sick. I’m not going to say what I considered doing but after thinking long and hard I ended up not doing it.
My journey from there was a mixture of rain and a few thunderstorms. I can honestly say though that it’s better now. I’m not as sad I think. I haven’t had a thunderstorm since freshman year. I started getting better after I realized that I couldn’t continue living my life like this. Just last week Bryan, Taylor, and I were talking about this kid. We were talking about how negative he was and how he saw everything negatively. Bryan defended him saying that he has the right to because life sucks. I was not about to let Bryan win this one though. So I told him that yeah life sucks, but that doesn’t mean you have to make YOUR life suck. He was quiet after that. We all have problems, sometimes their out of our hands and we can’t control them. But I saw that I couldn’t let this control me. What helped me the most though were my friends and my boyfriend. I want thank my friends and my boyfriend for always being there. I always think back to the night I was sitting on the bathroom floor, crying because at the time I didn’t think it would get better. But it did and I’m happy.
I feel like I talk about this way too much, but my mom always wanted to change some physical aspect of me. A lot of my memories of my childhood are basically me being forced into doing some kind of physical activity in order to change how I look, specifically my height/weight. My first memory is during 2nd grade. My mom somehow got the idea to make Michael and me run laps around the house in order to help us exercise and lose weight. Somehow during my first lap, I tripped on the edge of my cement patio where it met with the grass, and fractured my arm. Running didn’t end well, so she never made me do it again.
ReplyDeleteAfter running came basketball. During 4th and 5th grade, my mom signed me up for PAL basketball because supposedly it would make me taller from all the jumping. I hated every second of basketball practice, and what made it worse was the fact that my mom paid for me to be miserable. Because my mom only knew the PAL basketball info from the flyers the school handed out, I threw mine away during 5th grade the minute I got it because I couldn’t risk the chance of my mom seeing it. Unfortunately for me, Michael held on to his copy, and I was forced to go. I’m pretty sure I cried that day because of how much I hated basketball.
The final memory that I have is jump rope. YES, my mom forced me to jump rope every day. She had this theory that jumping would make my legs longer, and it was apparently true because it was confirmed by all her coworkers. Also, random note but I was never allowed to sleep with my legs folded because it would stump my growth? Like my mom was CRAZY about my height. I had to jump rope every day for around 4 years. I would cry and try to hide the jump ropes, but my mom kept buying more. It was seriously torture. The funny thing was that when it first started back at my old house, my mom promised that it was only for the summer. However, when 4th grade rolled around, and this was when I first moved, my mom started it again. I had to jump 100x in the garage and either my mom or aunt would watch me to see that I really did do it. Right now I’m crying and laughing at how ridiculous it was. All the past emotions are coming back up, I don't know, I’m just emotional. Anyways, if I didn’t jump high enough or fast enough, I had to start over. Some days I would stand in my garage for around an hour or so trying to jump to my mom’s standards. All I remember about that time was lots of crying. Eventually, after 4 years of relentlessly begging my mom to stop, she did. It’s so ridiculous, I don’t even know where she got the idea from. I never grew from it, I’m still short at 5 feet tall. I hated the situation even more because no on would try to help me, everyone just went along with my mom’s logic. I don’t even care about my height. I have no problems being short except for having trouble finding jeans that fit me well. The different activities that my mom forced me into doing have taught me to be proud and accepting of myself. I can’t change my body, it’s part of who I am. I was so sad from everything that people said were flaws that I just embraced myself. I didn’t really care anymore what other people because as long as I liked myself, I was good. I think that if my mom didn’t put me through all those experiences, I wouldn’t be as self-loving as I am today.
There are not many obstacles I have come up against in my life that I can recall. In fact, for the most part, my life has been very blessed. I come from a very loving, close knit family. Both my parents are very interested and involved in everything I do, such as my education and extracurricular activities (although at times they can be overly protective). I have a brother and sister who I connect and get along with. Therefore, per say I have not experienced any drastic obstacles like my fellow classmates.
ReplyDeleteHowever, one minute obstacle that I have overcome in my life happened in first grade. In first grade, I had really bad problems with reading and phonics, I mean really bad. My problem was that I could not read words on a page fluently or accurately and I had a hard time comprehending even the simplest sentences. Therefore, I was placed in a Title One reading and writing class with my teacher, Mrs. Kupp. What I can remember from ten years ago is that I was really struggling with my reading abilities which came so easily to others in my grade. I was taken out of my classroom when everyone else got to stay. All I can remember from this stressful time in my early life is that I had to work extra hard to simply catch up to the other students. Meaning, every school day I worked one on one with Mrs. Kupp, and every evening I practiced reading and speaking with my Mom. It was a lot of work, but it was worth it because of where I am today. I take AP Lang. I came a long way from Title One reading to AP English, Language and Composition.
Looking back, I am glad I was placed in Title One services in my younger days because it helped me with my comprehending and phonics. Most likely, if I did not take that class, I would not be at the present reading and writing level I am currently at. At the time, I had a lot of help and support from my teacher and also from my Mom. They helped me strengthen my skills and I could not be any more grateful to them.
I believe I emerged victorious from this obstacle because I am very proud of myself for how my academic life in general turned out. Even though this obstacle may seem miniscule compared to the journeys my fellow classmates have had to go through, this one has been kept close to my heart and means a lot to me.
I normally don’t talk about my self-consciousness, but I’ve always been a self-conscious person, even if it doesn’t seem like I am. And I definitely don’t talk about my journey with weight loss. And being the chubby kid who only seemed to get more and more chubby as the years went on didn’t really help my case. Being severely overweight, and dare I say it, obese, wasn’t just a physical health problem for me but one that also affected my mind and the way I look at things. So I’d have to say that my weight loss (even though I kind of, sort of still am in the process of it but not to extremely) was the hardest obstacle I’ve faced so far in my life.
ReplyDeleteAs a child I would always get teased by my family about being overweight, and only my family since no one really ever gave my any crap about it other than them, but it never really got through to me until the end of my eighth grade year when I stepped onto the scale and saw a number I’d never thought I’d ever see myself weigh. And since I was going to be starting a new school, with new people, I knew that something was going to have to change. Safe to say, it did. To overcome the obstacle that was my weight, I did what any other person would do. I ate healthier and I started to exercise more. But it wasn’t just that; believe me I wish it were. To have the drive to lose a ridiculous amount of weight required strong mental and intestinal fortitude, not just physical. I had to be motivated every single day no matter how I was feeling or what the weather was like. I had to believe in myself and keep telling myself that I could do it, even though it could’ve been so easy to give up. But it wasn’t just the belief that got me through it and is still getting me through it. No, it was the time and effort that went to hours of research about different foods, how the body works, and the healthiest way to achieve such a goal. However, losing weight wasn’t just a goal, it was an investment. I invested so much into that I now have so much knowledge and experience dealing with it.
And although going through the process of weight loss is hassling, tiring, and straight up crazy, it does teach you a lot about yourself. It teaches how if you try hard enough you can accomplish what you want even if it takes months and years to do. It teaches how dedication and having the drive to do something can overcome any physical limits that you think are there. There are a lot of things that I have learned and am still learning, but if you asked me whether or not if it has changed me for the better, I’d have to say, that physically, yes it has, but not mentally. Mentally I am the same girl that I was four years ago. Four years later I am the same girl, only healthier.
Life itself is a journey in which we all face struggle that we can learn, grow and transform from. Everyone is on their own journey, with their own calling, their own obstacles, and their own goals. For me, my journey started at birth. I was born with Persistence of the Hyaloid Artery, which causes an obstruction in my left eye’s vision. Although I’ve written about this so many times, it is still very relevant to my life, not just because of my impairment, but because of the lessons it has taught me. My calling for this journey was not one I chose, it was given to me. My problem was discovered at my first visit to the Pediatrician when I was less than a week old. When the doctor performed the red eye reflex test to my eyes, which is used to screen for abnormalities of the retina, she found white instead of red. My parents first took me to Children’s hospital and then to Will’s eye, where they discovered a cataract in my left eye. Cataracts are very abnormal for anyone under the age of 70, let alone a newborn. Along with the cataract, my left eye was discovered to be 20% smaller than my right and both of these factors confirmed the presence of Persistence of the Hyaloid Artery.
ReplyDeleteBy the time I was four, my eyes could not move together. My right eye’s muscles moved efficiently but, the left eye’s muscles could not coordinate. My left eye appeared as a lazy eye, and would wander. The solution to my left eye’s malfunction was to have muscle surgery which would tighten my left eye’s muscles in order to move with the right. I’ve had four surgeries on my left eye to correct this same problem. The surgery was done at the ages of four, eight, eleven, and fourteen.
The part about my deformity that made it hard was not just because of my lack of vision, it was because of the way I looked. I received glasses in pre-k, and at this time my eye was normal looking due to my surgery this same year but, in between each surgery I’ve ever had, my eye starts to increasingly drift. When I was in elementary school, my eyelid sagged very noticeably. “What’s wrong with your eye?” or “You have a lazy eye, right?” were questions I was frequently asked. Although these questions were valid, they made me very self-conscious of the way I looked. In response to these imbiciles, I grew out side bangs over my left eye to cover up my imperfection. I did whatever I could to hide it. The ignorant questions only grew to become mean comments. On the bus in third grade, the kids were coming up with nicknames. Everyone received something relative to their characteristics but for me, I was given “crooked eye”.
Although many negative comments came my way, the most hurtful words that were ever said to me came from my ex-boyfriend’s little brother. “Tristian would never marry you because of your eye.” I can remember exactly where I was, the tone in which he said it, and the exact feeling that these words gave me. Although his opinion was irrelevant to whether his brother would marry me or not, these words had a lasting effect on me. I hated how a deformity that I had no control of whatsoever, could make people come to an assumption of who I was. I hated my eye and I hated how insecure it made me.
DeleteI was in this rut for a while. It wasn’t until middle school that I finally joined field hockey and lacrosse. I also started taking piano lessons, I got better at twirling the batons, and I kept doing martial arts. All of these activities in my life transformed me into a more confident person. I was forced to face the truth. I had to get over the fact that I may not be able to see my sparring partner from my left side, I may not be able to see the lacrosse stick I held by my left ear, and I will never have the vision that everyone else does. I had to get over the dysfunctional eye that I was given, and I had to realize that there was nothing I could do to change it. I stopped dwelling on it, I grew out my side bangs, and I learned to accept my imperfection. I learned to appreciate the good eye I was blessed to have. I started to focus on the things I did have, not the ones I did not.
Today, I am blessed to have Persistence of the Hyaloid Artery. If I were to never have this deformity, then I would never have learned these valuable life lessons. I would never have grown the empathy that I have for others with birth defects, deformities, or any other unchangeable imperfection. My eye taught me to accept who I am, accept what God has given me, and to love myself completely. Although I am somewhat scared to drive with one eye and although I am scared that my right eye will get damaged and leave me blind, I will have to be extra careful, just as I always have been. Even though I have more surgeries to come, and even though I go cross eyed when on the computer, I know that I can face any obstacle. I know the strength I have, so shoutout to you, Persistence of the Hyaloid Artery, you’re a blessing in disguise.
I’ve had to overcome so many obstacles to be where I am today. Life is very hard, but that’s inevitable. I honestly don’t know how I got here. I think I shed a few drops of tears throughout the years. I felt like I just closed my eyes and I just got here somehow.
ReplyDeleteI feel like everyone needs to emerge victorious from their journey because what’s the point of the journey if there’s no reward at the end? Honestly, I have gone into depression before. I was just so mentally depressed and I was so stressed out about school. During those times I really thought I was alone in this world and no one cared about me. I hid my feelings from my friends and family. Joining marching band my freshman year was what brought me out of depression. Marching band is like a part of my life. It was in marching band where I found all my closest friends. Marching band took so much of my time, that I was so immersed in it, that I didn’t have time to think about other things. So, you could say that the reward in the end was that I found good friends and I found an activity that I loved.
Marching band really did change me for the better because I have something to live for. Marching band forces you to bond with other kids because we are together 24/7 since we have practices and competition every week. I embarked on this journey willingly and I’m glad that I did. Even though sometimes it’s really hard to balance marching band and school at the same time but I wouldn’t have chosen a different path. This journey has brought me a long way. I honestly don’t know where I would have been if it didn’t join marching band.
It isn’t just marching band that helped me change for the better, my friends definitely played a huge role in this also. I am very self-conscious so I don’t usually ask for help and I don’t talk very much. My friends really pushed me and shaped me into a different person. I am much more outgoing now. I still am afraid of making new friends though because I feel like they would judge me and they wouldn’t understand me. I still don’t ask for help whenever I need help because I feel like I would embarrass myself. This usually happens whenever I don’t get something in school. I feel like if I go to a teacher for help, they would think that I’m dumb. I know that’s not true but that’s just how I function.
I've always had problems with my awful social anxiety. I hope this is something that you, Bunje, can understand because I know you have mentioned that you suffer through this as well. I was always shy as a kid, but when I reached middle school, that shyness turned into crippling anxiety. We all experience "anxiety", for example when we present something in front of the entire class. Obviously that is totally normal, but the kind of anxiety I'm talking about is not quite the same. The same essay that you're somewhat nervous for, I am crying about. When I say crying, I mean that I am at my house, bawling my eyes for hours. Depending on what I am presenting, there is a good chance that I may be throwing up as well. I never knew what to do about this and to be totally honest, I don't know if there is anything that can be done. It's something that people don't really take seriously, no matter how you try to explain it to them. Now that I have explained myself the best I can, I can begin to tell you about the journey I am still on, trying to fix this.
ReplyDeleteI am still on this journey because I haven't quite found a way to cope with it, but that is the direction I am headed. I'm not sure how I did it, but there were times that I actually would end up getting out of presenting projects in school. I would just wait until the last minute, be absent, then we would have no time for me to present. I realize now that that is not helpful at all and is also extremely irresponsible.
Now, I do my presentations and even if I cry in front of the class for no real reason, I congratulate myself for actually getting up there. Each time I go up and present, I get better and better. That is how I began to get over these obstacles. I need that mental "push" to be able to go up there and get stuff done. I need to continue to remind myself that it only takes a few minutes, then I can sit down and no one will ever remember. I had to push myself.
I believe it is changing me. It's a very slow progress, but I believe I'm getting somewhere. My best friend has guided me through this over all these years and just constantly reminds me that I can get through it and it is a huge help. We all need that person on our journey.
Well let me tell you my secret to overcoming these obstacles in life. It’s simple, all you have to do is cry. Cry a waterfall, cry a river then go cry in your bed. Crying can be used for happiness, sadness, anger and pain. But crying isn’t all bad. It teaches you that you're feeling something and not letting it out. The key is to let everything go into your mind then say “it's okay.” See you can’t let everything control you because you could get overwhelmed and do something you’ll regret. Control is the thing most people don’t have.
ReplyDeleteMoving on, I’m only 16 years old but my journey was long. It’s still going on but it has been a challenge. Going through my parent’s lives, they have become mine. Having to see a picture of my father but never meeting him hasn’t put an impact on my life a lot because I already have a dad. He’s amazing but annoying. He’s my dad though. When we got into a car crash that almost killed my dad and gave me back problems, was quite the story. or maybe that time I got taught how to ride a bike. That was awesomeeeeee!! All the events in my life had an effect on my life. Small or big.
I was carried through this journey up until high school. I was always the baby in the family so everything I wanted, I got, well at least my family tried to. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not spoiled. They taught me about being grateful. To this day I barely ask for anything unless it’s school related or me wanted to go out. Now I am on my own. My family doesn’t pamper me with gifts since new babies were born in the family. My choices, my clothes, and my education are all my decisions. If i dropped out of school though, my mom would beat my ass.
I’ve learn to not assume, even though I still do, learn the good from the bad, even though I choose a couple friends that weren’t all too good. I’ve learned a lot about people, things and the world, good and bad. The only people here for me is my mother, grandfather and uncle. They have taught me things that I am grateful to know. To always strive for more in life. If not someone else will be. Someday I hope I teach my kids the same. For now, I am still on this journey.
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DeletePart one
ReplyDeleteHow? How do I do it? How do we do it? How do teenagers today survive brutal days some parents and teachers don’t even know the half of? Why do most of us even have to go through some of these difficulties is the million dollar question to. When I was younger, like middle school, I used to ignore my feelings and thoughts until I THOUGHT they weren’t there anymore. I would ignore the pain until it eventually went away, but that’s where I went wrong. I learned the hard way that feeling everything, every ounce of pain, crying every single tear, and facing all the issues, was the key to success. Facing the pain and feeling it all was the easiest way to overcome battles. Sometimes, ignoring the issue and pain worked and made the problems disappear, but then later down the road it will creep back up on you the feeling will be there again, but this time 10 times worse.
Struggle is a daily thing for most of us and getting up in the morning unhappy was turning into an everyday thing for me. I live a good life, my dad has it made for me, I never had to struggle to find food, I always had a roof over my head, and something to constantly look forward to. Sometimes though, that “good life” isn’t so great from the inside. Yes, I have the lifestyle and house that most teenagers my age would die for, but what I would die for is a relationship with my mother. I strongly believe most of my problems that I faced throughout middle school and now high school are and were caused by the fact I simply do not have a mother figure. My mom lives with me, a bedroom over, she cooks for me and gives me rides here and there, nags me for my grades, and the whole 9 yards. But it is what she doesn’t do. She doesn’t hold me when I cry, ask me if I need anything, tell me she loves me, and the worse one, is she is never ever there when I need her. My mom loves to get under my skin as well. My door could be wide open and she could be in the hall running her mouth “Heather is such a failure, why did we raise such a shitty kid?” Every time I hear her talk like this, to my own father, who doesn’t even have the man in him to stick up for his daughter, makes me sick. My logic, and some of my friends as well, is just the simple fact that my dad is head over heels for my mom and when she says jump he answers how high? Its sad to think about how my father grew up so poor and worked his butt off to have the construction company he has now, to come home to my mother, who doesn’t work, and hear her complain on how her life is so stressful. Which, by the way, my mom finds time in her “stressful” day to set aside TWO HOURS to sit in her bathtub with a glass of wine. For teenagers, mostly females, it is essential to have a mother figure and maternal advice and that is that chunk I am just completely missing.
Part two
DeleteBad things always happen in 3s to me for some reason and junior year is just loading in on in 20s and counting. This summer was not easy and I thought that was only the end of it. Losing tiffany is something I will never accept and none of us ever expected. Losing Jeremy is something I will never accept and none of us ever expected. Learning my best friend has cancer is something I will never accept and none of us ever expected. Those three things happened within 3 months of each other and I still cannot fully grasp any of them, or why they had to happen, especially why all so close in time. This is only junior year issues. Sophomore year my boyfriend was threatened at gunpoint, freshman year was grandfather became extremely sick, 8th grade year my uncle was killed in a motorcycle accident but lets start talking about the good in the bad. Overcoming all these problems and feeling all the pain 100% was my first step to moving on. Most of these situations I will never forget, actually, all of these situations I will never forget, but I took different life lessons out of each and every one of them. Trying to stay positive is by far the hardest part but seeing the positive is what matters.
My life is not that bad, I’ve had my heart broken, lost too many people to deaths already, deal with a crappy parent, but my life is not that bad. Every experience is another story in my journey and the things I have learned along the way are the most important part. My mother, and my ex boyfriend have done nothing but taught me that expectations lead to disappointments. I love my mom, she’s my mother, and I still love Jeremy, he was my ‘first’ love, but they are both disappointments that I have to live with. I just have to forgive them only for myself. I now know to lean on myself, love myself, be there for myself. To become this stronger person and stop being so angry about my situations, I pushed myself emotionally and physically to feel everything and then get over it and leave it far in the past.
What a damn good question Bunje. I had to think a little deeper than I usually do, which meant I had to put on some Sam Smith and Adele and get into my feels. Anyways, back to the question.
ReplyDeleteBack in my middle school days, they were a little sad and depressing. Nothing major happened… nothing ever happened for that matter. I was that new girl who sat in the back of the classroom and no one ever seemed to notice was there. Back in my old school, everyone still had ‘cooties’ and when I stepped into Davies, I see 6th graders hugging and holding hands in the halls. I was a little surprised and had no idea what the heck everybody was thinking. Lunch time came around and everyone had their friend groups, couples had each other, I had myself. Sure there were a few kids who were nice to me and no one ever bullied me straight up to my face, but like I said, no one ever saw me or bothered to make conversation. Literally I was 4’11” (still the same height btw!!) so the feeling of being small was amplified along with the feeling of being unimportant and invisible. I wouldn’t call myself depressed, I would say I was just plain sad. I had A LOT of acne back then and not too much of self confidence. Not a good combo. The guys I liked didn’t know I existed lol lets not talk about it. The closest I got to a fun situation was in books.
In 8th grade my confidence went up, 9th went down, and 10th was probably the best year. Weird but let me explain.
I was “the top dog” in Davies so I decided I might as well fake it until a make it. Which I did! I forgot exactly how I did it, but I made good friends and talked to them instead of drown myself in my thoughts at night. By this time, people knew my name so it was a lot easier talking to people. My acne was still pretty annoying but it started to clear. When we graduated, I thought I’d be better to go to ACIT so I can meet knew people and make more friends. HA. I forgot how long it took for me to make friends, I didn’t think it through. The upside, I joined a sport and eventually made friends and at the same time I got a guy to like me back which was awesome. When I transferred into Oak, I was reallllly nervous that no one would remember me. Turns out, people did and I clicked with a group of cool kiddies. Lots of more socializing, more sports, two more relationships, a new dog; here I am. The content and happy 4’11” girl. What I’m about to say is obvious, but if you want something you got to go out and actually do something about it. NOTHING is going to be handed to you on a silver platter. If it does, then there’s something shady about that and I wouldn’t trust it. Super stereotypical but its facts.
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ReplyDeleteI am the youngest of two sisters, and as most know or experience the life of having younger siblings they know we get away with a lot more things. I can admit many rules my sisters had to follow don’t really apply to me. Never is there a time I don’t hear them complain, “You didn’t let me do that at her age” or “If that was me I would’ve got in trouble.” This may seem all cool and what not but I think this is what caused my journey. Don’t get me wrong, my sisters despite how old they are still get spoiled and basically get whatever they want (not that they ask for much anyway). It’s just my parents are more laid back with me and in result of that I’ve grown to kind of “ take advantage” of them if that’s what you want to call it (well that’s what they say). If my parents would say something I didn’t like I would flip out and lose respect. I never really got in trouble by them or put on punishment so that’s what I believe made it worse. I just thought I could do whatever and act how I wanted which really wasn’t the case. To be honest I didn’t really notice my behavior until recently one of my friends were telling me how mean I was to my parents. I love them to death and don’t intend to say anything I do but sometimes they like to hit a whole different level of nerve.
ReplyDeleteThe journey with them that I am still overcoming is sort of complicated and hard to explain. Maybe because it’s hard to admit that I possibly didn’t respect them as I should have or sort of took advantage. That to me is probably the worse things you could have done especially to your parents. They are the people who worked their butts off just so my sisters and I could have what we wanted and never was in need for anything. People who made me who I am today which only made me want to be parents like them when I get older. I know my parents would do anything for their children and it’s time I’d be more grateful. It sort of hurts knowing I have two caring and loving parents that I hate to admit it but are kind of cool and I actually act/acted like this toward them.
As much as I would like to say the opposite, life is tough. And everyone goes through a journey (not to mention that their whole life is a journey). For this one specific journey in my life, it started when I moved to New Jersey. All my life before this I had lived in Puerto Rico. So obviously the only language I knew was Spanish. With my mom having custody I was forced to move with her. And plus me being a young boy I didn’t really care. I did not think much of it. That is until on the plane ride I came to a realization that I had no idea how to speak Ingles. No sabia nada de Ingles. But I would later emerge victorious in this journey. I had no type of mental, spiritual, physical, or intestinal fortitude as I was probably going to live here for the rest of my life, so I had no choice but to learn the language.
ReplyDeleteI was put into ESL classes and slowly and progressively started to learn the language. In school the only subject I was good at was math (and Spanish of course). And why? Simply because we have the same numbers and rules to mathematics in Spanish. But otherwise the language came slow and steady. By 3rd grade, before I moved to Mays Landing, I had a pretty good grasp on the language and was making friends. That was until we lost our house and had to move in with my mom’s cousin. But that’s a different journey for a different time. Anyways, when I moved to Mays Landing everything was a little bit harder. I had to start fresh, no friends, no teacher I knew well anymore. But I knew with times friends would come.
From that grade on I understood the language more and more and later began to expand my vocabulary. In fact, I got so good at the language it became my 1st language. And as of now I know better English than I do Spanish even though the first language I learned was Spanish. This journey changed me for the better because there is a lot more opportunity here in just New Jersey than there is in Puerto Rico. Through my journey my mom helped me every step of the way and I cannot thank her enough for that. Through all my journeys my mom has guided me and provided me with the best advice she can. That’s why I cherish her so much, because of everything she does for me.
Your whole life is one big journey with endless journeys inside of it.
A victorious journey that I have been through and overcame in my life would have to be running. To start off I think you should know that I never really was interested in it, but through my mom’s persistence of keeping the tradition, I finally caved. So when I first started off my goals were to achieve all of my mom’s accomplishments in track, but as a continued the sport I slowly started enjoying it and wanted to do it for myself. Unlike what most people think Running didn’t come naturally to me. I had to overcome defeat time and time again until I was actually able to be considered efficient. Through running I learned many things that helped me physically and mentally. I began to see the benefits of all my hard work through my newly developed muscles and on the track by actually winning some events. I also adapted a very confident, some might even say cocky, mentality. This was horrible because my over confidence led me to believe that i didn’t need to work as hard at anything since i already excelled in all my events.But when my time increased and my winnings decreased i realized that i needed to become more serious and more work ethic. During this time, which i like to call the “Dark Period”, i suffered with some inner conflicts, knowing that i needed to work harder but not physically wanting to do it. At first i didn’t understand what my coach ment when he use to say “running is all mental” but after my “dark period” i finally understood the meaning of the phrase. After i finally convinced myself mentally that i could actually be a good runner if i really tried, it began to be more determined to work out physically, and everything sort of fell into place. I asked my coaches for advice and watched videos on how to decrease my time, with the help and motivation of both of them not only did i decrease my time but i also broke my previous PR (personal record). Throughout all of this it have learned that you must work and/or practice at your specialties if you want to excel in them, because greatness isn’t given but earned, so you shouldn’t be afraid to get your hands dirty and sweat a little.
ReplyDeleteThough I realize I haven’t been on this earth for many years, I’ve had my fair share of obstacles. Some bigger than others, I’ve always found a way through them. As a teenager, I’m sure I make my problems bigger than they are based on the sole fact that my hormones rage and tear me apart but I’m allowed to do that stuff because I’m a girl.
ReplyDeleteFor the purpose of this blog post, I’ll call the journey World War Three, (WW3), because that’s exactly what it feels like. WW3 started in the seventh grade and hasn’t been won, at least not by me. The amount of everyday strength needed to fight this battle is absolutely taxing on the rest of my energy. It takes away the energy I need to get out of bed, participate, communicate and even makes me push people away. Mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally, I’m at a loss; everything was running out like I had used it all up and I had to wait for my body to make more. I really have no idea where my intestinal fortitude comes from, then or now. My courage and strength to go on is derived from other people if I had to take a guess. Never had I ever seen so many people get hurt from my actions. Should I really put someone else’s happiness before my wellbeing? Probably not. But I didn’t really care. I was either so numb or so self-hating that it was refreshing to see other expressions on faces besides the only things I saw in myself. This journey is not over. If I emerge victorious, that would be a glorious day.
WW3 was not something that was pushed upon me, nor a conscious decision made by me. That first year or so kind of blurry. Another word for World War Three is clinical depression but I don’t like talking about it or calling it that, so we can stick with WW3. This is indeed a learning experience. I haven’t learned how to turn it off forever, but I do have good days. I’m not medicated and I don’t have a therapist (I’m finding that I kind of need them) but I have times where I can turn it off. “It” refers to the voices in my head. I’m not schizophrenic but there are reoccurring voices in my head, ripping me apart. It’s me, attacking myself.
Am I better or worse? I’m both. In this WW3 I’ve come to the point where I can be okay with not being okay. I’m worse because I can’t go for a whole day without tearing myself down no matter who was there to build me back up. My guardians are my friends and some teachers and coaches. The ones who ask if I’m okay and don’t stop or won’t leave me alone until I actually tell the truth (it’s annoying but they’re the only reason I’m still here.) So as I walk around with bruised insides and scarred outsides, just remember, everyone is fighting their own World War Three. I’m currently trying to find a way to emerge triumphant, and I won’t stop until I do.
I have been bullied in the past and sort of now but it’s indistinct. Many of you would know this if you read my previous blogs, but if not well then there it is. Yes, it was a hard challenge for me to face but that’s life and unfortunately, that’s society. Eventually, I grew confidence and ignored those cold-hearted souls. Although,that’s just one of the many challenges I faced in my life. I could tell you countless situations that I had to face and try to resolve. For instance, math; it’s a b****, but I got to deal with it like everyone else in school. Besides, math benefits us because it teaches us problem solving. Now, there’s no problem with that.
ReplyDeleteAnother situation involves with sports. Sports are especially challenges that athletes, like me, face. I play soccer, crew and used to play basketball. These sports were no walk in the park, they required hard work. Of course, along the way I had my struggles, but don’t we all? I sometimes doubt myself but that’s no excuse to stop and give up. Doing so won’t benefit you in anyway, rather it would bring you down, wishing you kept going and worked harder. I do my best in achieving my goals. I work as hard as I can to improve my performance and be prepared for the game or race, which is another challenge itself.
Life is full of challenges. Facing them and trying to resolve them builds our knowledge and boosts our confidence for facing the upcoming challenges in our lives. In the end,when you achieved your goal knowing that you put effort into it, you will feel accomplished. To me, there’s no better feeling than that.
ReplyDeleteImagine an African American teenage girl, who is trapped in a state of confusion. She is lost within herself, has no clue what she wants to do in life, and constantly inquires about her existence. If you didn’t realize by now, I am describing myself. I am seriously trapped in a state of confusion, and I have no idea how to escape from it. At times my life can get a little rough, and the fact that I am an exaggerative teenage girl makes it even worse.
To be honest, I go through a “mini hero journey” almost everyday. My day starts off either well or poorly, depending on how I slept and what occurred on the previous day. I make my way through the “ mental threshold”, where I sit through each of my classes, and learn something completely new. Then I reach a point in the day where I feel like I’m having a great day, but then someone or something comes along and just f**** it all up. Once my mood is ruined, my day is ruined, my life is ruined...everything is ruined. I exaggerated this a bit, but this is honestly how I feel once I reach “the abyss”. When I am upset or sad it is usually written all over my face, which is why people come up to me and proceed to ask me what’s wrong. People hate seeing me upset, which is why they comfort me, compliment me, or try to give me some of their advice. In most cases this works, and then I finally return to my old peppy self.
Aside from my daily problems, there was a major situation that impacted my life and changed me as a person. This was when my great-grandfather(although I consider him my real grandfather) was on the verge of DEATH. First I would like to mention that my grandfather was a cancer survivor twice. Anyways, a few years ago my grandpa KC was diagnosed with kidney cancer. On top of that, he had P.D (Parkinson's disease), which is when your body shakes uncontrollably. Immediately after being diagnosed with kidney cancer, my grandfather was scheduled for surgery. We all were under the impression that after his surgery he would recover and return back home to us. However, this was not the case. He came out alive, but his speech was impaired and he no longer knew how to walk. Apparently, during the procedure the doctors gave him too much anesthesia, which then affected his ability to walk, talk, and carry out simple tasks. This was the hardest family situation I had ever been through. And as you all know I am not good with death at all. In fact, death is my biggest fear. Seeing him like that, was very hard for me, and everytime we came to visit he was so miserable. He would always talk about how he couldn’t do it anymore and how he wanted to die already. Hearing stuff like this, especially from him, made me so upset. I understood how it felt to be lonely, which is why I visited him in the hospital 4 days a week. I made him cards and gifts, and I kept him company. Eventually, he began taking physical and speech therapy which enabled him to walk and talk again. After he had recovered, he thankd me for encouraging him to get better, and I feel so accomplished by what I did. Seeing him better made me feel even better, and although it was a very rough time for my family and I, we sprang back to our old selves. Moreover, this particular instance taught me to value life while I still can, and it brought my family closer together. It also taught me to enjoy and the love the people in my life while they are still here, and not to take them for granted.
DeleteMy journey was a spiritual and physical one.
ReplyDeleteMy calling began with a groundbreaking moment when I was nine. I remember being a cheerleader, my legs bare to the freezing cold, wondering why I couldn’t look as good as everyone else. My legs were, in my mind, the worst part: too shapeless, too short, too...wide. And I was only eight when this moment occurred. Though it may seem like a trivial moment, it is the one that first inspired me to begin my journey, which started out merely as a diet. (Yes, now I know it was ridiculous because I was only a child but understand that this is much more than just thoughts.) The threshold, for me, was crossing from a land of home-cooked, hearty foods into the land of restriction and meal-skipping. I called this a diet. I thought it was harmless, at nine, though it was quite the opposite. While crossing the threshold I was introduced to Ana and Pro-ana, internet terms used loosely to define anorexia and pro-anorexia, or triggering photos, stories, videos, and songs to keep those struggling “motivated”. This introduction is what lead to my challenges. I had obviously already struggled with self-image and for that, dieting was harmless. But I wasn’t dieting I was starving myself and by 7th grade I understood that and still did not stop. I was convinced that I had not lost weight, but gained weight. I had spent five whole years establishing myself in the disorder, Anorexia, and was finally comfortable in it. So comfortable, however, that quitting was not an option. I refused my mom’s food which insulted her because she is a chef, a good one. I was always sad, tucked away in my purple-walled bedroom looking at billions of pictures of skeletons, that’s all they were, those skin-and-bones girls that were the subjects of the pictures constantly fluttering through my weak mind telling me I wasn’t good enough yet, or that I never would be. The challenges came when I began to realize my depression which had developed as a symptom of Anorexia. After seventh grade, it wasn’t just anorexia, but bulimia and exercise bulimia as well which was translated as EDNOS in the medical world. I knew this. I owned it and loved the label and continued to hate myself. But being cooped up inside all day because I couldn’t find the strength within myself to go out, to get out of bed, to even take a shower or paint my nails--that was the challenge. Not feeling sad, or angry, or hungry, or happy but numb--that was the biggest. I crawled
into my abyss my eighth grade year weighing 87 pounds, which was my goal weight when I began my journey at 8 years old. I had gone from over 100 pounds to 87, and though it took longer than usual in the case of eating disorders, my health was worse because of my constant plummet and inclines of weight. My heart rate was dangerously low and my pulse was unreadable by doctors. I was forced to drink the fluid they would have otherwise fed me through tubes because I refused to be force-fed...and I still purged them. I was facing death--I decided to, yet I still wanted to lose more weight. My bones bruised every time I sat down and it felt like my lungs were cracking with every breath I struggled to take. I did not want to hear anyone’s concerning questions, I did not tell anyone about my “diet” or how depressed i felt or how alone I felt. I spent my life, most of it, surrounded by purple walls and nothing else. I stared at those walls like they were my best friends and my parents all at once because I refused to leave them. Guilt, that was the biggest thing but I ignored it. All I cared about, in that purple abyss, was myself, my weight, and I couldn’t even think about much else. I couldn’t get out because I didn’t want to and believed no one else wanted me to either. My freshman year, I began abusing prescription drugs and drinking heavily. My reasoning was literally, “They’ll help me lose weight quicker if I don’t eat with them”. The fact that they helped me lose myself a little helped too; they helped me to forget for a moment which was all worth it at that time. It took two spiritual-recovery vacations, a near-death experience which is not even worth talking about it is so shameful, admitting it to my mom, and a shit-ton more of those disgusting drinks (which I had to drink in school while a teacher watched me every single time..) for me to begin my transformation. I realized one day for the first time that I was doing this because I couldn’t stop. I looked in the mirror and saw someone else and I hated my life. I hated life. I regretted
ReplyDeleteeverything I had done, every decision I had ever made from the time that I was eight up to my 15th birthday and I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to she my skin and start over, that’s how I felt. I wanted to leave.. quit all together. I maintained this feeling for a long time. I physically recovered because I was forced to. I was still a mess until, though, until I went to Japan after my freshman year ended. I discovered myself through sobriety and being forced to eat out of respect. To keep it short, I realized there’s too much to look forward to to do what I was doing to myself...which was slowly killing me. I learned about myself and shifted my motives from self-perfection to self-mending and self-love because I knew I had to not only for me but for those who do love me. I recovered in every aspect though I still struggle with some things. At first, I couldn’t accept leaving my old life behind. Probably because it was all I knew for so long. I met myself when I was 15 and, at 16 am coming to peace with who I am, who I really, really am. I love life. And all the regrets I had thought of as regrets before were really lessons and I’m grateful that I went through them because it has aroused characteristics in me that I otherwise would have never discovered. If it wasn’t for all that, I wouldn’t be here today. I am nostalgic about it every single day. I am happy, and I am never going to look at it negatively. My return has not happened yet. I have not been able to educate people, or change people, but I wish to use this experience, basically my entire life, to help others overcome it. I want to be there for people because I know how hard it is. This was hard to write because it really is indescribable. It is the lowest feeling. I hope I have opportunities to help others and I plan on finding them if they aren’t presented to me. I genuinely care about everyone’s well-being because of everything I went through. No matter the person or their past or their actions towards me. Anyway, I have experienced this journey but have not yet returned. But I believe the day will come because it is meant to. Otherwise, all of that stuff would’ve happened to me for no reason.
ReplyDeleteHow to Get Over A Boy for Dummies
ReplyDeleteI sure could’ve used a manual about the crushes I was getting, why boys were so different, and why I cared about their opinion. I don’t know why, but I started having little butterflies in my stomach younger than I should have. I remember talking about boys with my friends all the way back in third grade. What the heck, I was only eight years old! Obviously, it was talk like “Oh, so-and-so is kinda cute,” but I feel like that shouldn’t even have come into my head at such a young age.
I have perpetually had crushes on boys over the years. I had a crush on a particular boy for a very long time, and everyone around me knew it. We were great friends. I don’t know why that wasn’t enough for me, but somehow I had a crush on him. He for sure heard a hundred times from other people “Melissa likes you,” “Do you like Melissa?” “Are you guys ever going to date?”.
I don’t know why I had feelings for him for so long. But he never gave any indication he had any type of special feelings for me. We were just best friends. Maybe because we were best friends, I couldn’t separate my platonic feelings and the butterflies in my stomach apart.
So how do I get over this boy? Well, my first method was to fake it till I make it. I was mentally forcing myself to say I didn’t have feelings for him and I just kept repeating it and repeating it. There was already a flaw in this plan. I didn’t mentally chose to like him, somewhere in my little metaphorical heart, a button lit up and came to the conclusion it liked this guy.
Next, I just started paying attention to other boys. Sure, this was bound to fail too. Problems don’t go away by ignoring it. I still had feelings for this guy, what now?
Well, you see, there was a guy I never met before in my eighth grade class. At first, I didn’t talk to him. He seemed a little peculiar. But after a couple months we had to sit across from each other in math class (Keep in mind that the old boy wasn’t in any of my classes). Somewhere between my teacher’s insane notes, we started talking. He was alright. At the time he was dating another girl in our class. But somehow us talking in Spanish and making jokes stirred up trouble and they started fighting. Long story short, they break up. Now this guy starts coming after me. I have been trying to get rid of my feelings for my good friend for years. So I let this new guy compliment me and distract me. We end up going out. It turns out that new guy and old guy don’t like each other. Uh oh. As I was in a relationship with new guy, and I saw his face every single day and we talked every single day, at this point I was talking to new guy way more than the old guy. So old guy and me were drifting apart. But I didn’t notice. I was excited by the new game of being a couple in middle school, and how I got more attention, and now I was an expert on boys.
So it turns out getting a boyfriend is how you get over a boy. Pretty ironic. I was definitely willing to go down this road and I succeeded in the end. I just wished that I didn’t change my behavior so much just because I started going out with some guy. I feel bad that I didn’t keep up my relationship with the old guy, and I hope I didn’t hurt his feelings. But I guess we were bound to go our separate ways someday. I saw on social media that he seems to be a Republican, so it never would have worked out between us anyway.
DeleteI think after all of this, I learned a lot of things.
1. I don’t need to advertise all my business for the world to see. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal that I had a crush on this guy if no one knew about it.
2. Furthermore, relationships aren’t a prize to win. You have to work on them, and just because a couple broke up, it doesn’t mean they lost the game.
3. Also, I should have been way more polite to the girl the new guy was dating before me. I had known her for years, and she was so kind. I should have been more courteous and waited longer before I went out with her ex-boyfriend. It most likely hurt her feelings that he started dating someone else so soon, and I wished that I didn’t add fuel to the fire.
4.Romantic relationships should blossom from existing STRONG friendships. The first couple months were so awkward.
5.Relationships are not just about feelings. They are filled with conscious decisions to work on the relationship and be there for each other.
Since then, I have learned that compliments from boys are a dime a dozen, so I really shouldn’t have been so surprised that this new boy was paying attention to me.
Like all of my fellow AP classmates, I have a mum and a dad. But, I don’t talk about my dad very much. Unlike the perception that no black people know their fathers, I do know mine. I had a relationship with him for 14 years. I was the biggest dad’s girl ever… was. My father didn’t die, but he’s very well dead to me. My parents are divorced. They have been that way for about nine years. I stayed out of their drama and trust me there was a lot of it. The hardest thing for me and I think for every child of divorced parents was the fact that the two people I loved more than the world itself, didn’t love each other or in my case hated each other. Back to my father, my brother and I lived with him 3 out of 7 days of the week. It was the best of times. I loved hanging out with my dad. Though a few years later his girlfriend and her two daughters moved into a four bedroom house with us, I still loved spending time with him. Though my father and brother would always argue and my brother wouldn’t spend time with me and my father, I still loved spending time with him. Though my parents animosity toward each other made me heartbroken, I still loved spending time with him. Then, my brother stopped going over my father’s house. As soon as he stopped, I realized why my brother and my father got into arguments. Every little thing I did, every little thing I said, got me in trouble. I don’t mean trouble like being grounded. I mean he yelled and picked fights with me every chance he got. If I didn’t clean the dishwasher and the kitchen as soon as I got home, I’d get yelled at. If I didn’t find everybody that was in the house, even if they were in different rooms, and individually say hello to each of them, I’d get yelled at. If I disagreed with him in any way, shape, or form or even asked why, I’d get yelled at. I know getting yelled at isn’t a big deal, but I don’t cry, not even when I get hurt. He also acts like a child during an argument. He always had to be right and get the last word. I know it may seem stupid, but when a child acts like that, it’s in sufferable. But when an adult, nevertheless a parent acts like that towards a child, there’s nothing a child can do but endure it. After years of feeling horrible and miserable, it got to a really bad point and instead of suffering and I stopped talking to him completely. Some days I wonder if I made the right decision completely cutting him off, then I look back to see if the good times outweighed the bad. They never do, so I’m okay with what I chose.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThis blog really has me thinking that I’m stupid because I couldn’t automatically relate to a time in my life I considered a “journey”. But I thought about my life then and my life now and easily remembered the one thing that I know changed my life, which would be street hockey. I grew up in a house full of boys my entire life and I’m not complaining, I’m actually great fully because I wasn’t “only a daughter” ;) because I grew up being treated like a boy I guess you could say. Before I started getting really involved into sports, I was the ugliest child you probably have ever seen. I had the crookedest teeth (I can’t even show anyone pictures of how bad they were because my mom refused to take pictures of me), I was probably the same weight I am now in 3rd grade, and I was annoying as ever. Thankfully, with the little ounce of the heart my mother has towards me, she decided to change me into a whole new person and it starts out with hockey.
I can honestly say playing street hockey has had the ultimate impact on my life. Being the only girl playing with teams full of boys was what did it. I had to learn to push myself especially at a disadvantage. My first year playing, actually I never really played. I sat the bench and I was that teammate everyone prayed didn’t show up for the games. But my second year, I was captain of my team and was a threat in the league. That’s where my whole life started. It was the first real time I was told I was good at something and people looked up to me. People admired I was the one of the only girls playing and it was only my second year. My teammates became my best friends. Ever since 4th grade, I travelled everywhere with them. I’ve created bonds like no other and even if they weren’t the coolest of people, they still always had a special place in my heart and to this day still do. Hockey, in sports aspects, has taught me how to be more aggressive and confident. Since I was a girl and I played sports against other girls, I just pretended the other team was a hockey team full of guys. Not the best way to look at it but it's cool. My transformation since then as a person and physically is crazy and I strongly suggest everyone makes their kids do street hockey, girl or boys. I changed my life around and I couldn’t be any more grateful.
So I try not to read many of the other blogs before attempting to write mine except maybe Bryan’s, avoiding the fear of other’s writing somehow influencing my response. I already had an idea of what I wanted to write about but after “accidently” reading a couple of the other blogs (there was a low number of comment which was encouraging) I realize my hero’s journey is quite different. When I think of a hero’s journey it reminds me of a timeline. Meaning from birth to end. Which makes sense to me only because throughout our lives we have many instances when we feel low, or great over what we consider a “huge struggle.” Thus my hero’s journey although won’t begin from birth it reflects a chronological scale more than others. I think it would be easier to just start off in order so I’ll start with “The Call” and so on.
ReplyDeleteIt all started in the last few months of eighth grade when the school year seemed to go at a light year’s speed and we all realized it would be the last time all of us would be under one roof. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this I remember thinking and still will always believe. The district gave us too many options, they should’ve waited another year to free the choice of school. High school. High school is when the separation happens. Not four years prior to figuring yourself out. It wasn’t right. It’s not right. How was I supposed to leave people I’ve known for at least a decade of my life? People I’ve come to hate and love at the same time. Fortunately most walked through the doors of Oakcrest months later. But a select few never got the chance to experience the school I’ve come to love despite my parent’s opinions. Even if I’ve made a ton a new friends I can’t help but only imagine how my life, my choices my actions would differ if I was surrounded by my eighth grade classmates. It is here where I realized I had months before my world would change. My grades, friends and teachers started fresh. I would have to make new decisions that would impact my future self. I wasn’t ready and will never be. My threshold into the unknown began the week before ninth grade when schedules were determined and classmates were final for a year. I thought I have four years to figure out what I want to do with myself, to figure out my dislikes and my likes …do I have emotions? Who knows, it would all make sense at graduation hopefully. I decided then I absolutely had to have a plan before I walked across stage (or the grass platform provided) otherwise I’m refusing to graduate. It wasn’t so much grades, even though no matter how much we lie to ourselves deep down they matter, through the laughs and don’t worry too much they do, they always had. The anxiety came with more of the question of not what the next four years would be like for me but what the next 40 years hold for me. Although I still wonder what in each new day in the halls of Oakcrest I will have the opportunity to encounter.
With all of that said my next step in my hero’s journey included my freshman and sophomore years the underclass/underdog years of high school, but they never felt anything like it. I went on making new friends encountered challenges or trials but minor like minuscule things. Homework was alright, biology was troublesome but somehow I survived. My challenges were brushed off, I was learning and it meant I would learn from my mistakes and I did. The trial part refers to my stage fright. Bunje I’m glad I didn’t officially meet you until this year. With every passing year I’ve grown more confident with myself, able to speak up just a little more each day to finally make up an entire sentence this year. Honestly freshman year I would’ve cried doing the declamation and I did with my sonnet and don’t even get me started on my reaction to the occasional papers. It’s not something I can help. My body takes over, my heart beats a mile a second, I shake, my voice cracks and tears flow even if my mind is as cool as a cucumber. Even during the declamations and occasional paper, we all have nervous tendencies, mine I guess is I twist my ring or so I’m told but I’m not sure so I guess I do it subconsciously. And no matter what I read I’m always on the brink of tears. But this year, I probably can’t go in front an audience just yet but I can honestly say I’m proud of myself for somewhat overcoming a challenge I’ve personally dealt with for the better part of my life.
ReplyDeleteNow onto the seemingly everlasting place of abyss otherwise known as a black hole engulfing happiness and in a constant state of confusion and disorder with yourself and the society around you. Junior year is tough. Junior year is death. Junior year is important. Junior year is a joke. Junior year is hair ripping torture. I could go on for hours, millions of different phrases have been spoken to me I the past two years. They all line up to one outcome. Apparently junior year is the toughest, painstakingly difficult time in your life that determines the future path of your life. What is an appropriate response? I still have no clue. Earlier today, Wise (Financial Lit teacher) taught me about illegal interview questions and how to answer them correctly. I consider the question “what do you want to do?”( you know this question you’ve probably were forced to answer several times, each a stupider answer the previous at least mine were because there is nothing I can say that I can be truly committed to) to be a part of one of those illegal questions in the interview applying for the job of my life. He said “I prefer not to answer” is an appropriate response. Therefore ……To all who it may concern I prefer not to answer. At this point in my high school career, yes it’s a career because I’m forced to interact and care about others and be obedient and work like any job (not saying I mind, because it’s better than complete loneliness) I’m in the abyss of my “high school hero’s journey” I’m at a crossroads to where I want my life to turn and not completely sure what to do with myself in the near future. The world is completely against me and every clueless junior. I have the pressure of figuring out everything all the while keeping up with the ordinary homework as well as trying to push the influential opinions out of my way to grow on my own. It hard and I don’t like to complain but I think this year will be an exception. I’ll whine and then get busy even if that means I don’t get a better grasp of my future plans. Right? That’s okay? Wrong my hero’s journey isn’t over yet. The transformation, the atonement and the return have yet made their way into the circle. Hopefully ill learn by senior year, take into account of the much needed epiphany and change myself for the better for the beginning of life after high school because graduation isn’t the end. Most people forget there is hope there’s a whole world left untouched ready for you to embrace or for it to embrace you. This light, I consider as a motto will be forever cherished by me because one state doesn’t define me even more so because there are countries yet to be explored. My hero’s journey ends with my passing not my return, I’ll go through ups and downs in college and even further into life with the expectations to never stop learning.
ReplyDeleteI hope we were allowed to go over the word count. I'm incredibly sorry if not.
DeleteAs like many people, we all experience a death in the family. Now, I have had plenty of family members pass, but there is one person who left so early in my life, but made the most impact on me. My granny. I was 5 years old at the time and like every normal day she would open a beer, after beer, after beer. This was her routine. No matter how many times my parents and I told her to quit and no matter how many times she wanted to, she never did. My granny died of alcohol poisoning on June 24, 2005. She was found on our living room sofa, passed out, my mom called 911 and she died in the ambulance. I was taken to my cousins and I found out what happened. I remember bawling my eyes out and being held over the toilet because I was on the verge of throwing up. The rest of that year and into the next year was hell. My birthday wasn't the same, Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years, was not the same. But, since I was so young, I really didn't grasp the meaning the alcohol poisoning. Yes I knew my granny drank a lot, yes I knew it wasn't good for you, but I didn't know what alcohol poisoning was. But, one day we had to pick her up from her friend's house and she was complaining her belly was hurting and she didn't feel all that well. Me, being the sweetheart I am, asked why she was hurting. She said "I hit my belly at the bottom of the pool." Lie. Lie. Lie. But, I didn't know that at the time. It turns out she was suffering from stomach inflammation. That's when it clicked. The mental journey I had to go through was difficult. I lost my #1 supporter, my person, my late night friend, the person I walked through the woods with. I lost her. Yes, my parents were there for me, but I really didn't talk to them about it. I would cry late at night and bottle my emotions. This made me think differently about drinking. I knew that I couldn't be around people who drank, especially the people I loved and cared for so much because there was a feeling inside me that would jump out and think about my granny and how she left because she couldn't stop for her family. About a year and a half later, I finally got into books. That's how I managed to cope with this. I buried myself in books. Granted I was only 7, but books made me happy. To this day, I still love books, and I love to escape from the world for a little while.
ReplyDeleteI started track and field my freshman year. I had no idea I was going to do it but the coach persuaded me to give it a try. She said if I didn’t like it then I could quit but why start something if you going to quit anyway? I knew once I started I was going to have to stay even if I didn’t like it because I follow by a no quit rule. So, as the 1st couple of practices start I instantly fall in love with it. I honestly had no idea that I would fall in love with something that I had no intention to. As practices go on, I realized I have been holding back on a sport that I am amazingly good at. Being in the top 2 in shot and discus the whole season as a freshman made me show myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. Slowly the first couple of meets start. The first 3 meets were amazing and I placed in every single one in both the shot and discus but something bad always happens. The next meet to come up I was pretty excited. I figured I was going to do amazing and show the other team off because that’s the type of confidence I had. Getting called up for shot I was pretty nervous. I told myself I could do it because I knew I could and I was right. I’m not exactly sure but I think I placed second. After shot was discus and that is something that makes me want to throw up every meet. I always feel like I will hit the gate being so enclosed and it does happen sometimes. As I take my first throw, it hits over the 70’ mark but is a foul. The team tells me it’s okay because I still have 2 more times. Everyone keeps getting called and then my name is up again for my 2nd throw. I thought to myself that I have to get this in the line because if I don’t my head will explode. I think I was psyching myself out because I only hit a 60 that time. Time goes on and everyone is hitting 60s and 70s but to me a 60 isn’t good. I get called up again and this time it fouls. No one knows how upset I was at this moment. You could see it in my face because my eyes were tearing up and I got in my mood. (The mood where I cry and don’t want to talk to anyone) I was crying partially because I was upset but mostly because I knew what I could do but I didn’t show it. Ever since then, I mess up on one meet and get so upset that I block everyone out and cry. I honestly am still working on overcoming this but I partially overcame it. Emotionally and physically I learned that everyone has their bad days and I’m not alone. This has changed me because when something doesn’t go right I cry and this has impacted me so much because it showed me that not everything is going to go right but when it does you make the best of it. It changed me for the better because physically and emotionally I am a little better but not all the way. My friends and my coaches have helped me get through this because they always encourage me to do what they know I can do. I honestly doubt myself all the time before a meet because of this event but I’m happy to have people who are there to push to my absolute best.
ReplyDeleteThis is very hard for me to answer. I have not been through any journeys in my life, but I came to the realization that maybe my journey just isnt over yet. Life is my journey, more specifically, growing up. Life is the journey I have unwillingly embarked upon. I have made it through elementary school, middle school, and I'm halfway done high school. And I think to myself everyday, what is the freaking point? What are we meant to do in life? Because it sure isn't be born, go to school, get a job, and die. Seems as tho that's the typical life. We all do the same thing. Be born, go to school, get a job, grow old and die. So far my journey through life has been fairly easy. Nothing drastically bad has ever happened to me. Sure, I’ve had some bumps in the road, some bigger than others, but I am still alright. Now in this journey I had to get through and overcome many many things. I went through heart breaking experiences, losing my parents trust over something incredibly stupid at some point (which was re-built), and going through traumatic experiences with my family. All of these I have grown and learned from. And I push myself to be a better person. Which is all part of the journey. I work hard in school, like really hard and I'm more stressed out than I should be. Freshman year was easy and I got good grades, sophomore year I reallllyyy slacked off which I regret sooo much, and this year I am working my butt off to get those straight A’s. To me, school sucks. Just my honest opinion. Of course everybody says “what's the point of this” but I really wonder what's the point (mainly just math). Now I should be grateful, because there are many who long for an education they cannot get. But some of the stuff I learn in math is just..WHY?? WHAT IS THIS?? WHY WILL I EVER NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SOLVE AND GRAPH TRIG FUNCTIONS?? When I’m on my deathbed I most definitely not be saying wow I'm so glad I got to learn how to find the cosine of theta! I think school should teach you about life. Because so many people go into life with NO CLUE how to do it! Being honest I have no idea what mortgage is, or anything political you can just not because it goes into one ear and out the other.. I never understand what my parents are talking about. Anyway...moving on in my journey I have to go to college, so I can get a job. so I can pay for a house, and support a family. But why? Why do I HAVE to do all this? Why do I have to follow what literally everybody else does? I want to travel the world. Which seems so unrealistic, but it doesn't have to seem that way. I want to go to different countries, learn about different cultures, have experiences most people never have. I want to live life. So I have to make this journey the best journey I will have.
ReplyDeleteFor the past 3 years I’ve been on a new journey in my life. 3 years ago my brother went away to college. This was and still is one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through. I think most of the reason is because I wish we could rewind time and go back to when we were young because life seemed so much simpler. I remember crying my very first day of high school because my brother wasn’t around and I wanted to ask him questions about high school but since it was 6 in the morning, I figured he was sleeping until noon like most college students do. Along with my brother being away, my grandparents also leave 6 months out of the year because they have a house in Florida. This never really bothered me until my brother left. I still have my parents but I can’t help but feel alone at times even though my brother and grandparents are a phone call away. Growing up we always called my family a “herd” because we always went everywhere and did everything together. The part that makes me upset is that we don’t do those family things anymore. That’s the scariest part of growing up in my eyes. Life loses simplicity. Through this 3 year long journey I’ve bettered my relationship with my parents because in a way they’re going through the same thing I am. It’s just been us 3 and we’ve gotten into our own routines and schedules. The gift of this whole journey is that I have improved on my own responsibilities and relationships. Although it stinks that it’s always just me and my parents, I feel that they’re able to be focused more on my days. This has been just one journey but it has had such a huge impact on my life mentally and emotionally. Ever since this journey started I definitely think things through a lot more which has made me more responsible. I’ve become more focused on tasks because I am the only kid at home so there are very few if any distractions. Along with those I believe I have matured because I have more chores to handle at home. I am thankful for this experience even though it has made me upset on those nights when I’m in my feelings, it has also made me grateful to be the person I am because I have grown from this experience.
ReplyDeleteMy journey is one that everyone goes through. But this part of my life has really shaped my character so far. They have been some of the most fun yet stressful times in my life. I am referring to high school. High school is something that everyone has to do by law, but I wasn’t pushed into it, I was excited. There is so much to experience in high school, mostly good, some not so much. So far academically high school has been rough. I am constantly stressing over grades and other things that I may not even ever be faced with. I have an anxiety problem, and if you have ever seen my nails you would understand. All of my nails are bitten down to an ugly stub. Though it may not seem too bad, it makes my hands look quite ugly. I have had struggles academically, but right not I’m doing fairly well for myself. But that’s only half of high school for me, the other half is sports. I run cross-country, winter track, and spring track! Not that exciting, but this is a big part of my life. Through the years there have been a few upsets, but for the most part running has been great for me, heck I’m in the running for 11 varsity letters. So far my high school career has taken a huge mental toll on me. Every day I wake up, get ready for school, go to school/practice for 10 to 11 hours and then come home. And even when I’m home I have oodles of homework and other obligations. So yes it is very draining. Physically high school takes much out of me also. With the intensity of sports and not getting enough sleep at night, there is definitely a physical toll. With a little help from my friends (Beatles song) my journey has been successful. I have learned many things. Not only have I learned things in class, I have learned things from just being in the high school environment. I have picked up many new skills since middle school, I’m a changed person. High school has changed me but I can’t say for better or for worse. I wasn’t really doing badly before high school, all I know is that I’m better off now than I was before high school. My journey has been exciting so far and I hope I can say the same at the end of my high school career.
ReplyDeleteGymnastics has always been a part of my life and I have been doing it since I was 2 years old. But When I was in the seventh grade I decided to quit gymnastics because I felt as though the sport itself was starting to get harder and I didn’t find as much interest in it as I used to. At that age I was going through this phase where I thought that I didn’t have a social life and that gymnastics consumed my entire life. I just wanted to be a normal girl that didn’t have practice 5 days a week for 4 and half hours each day. This decision only lasted for a good two weeks but it still happened and it was probably one of the most stupid mistakes I ever made in my life. After going on 2 weeks without gymnastics I felt as though I missed the sport more than ever and had to start back up doing gymnastics again. My love and passion for the sport pushed me to keep going and push through no matter. Also, my parents told me that I was to gifted in the sport to just give it all up now and I knew for myself that if I quit I could miss out on a lot of great opportunities. So, after pondering whether I wanted to go back to the sport or not I decided to give it another try and this time do it right.
ReplyDeleteFor the next year I gave it my all and tried to end each practice on a positive note. All of my hard work eventually paid off because the summer after my eight grade year I got offered my full scholarship for gymnastics. I can definitely say it didn’t come easy, but I think it’s truly a blessing to have your gift make room for you. I always think back to the time I quit and think what If I really didn’t come back to the sport of gymnastics? I would have probably just been an overweight couch potato to be honest. But I can truly say with the help, support, and encouragement of my parents pushing me to not give up and my body itself telling me that this is the sport I love, I don’t think I would be where I’m at right now. After this whole experience I learned that things are going to get tough and that’s a fact but you must push through and never give up because you might miss out on something great.
Anyone that knew me back in seventh and eighth grade knew I detested my dad. I can't even tell you why I just did. It could have been the past he had with my mom that I only heard her side of. Which of course was over dramatic but I was oblivious to it at the time.We fought over everything and I only went to him with I needed him. He would try to talk to me but I’d shut it down immediately.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure when all of this changed. I think one day I just realized I was a real piece of shit for how I treated him. He does absolutely everything for me and always has. He always comes through when my mom refuses to. My brothers and I rely on him for everything he always makes sure we have what we need. It took years for me to realize his importance in my life, I have no clue why I went all those years saying I hated someone thats now my role model.
This change was unexpected. I always had my mom in my ear saying "You'll miss him when he's gone." or "Your dad is a good dad, you shouldn't treat him that way." I never paid her any mind though she tends to be wrong a lot. Whether I anticipated the change or not I am beyond grateful for this. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I was still loathing him for no reason. I began to see what a good person my dad is and a part of me feels bad for him. Everyone walks all over him in my family. We even have an inside joke we he says “Nobody cares,” usually after a long rant about being mistreated and I casually say, “I care.” He laughs but I am beyond serious. I’ve had a full circle ending when it comes to my feelings about him. I wouldn’t trade him for the world and I truly appreciate him and every thing he does.
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ReplyDeleteWhen I first started tennis I was a chubby little kid who was forced to play a sport by my parents, because of my weight. So I went to the sports open house, and nothing interested me. I had signed up for crew, because my mom was the coxon for Holy Spirit high school and her sophomore and senior year they had won states. So you can see why she decided to put me in that. Also, swimming was an option because I did a lot of the swimming programs at Hess School, and even though I enjoyed I felt uncomfortable because of my body and I was very self-conscious at the time.
ReplyDeleteBut there was one very interesting sport that I wanted to try out and it didn’t interest at first but I joined it so my parents would shut up. I joined Tennis not knowing I would fall in love with the sport soon later into the season. When March rolled around, the season had officially started and I realized I was not in at all the best shape I could be. So I started to wake up very early on weekends and some school days and started to go for morning runs. I would run a mile every weekend and some school days. Eventually, I started to add more onto my runs and I started doing three miles. At first it was rough, but my intestinal fortitude had helped push through it all. My weight started to go down, I was becoming faster on the court, and my confidence was very high. I started out the season in Junior varsity, but I soon worked up to Varsity and it’s one of my greatest accomplishments in high school and as personal goal also. I finally felt I had achieved something other than academics. And I could officially call myself an athlete.
But even tough it was hard work I would go back and do it all over again if I could. The hard work made me realize that I can be just as good as anybody else on the team, possibly even better. Even though I disliked my parents for forcing me to join a sport, I later on thanked them for doing so. It gave me high self-esteem, more motivation to better myself. I still do tennis and I love every second of it. From the hard work to relaxing film days where we watch some of the greatest players in the world and inspire to become as skilled as they are. Tennis is one of my greatest passions and I will always love it.
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ReplyDeleteThe hardest journey I’ve experienced was trying to get along with my Mother. My earliest memories always have her and I never getting along, I never understood why. Maybe it was the fact that she showed my brother all of her attention or just our conflicting personalities but either way I couldn’t get along with her. Most of the time I was extremely disrespectful to her and now that I look back at it I feel terrible for it if your present is you past you can’t hope to have a future. This was my biggest problem I would hold on to everything that she ever did that pissed me off and every time I saw her I would always bring up something she did or something I contorted to make her the bad guy.
ReplyDeleteOne day she and I had a huge argument and I went over my grandparents’ house to speak to my grandmother because she was always home. I explained how I always felt that she never wanted me. My Grandmother explained that my great grandmother pushed my mother to give me up for adoption because she and my father were not married at the time, and my Mother told her that she would never give me up for adoption. I believe I was seven when she told me this so it took me a good 5 years to fully comprehend what she told me. I eventually began to understand that all my problems with my Mom were unnecessary and only displayed how childish I was. Even with understanding how childish I have I still had no compassion for her or any of her problems.
In the seventh grade, I was sitting in Mr. Morrison’s class when I got a feeling that something bad just happened then I got called down to the office to immediately leave school. I saw my Dad waiting in the student pickup area so I asked him what happened and he said we need to go to the Hospital because your mother and brother were just in a car accident. I arrived at the hospital to find my brother perfectly ok sitting in a hospital bed, so naturally I asked where my mom was, my dad told me she was in a couple rooms over. When I arrived at her room I saw her in a stretcher with a neck brace on, at that time I thought nothing of it because I figured it was a procedure. I only got a couple of minutes to talk to her before she left to get an MRI. Later that evening I was in my brother’s room and my Grandmother came in and told us both not to go to my mom’s room. After she left I ignored what she said and went to check on my mom. She was just lying in a hospital bed with the family and doctors standing around her, then she went into a full body seizure.
The doctors eventually came to the conclusion that my mom hit her head on the windshield during the accident, this caused permanent brain damage. It wasn’t until then that I found compassion for my Mother, after all the difficulties she experienced in her life it took one that permanently changed it to find compassion. I feel terrible because of this but if your present is your past then you can’t hope to have a future. Ever since the accident have forgotten about our past and only focused on us getting along.
The biggest thing I have overcame is doing crew last year. I had chickened out freshman year because, well I just chickened out. Crew has been the hardest thing I have encountered, and this may seem overly dramatic, but I promise you if you do crew, you understand me. My journey as being a rower; was hell. I'm extremely competitive, like it's probably really noxious. Last year being my first year I somewhat had a "free pass" because if I wasn't pulling what I really should it was my first year. While I watched all the other novice rowers, I was determined to be better than them. A lot of novice people when ergging would drop their splits down and wouldn't stay consistent. But no not me, I tried my absolute hardest to stay consistent and to pull good times. I was most of the time right under some of the girls in the Varsity 8. The erg: ABSOLUTE HELL. The erg and me have a very special love/ hate relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhile on the erg I'm literally dying and crying, but when I get off, I feel untouchable. To get done a really hard piece it feels so amazing to know you accomplished it. I willingly signed myself up to my own death. What got me through crew was my own head, God, and the wonderful 5 people I was blessed with. Every piece I do, I talk to myself. No lie not even kidding. I sometimes have a full out conversation with myself. (Don't think I'm crazy). But if I didn't do that then I simply would not finish the piece. Also God helped me. I'm such a firm believer in God I don't expect anyone to understand it, but I do. And everyday I prayed. I prayed for God to give me the strength and his strength to get through each day. And guess what? I definitely did because I'm still here :) If I didn't have my cross necklace on then I wouldn't do good. I know it may seem silly to rely on a necklace, but I seriously believe when I don't do something or wear something when I do it, then I won't do good. The one day I didn't have my necklace on and best believe on the erg piece I flunked it. It's just a part of me and I feel lost without it.
Now time for my 5 "guardian angels". Karlee, Andrea, Cynthia, Janet, and Lynnia, God bless them. I know for damn sure if I didn't have Karlee behind me on every piece making me work harder and harder, I wouldn't have last in crew. She is the best coxswain anyone can have and that is just straight up the truth. Karlee constantly helped me throughout the whole season and even held the trash can for me while I throw up at green heads. She was the best "big sister" anyone could have asked for. Janet was my other amazing coxswain. And Andrea, Cynthia, and Lynnia. I constantly pulled hard for them and they always encouraged me. Although we weren't in the same boat I still had their same support.
Doing crew has changed and impacted my life in a positive way. It taught me how to push myself past my limits and how to be responsible. In crew there's 8 or 4 girls depending you boat who rely on you. You can't have a dumb injury or not practice or not show up because then your boat cant do anything. Crew has been the hardest thing I have ever endured and it has shaped me to be the person I am today.
YES YES! PREACH IT!
DeleteNothing that great or severe has happened so far in my life that I can call it a "journey" and I cannot recall anything interesting to talk about for this topic. I have been thinking about what to write about and what I could call my "journey" and I've been thinking about this for just a few hours until it hit me. My "journey" hasn't begun yet. So far all that has been happening was me simply growing up. Again, I repeat, my "journey" hasn't begun yet. You are called a teenager for a reason. You are meant to grow and mature and you are meant to be open-minded to things. The teenage years (and also some years prior to that) are the years when you learn and experience and take in all those things and try to understand and build an image of who you are. While we're teenagers, our minds are open to everything, to any kind of knowledge there is. After we slowly begin to grow out of the teenage years, our minds begin to slowly close off to new knowledge until we reach an age at which point we cannot learn anything. We can be taught something, of course, but how long those teachings are going to stay in our minds is questionable. The saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" openly supports what I'm trying to say here. The older you are the more close-minded you become. So that being said, I'm still in my teenage years and I'm still open to knowledge and experience and I will take advantage of this in one way or another. If something bad happens to me, I will take it and use it to my advantage, meaning that I will learn from it. If something good happens to me, it's probably not that going to be that good, but I will take it and use it to my advantage as well. So, I believe that because of my age and where I stand right now, regarding my knowledge and experience as a 16 year old boy, my journey has not begun yet. I believe my true journey and challenge will begin when I will be kicked out of the house at the age of 18 and go to college and be left alone to fend for myself because that IS what is going to happen to me... more or less. I get a scholarship to a decent university and I am allowed to live in one of their dorms? Well! I guess I'm off to "solitude." My journey will begin then when I will have to make big decisions on my own and try to LITERALLY direct my life on a good "road" to happiness because EVERY decision in the "real world" will matter. And there are just going to be two ways to every decision that I make: 1) I make the correct choice and with it I am now one step closer to a good life OR 2) I make the wrong choice and with it I am now one step closer to a life where I will have to bend over for someone so they can do whatever so I can sustain myself with the money I will get from it. This shouldn't be taken too directly, but this still happens. I am 16 years old, but I still know that such stuff ACTUALLY happens and it might easily happen to me if I don't be smart about what I do. Isn't it great that I was told that such things happen and isn't it great that I have a person in my life who has gone through something like that even though it was for his family? I won't say who it is though, but it's my dad.
ReplyDeleteAgain, to me that's when the REAL journey begins and the challenges that I will have to face will be almost exactly like life and death situations. Think about it, "life," in this case, represents good and happy life with someone precious; "death" represents a crappy and sad life with someone who's probably asking you more than you can give. So yeah... I can't WAIT to be an independent person! (No really I'm not being sarcastic. I'm actually kind of anxious to go through all that poop).
Throughout my life I have faced many obstacles, but one sticks out above all the rest when it comes to how much they impacted my life. The biggest obstacle I believe I have ever been faced with was accepting and understanding my parents divorce. Now I know it is just a divorce and many kids parents get divorced nowadays but it changed my life more than I thought it would. So, I will take you through the whole process and why the divorce and the events leading up to it and after it wrecked a good portion of my childhood. When I went to kindergarten I made friends with three girls they were sisters all the same age which as a kindergartener shocked me so I automatically wanted to be friends with them. We became super close, we would have sleepovers all the time, our moms ran a girl scout troop together for us and everything. But my mom worked night shifts when I was little which meant my dad and their mom would be hanging out instead of our two moms when we had playdates. As little girls we didn’t care who was working when as long as we got to hang out. We continued our friendship up until about second grade, then all of a sudden I was told I was not allowed to see my best friends anymore I was crushed and I just did not get it. My older brother supposedly had asked my mom why they were over so often and that is when she got suspicious. Long story short my dad was having an affair with their mom. From then on to about fourth grade I lived in a house with parents constantly fighting, but my parents were trying to work out their marriage. Once they realized that just was not going to work, well that is when the long divorce process began, Which just consisted of lots of “until your dad pays me you can’t go to his house” and “why is your mom so evil does she know how much she needs me”. Eventually the divorce was finalized but that did not mean things were getting better that just means the alcohol issue my mom started having during the divorce got worst and that my dad moved in with their mom when she finalized her divorce to stay with him. My mom is better with her alcohol now but it still scares me when she drinks cause I feel like she can spiral so fast. She has already once and that was a miserable time for me, mainly cause I felt like my dad left me with her when she was so unstable after that I couldn't even go to him because felt like he didn't care. As mad as I was at my dad though he is still my dad, so I continued speaking with him. Now go forward two years my dad asked me if I wanted to be in his wedding. I said yes only because I knew it would make him happy, but now that i think about it that’s my biggest regret in life. Me and my stepsister's basically hate each other now we don’t even speak when go to their house to hangout with my dad. That’s so sad to me that we used to be so close and now we hate each other. I said yes to their marriage in doing so I wrecked my older brothers relationship with my dad because he said if he got married to her he promises he would never speak to him again and well that promise still stands true, as well as I majorly screwed up my relationship with my dad, I love him because I should but I hate going to his house because they are there, so we don’t get to bond ever really at least not without them there. The only way I got through everything was a family that I am very close with from EHT. I stayed with them for a little bit when things got hard, but they made me stronger and they were always there to comfort. Without them I would have been lost. Through all this I learned family is so important never take advantage of it because it can crumble at any moment. I know this situation sucked but it has made me emotionally stronger.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was seven years old my parents decided they were getting separated. At first since I was so young I did not understand and did not need much help to get through it. However when I went to school I realized that all my friends have full and complete families. They all had two parents at home where if they were sick it was easy for one of them to be a stay at home parent or it was easy for one of them to go to school to pick them up. Once I realized how hard it was going back and forth and that not both of my parents were there to say goodnight every night is where I wanted to have someone to be there for me. Instead of having someone there for me to vent to I took my anger out on disliking everyone my mom ever dated. Even though none of them were ever rude to me or my family I still never liked them.
ReplyDeleteMy siblings and I were pushed into this situation with no idea what was about to happen. My parents seemed perfectly fine from what I can remember but after they did get separated it was downhill from there. My parents went through four stages. At first they were emotional and sad then anger, next was acceptance and finally a full circle ending. Currently my parents are completely normal with each other and I have personally learned so much from their divorce. Up close I have seen love fail and then attempt to patch up. My parents at one point just decided that they would make things better so it would be easier for my siblings and me and for that I am forever grateful.
I have learned the reality of love and even if you fall in love you can one hundred percent fall out of it too. I say that I do not believe in love because of the miserable experience I have been through. Even though I have seen love fail and do not necessarily believe in love I do want to find it. Experiencing love fail first hand has changed for both for the better and for the worst. You may look at it as a negative since now I do not believe in love but now I understand that people can say it and not mean it. I see the reality of love and I know to be careful when I come to that time. In the end like now I know that no matter what I can talk to my friends if I ever get emotional or frustrated about my parents being divorced. Although none of them have divorced parents they are always there to give me advice and to listen to me venting. Overall, in the beginning I resented my parents getting a divorce but at this point it does not matter to me because I rarely remember living in one house so I’m gucci now. :)
I have gone through many obstacles in my life. Some a a girl my age should not have to go through. But what is life without obstacles right? Everyone faces them and has seen things and gone through things they shouldn’t have had to. It’s not like you choose what life throws at you. It happens. It happens and you learn to deal with it . It’s a journey. Life is one big journey. How do we do it? That’s the real question. How do teenages deal with such horrible problems? My problems could seem like nothing to some people but so much to others. What makes or breaks a person is how they deal with their obstacles and accept them. I don’t know how I dealt with it. Battling three mental illnesses. How do I do it? I think my willingness to hang on is how I did it. And I guess i just try and stay as positive as I can while living with obsessive compulsive disorder, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and other specified depressive disorder. My whole life I have been battling OCD and OCPD, all talked about in my occasional paper. But the new weight dropped onto my shoulders was the depression. I believe I have been dealing with this for years now and let it get to the breaking point. I lost someone I loved because of it and saw it taking a tole on my friendships and family. I willingly got help. This journey was hard, what am I saying; this journey is hard. It’s gotten better but it’s still something I am struggling with and probably always will. Having the support of my friends and family has helped me so much already. This long journey has changed me. It has made me a stronger person. It has made me appreciate life. Life threw at me one of the hardest obstacles a teenager can deal with. I used to be at the first stage of my journey. The stage where my life was completely falling apart and I felt like nothing. I now am at a whole new stage in my journey. I am still recovering however, but I am a new person and at such a better stage of my life than I was. I didn’t pick to go through this journey, trust me there’s no way I would ever willingly let this happen. But it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that’s all. Nothing I can’t handle. When life gives you a battle you fight. You fight until you have fought your hardest. I hate that I have lived this journey but because of it I know I can face anything.
ReplyDeleteI believe that everyday we are faced with new challenges that we are meant to over come. And with every challenge comes a challenger (which is you, or me, or whoever), some days present us with challenges much harder than others. One day your challenge may be to just get up in the morning and to find motivation to go to school, but one day your challenge may be much more strenuous and testing. Those challenges may not come as often as your smaller ones but they do come and when they do they can make it seem like your life is over and your world is crumbling around you, but its not. I promise.
ReplyDeleteMy way of getting over challenges is all mental. I have been presented with many difficult challenges in my life and they are always very mentally straining and draining. One of the most important challenges I have been given began on July 10 and I'm still trying to overcome this challenge today. On July 10 the person that I had been dating for over a year broke up with me, my challenge wasn’t to get over him so don’t roll your eyes, Bunje. The challenge I was presented with on that day was to find out why I matter in this world and to learn to appreciate myself. Now I haven't accomplished the first one yet but I do believe that I have been doing very well with the second one and I think soon I will be able to say that I have overcome yet another challenge. I did not willingly embark upon this journey and looking back on it I'm very thankful that this journey was forced upon me because if it wasn't I wouldn't be able to say that I really love myself today. I learned a lot from my journey, not only about myself but about the people in my life and their importance in it. I didn't exactly have any "guardians" helping me out but that’s only because I wouldn't allow them to. I knew I needed to go on this journey on my own so that I would receive the best results. I have learned so much on my journey, I really know who I am now and I understand myself so much better which has lead to more self love and self respect for myself. I have changed so much while on this journey and I can whole heartedly say it was for the better. My attitude towards life is so much more positive and I'm taking risks and doing things that I wouldn't normally do and I truly believe that this challenge/journey I was set upon has made me an amazing person and I am so thankful for it.
I stopped competitive gymnastics in the eighth grade. After spending three months of my seventh grade life in a boot and on crutches, gymnastics became more of a sensitive subject around the dinner table. After having many minor aches and pains and eventually finding out that I have a piece of bone floating in my foot, my parents came to the conclusion that my body wasn’t made to handle the rigorous sport of gymnastics. The hard part of quitting was admitting that my parents were right. I have a relatively high pain tolerance and because of that I made it a habit to just “suck it up” and deal with the pain instead of making my health be my top priority. Some people are just made for certain sports and activities and it became crystal clear that I wasn’t suited for gymnastics and that I didn’t have enough “physical fortitude” to continue.
ReplyDeleteFor ten years of my life, my closest friends were my gymnastics buddies. It was pretty odd to not be around them five days a week anymore. I missed just being at the gym, wearing a leotard, and practicing my floor routine. But just like I did for all of my dumb little injuries, I “sucked it up” and moved on. My sister, who was a gymnast alongside me for a huge portion of my experience, had to feel the same emptiness as me. My parents were the sole helpers to the both of us. They kept us busy with dance classes and musicals and such. I know we both made the right decision, but there will always be a part of me that will want to go back to gymnastics and tumble like there’s no tomorrow.
The process of quitting was not all my idea. A few doctors mentioned the idea. Then, my parents would agree and ask about our priorities in life. So you could say that I was being hinted towards the path of trying something non-gymnastics related, but I always knew there would be a time and place for having to leave. I always knew that I couldn’t become a Jasmine Newsome type of gymnast. ;)
But through it all, I learned a lot of valuable physical skills and life lessons. I use my flexibility and grace in dance and my strength in tennis and pole vaulting. I have also learned to listen carefully to what my superiors are telling me to fix and to fix it immediately. There is nothing more annoying for me than trying to get a different outcome by practicing the same way over and over again. This is the literal definition for insanity. So I apply my ability to correct myself mostly in tennis and pole vault because they require very specific technique. I am so grateful for all the years that my parents drove my sister and I to practices, purchased leotards, and payed for competitions. No part of it was ever in vain because I still use my knowledge and skills in everything I do! Gymnastics most definitely shaped me into who I am today. It has made me stronger and tougher physically, given me an abundance of great memories, and caused me to develop an interest in physical therapy. Although quitting was the right thing to do, I will always have a special place in my heart for the sport.
Something you always want to carry with you and to be impetuous about but in reality you can't .Something you expect to be a big quality in someone but its not .A hard thing to understand so we all constantly misuse it . A word that contains so much meaning and still no one can reach the standards for it . Trust , has its own journey a long and scary journey for some but a optimistic one for others . The journey of trust changes but you are a hero to your journey with every situation you encounter . You change , change your perspective , your point , your everything sometimes . One day I was laying on my couch with my mom watching tv , were pretty lazy so that's something we enjoy. We suddenly got a very disturbing phone call , that my moms father was in the hospital in critical condition due to a drug over dose . They didn't call anyone else because my grandparents are divorced and have been for years because of it my great grand mom wants nothing to do with him which leaves my mom in a situation she doesn't want to be in.My "grand pop" always had a serious problem with drugs and I've never come to actually accept the person he is because of it and I don't think I should . So being the person my mom is she did what a daughter should do and tried to get help but his response was " Can't I just stay with you I promise I'll get better ."Being as thought my grandma lives next door that wasn't the greatest idea but me and my family trusted him and we allowed him to stay . A couple days went by and things were fine he was helping around the house he was cleaning up he was food shopping with my mom helping my sister with homework . But the day came I had a biopsy on my stomach and I had plenty of medication to ease my pain and the after effects of it . My parents had work and my grand mom was taking care of me for the day she went home to make me some food and when she came back you'll be surprised at what she found or maybe you won't be I mean I wasn't to surprised . It was my grand pop he was stealing my pain relievers to sell to buy drugs . At that point I felt betrayed , I felt hurt , I felt worthless , I felt like absolute shit . The reason being is that I'm your grand daughter is my health less important than your need for drugs or do I mean anything to you because you even thought of doing this to me . Did you mean your promise when you promised us you would get better or was it all for nothing . We trusted you , I trusted you I put a lot into trusting you again and you did that to me . I was devastated my mom was furious but we talked and came to the conclusion sometimes family isn't even to trust yet no one is. I came to realize trusting people is to hard it can't be a impetuous trait to have .There goes to find journeys of trust happen very frequently and they are sometimes mostly different they change you and they form you into the hero you need to be for yourself , for you to over come and conquer minor setbacks like trust and learn a Easier way to handle these things.
ReplyDeleteI have had countless journeys in my life. What I am about to talk about is something that taught me lessons, some of which I still follow.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was about 9 or 10 years old, I traveled to the Himalayas with my grandparents because it was their last wish before death. It wasn’t just my grandparents and me (that would’ve been crazy). It was a planned trip with about 30 other people. Our entire group filled up an entire section of the train that we took to go there. It was a 24+ hour ride on the train. This journey was not to just climb the mountains, but also to worship at the four legendary temples on top of those mountains (not every mountain had a temple; ones with temples on top were special). After getting off of the train, we were told to get on a bus. We stayed in the bus for another day or so. We had multiple breaks in between to stop and rest.
When we arrived at the first mountain, we were told that it was a steep one and can only be climbed by foot, horseriding, piggybacking on a person’s back (with the use of a special seat that people sat on), or have four people carry a wooden seat that you can sit on. Since I was small, I decided to get on a guy’s back. The guy was rocking me while he climbed, every time hurting by back. Once in awhile, I got off and climbed with him because I felt bad for him. Because my grandparents felt bad for him, they gave him a tip and provided him with lunch. Lesson learned: never make anyone carry you forcefully for longer than a minute no matter what.
When we arrived at the second mountain, it had the same rules. I decided to go on horseback this time because I didn’t want my back to break and also because it was uncomfortable. It was going smoothly until near the end. Out of nowhere, the horse slipped. I was like, “Oh Shit” (of course in the Indian language because back then I didn’t know what shit meant). I thought I was done for. I almost fell over the cliff into the never ending darkness. The air pressure was getting smaller and smaller, and the temperature was also getting smaller and smaller. Lesson learned: never, and I mean NEVER, ride horses again, especially near a cliff. I also told myself to never visit a really cold place and look at where I am right now.
Thankfully, the next two remaining temples on the mountains were accessible by cars and buses.
This journey required mental, spiritual, physical, and intestinal fortitude. At first, I had no idea the journey was going to be this dangerous. I emerged victorious because I was able to finish the journey without dying. I embarked on this journey willingly because I knew how much it meant to my grandparents. This changed me for better because now, I don’t fear heights.
I have lived a boring life. I’ve never done anything real important, fun, breathtaking or any other crazy adjectives. And even now as I am writing this, i still only somewhat understand what this blog post is asking me, so I am just going to say that my entire life's a journey. My goal in life is to have fun and be successful. This more of an ongoing goal, meaning that it is something that I will have to regularly maintain throughout my life and the journey will never end until my death. The ultimate success would be to maintain a happy, successful life through all my life from diapers to diapers. (Get it? Cause babies wear diapers and then when you get really old you may have to wear diapers again? I crack myself up.) How I am going to do this, I have no idea. I may have already failed in a few portions of my life, like the few times I have been through many points in my life where I am not happy because of troubles going on at home, or if I wasn’t really fitting in properly at school. Or when there was a few marking periods of school where I received Cs on my report card or did something bad at school or home so I wasn’t exactly succeeding to mine or my parents expectations. But for the most part I am living happy, no real troubles at home, I actually enjoy school except when Ms. Bunje assigns hella work to do and has me staying up into the wee hours of the night. I am succeeding in really the only thing I, as a sixteen year old, need to succeed in, school. If only my love life could succeed, :( *laughing emojis* that is a joke, but a little serious. I’m going to need many things to help me succeed on my journey, I’m just going to name a few. My father, other family members and Ms. Bunje threatening to beat the hell out of me if I steer down a wrong path in life, friends and little entertaining or enlightening things to keep my happiness up, and for me to actually figure out what i want to do with my life because I feel like the only person my age with no plan about what I am going to do in my life. Speaking of that, I really need to find out what I am going to do with my life, maybe I’ll think of it while getting a good night sleep for the first Wednesday since the summer.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I don’t know if I am posting this after Larry but if I do, I win, take that L
I really hope that I’m not being cliche, but my journey has been/ is high school. I feel like I have learned so much from high school already, especially about myself, and there’s still one more year to go! The call would be my freshman year, when I was a little baby 9th grader. I didn't know what I was doing or even if I was going to make it through the whole year. I definitely went through a lot of singing challenges through out my school years. Freshman year was the first year I started to get really scared. I honestly couldn't recall why and it almost cost me my perfect South Jersey Record that I’ve had since the seventh grade. There have almost 100% been school nights when I thought that it was the end and I would never bounce back from. I thought that I would get zeros and that I would be grounded by my parents for life. Last year, I stayed up until 3:00 for AP Gov.! This was definitely a time where I had to come to terms with my procrastination. I this year I am still transforming myself and my time management. I am still on my way through out high school and my journey is still not finished, but I have to say I have learned so much!
ReplyDeleteEveryone has a journey that they must travel on. It could be something in their life that they need to overcome or something that they first encounter that could a problem. Most of us, students, would agree that life sucks sometimes and there are obstacles that will stand in our way. For me, I don't have that many obstacles that is “Journey” worthy, but I do have one. In 6th grade, I was fighting against depression. How do I know I had depression? I was feeling sad almost most of the time, I had too much sleep, and when I get angry; I think about what would happen if I would kill myself and how other people will react. Most of you are probably thinking, this is BS and the “Justin” we know will never had that happen to him. Well it did and I was good at covering it with a fake smile. I don't know how I got it, but it was annoying and I blamed it on my hormones. My journey is to overcome depression. When middle school started, I was just my normal self, quiet and shy. As the first day went on by, I felt sad for no reason. The Davies was fine and had nothing to do with it. When I went home, my mom ask “How was your first day?'. I responded with “It was fine and different from elementary school.” and went to my room. I laid down on my bed and stared at my ceiling for hours until my mom called me down for dinner. I ate my dinner and I didn't tell my parents about it. I thought this feeling is just a phase and it will be gone on its own. As I try to sleep, I began thinking about all the mistakes or bad things that I remember that I did, like destroyed my cousin's card house, steal a toy from my cousin's house, and putting my brother's homework in a toilet. I lost track of time and it was around midnight. I try to go to sleep, then all of a sudden, I started to cry. I said to myself “Why am I here if I do stupid things?” and “I hate school and I don't want to go back there again.” I started to what if I die scenarios and who will miss me. I cried myself to sleep that night and it was my first time I did that. The next day, I put up a fake smile and went through the school day. I try to be by myself and get away from people. I had a few friends, but I never care about them at the time. I repeated this for almost everyday in the school year. Usually when I get home, I eat dinner, do homework, and sleep all around 7pm. It is weird because 10pm is my bedtime. After the school year ended, I stayed inside my house for most of the summer. When my cousin came to sleepover at my house, he motivate me with life advices. My cousin dealt with my bad decisions and he is my true best friend. I will tell him everything that is going in my life and I told him about my depression. He start giving advice about letting your past go and accept your decision making. At first, I thought it was stupid and worthless advices, but then I started to think it over and it clicks in my head. I can't let the past bring me down and what happens in the past, stays in the past. I realize that if I die, those who know me and cares for me will be sad and I need to accept my bad mistakes. I can't let my stupid hormones overtake my body and make me feel sad all the time. I must fight the power. At the end of summer, I promise myself that I will try to get out of my comfort zone and make new friends. Instead of pushing people away, I am walking toward them. Instead of being shy, I want to interact with others. I want to do good things so I won't have that feeling. In my early 7th grade year, my depression went away and I felt like my true self. Nothing is holding me back and I feel happy.
ReplyDeleteWhen dealing with depression, don't be quiet and talk with someone. No matter what, there will always be someone there that felt your pain. Suicide is never a choice or option. Talking with someone can cure your depression and help you become your true self. As of now, I, Justin, am seventeen and defeated depression.