Someone somewhere said hindsight is 20/20.
That often seems to be one of those annoying aphorisms that people throw at you when they know you made a bad decision and now you have to fend off the consequences. If you never heard it before, it pretty much just means that you can see more clearly once you've looked at what you've done, rather than at what you will do. So--why do you think that is?
Let's take it a step further.
What is the worst decision you ever made? You have hindsight now, so you should be able to see it from every angle--the risks, sacrifices, rewards and consequences.
In your heart of hearts, with no false sense of modesty or conceit, was the outcome of the decision worth what you paid for it? In other words, was the benefit worth the cost? Why or why not?
What would you change?
If you're one of those folks who like to say they regret nothing because everything they've done made them who they are now--please don't.
You're too young to say that yet, and I mean that in the purest way possible, with no disdain or contempt for your age. Biologically, your brain is simply not able to rationalize the decisions you make when you're "feelin' yourself" because your pre-frontal cortex (that part of your brain that controls impulse and decision-making) isn't fully formed. So, technically--you aren't who you will be just yet.
Don't believe me--look it up. Here's a link if you're interested: Teenagers Brain Development
Now, I want you to branch off the last question of last week's blog. Imagine your future child makes the same bad decision you did. Knowing all the things you don't like about how your parents try to tell you about yourself--how are you going to teach, reprimand, respond to your kid's choice?
From a physics standpoint, undoing the past would require either travel through an Einstein-Rosen Bridge (a shortcut through spacetime), powerful gravitational perturbations, or travel which would exceed the speed of light. The Sun is, as they say, approximately eight “light minutes” from Earth. That means that it takes light about eight minutes to move from the Sun to Earth, so when one looks up at the sky and sees the Sun, he or she sees the Sun as it was “eight minutes ago”. (I put that in quotations because one can argue that it was “eight minutes ago” in the Sun’s time, not the Earth’s.) So if the Sun were to blow up “now”, we would not notice any effects for about eight minutes. However, if one were to travel faster than the speed of light, that person could reach the Sun at a different time than it “appears” (present tense?) on Earth. If that person were to do something to the Sun, he would change the Sun as it appears in the Sun’s present, Earth’s future, and his past. (As Einstein stated, time is relative.) That is the literal answer to how one changes the “past”. However, if one wants to get poetic, the “past” exists in the mind and can be replayed over and over again with the brain changing certain aspects of it.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read this blog post, I regretted not regretting anything. Had I regretted something in my past, I would have had something to write about; instead I just wrote a paragraph about theoretical physics. The past shapes how we are now, and I do not like where I am now, so I guess something went awry in the past, but I fail to put my finger on exactly what it is. So, perhaps, I subconsciously regret something, but no matter what I think of, the results of that event turn out positive: in elementary school, I received A’s, B’s, and C’s on the report card. I have always agreed with Noam Chomsky’s quote, "Education is a system of imposed ignorance." I still agree with that quote today, but it affects my life differently now. When I was in elementary school, I did not care about learning in the environment that the school offered; I thought homework was dumb because it was about stuff that I already learned in class, and thus I had nothing to learn from it, so I did not do it. I did not pay attention in class because the teachers were wrong about a great many things and did not deserve my attention. My parents never really cared about my grades, and to this day, neither of them have looked at Genesis, so, since I had no self-motivation, I also had no motivation to do well at all. The first time I got straight A's was during the last marking period of eighth grade, but even then it was not due to hard work; I simply started paying attention during class. I still did not do all my homework and studied for no tests, yet I began succeeding in the education system, which caused me to lose even more respect for it. School became way too easy.
However, because I received C’s on my report cards of the past, bad grades do not bother me as much as some of my classmates. An “A-” is “bad” when compared with my other grades today, but whenever I have one, I think about how I survived with C’s; then the “A-” does not seem as bad. It is because of this that I rarely stress over school, but I may just be an optimist, or maybe the reason I cannot put my finger on one event I regret in the past is because I regret everything, and everything encompasses too many things to put my finger on, in which case I would be a pessimist.
If my children were to make mistakes like I have in the past (even though I may not know exactly what those mistakes are), I would tell DeShawn, JaQuan, DeAndre, Demetrius, Maurice, Ebony, Jada, and Bill (my eight children) that it does not matter. I would tell them, “There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.” This George Carlin quote would show them that there is no point in crying over past mistakes, just change the immediate future. The current “recent past” will eventually become less recent and fall into nonexistence, so stop thinking about it. John F. Kennedy once said, “Those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” This would put my children in their place and shut them up. I really would not care about their petty problems, I am sure that my problems would be bigger than theirs. Do not worry about the past, think, do not “worry”, about the immediate future. After telling this to my children, I would tell them to shut up and leave me alone.
DeleteThat’s a lot of kids that you want Bryan, but you do you. Honestly, I only understood about half of what you’ve written but from what I did get, I’m glad that you’ve gotten better grades from when you were in elementary school, even if it’s been really easy for you! And I’m happy to hear that you don’t really regret anything, or that you regret everything(?). I don’t know that part kind of tripped me up. But if it works for you, it works for me.
DeleteCynthia, I think BrYan said that he doesn't regret anything. But if he does have any regrets, it would basically be his entire life. If that's the case, he can't really pinpoint one regret, so it feels as if he doesn't have any regrets. I hope that helps. Anyways, BrYan at this point I'm just reading your blog posts to see what kind of science topics you can relate Bunje's questions to. I'm amazed at how much you know, and I wish you would write more because what you say is really interesting.
DeleteBryan, how do you not regret one single little thing in your life. I feel as though everybody has a least one regret, even if it's choosing the wrong outfit to go with the weather. But I think your crazy for wanting eight kids which I know you don't. You don't even like people touching you, so how are you going to make kids. Your blog post are so funny to me and I always seem to read yours first.
DeleteBryan as usual your blogs are entertaining and full of strange information. i really don't know how you come up with this stuff. Its all annoyingly accurate. The things you say have nothing to do with the questions but at the same time they have everything to do with them. I think having no regrets is very strange but you always have been a bit out of the box (in a good way). So good for you I'm glad you have such a grasp on life and don't need to study haha. I wish I could just sit and listen and somehow come up with straight A's.
DeleteBryan it's crazy how you can relate everyone of Bunje's questions to science. I start reading your blogs, and all I can think is how does this relate to what the question, but somehow it always does. Anyway I think it is good how you turned your school life around and started caring about your grades yourself instead of worrying about if your parents care or not cause at the end of the day your the only one who matters not anyone else, no matter what their relationship to you.
DeleteI have never heard anyone say "hindsight is 20/20," but I understand why someone somewhere did say this. Once you've looked at your past, you will understand all of the mistakes that you have made. After realizing those mistakes, when you encounter the same situation in the future, you will already know what to do. One of the best lessons in life is to learn from your past, so it doesn't repeat itself. In the movie "Groundhog Day," Bill Murray relives the same day until he gets the girl he loves. He messes up with Rita so many times, but every day he makes adjustments that make her fall for him. Phil (Bill Murray) learns from his past so that he doesn't make the same mistake over and over again.
ReplyDeleteI could say I have "No ragrets… Not even a letter," but that would be false. My biggest regret is quitting choir. When I went to St. Nicks, a little private school in Egg Harbor City (now closed) I sang in the choir. When I was in the choir, I had a pretty good voice, if I do say so myself. This was from pre k- 2nd grade, so my voice was a little bit higher. Today I wish I was a better singer because I do love singing. In fact, I sang the entire hour it took me to write this.
If I continued with choir, I would have had to make a choice down the line. Choir or sports? I would have needed to give up my favorite sport in order to attend choir practice and probably singing lessons. There are also rewards to going down this path. If I never make into college for a sport, then I will always have something to be proud of, my voice.
Honestly, the decision of quitting choir was worth it. If I had never quit choir, I wouldn't have the friends that I have today. In addition, I wouldn't I would have the athletic ability that I have. The benefits of my decision were worth the costs, but I would change one thing if I could go back. I would have taken singing lessons on Saturdays. Besides reffing in the mornings, my Saturdays were free up until this year, so I had several years to take lessons.
Mommy and daddy can't make their children's decisions forever. Whenever my children make life changing decisions I will tell them that every decision they make has its perks and its downsides. I will tell them to just go with whatever their heart is telling them to do. In "The Sandlot," Babe Ruth proposes, "Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die, follow your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong." I will tell this exact quote to my kids. I will hope that my children are happy with their decision, and learn from them if they aren't happy. I feel that's about all a parent can do.
Tim, I had no idea you could sing considering I haven't actually heard you talk since like fourth grade... and I'm now very interested in hearing you sing. How can we make this happen?
DeleteWe have very similar views on our parental advice so I agree with everything you said about that because often times whatever our heart is telling us to do is the right thing to do. I also appreciate the fact that you used a sandlot quote to further explain what you mean. I quote that movie all of the time, its one of my favorites.
Yo Tim I can't believe you used to sing! But you shouldn't have quit choir man, I could only imagine how good you were. But I understand you had to make a decision, and I would of made the same decision as well. Also I agree with how you will teach your kids because I will do the same.
DeleteTimothy Anthony used to sing in choir?! Woah man, that’s just mind-blowing. But I can kind of relate to you with that. I did choir in 4th grade and only 4th grade. Because not only did I find out that I suck at singing but also that it took a lot of time out of my day. And I’m glad that you don’t regret giving up choir a lot because you saw how it gave you a lot of opportunities now such as playing soccer with your best friends. But don’t fret, because although you say you wish you could’ve taken singing lessons back then, you can always still start taking classes at any time, such as maybe the summer. Also, that’s an awesome quote that you’ll tell your future kids.
DeleteFirst of all your last paragraph has me deep in my feels so, thanks for that haha. Although you may not have wanted to choose between sports and sining Im glad you made a choice that benefits you. Its hard when your head and your heart are torn in two different directions. I think that you future parental decisions will create a long lasting relationship with you kids and I can't street enough how important that is. Teaching them to follow their heart and letting them figure out the world for themselves will make them stronger.
DeleteTim it's like there's a new thing to learn about you everyday...I didn't know you used to do choir. I mean just by hanging out with you I knew you liked to sing, (in my opinion a little too much sometime) but I didn't know you had a love for it like this. But you made a decision and you shouldn't dwell on it too much, there's nothing wrong with someone who has concerts in the shower for the rest of his life.
DeleteWriting about the worst thing you’ve ever done is a hard thing to do. As soon as I read this blog post three specific things popped into my head and I felt bad about myself for having done each one of them. I then began to narrow down which one of them was the actual worst and then I came up with my inspiration for the post. The worst thing I have ever done affected not only myself but everyone around me and it still affects me to this day.
ReplyDeleteI'll set the scene for you, it was around this time last year and I was in the closest friend group I've ever been in (I was also the only girl in this group). But being in a very close friend group and being the only girl brings TONS of drama. Drama that none of us thought would happen but of course it did, and of course its my fault because why wouldn’t it be? Our friend group had gone through a lot of fights and a lot of you-have-a-crush-on-this-person accusations but we always seemed to get through them and we always became a stronger group afterwards. But, not this time. In that group I was closest with two people and we knew every single thing about each other which was a good and bad thing. Good because we remained very close throughout the course of being in the friend group. Bad because since I'm now the only person not in that friend group any more they know everything about me and could probably ruin my life at any given moment.
The two people I was closest with and myself got into an argument about something (that I don’t exactly remember) and all I could think about the whole time was that they never got into fights things this before I came along. So naturally I left. I assumed everything would be okay the next morning because that’s how it always was but I couldn’t have been more wrong. They began talking to me like I was this horrible person and I just didn’t know what to do. For a couple months after that incident I just gave them their space and only talked to them when I felt as though it was absolutely necessary. Which brings me to the worst thing I have ever done. I let the two people I was closest with go. I have never been so close with two people before and just as quickly as they came into my life they were leaving it. I didn’t fight for them and I regret it every time I see them. Now being almost a year later I still consider this to be one of the worst decisions I have ever made. Whenever I get angry I'm so quick to talk poorly about them but I know that they aren't bad people whatsoever. Honestly you'd be lucky to have either of them in your lives, which is why this incident kills me. Though I feel like I am a stronger and more independent person being without them I don't believe that those benefits were worth the cost of losing them. They made me feel like such a good person 24/7 and were always there to lift my spirits whenever I was down in the dumps. Now that I don’t have them whenever I get sad I stay sad for much longer than I need to and I often think about messaging them but I know that would just make things worse. If I still had these two people in my life I truly believe that I would be a much happier person and I'd have way less anxiety. By doing what I did I received way more consequences than rewards. For months after being without them I came to school and sat at my desk and cried. I barley did any of my work, I avoided going down certain hallways at school, and I just had no motivation for anything. I know that all seems so extreme but I really cant put into words the impact these two people had on me.
part 2
ReplyDeleteIf I had the chance to change something about this situation I don’t know if I would or not. Though I was negatively affected from all of this those two people weren't. They seem so much happier now being without me and seeing them happy is a good enough reason for me to just leave them alone. I know that they couldn't care less about me but I still care about them so much and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were to cause them any more pain. So, no, I wouldn't change anything about this situation. I am just hoping that I will eventually benefit from everything I've been through.
I hope that my future children don’t have to go through all of the stupid drama that I went through. But, if they do I will simply tell them to go with what their heart tells them too. I know that sounds corny but I hope that’s what they do. I'll tell them that even though what their heart is telling them to do might cause them pain it will prevent the other people from being in pain. Any decision that they make in life will come with it advantages and disadvantages and they will have to learn from them. I'll let my children know that I will support them with any decisions they make and ill always be their shoulder to cry on if they need me to be.
Jennie even though you dont have your two closest friends anymore I am always here for you! If you really miss them it doesn't hurt to just maybe check up on them once in a while yaknow?
DeleteJennie, I'm really sorry that you lost your two closet friends. It definetly sucks and you still may not be used to it, but greater things will come along. You put other people's happiness before yours, and I commend you do that because not a lot of people can do that. I don't know your full story about what happened, but all I can say is things do happen for a reason. Whether we like it or not, but keep your head up sunshine. Greater friends will come along (and I know that can seem impossible to image but it's true).
DeleteJennie, you know I'm always here for you! I know I can't compare to those two people, but I am still always here to talk to you. We've always had similar situations and thoughts but for some reason we never really talked about them. I am really proud of your for admitting that they aren't bad people because some people can't do that. I'm not gonna lie, I probably wouldn't be able to admit that. Maybe one day you can talk to them again, but if you don't think that's a good thing to do, other friends come along. More people care about you than you think! I love you so much, Jennie! Text me or call me whenever you need someone to talk to.
DeleteLooking at the past there are so many things I would like to change. A lot of us in the moment of our decisions aren’t capable to predict the outcomes simply because we don’t put much thought into it or think that nothing will really change. But after the experience, you learn from it so if you’re in the same situation again you will know what to do. As humans we learn mostly from experience. Sometimes when we make decisions we don’t even realize how life changing they will become. And that’s simply because we cannot predict the future or take thought into looking into the outcomes of something.
ReplyDeleteOne of my biggest regrets (which was pretty recent) is cutting my time of when I go to Puerto Rico in the summer. It was where I was born, and where I lived up until 3rd grade. I went from going to Puerto Rico all summer long to see my dad, to 2 weeks this last summer. I have an advantage that not a lot of people have but I am not taking advantage of it. I have the opportunity to experience 2 different worlds. I am able to speak fluently in Spanish, so I have no problem communicating. Just as John Quincy Adams when he was young had the opportunities. I am not taking advantage of my superior advantages, just as Adams did not. The problem is I play soccer, and I want to succeed and get better at the sport so I have to cut my time in the summer in order to get better. Not only does it hurt me and I regret cutting the time as well, but it hurts my father as well. Just imagine only getting to see your kid 3 months out of the 12 and then they cut it down to 1 month. Then the next time he comes it’s only for 2 weeks.. God knows how long i’ll go for next summer (if I even go at all). I just wish I could have my dad here or at least somewhere close just so this decision I am making wouldn’t be needed to even be made. But I know if this all pays off, and I maybe get a scholarship to a good college, this decision will pay off. But as for now I can only hope.
As a father I know that I won’t be able to make my kids decisions for the rest of their lives, but I’ll try my best to give them the best advice I can. I’ll always tell them to at least try to consider some of the outcomes they’ll have because of this decision so that when they make the decision if they make a mistake they can learn from it. And they will learn from it because the best way to learn is from experience. And after the 1st experience they have they’ll know that my advice is right, and from that point on they’ll take everything I say to them into consideration before making another decision. They’ll start to look at the outcomes so they are sure they are ready to make this decision.
I thinkyou should spend time with your dad. You barely get to see him and you never know whens the last time you'll see him. Make the time now. Soccer is important, but family is more. I wish you good luck as always!!!
DeleteLife can be hard because us being humans, of course we want the best of both worlds. But I think you're okay with what you do. Because time isn't here for forever, we eventually run out. And o feel as you make do of what you can so that you can enjoy your father and soccer. But I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, because things will probably soon work out for the both of you. But stay with soccer!! It really can bring good things to life and you seem to have the determination to go after what you want!
DeleteSo soccer is a big part of you, don't get me wrong, it is very important to stay dedicated in focused. You and along with many others would like you to accomplish your goal in getting a soccer scholarship. With that comes with a lot of hard work but as Alyssa said family is extremely important. I believe you should never quit visiting your father and as you said you should start taking advantage of the advantages you have.
DeleteI completely agree that kids our age don't put any thought behind our decisions, or the outcomes of our decisions. Everything is in the moment. Honestly would you rather play outside mid for Oakcrest for an additional month of the season, or see your dad and Puerto Rico for another month? I like how you referenced the Abigail Adams letter. Maybe you'll be the next Marc Anthony with all those advantagtes
DeleteI am the worst at making decisions. In stores, I can literally stand for hours comparing different products before I actually decide on which one to get, but I don’t. The only reason that’s stopping me is the fact that I can’t drive, so usually my dad is waiting for me (most of the time he ends up falling asleep in the car). Even with the insane amount of time that I spend contemplating on what I should buy, I still end up regretting some of my decisions. It’s easier to see clearly while looking back on past decisions rather than while making decisions because you have a point of reference. When making decisions, the possible outcomes are unforeseeable, so you have to choose based on reasoning or intuition. Often times, you also feel rushed and forced to make a decision, so what you decide on might not be the best or what you actually wanted. When you’re looking back on decisions, you have a point of reference and more time to reflect on the decision. You are then able to predict all the other outcomes based on your decision, and you can reflect on what you actually wanted or what would have been the best for you.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I regret most is pushing away my brother, Michael. We used to be really close, and in our baby photos you can always find us holding hands. But as we grew up, we started fighting more often and eventually our bond was broken. Now we don’t really talk, and I wish we were closer. Whenever we do talk, I usually end up annoyed or I’m not interested so I end the conversation. My tolerance level for him is so low, and I think it’s from all the years of “hating” him. There wasn’t any benefit from pushing him away other than relief from him being annoying. I wish I put more effort into getting along with him, especially when I see how other people are so close to their sibling(s). I could try to be closer with him now, but it’s hard after so many years of fighting and being distant. Old habits are hard to change.
My parents were always pushing for Michael and I to get along, but that never really helped. I don’t know how I would force my children to get along if they genuinely don’t like each other. But I think that part of the reason that I started “hating” Michael was because of the fact that he was treated differently. Whenever we got in trouble, I was always the one being punished while he got away because he was more sensitive. Punishment would affect him worse than it did to me, so my parents were more lenient with him. That sort of lead up to resentment towards him, which I’m over now. But my reactions are ingrained inside of me, so I can’t stop being mean to him. If I had children, I would try to be equal in how I treat them. I don’t know, maybe I’ll just have a child.
Not all siblings are very close with each other and some downright hate each other, so don’t worry about not being super close with your brother, Jan. You have a whole life ahead of you to reconnect with him. Also, it was the same with me with the punishment stuff. I mean my brother was never really sensitive, but I always seemed to be the one to get in trouble and I hated it. But the good thing that comes out of it I guess was that whenever he got in trouble I got to laugh in his face. Old habits die hard, I agree, but you can always take a step at a time and slowly reconnect with your brother. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. I hope one day you guys can reconnect and share a sibling bond!
DeleteI feel you, Janet about Siblings. When my brother and I get in trouble, I usually take the punishment the most while my brother is in the clear. But I kind of have it the opposite. At a young age, I was forced to hang out with my brother, but I ended up annoying him or the opposite. It took a while,but we started to have bond. Old habits die hard, but you can't give up. One day, that bond will reappear again and will be back to normal.
DeleteI completely get where you're coming from. I have a younger sister and brother (you already knew that but like others don't) and I could not tell you how much they get away with things because my parents treat them differently. Half of the things they do now would never have slid by my parents when I was younger. They've been developing a lack of respect for my parents which whenever I see, I call them out for it because my parents don't do squat about it. I honestly get so heated when I talk about them because they are so spoiled. I might just be the annoying older sister and just complaining right now. Maybe it's because their young so we don't understand each other. Maybe when we're all older I'll be like you regretting that I should have been more closer to them.
DeleteSibling relationships are overrated. I also push my siblings away, and I am glad I do. Especially my sister. Although your brother does not seem as annoying as my sister (he was on my team for Academic Team a few times), people can have different personalities at school and at home, so perhaps he is annoying. While reading your first paragraph about results of decisions seeming obvious after a choice has been made (that is called “hindsight bias” in Psych), I thought of psychics, especially Mr. Sera and how he claims to be able to predict the winner of Gov projects (Political Pandas will always be better than A$AP Gov), the next president (although he never said who it will be), future economic activity in Brigantine (he is even mentioned on Brigantine’s Wikipedia page, and he is, I dare say it, a Republican), and the apocalypse.
DeleteI understand you completely on how it just seemed easier to push him away. I have three older brothers and ive pushed the oldest two away because I thought by doing that it would cause me less pain than having to see the stupid things they do. I pushed them away for my own benefit but I am still very close with my youngest older brother. The one thing you have to remember is that youre brother will always be youre brother, besides youre parents he is the only person you have in this world at the end of the day. Maybe as you grow older you will patch your relationship and start a new stronger bond.
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ReplyDeleteIt has always proven to be true that once you have done something looking back on it you can always think of other things you could have said or done. That being said I can look back on my whole life and I would only change one thing…throughout my entire life I should have valued myself more. My deepest, most heartbreaking regret, is that I chose to make others happy over myself. While making others happy isn't some earth shattering thing and its nice to put smiles on peoples faces its also devastating to not know how to put one on yourself. My life was hopelessly devoted to making my parents proud and making sure they thought highly of me. But every night I sat alone in my room and wondered why I was good enough for everyone but myself. I kept trying to understand why I had to practically force myself to be happy. Everyone walks around with these giant smiles on their faces and to be honest not a single one of us will ever be able to tell which ones are genuine and which ones are hiding someone so distraught that waking up in the morning is a chore for them. Im not going to say that I was never happy because if that was the case I wouldn't be here. My horse life keeps me sane. Its nice to have something to fall back on when my life is in a pile on the floor. I think that Im so obsessed with horses and they make me so happy because my horses couldn't care less about my grades, they don't even know what grades are, my horses wont call me stupid, they cant even yell at me when they're mad. So horses are what saves me from myself. Thats enough to keep me going but even there sometimes my deep-seeded need to make people happy gets to me. When my mom watches me ride I get frustrated by the smallest things because Im afraid she wont think Im good enough. I know she doesn't think that but in all the moments leading up to the judgement my brain screams at me that Im not good enough. I wasn't always like this. Once upon a time I did my best and didn't care if that wasn't good enough. But somewhere along the way something changed me. I couldn't tell you what happened because I don't know… all I know is that sometimes I wish I wasn't like this and I wish I could just put myself first…but wishing wont solve anything so I don't know why I bother doing that. The benefit of being a people pleaser is people tend to enjoy your presence because you always do everything to make them happy, the downfall is you're too busy worried about everyone else that you lose sight of yourself. I guess I've forgotten who I am and no matter how hard I try to find that person and get her back she just doesn't seem to want to come around. I cant say I see kids in my future because I don’t think I can be a mom. Im just not the maternal type…or maybe I just don’t think Ill be good enough. Regardless if some greater force happens to bring a kid into my life Ill do everything I can to teach them that they are the center of their own universe and that what they want in life is above all else. Maybe Ill be able to some how figure out a way to teach them to put themselves first, even though I cant seem to do that for myself.
To regret something is to wish to do something differently in your past. And I, of course, have regretted a lot of things. Whether it’d be missed opportunities or just my actions in general. A single regret for something can stay with you for your entire lifetime. That is until you come to terms with it and realize that you can either learn from it or realize that nothing you do can ever change what you’ve done. My biggest regret to this day and probably for the next few years of my life, or maybe more, is one that really affects only me. It’s not one that had hurt others, but one that had hurt myself. Mentally, of course. I always regret the day I let my parents and various family members tell me that I am smart, that I am better than my cousins, and that I will do great things with my life. Funny, right? Usually when you’re told how good you are at something, it's a confidence boost. Usually, it makes you feel good about yourself. And it does. At least until those words have been drilled into your head hundreds and hundreds of times. Then, those confidence-building words eventually just tear you down. Because of those words that were supposed to be encouraging, I have a fear of failing. I have a fear of never being good enough, even when I try my best. I have a fear of getting bad grades. Ever since I was little I always got straight A’s, and people would tell me that I was smart. Little did they know, the reason I worked hard for those grades was because getting a B made me feel like I was failing. But this isn’t a blog post about my fears; it’s one about my ultimate regret. My regret of not telling my family that I’m not the best and that there are always people better than me out in the world. My regret of letting their words still hold high above my head and affect every single thing I do. And don’t get me wrong; I appreciate my parents and my family. Appreciate everything they’ve done for me and even appreciate their unintentionally and unknowingly harmful words of encouragement and pride. But being told the same stuff over and over and over again makes you feel like you’re obligated to make them the truth, and it seriously gets tiring. And trust me, constantly trying to be the best even if you’re well past your limit, is not worth the mental pressure. However, as I said, you can either accept your regrets or learn from them. And I’m proud to say that I learned from mine. I learned that although I can’t change how it affected me in the past, I could change how it’s going to affect me now and in the future. Regrets suck, but they’re there for you to learn and grow from.
ReplyDeleteYou say to imagine if my future child goes through the same thing and regrets the same thing that I do, but honestly, if I could control it, I would tell you that that would never happen. I would tell my child to do the best that they can and not to be the best. Sure encouraging words are good once in a while in healthy doses, but I, personally, would not wish for my child to have the same mentality that I do, knowing what it does. To teach my child to learn what he/she would be good at, I would urge them to try different things and to take adventures and risks. All in all, I would tell him/her to try to live a life with the least amount of regrets.
Cynthia, I have the same fear of failing myself. My parents don't really pressure me to get good grades, it's just something I do to myself and I don't really know why. The amount of pressure that I put on myself used to be insane, especially in Freshman year. I remember crying about my 95 in English, which is completely ridiculous and stupid. However, now I realize that grades are just numbers, and they don't define your character. The only thing that you should strive for is your best, which is what truly matters.
DeleteAw Cynthia! I understand why you regret not telling them that there is always someone better. That is a lot of pressure to put on someone, especially a student in high school. Even without that additional pressure on your shoulders, high school itself is stressful. Especially because of the rigorous classes you take and all of the clubs and sports you are involved in. And besides, you already do so well in school, you don't need anyone telling you, you are the best.
DeleteI can understand where pressure and frustration comes in and I do think it is important that you inform your parents you don't believe your the best. If you think about it no one is the best, what is the definition of being the best? However, even though you don't think your best that doesn't mean think less of yourself, you are capable of accomplishing more than you think and your 16 years of life proved it.
DeleteAww Cyn, you'll be a great mom one day! It really sucks having Asian parents because they're always pressuring you. If you look good, then they look good. If you don't look good, then they don't look good. That's just how it goes. Though, you got this in the bag! You're so smart and you have so much potential in you, there is no way you could ever disappoint them. But, my friend, you have to remember, grades are just grades. They do not reflect who you are. All i have to say is: Just continue doing what you're doing, and everything should be fine!
DeleteWhen I read this blog post and it asked me what I regret the most, a lot of little things popped into my head: “Dang it, I wished I ordered this jacket one size bigger.” “I probably should have done that last night instead of rushing to do it this morning”, or “I should probably start my fundraising now.” But I am not positive on what I regret the most. However, one thing that does bother me in a way is that sometimes I don’t take enough chances or risks. For example, last spring, I ran for Student Council Vice President. I would have ran for President but, there was this other Candidate that I thought deserved to be President and I was 100% certain that he was going to win anyway. Therefore, I ran for Vice President because I knew I had my senior year to run for President. However, some issues came up during the voting period and it turned out his opponent won instead. So, what I regret the most is not taking the chance to run for President, because at first I wanted to run for President, even though I knew there was a chance that I wasn’t going to win. Playing it safe, personally, was not worth the cost of being Vice President. In my own opinion, I feel like I would have been a very valuable President because I love Student Council and what they do for our school. If my future child makes this same mistake I did, it wouldn’t be as awful of a mistake they might possibly do, therefore, I would tell him/her that sometimes it is okay to take a risk once in awhile, even if you are unsure of the outcomes.
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DeleteCait, it's good that you're so involved with the school. I think that you make a great Vice President and if you regret not running for President, then just run next year. I'm sure you'll have a good chance of winning because of your experience. Also because of your catchy slogan "What the heck, vote for Beck!" I still remember that to this day haha. Even though you thought the other candidate was worthy of being President, now you know for next time to never back down.
DeleteI think we all go through that, "playing it safe." We suffer facing the possibility of failing or not getting what we want. As teenagers we still have to realize we are students who are learning. It's important that we know everything we want doesn't always happen and its normal, its suppose to be that way. As you said if you had ran you could have had a chance to win because the guy didn't end up winning anyway. Sometimes what we expect to happen doesn't happen, just go for it.
DeleteCaitlyn I know exactly how you feel. I always second guess myself. Because I know that I can do certain things, but I feel I'm not good enough. For example, there was O' boys auditions and people were telling me to join. I didn't join, because I didn't feel I was good enough. But one of the boys who auditioned had said mostly everyone made it. So there was a possibility i could've made it.
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ReplyDeleteOne of the things I’m most bad at is decision making, so this blog will be fun to respond to. I’m awful when it comes to deciding, whether it be what I want from wawa, when I’ll stop procrastinating doing my homework, what I’m going to wear, or eat, or do with my lonely weekend. But my worst decision of all was when I quit dance when I was nine years old. This might sound a little silly to most people and might have them wondering what significance this has on my life, but this decision surprisingly changed my life a whole lot. I started dance when I was three and quit when I was nine. From the time I was three til’ the day I quit, dance was my everything. The dance studio was my safe place where all of my friends were, including Kennedy, and it’s where I loved to be. Dance taught me a lot throughout the years from having confidence, loving what I do to the fullest, and to stand out and be the best I could be… even if that meant not being as good as Ms. Ashley, which was the extent of my worries back then. I went through a phase around eight years old, a very, very shy phase. I was afraid to perform in my recitals, or even show up to dance class and have my friends see me practice. There was no big life changing event in my life that caused this, and until this day I still can’t think of any reason as to why I would quit something I loved, but I did. I told my mom I couldn’t do it anymore and for another year she pushed me but I got to my breaking point and I quit right before my recital. Quitting dance meant not seeing my friends after school on a daily basis, no more safe place, and no more being “the star of the show.”
Quitting dance was the worst decision I’ve made because when I lost dance, I lost everything it taught me. I now have very little confidence in myself, I might “like” what I do but I don’t usually love anything I do to the fullest, and I don’t stand out because I never think I’ll reach my “best” I can be… not to mention I also lost the shape I was in and can’t seem to get it back. With the hindsight I have now on the bad decision I made seven years ago, I should have never quit dance. It wasn’t worth the change I went through, and the sacrificed good qualities I once had. Losing what dance taught me has great consequences, especially for a girl in high school. I wish I still had the confidence I once had and I wish I wasn’t so shy and afraid to be judged. This has kept me from experiencing a lot of things, not only now but in the seven year span since I quit dance.
PART 2:
ReplyDeleteIf it was possible, I would change the way my mom handled me wanting to quit dance. Not saying it’s her fault for what I decided to do, but I wish she motivated me more to stay or didn’t allow me whatsoever to quit, because even I knew it wasn’t a good decision. I would change my decision completely if I could, because then maybe I would have something to be proud of, something I work hard for and succeed at. Maybe I would be a different, better person if I still danced. But instead, I don’t really have a passion for anything worth being proud of or working to the best of my abilities to succeed on. I really do believe if I never made this decision, my life could have benefited from it in the best way possible.
As for when it comes to my own kids in the future, I would do differently than from my mom did when I wanted to quit dance. If I knew a certain decision would affect my child’s life negatively, I would do all in my power to prevent them from making that bad decision. And if I knew a certain decision would benefit my child’s life, I would support them and do what I could to persuade them to make that decision. But as we all know, our parents don’t make all of our decisions for us and they don’t always have the power they say they do to make them for us when we’re stubborn. All I can do in the future is be there for my kids as much as possible to be able to steer them in all the right directions that lead to good decisions even though I know it’ll be inevitable to prevent them from making bad ones. We wouldn’t learn half the things we do in life if it wasn’t for bad decision making throughout our day to day lives. So in a way, we should thank ourselves for most of the bad decisions we’ve made throughout the years because without them we wouldn’t have been shaped into the people we are today.
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ReplyDeleteBlog 4
ReplyDeleteSaying that I have no regrets is a coping mechanism for me, not something that can be proven or disproven fact. Regardless of if certain decisions have benefitted me yet, I know someday they all will, so why should I look back on anything I’ve done with a negative attitude? Every time I allow myself to feel ashamed about something from my past, it creates a negative dialogue in my head. Instead, I try to take the most optimistic standpoint possible because I’ve learned that this is always better (for me). I am not claiming that anything has “made me who I will be”, I’m claiming that the things I’ve put myself through have made me who I am right now. And who I am right now, naturally, will not be the same person I will be in years to come. Therefore (sorry) I really don’t allow myself to have regrets. However, that does not mean that I can’t differentiate a bad decision from a good one.
I’ve made lots of bad decisions. The absolute worst decision I’ve ever made is giving myself to the wrong person. (If you’re thinking anything judgemental, please re-think what ever it is you’re thinking; a lot of people have the same exact regret, whether they have come to terms with it yet or not.) I did not realize this until, literally, Sunday. Followed by my consent to the person I had been with at the time, who I did not even care about, was a breakup. And following that was an incident that I did not consent to with a different guy, which infinite time could not have prepared me for. I felt I had no one trustworthy to tell; no one who wouldn’t jump to conclusions and form judgements before I could even finish explaining what happened. Since then, I have pushed it to the back of my mind pretending that it doesn’t affect me. In reality, though, the fact that I put myself in a place for all of this to occur and ended up more alone and broken than when I began has taken a toll on my mental stability. This past summer I met someone who genuinely cares about me and who, now, has my trust. It wasn’t until Sunday that I told this person and realized for the first time that I need to do something about what happened to me, mostly for the sake of my own well-being but also for the sake of other girls that might encounter the same situation with the same sick, convoluted guy. All in all, if I regret one thing, it’s losing my morals to a guy who didn’t even pressure me to do so, because, what followed, was a way worse encounter with a way worse guy who did way worse things to me that I am still overcoming (barely) a year later. The outcome is absolutely not worth what was lost, but I would not change anything because I know it will make me stronger, even though it may not be within this exact moment.
If I ever have kids, and they make this same decision, all I can imagine myself doing is making sure they know I am there for them (not that my parents don’t do this). I would not judge them for a decision already made, rather deal with what’s at hand because, at that point, that’s all that would matter; that’s all that does matter.
Regrets. Oh I have so many regrets ,but most of them are little. Like not trying any sports until high school, shouldn't have blame your cousin for something you did in the past, and getting a bad grade when I could have easily study. Those are the little ones, but we are all here to talk about the one regret that I hate with a passion. It was a little fight at Davies that I didn't speak the whole truth. I wouldn’t call it a fight, but a sucker punch which didn’t hurt.
ReplyDeleteBefore all of this, there was a boy named Justin, (and no It wasn't myself) that will annoy and bother almost everyone except the teacher in my class. No teacher would see this boy doing annoying things to the other students like kicking their chairs or poking them a lot. This was the first time that I got angry or mad when I see him doing this. I told him to knock it off and he didn't. Actually, he now made me his target. He was “playfully” pushing me and kick me at random time. The worst part is that I was his guide. I was the one who showed him around Davies and has some classes with him. I tried to be friends with him, but he kept circumventing around it. It was at Homeroom and in the morning. Students are coming to their homerooms and leaving for breakfast. I was at my table, looking over my homework in case I forgot a problem. My pencil broke and I went to go sharpen it. Justin was at the pencil sharper and was blocking me. I told him to move and he ignored me. I push him into his seat ,but he wont budge. I was tired of this annoyances, so I poke him with a pencil, which was not sharpen, and he got up and sucker punch me. That was when the heat was on and both of us was fueled with anger and rage. I told him “do that one more time, see what happens.” Then the teacher came in and called both of us to the principle's office. We both are interviewed from each side of the story and I lied. The reason was because we both said sorry to each other while we waited. At that moment, I feel like a jerk and forget about all Justin's actions. I lied during my interviewed about the reason I poke him other than him blocking my way. So we both got a referral, but he gets one after school detention and one in-school suspension while I get two after school detentions. After that, he doesn't bother me that much, but he annoyed my other friends which almost got them both into a fight. But that is another story. I regret not telling the principle the truth because if I did, I could have prevented another fight, stop him from harming my friends, and maybe not get a referral. It could ended differently. No one had the guts to tell the teacher and most of them wanted to ignore him. Overall, it was not worth the referral for that. I could have just told the teacher on him or ask a friend for help. I could have, but I didn't. If I did those things, we both wouldn't have gotten the referral and it would have prevented a “fight”. It was stupid and it kind of haunts me. Now it is in the open, I feel somewhat relieve. There is more to this story,but I wanted to talk about the regret, not what happens next.
If one of my kids encounter a situation similar to this, I talk with them in calm and collected manner. I will ask the whole story and will personally do what my kid can't. I will tell the principle the truth. He/she may think that he said sorry, but it was only for the fight and not for the teasing and bullying. So I would to go the principle and talk it with them. The rest is history since it go in different ways. I just want my kid to be safe and not in danger. This is what I would do if something like this happens to my kid.
I've never heard about this story so it was really weird to read about you getting into a fight when I could never imagine you getting into one. Thats crazy how a poke evokes a punch from someone. I mean I wasn't there but how hard of a poke did you have to do to make the guy punch you? And why was your first course of action to poke him with your pencil? So many questions Justin.
DeleteJosh I never knew you got mad..but just saying you should've gotten him back. I'm just kidding. You lied and that was wrong. You learned from it so your okay. Don't let anyone push you around. I'll be backup if you need it.
DeleteThis is the twenty-third funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. I could feel your anger because when one gets angry, his thoughts get mixed up, and you switched from past to present tense so many times and made things, that were supposed to be plural, singular, and vice versa, so much, that it is very clear that you were so angry while writing this that you just typed whatever popped into your head, and it worked, even though the wording sounded funny. Next time you fight someone, aim for the nose. After he hit you, you should have punched him as hard as you could in the nose; the reason for aiming for the nose is because it is easy to break. That should be your regret, not lying.
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DeleteWhat Bryan said was true. I was angry when typing this because the blog post just brought up that past. I should have proof-read this before posting it. My anger just unleashed and ended up with posting a 5th grader's essay. Also, Alyssa, I am Justin and not Josh.
DeleteJustin I always knew you could fight, heck you did a plank for 12 minutes!!! I have had similar situations to this one. It was really great that you stood up for yourself, that should be top priority. It wasn't good that you lied about what happened, but I think that standing up for what is right is worth a referral. And by the way I like your Goku pic.
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ReplyDeleteI guess hindsight is so much clearer because you can see how a situation played out and process why you did what you did.
ReplyDeleteThe worst decision I’ve ever made? I guess I’ve fucked up a lot, but there is something I’ve felt guilty for the longest. I pushed my brother away. Not in that way where we hate each other.
Ever since I was a kid I was always the tough one, the one who just got mad and never wanted to talk about my feelings because my family refused to acknowledge all the shit that was happening in the house. (I know I keep talking about my parents, I love them so dearly and I appreciate every little thing they do so damn much.)
I know why I’m the way I am, and I could never break out of it for my brother. I never talked about it because I couldn’t. Just like my parents couldn’t. I realized he was becoming me. The fake shrug and the “whatever” look. It was me.
I love my brother. (Ew, that was kind of weird to type, think, process.) But, I really do. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn and terrified, so he doesn’t end up like me. (I mean, I’m NOT that terrible, but like I could use a little help.)
I told him that I’ll be here for him, but I think I was a little too late. If something happens, we move on with our day and if I say anything, I take it back because of how uncomfortable I feel talking about it.
So, I guess I regret not just talking to my brother sooner and never being there like I wish someone was for me.
I sure as hell know my kids won’t make this mistake, and if they do, I messed up somewhere. I’ve vowed never to ignore my kid’s issues no matter what the issue or what the age because even the littlest things should be taken into account. I mean there are times where I can tell my kid to stop being such a brat, but a lot of things aren’t worth ignoring. But if I screw up and my kid tries to pull a ME on ME, I’ll take a step back and be real. Explain why the noodle it is so important to be there for people and how it can really impact people’s lives forever.
Your not that terrible Taylor ! One thing that'll never go away in your life is family so you have plenty of time to catch up with your bro. Expressing how you feel towards your bro will make you guys bond even closer . There's no time like the present to start.
DeleteHaving a little brother is tough Taylor. I have a little brother too, and we are six years apart. (If I remember correctly, you and your brother are about five.) It's difficult to find common ground sometimes. In those five or six years, older siblings have experienced a lot. Kids and teenagers have different perspectives on a lot of things. Sometimes my brother gets overwhelmed with his homework and activities. To me it seems strange that he gets so stressed. But, he's only ten years old. This is his busiest school year yet, and he has problems with time management. To him, homework is taking away all his free time. So I try to be more patient with him and talk to him calmly instead of complaining about all the things I have to do.
DeleteI guess what I'm trying to say here Taylor is that you and your brother are in very different parts in your life right now. It's understandable if you feel him and your family won't understand what you're going through. It's very possible they won't, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about things with them. Just blurting out all the things that have been making your head spin will help a lot.
It's okay if you feel disconnected from your family. That's pretty much a symptom of being a teenager. But not talking about isn't going to help. You just need to talk and talk. That's the first step to feeling better about the situation.
I'm not sure if any of what I said helps you, but I hope it does.
I don't think you're bad at all :) I agree 100% with how you will Handel your children because I want to do the exact same thing. As for you and your brother, it'll come around. It can and will always come together and form a strong bond. It took me and my brother a while, but the wait is worth it. And time is never too late, unless you keep talking about how "late" it is. I hope that made sense?
DeleteYou're definitely not a terrible person, Taylor. You are actually a great role model for him. Since you do so well in school and how involved you are with our school, you are not a terrible person. Even though you wished you were there for him in the past, you still have the future, because I am 100% positive that he is still going to need you later on. Therefore, that is your chance to help him and not have this regret anymore.
DeleteI agree with what you said about you being a terrible person. (I am just kidding; although you insult me sometimes and make me feel very sad, I get over it, and because I try not to feel too many emotions, I have to try not to hate people, so I choose not to hate you.) Moreover, there were four potty words in your post. Since your blog post had four hundred five words in total, the math comes out that about an entire percentage point of those words were potty words. I am very disappointed...
DeleteI'm the exact same way with my sister. I don't hate her, I just push her away. No one was there for me either, so I end up projecting that onto my sister. Guess we have the same issues. Haha. We should probably stop pushing them away before they end up hating us.
DeleteI really can't point out what I regret the most, I really can't recall a lot of things that I have done wrong, but I know I have messed up and I have learned from it. BUT! BUT! There was one thing that immediately popped up in my head after reading this blog and that is this certain girl. I regret ever finding her attractive and getting involved in a "relationship" with her that lasted like a few days. This was during the beginning of my sophomore year around this time of the month and I started to fancy her and ended up being in a "relationship" with her that lasted less than a week. I put relationship in quotes because my friends claim that I dated her, but I really didn't... It was a mess is the least I will say. I will not go on with this because I don't want to sound like a bad guy, but I'll just say that if I could go back in time, this would be one of the things that I would DEFINITELY change. Still to this day I can't believe I ever liked a girl like that.
ReplyDeleteBut ANYWAY...
That is not the only thing that I regret or the only thing that I would change. There are other things that I regret doing. I can't recall many of my wrongdoings, but the ones that I remember aren't that catastrophic, really. For example, another thing that I regret is getting into this one video game in eighth grade and pretty much being addicted to it, more or less, up until the end of ninth grade. Before my 10th grade year began, I was able to just leave the game on my own because I knew it was affecting me negatively and I knew it wouldn't be good for me to keep playing if I wanted to maintain my "A's" throughout the rest of my high school. Now I don't play any games at all, but I'm still a bit lazy :P but I'm getting better.
Another small thing that I regret "not" doing, in this case, is that I didn't read many books over the past summer like my dad suggested me to do so. He said that reading a lot of books would improve my English a lot and I knew this. I definitely did agree with him and I wanted to read quite a few books to boost my English and get myself ahead of the game, but I found myself to be lazy and slack off the whole summer, though I physically stayed in shape by going to the gym everyday with my good friend Mark.
All the things that I've mentioned thus far that I regret are almost nothing to me now. I don't like to worry about the past too much because it brings me down and I've learned, or actually known, that it's just pointless to even worry and waste the smallest amount of energy on the past. That doesn't mean that I haven't learned from my past mistakes. I definitely have. The small problems that they were, I still don't want to make the same mistakes and most likely I won't. I don't think I'm going to involve myself with a silly girl or waste my time on video games anymore. For the upcoming summers though I will strive to read more books. Let's see how that goes, hopefully well.
If I have kids and if they make mistakes, depending on what it is, I will tell that what they did or are doing is bad and I will just give them suggestions on how to improve upon their mistakes. Unless the situation gets out of hand, I will not jump in and interfere. I rather have my kids experience mistakes and find solutions to them rather than help them every step of the way. I don't want to be that parent who does everything that their child asks them to do and helps them with everything, small or big problems. I don't want to be THAT dad. I refuse to be like that because if I raise my future kids with that much care than what will happen to them when they go into the "Real World?" They will most likely be soft and whenever some random person tells them to bend over for them for money or whatever, they will because they won't know any better. That's an odd example, I'm sorry, but that's reality. Maybe I have this standpoint because that's how I grew up. Since I was about nine or ten, I've been doing stuff on my own. I'm not trying to brag... It's just how it was. All I have got from my parents are food, roof over my head, and parental advice and care. I don't know if anyone who reads this will understand where I'm coming from though, hopefully you do. So because of being left alone to deal with my own problems, I became the person I am and I keep changing. I kid you not, I have had so many people tell me that I'm so mature. Again, I'm not bragging, but I believe this is the outcome of being left alone with my own problems. (Don't get me wrong, I'm still a 10 year old in spirit :) ). So I want my kids to be mature, and like me, be aware of the world and all its bs so they can avoid it like I will try to avoid it in my future.
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ReplyDeleteHindsight is 20/20 because after a situation has occurred, we can reflect and analyze how we could've handled the situation better. In the moment, we tend to react off of our current state of mind or emotion, while after the event, we see the long term effects of our choices. The worst decision I’ve ever made would have to be hiding my piano playing for so long. I remember in middle school Mr. Weber the NJHS advisor, asked if any musicians would volunteer to play a piece while the members entered the induction ceremony. In this moment, I was too scared. I let my fear override my talent. This continued to happen until the beginning of this year when I was discovered by a security guard who heard me playing in the auditorium. Even though I haven't started my school musical involvement, I finally talked to the choir and band director after contemplating for so long. I was ignorant to the fact that Oakcrest does need piano players, and now, in my junior year of high school, I now know this. I am grateful that I still have time left to get involved, but, I regret not branching out earlier. It will be so rewarding to show people what I can do after 3 years of silence. If my future child were to ever make this bad decision, I would tell them that is never too late to start something new. I might be sad to see that they've made the same naive decision but, I would tell them to look for all areas of involvement and hope for the best.
ReplyDeleteHey Jess! For one, I really appreciate that you are helping out Mr. Tinsley with your piano skills. He always jokes that he is going to make me be an accompanist but I honestly don't deserve it. Lately I haven't had the time to practice, let alone perfect new songs on the piano, and each time he brings up the subject, reality hits me harder and harder that I'm not the one he needs. Even if I don't know you too well, I am proud of you. And I am also sorry for not knowing that you wanted to play piano at the NJHS ceremony. If I had known that others wanted to do it, I probably would've stepped down. On the topic of this blog post, unfortunately we can't undo the past. So for the future, know that you have a skill that is very impressive. Playing piano is an awesome thing to know how to do and you should be very proud of yourself for it!
DeleteThank you Kassia! You did great at NJHS, I just wasn't confident enough back then to speak up and I wasn't nearly as good as you. You fit the role for that part and that is just one of the examples of a time where I kept quiet about my playing. It really means a lot coming from you and I'm happy to start getting involved with music at school!
DeleteHi Jess! I'm glad you started to branch out about your talents on the piano, because it was definitely worth it! Every morning in the auditorium during homeroom, I love hearing you play the piano because you are so good! I'm glad you talked to Mr. Tinsley, because your skills need to be recognized. I hope you keep playing the piano, because I love hearing you play, and I know others will too!
DeleteJess you are seriously a god when it comes to piano. You honestly take my breath away every time I hear you play. I think its soooo cool how you can literally play any song I give you. I wish I could play but since my hands are so small it makes it very hard for me to play so I cant. So go out there and play piano for me!!
DeleteJess I had no idea you played the piano! That probably has a lot to do with the fact that we've said more words to each other since Monday when I came into the library than in our whole lives, but that's beside the fact. I agree that you should have started sharing your piano skills back in eighth grade, but it's good that you have started to share them. If you have a talent you should not be afraid to show it.
DeleteI knew you played piano but ive never actually heard you play and I REALLY want to. So, just know if you start doing stuff with the band I WILL be coming to the band concerts just to hear you play. I'm proud that you branched out of your comfort zone and started sharing your talents with everyone because that's a very hard thing to do.
DeleteYooo Jess. I think it's awesome that you decided to pursue your musical career. I remember when I first heard you play the piano. You played Clocks and I was amazed how good you were. You had the song stuck in my head for the rest of the day. But it's great that you finally decided to show off your talent.
DeleteI wish I had 20/20 vision. I’m so blind at this point my doctor told me, she didn’t suggest it to me, no she told me that I would need to get lasik eye surgery. So I really can’t wait to have lasers shot into my eyes. Anyways, without my glasses or contacts I just can’t see. While thinking about my horrible eyesight I’ve made the connection that being blind is like going into a situation where you don’t know what's going to happen. You don’t know what to do because you can’t see what’s going to happen. While having glasses is like having hindsight. When you have it you can see more clearly. With hindsight it gives you the ability to see a situation more clearly because you’ve already done it. Once you have hindsight of a situation you are able to learn from it.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been through a lot of situations where I look back and think about what could have happened, what I could have done, or what I shouldn’t have done. What I regret the most though is giving up my on my talent and dream. I wouldn’t say I grew up with very strict asian parents but from the moment I was born there were high expectations. The reason my name is Donna is because the doctor who helped my mother give birth to me was named Dr. Donna. In hopes of me becoming a doctor, I was named after one. I never questioned it, that is until I discovered my love for drawing. I found myself falling in love with drawing and creating things. One day when my parents actually asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, I said I wanted to be an artist. That dream was shot down instantly. After that I was discouraged and my love for drawing wasn’t the same.
When I think back to this I regret giving up. After my parents rejected the idea of me becoming an artist, I didn’t love drawing as much. However, today I still draw because I remember when I used to love it and sometimes I find myself falling back in love. I regret not continuing so that now I could have been a better artist. I look at artists and their work and I think about what could I have created if I hadn’t given up. I could have improved my drawing skills or formed my own style. There were so many things I could have done if I hadn’t given up. If I could have changed what had happened, I would have never given up on drawing.
To my kids, I would simply say don’t give up. If you love something or have passion for it, don’t give up on it. I’d tell them to continue pursue their dreams. As a parent if i know it will not hurt them, I would encourage them unlike my parents did. I want to be the kind of parent that is able to encourage my child’s dreams because you never know if those dreams will become reality.
Donna, that's awesome that you can draw! I think that if drawing is what you love, then you should get back into it. Not everyone can draw and to have that talent is a gift. Even if it's just drawing for your own enjoyment, I think you should do it. Drawing can even be therapeutic at times, not that I would know because all I can draw is a stick figure. Although it seems like fate for you to be a doctor since you were named after one, I think that you should do whatever your heart desires, despite what your parents say. Yolo Donna, yolo.
DeleteDonna, your glasses are literally double the strength of mine! Don't worry about Lasik surgery, my cousin had it done a couple years ago and his eyes are completely fine now. The only troublesome part about it was the fact that he had to wear sunglasses for the entire summer. You will be fine. Also, it's not too late to get back into drawing. If you start now and keep practicing, you'll eventually improve until the point that you develop your own style. There are plenty of successful people who started their profession late in their life, so if you really have the passion for drawing, don't give up!
DeleteWow Donna, didn't know you can draw. If you are good at something, don't give up on it but practice it. Even though your parents shot you down with the artist's idea, you should keep drawing. Likewise, my parent had high expectations and wanted me to become a doctor. But follow your heart and do what you want to do. Never give up on art.
DeleteDonna, I love the metaphor you made that glasses is the hindsight vision we all want to see clearly. You’re an amazing artist, I’ve seen it firsthand. Your creativity is inspiring, it’s a talent that shouldn’t be given up on. Millions of people could can only dream to draw something so magnificent in a lifetime in which you could do with your eyes closed. Me being one of them. Even if you do become a doctor (I hope the reason is solely your parents) or go into any only career I hope your passion for drawing never runs out fire. It is rare for most people to have a hobby that are both talented at and in complete love with. If drawing is your “thing” never give up.
DeleteDonna,if you can draw you need to go draw your heart out honestly. I love when people can draw, its such an amazing talent and you should pursue it no matter what your parents think. You can start your drawing career back up by drawing me something if you want!! Oh and by the way, my aunt got lasik surgery and she loves the fact that she got it! So its worth it and it would totally benefit you!
DeleteDonna, I wish I didn't give up on the things I used to have a passion for. I used to feel obligated to work in the medical field because my mom did, and it's a guaranteed job with mad money .I actually still feel obligated to. That's why I'm taking this year to find out what I actually want do. You should definitely continue drawing, because it is something YOU like to do. Our parents will probably be upset, but in the end they aren't us, and they can't discourage us from doing what we want to do.
DeleteHindsight is definitely 20/20. When it comes to bad decision making usually there is no logic involved. Everything goes off of a feeling. Whether it is a split second reaction or the result of an emotional rollercoaster. Bad decisions are hardly ever thought out to a deep enough point that one can truly see the chaos that could come about. However, once you take that step back and look at what you’ve done you’ll not only see a thousand different ways in which the situation could’ve been handled you’ll see why you shouldn’t have done it to begin with. This is where the logic comes in, after everything is said and done. You can see everything clearly now because you no longer have those same feeling about it.
ReplyDeleteTo be completely honest I hardly make bad decisions. Mostly because I’m terrified my mom will kick my ass. Not literally, her bark is much more frightening than her bite but, I like to avoid them both at all costs. One bad decision I look back on now is probably staying in a relationship way longer than what I should have. Even from the first month in we argued all the time but all those arguments seemed trivial to the good times we had so of course they were over looked. Then the longer we were together the worse the arguments got and they’d escalate without me even doing anything. I’d get snapped on 24/7 for absolutely nothing but at the time I thought I did everything wrong. I knew the girl I loved wouldn’t just randomly call me “annoying” and “dumb” without me doing something to her. So I’d cry over every fight that had nothing to do me and everything to do with her anger issues. At the time I was completely blinded though, it just didn’t make sense to me. With my hindsight now I see that staying in a relationship where I cried all the time over things I had no control over was completely wrong.
I don’t think it was worth it in the slightest. I had a lot of other things I could’ve been focusing on at the time. It’s not like my grades really suffered or anything but all of that energy definitely could’ve went towards Bio instead. Even though this experience didn’t pay off I did learn from it. Never again will I stay with someone who doesn’t put in the same effort I do even if I do Emily won’t let me date anyone like that ever again.
Hopefully my kids feel comfortable enough talking to me about things like this. If they are I’d listen to every word they have to say then tell them to end it. I’ll explain to them that I went through the same thing and it’ll never be worth all the tears and late nights. I’d never want that for my child so I could only hope they aren’t as stubborn as me and break up with them.
Ken I know exactly what you mean when you say you tend to not have extreme regrets because of your mom. I too try and not do anything too crazy because I just do not want to deal with my parents getting mad and disappointed in me. I am so happy you have someone like Emily in your life to help you not remake mistakes and someone to always be there for you and someone who won't let you stay with someone that makes you upset. I'll always be here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to! :))))
DeleteLove you ken like literally if you try to date anyone like you know who imma beat yo ass and hers even if she do live in freaking idaho. You dont need to be hurt like that cuz you care too much about people and often think that your the problem when its them.
DeleteLove you ken like literally if you try to date anyone like you know who imma beat yo ass and hers even if she do live in freaking idaho. You dont need to be hurt like that cuz you care too much about people and often think that your the problem when its them.
Deletenew*
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ReplyDeleteI guess you can say hindsight is 20/20 because after you make a bad decision it just replays in your mind over and over again and you can’t seem to get it out. You can clearly see what exactly what you have done wrong after you have messed up but can not change what happened. I have made some pretty idiotic decisions that I regret so much and regret, regret sucks. It’s like this knot in your stomach that can not go away whenever you think of that bad decision or decisions you made. You just want to curl into a ball and sleep because you just know how bad you messed up. Even worse, when you make those same bad decisions over and over again. But the worst thing about regret, is that is doesn’t really ever go away. Sure, if you stop thinking about it for a while you are fine, but it’s always sitting in the back of your mind. My worst decision ever made all falls into one year. Sophomore year. I came into my sophomore year of highschool ending my toxic, but loving relationship. I feel that because I was alone was when I started to go a little crazy. I am not going to sugar coat anything that happened that year, basically I was the sophomore slut. Yeah me Mrs.Bunje, you probably did not expect that, everyone reading this post however did. I got into partying way too much. I thought it was so fun and great until it landed me into trouble. Drinking every chance I could ruined me. My reputation was ruined and I didn’t get it the first, the second, the third, or the fourth and fifth time. Every time I walked into school I was judged and talked about all throughout the hallways and the cafeteria. “Did you hear what Abby did?” “Did you Abby hooked up with ___.” It was freaking horrible. Honestly I didn’t want to come to school. Then I came to a point where I didn’t even care. I did not care. And that’s when I just fell downhill. My sophomore year turned into one giant circle of bad decisions. At the time I didn’t realize the harm I was causing to other people and my self worth. Ending two people’s relationships (who I was friends with), I still didn’t get it. I didn’t get it until this summer. At the time I thought it was no big deal, little did I know. Nothing I did that year was worth it. When I even think about last year I feel sick. I feel sick that I would ever stoop so low and make so many mistakes. I am ashamed of my past. Flat out ashamed. How did I turn into that girl, how? That girl who cried her eyes out because everyone hated her and what she did. That girl who was constantly talked about. But you know what? I learned. I learned my lesson and to forgive myself. To change everything would be great, because that’s all I want, but maybe that year happened for a reason, who knows. Everyone reading this you can judge me all you want, everyone used to, but this year I changed. Completely. I am no longer that girl. I have matured and controlled myself and became an overall better person. I see more clearly after all my mistakes. I was immature and stupid then. Even though I am still only a junior I feel that because of sophomore year I now know so much more and am more mature. Now my future kids, I pray they didn’t make the same mistakes I did. However if they do I will never judge them. I refuse. I will be a good parent and guide them in the right direction and hope they will listen to me because I never would want my kids to be so ashamed of themselves to where they feel like nothing.
ReplyDeleteAbby, I am so happy that you learned from your mistakes. You really have changed since last year and I'm glad that your mistakes have bettered you as a person. The way you handle yourself now is very mature and respectable. Not everyone knows how to accept the past and learn from it but, it seems like you do. I'm really proud of you for that and I will always be here to support you through all of your good and bad decisions. love you gale ;-)
DeleteAbbs I'm so happy you have learned from your past and push yourself to be a better version of yourself. I know last year was hard but this year is going to be 20 times better just because not you can see what you did last year and learn from it and now move past it. I know it will never go away but you have definitely became a better person because of it!
DeleteReading this post I was not expecting you to own up to all that. I don't know what I thought you were going to say but this blog proves that you really have changed. The fact that you can accept your mistakes one hundred percent is admirable. You made some bad decisions last year but the thing about high school is that next week theres always something different to talk about people tend to forget what you did when the next person steps up to the plate. This year will be different for you thanks to those experiences.
DeleteTo even be able to look into your past and tell about what 50 people on the blog who some didn't know, is admirable. Almost all of us will go through a phase, the "wtf is going on" stage. But I'm actually really really happy that you have changed, you're not a bad person Abby. Always remember that. Just because we make mistakes doesn't mean we're bad. But honestly cudos to you, and for changing!!
DeleteAbby I have so much respect for you for admitting to your mistakes. You've grown so much since last year and it takes a lot for you to come out and type this for everyone to see. Just by this post people can tell that you've matured so much!
DeleteAbbster2244, I'm so glad you have changed your ways because I know how much you hated last year. People were always talking about you and I know it sucks. But its all about living and learning so now you know not to return to that old lifestyle and to just stay how you are now.
DeleteI think that last year made you act a certain way and even act like someone you didn't even like. I'm glad you have moved past that and not only stopped partying as much, but has grown as a person. I'm really proud of you.
DeleteWhen I first read this blog post, I didn’t like it, not one bit. Thinking about the things I did wrong, or really dwelling too much in the past ruins my whole day. If I could somehow change some things in my past, I would be a completely different person. Experiences shape a person, and even though I like who I am now, I don’t think those experiences were worth becoming who I am now.
ReplyDeleteOne time of my life I wish I could take back was when I started pushing people away. I was trying to be a strong person who didn’t rely on anyone, so I locked up my true emotions in a little chest. But that’s not the way to live and enjoy your life. I was lonely, really lonely, and since I got in the habit of keeping to myself, I didn’t know how to reach out to people again. In the time of my life when I was supposed to not have any big responsibilities and just be carefree and spend all my time with friends, I wasn’t. Everyone else was always laughing and having a good time, and I was just there existing. Not living, not thriving, I was barely surviving.
I guess it’s not really my fault. I’ve been told many times that this behavior is common of people grieving. But it’s really come back to bite me in the butt now. It would have been easier to process my dad’s death then. I could have just focused on that and find my way back to happiness again. But that didn’t happen. I waited till I had all these demanding classes, staying after school every day for extracurriculars, not to mention this is the time of my life when my hormones are wreaking havoc the most. Oh, and did I mention how difficult it is to become friends with people in high school? No one means what they say, everyone judges each other, and most of us are permanently in a bad mood because we never sleep enough. I can never take the easy way out, huh? I always have to challenge myself, even subconsciously.
I have to live every day with the consequences of what I did. I can never tell people when I have a problem or I am struggling. I still see it as a sign of weakness. I am not comfortable talking with most people. I always have to think and put in work to what I say around everyone, and that is so tiring. So a lot I find I’d just rather not talk. But then I see everyone else having a good time, then I feel left out and lonely. So I’m always tired or miserable or both.
I pray and pray and pray my kids won’t have to suffer such an overwhelming loss so young. I pray they will spend their childhood happy. I pray they will never feel what I have felt. Knock on wood times infinity to the infinity power nothing so painful ever happens to my precious kids. But if it does, I’ll tell them I know. I know how vulnerable they feel and how it seems the universe is attacking them. I know it seems like a good idea to put on a strong front, but they can’t let themselves crash and burn in silence. It’s not possible to get through this alone. It gets lonely in a fortress of solitude, and after a while, they’ll forget how to open up the lock. I want them to know someday they’ll be happy again, but they won’t get there by burying their heart.
I want my children to know their friends will be there for them. They will care about their wellbeing. Their friends wouldn’t call them a “downer”. Real friends don’t want to just to goof off and have fun; they are there because they care. Maybe they won’t understand what is going on, but they’ll try their hardest to be whatever is needed: a clown, a shoulder to cry on, or just a hug.
Most importantly. I would want my kids to know they’ll most definitely become themselves again and that sadness doesn’t have to be a part of them. As long as they choose the path to feeling better again, they will.
Melissa, I love what you wrote here. This was so sincere and heartfelt, and I really enjoyed reading it. I can't imagine going through what you've gone through. You are such a strong person for it and I could only ever hope to be half as resilient as you. The advice you had for your kids was totally spot on, and could honestly benefit anyone. I know that if I was in a tough place and heard those words, I would feel a little better. I also 110% agree with you when you say, "Real friends don't want to just goof off and have fun; they are there because they care." YES, YES, YES. Thank you for writing such a great blog post, and just to throw it out there, I think you're killin' the game.
DeletePeople use the aphorism of hindsight meaning 20/20 because that basically means you can clearly understand and see one hundred percent. I tend to try and not make mistakes just because of how disappointed I would be in myself and my parents would be in me however one of my biggest regrets could be happening right now. So far my biggest regret would have to be quitting club swim in eighth grade and joining Lakers Cheer. It sounds completely insane however in the end it helped me push myself harder in swim. Before eighth grade swimming had consumed my life so much that I was worn out. I had practice four to six times a week all year around and the constant similar routine made me hate swimming. In the end quitting swim for a season was very beneficial because that following summer I joined a new club swim which was much way more intense compared to my old club team and the new team prepared me for high school swimming and other high school sports. My newest regret that I’m not completely sure if it is going to be a regret or not would have to be recently quitting my club team at the beginning of this school year. At the end of last field hockey season I had decided that I would not rejoin the field hockey team my junior year and instead only participate in my club swim. However this past summer came along and I decided I just could not quit field hockey and I would miss running and being with the team so much, but as the summer soon became the start of my junior year I realized how okay I was with not going to swim practice. Although I love swim I just could not see myself going from school till 2:30 then field hockey practice till 5:30 and then swim practice till 8:30 and then finally going home to shower, eat dinner and start my homework. I knew going into junior year that it would be the toughest and I realized that most of the time I treaded going to the practices so I figured I should just quit the team so I could possibly have more time to study and get my homework done. My parents are currently in denial about me quitting swim and they told my club coach that I was “taking a leave of absence and would return once my high school season starts.” So frankly I do not know if quitting my club team will be my biggest regret or not and I won’t know for sure until after this coming high school season. So far I would have to say this may be my biggest regret however it is also my biggest sacrifice. I miss the team and all my friends so much and now I have to start watching my diet and doing more home workouts just so I can stay in some shape before the swim season. I miss everyone but I definitely need this time that I gain from not going to the three hour practices, six days a week and instead I get to focus on my school work more. If my children decide they want to quit a sport so they can focus on their school work I would respond to their choice just as my parents do. Even though my parents give me a little of a hard time they also accept my decision and continue to push me to better myself. My parents although may be disappointed in me for leaving a team that benefited me greatly now in return make sure I push myself twice as hard in everything I do to make sure I’m picking up with what I’ve dropped.
ReplyDeleteYou're crazy Haley. I always thought you loved swim. I completely understand why you quit swim club because I've definitely been there before. But I regretted it once the real season started. It may be different for you because hopefully you really are training so you can stay in shape, but I always thought about how I could have done better during the season if I hadn't quit before to get ready and prepare myself. I not judging you though because I completely understand where you're coming from when you say that you just can't deal with field hockey, swim, and school. That's a lot of stress and if you really can't handle it, then even though you had to sacrifice swim you made a conscious decision regarding what you can and can't handle. No matter what though, I support you girl.
DeleteI hate swimming. Every time I get in the pool I cant tell if my goggles are filled with pool water or my tears. I only swim to hang out with you guys because every year I feel like I learn so much from everyone and our swim family is like nothing i've ever experienced before. To be completely honest I've always really looked up to you when it comes to sport related things. Ever since you had to pull me around at your skating rink birthday party way back when I've always been like "wow Haley's great at everything I want be like her."
DeleteI completely understand why you quit swim. Swim on top of school and your other school sports is alot. Like soccer for me I go from high school to club right after and it sucks and I want to quit sometimes but I know I can't. Honestly I dont know how you did it because I couldn't even swim 12 laps for my life guarding course. I do not think quitting swim will be your biggest regret. If you knew you will regret it you wouldn't of stopped it. I support you no matter what love you.
DeleteThere is one thing I regret so much, but I wouldn’t change. I was in close to 2 year relationship with a person who treated me right but was just a straight out horrible person. But yet I was so blinded from what I thought was “love” that I didn’t even realize. I don’t want to bash on this person but just to show why I regret being with him for soooo long I kind of have to, its not like he goes to this school or anything anyway. He was an extremely racist, homophobic, sexist and controlling person. He was half puerto rican and half white, he was so racist to not only his own kind but to every other race. I can’t even repeat half the things he said to me because they are so disgustingly rude. He was TOTALLY against gay people, which every time he said something I would argue with him. My best freaking friend is gay and you aren't going to sit there and tell me how if you ever had a gay son you would kick him out and a bunch of stuff I’m not going to bother saying. The one thing that bothered me so much was how sexist he was. It was absolutely ridiculous. He told me “rape culture isnt real” “guys experience worse” and how “Im not aloud to call myself a feminist” and how “feminism isnt real” and a bunch of other bs. He would tell me how the man should be in charge of the house because he makes the money to take care of a family, and how the man should control the woman. He would tell me that all women suck at sports, how men are smarter than women, how he doesn’t trust women doctors, the typical “women belong in the kitchen”, I could go on and on but I am going to stop because I’m so mad right now typing this. I would just awkwardly laugh like he was joking, but I knew he wasn’t. For the time span I had been with him, my social life was completely flushed down the toilet. For a whole YEAR AND EIGHT MONTHS I hung out with NOBODY except him.(I only hung out with my friends probably three times) I missed my friends and especially my best friend more than anything in the world. He would get upset if I tried to make plans with my friends. He always just found some way for it not to happen. It was so unhealthy, even my parents said something to me about how I had isolated myself from everybody except him. He wouldn’t let me hang out with friends, go to parties, he controlled what I wore and I was so blinded and thought that it was OK and thought it meant he cared and loved me so much. For some reason I just couldn’t see what was wrong with him. I guess he covered it up by showing love and I’m so upset with myself for not seeing this until after I had broken up with him. I regret being with him, but I wouldn’t change it. Because yes, if that didn’t happen my life would be different. That whole year we were together would be different. Those events led to where I am now and I am MORE than content with my life. When we broke up I spent sooo much more time with my family and I literally made so many friends. I missed kennedy so freaking much like when summer started I lived at her house for three weeks. Legit lived there like I didn't go home. I've gotten closer with people I didn’t imagine getting close with and overall my life has been perfect. I’m so grateful to be in a healthy relationship with the most non-racist, non-homophobic, non-sexist, non-controlling person I have ever met. If I have kids I will make sure they are comfortable to talk to me about anything. Especially relationships and people. I want them to see the good in everybody, but they also have to take notice the bad.
ReplyDeleteYou're definitely a bigger person than me, Em. I would never keep some of the bad things in my life if I had the choice to take them out. I just don't see that I learned from these experiences all that much and it was too much suffering. You're very mature to see the good things that came out of your relationship.
DeleteI'm glad to hear you spent a lot of time with your family and friends after that relationship. They're the ones that will get you through anything. Romantic relationships are always somewhat unpredictable, and you can never guess when things will turn bad. But your friends and family will always have your back.
I'v never met him but heard a lot of things that he said and was really shocked. Now, I'm so happy that you found someone who is loving towards you. You have no idea how much I'm jealous. But continue to be you because I love it and you!!
Deletethanks mel <3 and love you sm Lyss *cry face*
DeleteEmily, I missed you so fucking much while you were dating him. But i'm truly happy that you've moved on from him and that relationship, we haven't really been that close in a few years but we need to be close again, because I just love you and youre corny jokes. Also, I still have those black and white pictures me, you, and Kennedy took in OC freshman year, theyre still so cute to me.
DeleteThe worst, most horrific. descion I’ve ever made was in 2010. I was 10 years old. I lived in Galloway at the time and had many friends. My friend named, Kaylee, and I would always do crazy things in our neighborhood, For example, we digged a ditch and made a club for the neighborhood. It was the best. Anyway one day we thought we would walk all the way to our friend’s house. Which was like 2 miles away and 10 developments past ours. I didn’t ask my mom so I just went. We got all the way there, crossing highways on the way. About 10 minutes of us meeting our friend, I check my phone and I see I have 10 miss calls from my mom! I call her back and she screams“WHERE ARE YOU? I WENT SEARCHING FOR YOU ALL THROUGHOUT THE NEIGHBORHOOD!!” I reply, “ Oh….I’m..um with Kaylee..and we walked..um..to the first development.” She got so mad and told me to come back. Kaylee’s mom picks us up and i cry during the ride home because I know what’s waiting for me. As I get dropped off, I see my mom open the door. I walk upstairs and go in my room with her following. She locks the door and calls my dad. She informs my dad that she is going to go crazy in about 2 minutes. I’m about to pee my pants and she hangs up. I won’t state the rest because...well..yeah. Worst decision.
ReplyDeleteI risked getting in trouble, i sacrificed all the trust i was given, one reward was to learn to always ask. Finally, the consequences were horrifying. I would take it back so fast and I barely got anything out of it. My friend seen my cry, my legs hurt right after and my mom disliked me for awhile. Nothing. I would change my need to be a “rebel.”
If kids had the same idiotic mind I had, then I blame them. Their young and foolish. Now i would be pissed if they went somewhere they weren’t suppose to go. I wouldn’t harm them but I would make them wish they were. I will love my kids and teach them the best.
Alyssa I appreciate that you hold your decisions on account of your mother’s expectations and reactions. It shows you take in consideration of what is good for you and even the consequences of your choice affecting others in your life. In addition 2010 seems a world away, I didn’t know you then and I don’t need to, to know you’ve grown in the past 5 years. We were all around 12-13, rebelling was in our blood even if it was as destructive as going to a friend’s house, in unauthorized territory, unapproved by the parents. Lastly I wouldn’t call your mind idiotic, its more charismatic: You enjoy experiencing the new opportunities in life, sometimes without thinking but nonetheless an adventure’s an adventure.
DeleteThat's funny how the a similar thing happened to me around that age to. My friend and me decided to walk to wawa at night and parents went crazy. Since this happened in the past I think you learned from your mistakes and probably wont make that mistake again.
DeleteI did something simliar to what you did but I never got caught. I completely lied about it making it seem like I was where my mom thought I would be. It may be surprising at first since I dont like to do "rebel" things because I don't want to disrespect my parents and lose their trust even thought they don't really let me have much freedom, as you know. But I wouldn't really risk it anyway.
DeleteI definitely agree with you Alyssa when you talk about kids. They should learn to not wander off and listen.. And kids should a,ways be loved and reprimanded for their decisions when needed.
DeleteI’m going to be honest, throughout my life I have made many bad decisions but not so much regrets, I’m sure most can relate. However, the one that I am really regretting is the fact that I settle for less, and I still do. This is the most popular bad decision I often make. It’s like I have a feeling that the better things or the goals I did have won’t happen so I go with what I got. This varies from relationships, sports, school, etc. There are many times I look back and realize I don’t deserve half of the things that happen, that I worked too hard or put too much effort in. I always regret the times I would just sit there and not care or have a “whatever” attitude. For example, this reminds me of the time I was in a relationship. I mean things were ok, he did a lot for me, was always there, and my parents loved him but there was also times that I knew I deserved better. Of course, at the time I was just letting things flow I didn’t really have a lot of cares, although I should have. I know you guys are probably thinking why I didn’t just break up with him. That’s the problem, it’s actually harder than you think, harder than I even thought. I just tend to be laid back. To be honest, I wouldn’t even say I settled for less because it wasn’t all that bad, it was just the fact that I knew what was right and didn’t do anything about it. I guess you can say “you live and you learn” which is very true and should always be applied. Also, that is why I don’t have many regrets, it took me enough time to just find one close to it. I will always tell my child to never think less of their self, to be confident, and have standers as well as goals. They should never be afraid to reach their goals either no matter the difficulty. My parents surprisingly never actually told me this, they sort of expected me to already know it because of the person they know I am. To their surprise I actually am struggling with it but as a struggle I also do learn.
ReplyDeleteThere’s a saying in Russian that my Mom uses constantly. “Slovo ne varabey. Vilitit, ne paymayesh.” Roughly translated, it means “Words aren’t birds. If they escape, you can’t catch them.” Because of this phrase, I don’t agree with being able to “undo” the past. It makes complete sense that once you have said something, whether it be a compliment or something you would regret saying later, you can’t “catch” the words and you can’t take them back. I can confirm that “hindsight” doesn’t feel great. The phrase “ignorance is bliss” is evident here, because once you know that you’ve done something wrong, there is no going back. The event churns over and over in your brain like butter until you become overwhelmed with regret, worry, and doubt.
ReplyDeleteI know for some people, cheating is, or was, some rebellious action that was considered “okay”. I have only heard rumours about people cheating in our class, so I could be completely wrong. All I know for sure is that my standing on cheating is that it shouldn’t be done. And I will stand by that moral, especially in Lang. Freshmen year, while taking a final exam for one of my classes, I was reviewing some definitions last minute by writing them on my desk (I learn by writing things many, many times). The teacher was already passing out tests to my peers, so I couldn’t write those terms on a piece of paper and then throw it away, because that would’ve looked like cheating too! I intended to erase what I had written, of course, though I remember being distracted and then all of a sudden the teacher was wondering was this writing on my desk was! Out of impulse, I smeared the graphite writing with my clammy palms to eradicate any notion that I could’ve been cheating. By that point, my heart was racing because I had been caught in a lie. Again out of impulse, I was untruthful in saying that the writing was already on my desk before I got to my seat. The teacher believed me, which, looking back on it, is the most painful part of it all, and she started thinking of who else sat in those seats earlier that day and who could have cheated by writing on the desks.
Keep in mind that my intentions were not to cheat, though because I didn’t tell my teacher the truth, I lost her trust for a decent period of time. Because I trusted my stupid instincts, I lied to my teacher, almost jeopardized an innocent student’s reputation, and caused myself to experience stress and anxiety to last me years. After a week or so of walking around with my head about to explode, I emailed that teacher to tell her that it was in fact me who had written on the desk and that although I never intended to cheat, I was sorry for not being honest about the situation.
Nowadays, the teacher and I are on good terms. The only positive spin I can put on my shameful experience is that I have made it a habit to examine whatever desk I am sitting at, in any class, before receiving a quiz or a test. If my nonexistent future children would make the same mistake of lying to any person worth their time and anxiety, I would tell them the faithful Russian saying stated above. Since my “lying” incident as a freshman, I have really grown in knowing what to say and when to say it. I now understand that talking to someone in person to explain a mistake is a respectful gesture and that apologizing over email won’t always cut it. I would pass this knowledge of respect, pride, and honesty to my future children by making sure that whatever problem they had caused, they would need to fix it as soon as possible and as respectfully as possible.
Kassia, I knew you were raised well by your parents and you have strong morals, but I didn't know your mom had cool Russian sayings like that! In Spanish, we call those sayings that are advice in the form of metaphors "dichos". I have a book where every chapter name is a dicho. I think those kinds of sayings stick with you no matter what. When you're about to do something questionable, you hear whoever told you the dicho in your head and you really think about what you're going to do. (I think it's so interesting how your brain remembers things in other people's voices.) Anyway, I'm glad to hear you confronted your mistake and everything was resoved in the end.
DeleteSo first off I love your mom with her Russian accents, its always mesmerizing to hear it. And I’m glad you offered the translation. Her advice is something to really consider, not because it comes from a parent but because that phrase applies to various things in life. From conversations with friendships or cheating, words can hurt and they should be chosen wisely. Of course it’s natural to fib or stumble on an answer as an impulse while 40 eyes look judge you’re clammy hands. Somehow I can never see you ever trying to cheat maybe it’s because I know you too well. Maybe if it was a unfamiliar character id be suspicious. Nevertheless the very fact that you emailed the teacher right after the untruthful answer in class, shows you carry guilt with a high regard. And plus on the bright side you’ve learned a good lesson and now can go on without the regret of “confessing to your sins.”
DeleteAww Kassia, your post was so cute! You would be the last person I'd expect to get in a situation like this! I could just imagine a little Kassia (although you're already little) freaking out. At least you confessed and emailed the teacher the truth. It's better to let it out rather than holding it in and having to carry this weight on your shoulders forever...
DeleteKassia, I was JUST thinking about you the other day. I was talking to myself about how you are extremely secure in your morals. I respect that girl, I really do. You don't let peer pressure get the best of you. You know what you believe in and you stick to it. That's such a wonderful quality to possess, so go you. If you teach your kids the same, they're gonna be some angelic children.
DeleteI can honestly say that I’m at a point in my life where I’m pretty happy with the decisions I’ve made. However, I often find myself thinking back to this one situation that I keep replaying in my head. The decisions that I made during this time didn’t affect me so much as it affected someone who I’m really close with, which makes me regret my choices even more.
ReplyDeleteLast August, my cousin was rushed to the hospital with severe stomach pain. She underwent a series of tests, and, long story short, they found out there was something wrong with her kidney, which was causing her to become septic. She underwent surgery, during which her oxygen levels plummeted and she had to be resuscitated. Surviving the surgery, she was put into the ICU and spent a total of 5 days there.
And where was I during this? My mom first told me that Emma went to the hospital for stomach pain, and when I asked if she was okay, she told me that she was. I then texted my cousin a quick little message asking how she was, and that was all I did to show the extent of my concern. I continued asking my mom about Emma, but she always told me that she was fine and that the reason she wasn’t responding was probably because her phone was off. I believed my mom when she told me all of this, so I didn’t think it necessary to visit Emma in the hospital. Days later, Emma was recovering and she told me the whole story about what had happened. She also told me that only one person had visited her while she was in the hospital. This, to her, was devastating. She has suffered with depression and anxiety for years, and when only one person visited her, she felt worthless and thought that nobody would have cared if she had lived or died. Even I, one of the people to whom she is the closest with, failed her in her moment of need.
At first, I had blamed my mom for not telling me the whole truth, and when I confronted her about it, she told me that she just didn’t want to worry me. This didn’t seem like a legitimate excuse to not tell your daughter that one of her best friends was near death in the ICU, so I was pretty mad at her for a while. But I also blamed myself. The guilt I felt for not visiting her in the hospital or for not being more concerned was almost unbearable. I had made her feel worthless; I had made her feel like I didn’t care. I tried telling myself that it was not my fault, that I hadn’t known how serious her condition was. But I knew that if I had gone to the hospital for something as trivial as a broken bone, she would’ve been there for me.
The guilt subsided a little after I told Emma how much I cared about her and how important she was to me, followed by a sincere apology and tears. She forgave me and everything, but an apology can’t take away feelings of worthlessness. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she’ll always have doubts about whether or not she’s important enough, or good enough, or worth enough.
To this day I always think about what would’ve happened if she had actually died in the hospital. I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye, and I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if my cousin had died thinking I didn’t care about her.
If my future kid was ever faced with a situation similar to my own, I would’ve handled it completely different than my mom had. I would’ve told them straight up what was going on without sugar coating anything. I would respect my child enough to tell them the truth and to let them make their own decisions, instead of making a decision for them without even considering their feelings. I’d remind them that life is short and that they should always tell people how much they care about them before it’s too late.
I really connected with your story because I have an EXTREMELY close bond with my cousins too, and without a doubt they are my best friends. I'm really glad that Emma is okay, and I'm also glad that you eventually forgave yourself. Self-forgiveness is so incredibly hard. You can blame yourself all you want, but the universe has it's way of doing things and you can only control so much. I hope you show Emma this blog post. Whilst reading it, I can tell that you care about her to the moon and back. She could never have doubts about her importance with a kick-ass cousin/best friend like you around.
Deleteholy cow :/ Throughout this whole post all I could think about was "I hope she didn't pass." This is so touching. Even though I really don't have the same bond with my cousins I still feel like you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You still contacted her daily to ask how she was doing, and were still there for her after coming out of the hospital. I can see how you put this all on you, but by just reading this, I can so tell you are a great cousin
DeleteI'm really glad she ended up being okay, but I can empathize with your story because I went through a similar situation. My best friend told me that he was sick and I assumed he just meant the flu or something that would pass over a few days. It actually ended up being lung cancer and I felt so guilty for not taking it as seriously as I should've. Although he is still battling with it, he is getting better and I totally understand how you feel. It was not your fault that and I'm sure she understands the situation you were in!
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ReplyDeletePART ONE:
ReplyDeleteI do agree with hindsight being 20/20, and being able to see things clearly after it is done, and you can reflect on it. My reasoning for this, is because now we aren't in the "moment" and have matured from that time. What I am going to share I have contemplated whether for Bunje to just see or everyone, and I'm just going to go with everyone and I don't know why. But just please understand that this is something dear to me, and hard for me to even talk about. And as Bunje said, I hope you all have decency, and can keep everything in 204, if not I promise you, you will hear from me. Some of my closet friends I haven't shared this with, so I'm not quite sure why I'm willingly telling about 50 people? But for some reason I am. Something I have regretted and wish almost everyday that I can take back, are two things. Thing one is not telling my parents sooner about what happened to me. As I said please have decency, do not judge me, or ask me about any of this, and also don't think I am lying, because I would never ever lie about something like this. But to tell my parents sooner about being sexually assaulted when I was about 7 or 8, I can't quite remember my age and that's sad. I waited until I was about 12 maybe 13, to tell my parents. And the only reason why it came out was because something had happened with a family member, if not I honestly don't know if I would've told them. This man was my grandmothers boyfriend at the time but he ended up leaving for trips or something I really don't know. But if I would've spoke sooner, he wouldn't have been able to go on his trips, and his disgusting self would be locked in jail. I was so scared and I didn't understand what had happened at the time. But I regret everyday for letting this horrible man get away with what he has done to me, in the past and his affect on me now. All for that topic that is all I will say. But I will say, that if someone has gone through anything similar to what I went through, reach out to someone, because not saying anything is letting them get off free, and they need to pay.
PART TWO:
ReplyDeleteThing two is giving myself to the wrong people. (And no I don't mean giving my virginity up, because that hasn't happened) but I mean physically and emotionally. My freshman year I was blinded. I really was, my first year in high school and a senior liked me, or so I thought he did. And to be honest with you, I never listened to people say "Senior boys only want one thing". I just thought of it as a ridicule saying. But because I was so blinded, and I had came right out of such a negative relationship, I was just in like party mode. (Not actually a party mode, because I didn't party or attend parties). When I say that I mean just a carefree attitude pretty much. I'm usually an over-thinker and a really really paranoid person. But with this person I wasn't, and to be honest I just really think I was pressured. But long story short, things may have happened for about 10 seconds tops (may I remind you no sex involved) but to this day I am disgusted. I am so disgusted with myself to allow anything to have happened with that person. To let them get even a little satisfaction to say something happened between me and him makes me just want to break down. I gave someone a little piece of me who DID NOT deserve even getting a chance. It's really really upsetting and I wish I wasn't so damn naive back then, because in a hot second I would change ever talking to them. I regret not being able to talk to my mother about this. My mom and me have a super good bond, and to not be able to talk to her about this (because she will rip my hair out and kill me) makes me feel, excuse my language, but shitty. Also when I mean giving people the wrong parts of me, is I tell people stuff. I gain trust with people and I tell them pretty much everything there is to know about me. But when that bond isn't there anymore they automatically turn into my enemy. Because honestly people are assholes, and they will do anything to hurt you. I regret telling some people stuff about me, and I wish I could take it back. I always feel as if they will throw it into my face and share my secrets, or even just threaten me with it. And I've had times where people have thrown it back into my face.
Ang you are so strong. I have so much respect for you and what you have been through.To come out and say everything you said in your post is so brave and proves how strong you are. I relate a little to the part two of your post as you know from my blog post. I just have so much respect for you.
DeleteLike Abby said, you are so strong for posting this, Ang. You go through so much crap on a daily basis and you still manage to smile every single day. I could never be as strong as you. You are an amazing person, but I'm sure you already know that. Remember I'm always here for you to rant to on the bus in the morning!
DeletePART THREE:
ReplyDeleteWhat has happened me has been worth it, as much as I wish it never happened to me. But it has made me mature and be more open with my parents, and for me to truly think about situations so that later on I'm not beating myself up about it. I will not allow thing one to happen to my child, I will be DAMMED if I EVER let that happen. And for thing two, I will tell my sweet precious baby/ies to ration out situations, and to never sell yourself short. To not be pressured into to something. I will also tell them what I've been through in my infamous years of high school, and I will be their guide.
Ang I have so much respect for you. I know how much this probably took out of to write this and I can't even put into words how much respect I have for you. There is absolute no reason you had to go through that and especially that young and alone. It's disgusting and he deserves to be locked up forever. I love you soso much. This always will stay here and only between all of us.
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DeleteI love my best friend and I'm so proud that you had the courage to do this and actually follow through with it , it also means so much to me because your my other half and when your upset we all know how upset I am. And yes if anything leaves this room there will be excuse my french HELL to pay thank you <33333
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ReplyDeleteEach week there’s a blog post that makes us claw deeper into our souls. At the young age we are, is it possible to answer many of the thought worthy questions. Some people have lived a hard, painful life that could take novels to confess. And then there are others who wait for the chance to walk out of high school ready for a new world to experience. Regrets, like love is something I can and maybe even will answer in about ten years, when I choose my major and it turns out to be wrong or I let go of the one person who loved me so much that I pushed him away. My biggest regret is yet to come. Hopefully it doesn’t, but all of these little events in my everyday life is just leading up to this ginormous decision that I will regret for eternity. Whether it be at 25 or 65 there comes a time in everyone’s life when realization hits and clarity brings out a change in a person.
ReplyDeleteMy mediocre regret (because this can’t possibly be what defines me, therefore cannot be my biggest. And yes I know my past can’t be the whole definition of who I am, unless the point is to be miserable) are all of the little moments I wish I could’ve spoken out and voiced my opinion. From school projects to other people’s personal issues. I could’ve saved myself from a bad grade or another from a terrible breakup. William O'Rourke acknowledged “Regret is an odd emotion because it comes only upon reflection. Regret lacks immediacy, and so its power seldom influences events when it could do some good.” I completely agree with this because my regret also includes the moments every person looks back on, when they needed that one strong point to get across, but it was forgotten at the time. Regret is something we can only look back on, never predict. Hindsight will forever be 20/20 because after the damage has been done, time is all there is. Time to process, time to evaluate, time to reevaluate. And through this abundance of alone time we all come one conclusion and that’s the list of regrets we have.
In Letters to Juliet, the quote “"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life” has stuck with me for almost 4 years first seeing the incredible movie adaptation. It is a powerful statement that in times of great decisions, seems to always run through my interconnecting thoughts. I might be uncertain of so many things in my life at this moment but I know that I want to regret something I did rather than an opportunity wasted. This, as always, applies to some extent. Sorry no sky diving for me.
So the dreadful question of my uncertain children. Of course I hope their open with me, straightforward and honest. I would be mendacious if I were to write I hope for them to have no regrets and live life openly. Our regrets make us who we are, they teach us to be better in the future and stop others from making the same stupid mistake you couldn’t stop yourself from making. I hope my children have regrets that make them learn from the bad decisions. In the other hand I hope for my own mental stability, I can prevent anything from hurting them because after all they will be my blood and family. And we can’t sit back willingly self-sabotage can we?
I really relate to how you haven't made the biggest mistake of your life yet, because neither have I. Now that I think about it, I actually think that the "biggest mistake of your life" might not even be an actual thing, because at the time, we wouldn't know that it's actually our biggest mistake. I really like how you said that you would try to help your future kids and prevent them from making mistakes, but at the same time you know that their mistakes will eventually help to shape who they are.
DeleteI like the use of the vocab word Dina haha...but seriously though I like your point about how regrets help form who we are and when you said you hope for your children to have some regrets I think that is a hard lesson parents don't think about. People have a sickening aura about them that makes them think they have to "shield" and "protect" their children from what life throws at them but sometimes it is necessary for them to learn themselves. Only we can teach ourselves the most useful lessons.
DeleteFortunately, I haven’t made a ton of, “big,” mistakes in my life. Unfortunately, I haven’t had the chance to make as many mistakes as other people my age have. And it might sound completely insane, but I do believe in the learning aspect of mistakes. The worst decision I ever made was when I abandoned my band and the friends I had with it. In elementary school, I was part of a tight-knit group of Filipino kids whose parents were coworkers and friends with my parents. We would hang-out almost every weekend. In those hangouts, I developed an interest in fantasy video games, anime, and music. I know what you’re thinking. “Asian stuff and… music?” It seems like an odd group, but we all happened to have a musical background and loved the same type of music. Put two and two together and you have… a bunch of Asians on the piano and violin. Just kidding. A group of kids in a rock and roll band. When we started taking it seriously, was when I started to take school and sports more seriously too. And as we kept moving forward, in the back of my mind I knew it would end someday. In 8th grade I had the ill-fated decision to decide between being a singer for our first concert at a Filipino festival or win a soccer tournament to not only win a personal medal, but also a trophy for the team. And as you probably, and hopefully, knew, I chose the latter. The concert at a Filipino festival might not seem like a huge gig, but to me and the rest of my band members, it was like the Super Bowl, and I Tim Tebow, “Deflategated,” them (Let them down). Ever since, our relationship has never fully recovered to the way it was before. Even now when we see each other, we just smile, nod our heads, and keep walking. I loved those guys and I still love them now and I will never forget the experience I had with them.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, was it the best decision? I think so. But in the back of my mind, like all previous rockers do, I can’t help but wonder, “Maybe we could have made it?” But that probably would have been a long and arduous road. What I would change is the fact that none of us, at the time, (I don’t know about now.) was mature enough to try and make up. I sure wasn’t and everyone else wasn’t. I just wish it could have ended better. To my future kids, I hope you choose your friends wisely. Just know that they have a significant influence in what kind of person you will be; positive or negative. And if they have bumps in their friendship, that the best thing to do is to act mature and try whatever it takes to make up. Because if they don’t try to be your friend back, then they don’t deserve to be.
Alfonso, even though you regret letting them down, if you think you made the right decision, you did. And I completely agree with the impact our children's friend will have on them. Also acting mature is always the best thing to do.
DeleteIf I have learned anything in 16 years, it is to stick with your gut. If you think that your decision was the best one, that it was! And who knows maybe another person in the band would have made you guys brake up a week from then. Although we probably lost that soccer tournament and I could definitely see, "Alfonso Roque and The Wings" you probably made the best choice in the long scheme of things.
DeleteThis blog definitely required more thinking than I thought it would, which is why I waited until 10:15 at night to start this. My brain is usually still going around this time, and when I have no homework, I simply lay in my bed and talk to myself. It may seem weird, but that’s besides the point. Anyways, I hate thinking about the things I’ve done wrong, or dwelling on the past too much, because it really ruins my mood. I get re-aggravated, I go on one of my tangents, write about what I’m feeling, and then I get this sudden urge where I feel like have to tell someone how I’m feeling.
ReplyDeleteOne thing you should know about me is that I hate being rushed and/or under pressure. The idea of time itself, screws my entire thinking process up. Most of the time, my poor decision making is due to the limited amount of time I am given to react to a situation. It takes me a while to make a decision, mainly because I’m afraid that if I don’t take my time I will do the wrong thing. I will contemplate about my decision for hours, change it , then change it back to what it originally was, change it back one more time (just in case), get frustrated, ask someone else for their opinion, contemplate some more, and then I’ll finally make the decision. I can stand in a store for hours. I’ll pick up a bunch of things, eliminate a few, pick up some more things, tell myself I don’t need them, then I’ll ask my mom or friend what they think, and at that point they are so frustrated, so they just ignore me, and then I will just walk out of the store. As well as the nail salon, grocery store, shoe store, and just about everything. Another example, would be me picking out something I like, and then asking for other people’s opinion, and because they don’t like it I won’t get it. Although this seems like a major problem, it actually isn’t my biggest concern.
The worst decision I ever made was when I chose to put everyone else's needs before my own. I used to be so concerned about other people, that I forgot how to worry about myself. I would constantly find myself helping people fix their problems, catering to their every need, making sure their life was enjoyable, and giving them advice. Yet, when it came to myself, I didn’t have anyone to do the same. I basically had to learn the hard way. It was very hurtful to see that not everyone was as willing to help me as I was for them. There were several instances, in which I couldn’t help myself, because I didn’t know how to. Also, it took me a while to realize that the things I helped other people with were a lot easier said than done. Putting myself before others and worrying about myself was a very difficult thing to overcome. Though, eventually, I taught myself how to, and I constantly reminded myself that in the end those people weren’t going to be there for me , so I was the only one who could help myself. In a way this did help, because now I try to focus less on other people, and more on what I need in order to achieve happiness in my life. However, there are still improvements that need to be made.
DeleteSometimes it can be very difficult talking to my parents, especially my mom. In a sense Dr. Jeneé(my mother) and I are very similar, but we still disagree on things. She doesn’t always get where I’m coming from and vice versa. Usually when we come to a disagreement we stop talking for a little bit, go back at it, and then try to understand where the other is coming from. I don’t want my children to go through the exact same process as I did, because it can get a little frustrating when both the parent and child think they are right. I want my children to be able to come to me and explain how they feel. Then I will try to either add my own opinion in or allow them to figure it out on their own. Also, I would like to have more patients than Jeneé. I don’t want my children to be afraid to talk to me because they think I’m going to flip out on them.
I'm not a bad kid. I don't sneak out. I don't curse in front of my family. I don't get in trouble. I don't really take a risk unless I know for sure I can get away with it. I make mistakes. I make a lot of them, but I don't remember any of the monumentally bad ones. Unless someone keeps bringing it up, I tend to block out my stupid/ terrible mistakes. Now when I make a bad mistake, I automatically block it out. I can't help it. I think it's pointless to dwell too long on things that can't be changed. With that being said, two bad mistakes have come to mind. I'm constantly reminded of them, because they hurt the two things I hold closest to my heart. My dogs.
ReplyDeleteI want to cry every time I think about this because it's so idiotic and it could have been easily prevented. First up is my extremely energetic, hyper dog, Bandit. On the first day that my family got him and brought him to my house, the first thing he did was go into my mother's room and steal a sock. I don't know why he has such a fetish with socks, but that's how he got his name. Anyways, he runs and jumps on me anytime I've been away from him for more than an hour. He loves to lay down right next to me even when I'm standing up.
I love to wear heels. I can walk in them now. I could not before. I was walking around my house and I lost my balance. Bandit was laying right next to me. I stepped on his toe.
Now, I know it doesn't seem like a big deal. But anytime I hurt my dogs, I feel so bad. And I think anybody would feel bad if they broke their dog's toe. He was limping around for weeks and almost needed a cast. Five minutes before I stepped on his toe, my mother told me to take off the heels too. I didn't listen. I wish I did.
I have another dog named Maxwell. He's very timid and so lovable. I don't understand why my dogs don't understand that I'm a clumsy mess. I was messing with a candle and got burned and almost dropped the candle, but not without all the hot wax spilling out. I didn’t even see Maxwell walk right by me. He got burned and the wax got stuck to his skin and fur. We got it off. He has a scar. I wasn't supposed to be messing with the candle.
I got in trouble for both of those things (they didn't happen in the same day), however I will never get their high pitched yelps of pain out of my head. I don't think anything I do could make up for what I did to them. If I could go back, I'd listen to my mother. I've learned my lesson and I don't do stupid things with my dogs near me anymore. If my future child made those mistakes, I wouldn't punish them. It's punishment enough just living with what you've done to something you love.
Hahahaha, I think its hilarious that you wear heels around the house but I love them wearing them too for a little. However, I can feel your dogs pain:/// How dare you? jkjk.. I that was my dog I would be in the same position as you are in. I've stepped on my dogs feet plenty of time before and when he screams it scares the s*** out of me and I feel horrible for the accident I did, like how you are.
DeleteAfter you do something you can't undo it. You never even realize what you've done after the fact that it has happened. After a fight I always find myself re-thinking what I said and that I probably shouldn't have said it or I should have said something different. I regret a plethora of the little things that happen and I don't really have any serious regrets except for one which I wish never happened because it basically ruined my mom's life.Most people write about regretting their first love or giving themselves up to the wrong person but not me. A lot of people know that in 8th grade I got in a 5-car accident with my mom where if we were in a different car we would have been killed. But the thing is, no one knows that to this day I regret making her leave the house because I think it was my fault. I was constantly begging her to bring me out to go shopping to get my dress for the eighth grade dinner dance. I literally pushed her out of the house and made her bring me. If only I had held off for one more minute it wouldn't have been us.
ReplyDeleteWe were just stopped in traffic and suddenly my mom turned to me and said “I love you” without me even being able to respond we were hit by three cars, turned into oncoming traffic and proceeded to get hit by another car, so this caused our brand new mini cooper to be completely totaled 21 days after we got it. It turned out that my mom and I were the only ones who got injured. This caused me to forever get aching headaches but that wasn't the real issue. My mom ended up having 3 herniated discs in her neck and 2 in her back, causing her to get surgery in her neck and get a metal rod behind her trachea. This caused her to no longer be able to sing, she cant drive for over an hour straight, it hurts her to swallow, and she will forever be in pain. The thing is that I have always thought it was because of me. I will regret this forever and I will always wish I never asked to go out that day. I ended up getting my dress 2 weeks later and went to the dance with cuts and bruises all over my face due to the glass of the windows slicing me up, but makeup saved me there because no one really noticed.
I would highly doubt that my child makes the same decision as me because it wasn't planned that this would have happened, even though I think it's my fault. Although, I will make sure my kid doesn't make the same mistakes as most people my age do like, losing it to someone they didn't want to. I will make sure they don't by just scaring them to never do it until they really want to because if not they will get pregnant or get chlamydia and die. I will make sure to be there for my kid no matter what because my parents aren't. I will make sure they know they can come to me no matter what.
20/20 means that you can see what you have done more clearly than what you will do because the past events are memories that you can recall and analyze in different perspectives, meanwhile the future is undecided and can be made up off of bad decisions, or decisions that may have seen convenient at the time. In the 16 years I’ve been on this earth I have mad many horrible decisions. The first one that came to my mind when I read this blog post is the memory that fills me with the most dread. I remember at my grandma’s house on a Sunday, me and my cousins didn’t want to go to church that day because we stayed up the night before and were very tired. So I came up with the brilliant idea to let the dog out, knowing that since only my grandparents were home we would have to chase after her, and by the time we caught her we would already have missed the church bus. So we agreed unbeknownst to the negative affect this would bring. I remembered seeing Faith (the dog) run into the highway on the other side of town, I remember her looking back at us with a defiant smile, I also remember the silver SUV that hit her causing her to go airborne and to land on the opposite side of the road. Upon seeing this the feeling of hopelessness and regret hit me just as hard as the car had hit her. I never want to see the blame in her eye, fell her bones were they shouldn’t be, or hear the deafening sounds of her whimpers, ever again. Getting out of church was on small luxury that cost 100 more times than it was worth. Although Faith (the dog) lived, it still had a domino effect on my family. She suffered from a concussion, a broken hip, and had road rash in different section of her body, this all required medical attention that my grandma couldn’t afford. It took Faith two years to fully recover but even then I couldn’t say she was completely healed because she know is afraid of SUV’s and trucks, and still limps because her hip bone didn’t heal properly. Seeing her limp around the house is a reminder to me of how selfish and stupid I had been. If I could I would have just gone to church because that would have only lasted two hours not two years.
ReplyDeleteKnowing what I know about making bad decisions I would always push my children to do good, be good, and make better choices. Also knowing what I know about teenagers and their defiance against their parents, I know that they probably wouldn’t listen to me. They’ll make their own decisions, and learn from them and if they don’t I’ll be there to help them solve some of their problems. But if any of my children were to continually make bad choices, then I would first lightly tap, then mildly push them towards the light side. If they don’t improve with my passive attempts to help then I’ll have to drag them with me everywhere I go and watch them like a hawk to make sure that they are making beneficial choices, because at the end of the day I’m the parent and I have the final say.
Decisions decisions decisions. We have all made decisions and some of them we absolutely loved and some of them we really hated. The worst decision I've ever made didn't pop into my head right away. Sure other bad ones have, but this one tops them. My worst decision I have ever made was letting my cousins, aunts, and uncles get away from me. I had such a close bond with them. Every Sunday me and my family would go up to Millville and watch the football game with my aunt Steph, Uncle Jim, and my cousin Katie. That all changed so suddenly. One Sunday we went up and it was just like any other Sunday, going over the railroad tracks and feeling like your belly was in your throat, and hearing their dogs bark as we pulled into the driveway. Well, what I didn't know is that, that would be my last day to ever go up there. Long story short, my parents and aunt and uncle got into a huge argument about who lied about who and who side they were on. All I remember from that day is a lot of yelling and my dad picking me up and bringing me to the car. I really didn't comprehend exactly why we had to leave until next Sunday when I asked when are we going to Katie's? The answer I got was "we aren't going up there for a little while." 5 years later and we still haven't been up there. This is where I made the worst decision. Whenever my cousin texted me on my birthday, I would never respond. No matter how much I wanted to, I just never could. To this day I still don't know why I couldn't answer her. I regret that so much. She was my best friend, my secret keeper, my hug when I got scared, she meant so much to me. The decision I made wasn't worth the cost. I lost so much. Sunday's were the only day of the week I looked forward to. I loved and I still love my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I just wish I texted her back, just once. Maybe that could've lead to seeing her and sharing secrets again. If my kids ever did this, I would tell them to reach out and talk to your family because family is important. But, if they truly didn't want to reach out because family can also be backstabbers, then I would support them.
ReplyDeleteFamily quarrels are a subject that is extremely difficult to deal with, I understand where you are coming from it almost seems that no matter what you do your betraying someone. I think that you should take the risk and text her back because at the end of the day we regret what we didn’t do more than what we did do.
Delete“Hindsight is 20/20” exists because the future is always uncertain. When we make a decision, we essentially just have to hope that good things will come out of it. When good things don’t come out of it, that’s when we can look back and see where we messed up. I may have pretty bad vision, but I can proudly say that my hindsight vision is 20/20 (and probably then some) because when I mess up, boy do I KNOW that I’ve messed up. This makes it easy for me to write this blog post because I don’t have to think too hard to remember all the things I regret.
ReplyDeleteThe first, is quitting piano. I played piano for 8 years of my life. I’m 16 now, so I can say that for half of my life I took piano lessons every single Wednesday from 6-7 PM. Over those 8 years, I can proudly say that I became a fairly accomplished pianist. I truly believe that I played well. But then I quit my freshman year, and now when I try and sit down to play my fingers are a bit clumsier, I can’t sight-read as easily, and I’m not as adept at controlling my dynamics. I told my mom I wanted to quit because my high-school schedule would be hectic, but quite frankly I quit because I was sick and tired of being taught how to play Mozart and Chopin and Bach over and over again. I got bored. And not only that, but before my decision to quit, I had suffered a devastating loss at Guild. That failure hit me hard, and so I quit altogether. My mom likes to call it “lost potential.” Obviously, I can still play (you can never completely lose that skill) but if I had kept on with my lessons, I would be a much better musician.
I also regret a lot of the things I say. People make me nervous, and I’m annoyingly impulsive, so sometimes I speak before I think, especially when I’m around people that I know don’t like me. Every day I can look back and pinpoint something I said that came out wrong. I imagine it comes from a place of anxiety. This year however, I’ve become much more aware of it, so I’ve reduced the amount that I talk. I’ve found that it’s allowed me to cut back on embarrassment, and it also saves tons of energy.
Most of all though, I regret being dependent on others for my own happiness. For the longest time I was under the naive assumption that everyone I cared about, cared about me the same way. I thought my secrets were safe and kept, and that if I ever needed anyone, someone would be there. I was very, very wrong and as soon as the realization clicked, I immediately knew that I messed up. I messed up when I trusted the wrong people, and I messed up even more when I thought that I could ever be anybody’s first choice. Putting the way I felt about myself into the hands of other people was extremely unhealthy, and I needed to break that habit. Knowing this however, I’ve become a lot more independent. I’m my own first choice now. It’s allowed me to stay focused on what really matters in my life.
If my child ever regretted something, I would tell them that it’s okay to feel that way, but they will eventually need to move on. Mistakes are a part of life, and everyone makes them, so the best we can do is try to learn and grow from them. After that initial regret, there’s no way you would make the same mistake again. This is why we only feel the same kind of regret once. And if my child ever made the same exact mistake that I made, all I would really be able to do is comfort them. I would tell them that they’re always, always, always, MY first choice, and that as long as they’re their own first choice, nothing else matters.
Luc, you and me, man; you and me. Piano sucked a lot, at least for me it did. I hated having to go to lessons at 6pm every week for an hour, when I could've used that precious hour to nap instead... but now that i'm older, I wished I didn't quit. We could've been famous pianists! How cool would that be? Seeing us on TV and whatnot... But that's all behind us now, in the past where it will stay forever, buried deep in a hole. We're "athletes" now, Lucie! Piano ain't got nothing on us tennis player/runner!!!
DeleteAww Lucie I played the piano too! However, I stopped because my piano teacher was a little abusive. She smacked my hand with this long wooden stick every time my hand slipped. So basically she ruined that for me. I don't know if you remember, but I played the violin for about 4 years. I'm a little upset that I quit, because who knows I could've been an amazing ass Violin Player. I also, regret a lot of things I say. When I'm under pressure, I say things before I actually have a chance to think about it, and then I end up saying something I don't mean.
DeleteI had a lot of trouble with this question because although I've made some bad decisions in my life, I couldn't think of a "worst" decision that I have made. I thought it over for a little while and I think I've figured it out. The worst decision I have ever made was to open up to people who didn't deserve to know that side of me.
ReplyDeleteThere have been times where I felt lonely and upset and I let myself open up to people who didn't deserve to hear it. The outcome of this was more than worth it because now I know not to do that so soon. There are people who deserve and want to know that side of me and now that I have learned that not everyone can be trusted, I have a better sense of who I should and should not let in.
"I gave people bits of me they didn't deserve." (M.K.) This quote that I found in a poem explains this better than I ever could because this question does open my mind, but it is hard for me to explain my answer. This is something that even though I have learned a lot from, I am still learning.
Although opening up to these people created a lot of pain and confusion for me, I don't think I would ever change the past for anything. "Everything happens for a reason" is the most cliche quote on the planet, but I think it applies very well for this question. The best thing to do is think in the present, not the past. I believe the past cannot be changed and you can only work on the present.
My children will know that it is okay to open up to people and that is how you make long-lasting relationships, but they will also know that not everyone can be trusted. This can cause a lot of trouble and you just have to be cautious of who you are telling.
Everyone is special in their own little way and not everyone deserves to have those "little bits" of you.
Hey Savannah, what you said is 100% accurate. Unfortunately, many people can't be trusted, so you really have to watch what you say to others. This is a sad fact, and I know that once you open up to someone and they take it for granted, it can be really hard in the future to tell anyone anything. However I'm really glad that you were able to learn from this experience because you definitely deserve someone who you can trust.
Deletehey sav, I completely agree. Especially on the not thinking in the past. I hate when people bring up things or start an argument over the past. It's done with. You can't change it. I also agree with not opening up right away. You never know who the true person is you're talking to. Not everyone can be trusted and I loved that you threw that in there. I couldn't agree more with you on this post
DeleteHave I ever told you that you're basically my favorite person? Because you are.
DeleteI can always for some reason tell when one of your friends is gonna be an asshole I don't know how but I do and I never really tell you because I don't want to hurt your feelings. But, if youre talking about the girl I think you are then just know that I always hated her and I couldn't be happier that youre not friends with her anymore. You're too good of a person to let people hurt you or know the most amazing parts of you.
Regret? Don’t get me started… I regret a lot of things in my life for example, I regret not doing my pre calc homework last night, I regret dating my ex, I regret taking AP Gov last year, I even regret wearing my outfit today life is full of regrets! Okay so what we do a lot of crap that we would all take back in a heartbeat if we only could, but the worst decision I have ever made in my life was letting down the people I love and by people I really only mean my Mom-mom. I look back at the series of actions I did little by little to upset her whether it was my low test grades or just not taking out the garbage and as petty and miniscule as that sounds it breaks my heart. Every day of my life she has been at my begging call and never let me down the least I could do is do the simple things she asks me to do, listen, excelled and be a good person. Argument after argument it all hit me, like literally hit me, the floor I hit when I tripped over the damn garbage bag I never took out and then going out to the mail box to get my last report card from last year in the middle of summer, like who does that, but that’s not the point, the worst report card I ever got along with a lot of other things. When I saw how upset my gmom was it was heartbreaking from that moment on did and do what I can to not let her down because I know she won’t be around forever. In all honesty being lazy and disrespectful wasn’t the best choice I ever made, it scared my relationship with my gmom and to this day I still build up what we had.
ReplyDeleteAnd if my child ever pulled what I pulled I would be heartbroken and naturally so. I would explain to them that stupid unconscious decisions are going to make you pay one way or another no matter how little it may seem it all builds among each other. The best advice I could give my future children is to think before you do (yes I know its cliché)
Oh geez. I’ve made plenty of bad decisions that shouldn't be mentioned ever again to save me from embarrassment. I guess the worst (and school appropriate one to say) I ever made was when I impulsively decided to switch to ACIT. When I graduated 8th grade, I was all set to start my freshman year here at Oakcrest, but then my friend who went to ACIT at the time, somehow persuaded me to go there instead. She said how at ACIT you can meet all new people from other districts, good lunches, and air conditioning. She didn’t mention that since they have students from everywhere, that the halls are FILLED with sweaty, obnoxious, weird kids every day. She didn’t mention that the lunches were a husky price of four dollars plus snacks and she especially didn’t mention that the air conditioning was so strong that you needed to wear pants and hoodies inside so you wouldn’t freeze to death, when it was only 90 degrees outside. My time in that school, showed me there's many more types of people than what I was used to. First of all, I met and became friends with a few rednecks, met a few flamboyant kids, and you’re typical quiet but not quiet outcast. Nothing wrong with that, I was just never exposed or got close to those people before. Had a few heartbreaks here and there but nothing too major and learned pretty interesting things from my teachers. What I didn’t do, was have fun. Yeah sure, I made friends and had a few laughs. But at the end of the day, my high school experience wasn’t all what I thought it would be. As soon as I transferred here in my sophomore year, I knew right away I made the better choice. People remembered and knew who I was, teachers actually cared about me as a student, and all the amazing school spirit made me feel at home. My self confidence even went a little higher because I was finally comfortable with the kids who I spent 6 hours with everyday. I’m one of those people that believe things happen for a reason due to fate. If I had gone to Oak my freshman year just like everyone else, I probably wouldn’t have been put in certain classes and have gotten close to the people I am with now. The outcome of my decision only affected me for the 2013-2014 school year. I wasn’t miserable, but I wasn’t happy either. Personally, I wouldn’t change anything, but since we can’t use that answer I would like to see what would have happened if I had gone here instead. I wonder who I would be close with now and how my self confidence changed throughout the years.
ReplyDeleteIf my child made an impulsive decision(that didn’t affect their health), I would let them do it. I would let them free and encourage them to go explore the world in order to grow and make mistakes. Of course I want to protect my child from all harm and heartbreak, but I know if I keep them caged up then they’ll eventually become sneaky and end up lying to me about things a mother should know. My future children should be exposed to the real world and I won’t bullshit them when I say to make the right choices. Nothing ever is the “right” choice and so they’ll make mistakes. That’s perfectly okay. I’ll simply tell them, “good luck, I’ll be here for you no matter what the outcome”, and then continue drinking my tea because it's none of my business.
I'm so happy you came to Oakcrest and you really are one of those people to see that we aren't like other schools. I'm glad you feel happy in the nest. (I love saying the nest)
DeleteI think supporting your kids is completely necessary, but so is guidance. Guidance that they might not listen to, but still guidance. Do you get what I mean?
I'm glad you decided to switch to Oakcrest Jasmine. You became one of my good friends and that wouldn't have happened if you didn't transfer. You fit in Oakcrest so well that I always forget that you spent a year in ACIT. But, I'm grateful that you switched.
DeleteHonestly, it took me forever to come up with something. I have never done anything bad enough to regret it. I don't get in trouble at home so what could I write about? I've been thinking about this answer since it has been up. The one thing I regret is letting people walk all over me when I was little. I moved here in 1st grade but didn't start school until 2nd here. I was shy and stayed to myself. When I made friends, I cared so much of what they thought I was never myself. I wouldn't like someone if they didn't like someone, if they didn't do their work, I wouldn't do mine, etc. They took my kindness for weakness. I think about it now and I was so stupid because I let people take advantage of me. Sometimes I wish I could go back and be my own self and not care what people thought and did whatever they said but then sometimes I don't. The benefit in this situation was work the cost. I have learned over the years to be my own person. I shouldn't have to worry about other people's opinions or let someone run over me because they know they can. My kindness will never again be taken for weakness because I have taught myself better than that. I wouldn't change anything about this situation because it made me who I am today. To my future kids, I would tell them not to let people run over them. To me, in order for someone to get what you are saying, they have to go through what happened because they will never fully understand. I can give my children the speech and waste my breath but it won’t have an impact until it happens. They can go out in the world and if they make the same mistake as me, they will learn from it and know who to come to for the advice they didn’t listen to the first time.
ReplyDeleteSierra, honestly just be yourself. Don't worry about what people have to say because there is only one you. I'm just glad you realized and aren't letting people take advantage of you now, you're better than that. Also I completely agree with your advice to your future children about not letting them being stepped on.
DeleteHey Sierra, I know what your talking about when you say you used to let people run over you because it happen to me when i was younger and was still trying to find my self. I'm pretty sure everyone had this problem before in their lives. As people we are leaders, followers, or wanderer (not to be mistaken for a loner). You just have to figure out what category you want to be classified under.
Delete“ Hindsight 20/20,,,,means that you can see more clearly once you’ve looked at what you’ve done, rather than what you will do”; I have never heard of this saying, but I am completely aware of this happening to so many people including myself. I have those situations where I don’t think through thoroughly and what the outcome may be. Emotions, in my opinion, blind us from doing so. I believe it’s just a routinary act in life.
ReplyDeleteI don’t believe when a person says that they “don’t” regret anything”. Everyone has the thought of regretting something. Referencing to Bunje’s response about this, I couldn’t agree more. Yeah, you can think that it made who you are but do you really know who you are? I think it’s early to say, like what Bunje said. We all made countless mistakes and to think that none of them was a regret is unbelievable. Indeed, I have regretted so many doings. But the worst decision that I completely regret is thinking that I’m not good enough. It so hard for me to speak about this without breaking down into tears, as I am at this moment, because I have been depressed for a long time in my life. I’m so much better than I was before in middle school and early in high school. I would never hurt myself but I would think about death or disappearing a lot. I was bullied and I would come home, look at myself in the mirror and just cry and cry and cry, thinking of why should I even try in life. One day. I would be okay and other days it was gloomy and depressing for me because of the negative thoughts flowing through my mind. I would feel so lonely, even when I did have friends and my family to support me, but I chose to keep it to myself and not reach out to them. It makes me angry now that I chose to listen to them when I should be loving myself and everything that I’m made of.
As the years past, I’ve grown to realize that only my opinion matters not anyone else’s. Not a single word from a person’s disrespectful mouth should have an effect on me, like it did before. ever again. I have benefited from the past. It made me stronger and I will continue to become more so. It opened my eyes of the cruel side of humanity. Some people could be friendly and sweet at first, then in a snap, they end up hurting you. You can never really know for sure what could come from people because of change. However, there are truly good people out there. In my life, that would be my great friends, as of now, and my beautiful family.
When the time comes of having to deal with my child’s difficult situation that could be similar to what mine was, I would first tell them that I have been there before. Then I would tell them to love life. Life will not always be how they want it be, but it will eventually fall into place. Loving themselves no matter what others say, is so important for them to know. Their are the most important in their lives; they come first before anyone else in their lives. A source says “If you're not connected to who you really are, how the heck are you going to connect with someone else?” which reminds me of what Bunje said one day in class that was similar. Basically, loving yourself is so crucial.
Claire when i read this i was suprised because when i see you in class and in the hallways you always look happy. But if that is all just a front fool people and you still feel hurt and lonely behind closed door know that I am you friend not just on Instagram but also in life . This also was very inspirational to me because i have some fake friends who only "bring me up to tear me down" as the saying goes. This makes me see that other people have been where i am and survived. thank you. :)
DeleteThanks for the support Kayla! It means so much to me knowing that your my friend:))) Know that I'm here for you too and I'm glad that this opened your eyes. Your welcome!
DeleteOh my god, Claire. You are amazing and awesome. There's no reason anybody should go through that, hence the saying, "Kids are cruel." But, I just want you to know I'm always here for you.
DeleteThe moment a person does something they might not notice if it’s a good decision or not but when someone looks back and reflects on it more deeply, that’s when one knows if it was a good decision or not. They worst decision I have ever made was back when I was in 7th grade. My great grandmother was in the hospital fighting for her last breath. I really cherished this great grandmother of mine, she lived to be 98. Well I was softball game when this all happened. It was about 4 pm when I got a phone call from my mom that day. I answered and she said that my great grandmother was in the hospital. I was really shocked to hear that because this person that I loved was currently battling with her life. My mom told me that I should go visit her in the hospital. I told her that I couldn’t since I was at a game and I couldn’t leave my team. I told her that after the game I would go visit. Well turned out I never got to see her after the game or say a few words to her because she took her last breathe before the game ended. The next time I got to see her was when she was placed in a coffin. The reward I got was that we won our softball game but the consequence was that I never got to say goodbye to my beloved great grandmother. My reward was definitely not worth what I sacrificed because losing a game is not the same as losing a person. We can win a game next time but you can’t bring a person back to life.
ReplyDeleteIf I could go back in time, I would definitely have left that game and come say a few words to my great grandmother. I would have let her know that I love her. She probably left us thinking that her great granddaughter whom she adores so much doesn’t worry about her. The thing that makes me regret my decision even more is the fact that she probably thinking about me too. That makes me feel the guiltiest. Well I won’t be able to shield my child from bad decisions because anything can happen. What I will do is educate my future child starting from a young age that in this world nothing is safe, always be cautious. I will teach them to find trustworthy friends. I will tell my child that if a bad decision is made, always reflect on it and find a solution to it, also never make the same mistake again.
I recently had something like this happen. When my grandpas health started failing, I knew it could take a couple days for him to pass. I stayed with my grandpa until the end and I was very grateful for that. I don't believe that is what your great grandmother would be thinking. In fact, I think that she was grateful for being able to catch the end of your game from up above.
Delete"The moment a person does something they might not notice if it’s a good decision or not but when someone looks back and reflects on it more deeply, that’s when one knows if it was a good decision or not." I love this part of your blog post. I think it really reflects one of the many ways people reflect on their decisions. I don't believe people can identify a bad choice right on the spot i also believe it takes self reflection and hard thinking to come to a conclusion.
DeleteI have never heard that phrase before, but I kind of like it. “Hindsight is 20/20” It gives a positive outlook on the situation, despite it being bad. Or at least that’s how I come across it. I think it helps you grow as a person. It’s kind of like a “Suck-it-Up-And-Move-On” type thing, if you “get what i’m putting down.” Great, you made a mistake; now take it and learn from it.
ReplyDeleteIn my sixteen years of existence, i only remember a good half of it. And in those good half years that I remember, many of it was spent “quitting.” And that’s my biggest regret. When I was a wee little girl, my mom signed me up for dance. Oddly enough, I loved it! Wearing those little tutus and putting my hair in those cute little buns, i felt like a princess. I mean, what five-year old doesn’t like that, am I right? But as the second year rolled around and it was time to register again, everything sort of went downhill. To put it short, I got older. Instead of the “little girls’ class”, I was now put in the “big girls’ class.” Now, you’re probably like, “what’s wrong with that, Jas?” Well, this “big girls’ class”, was exactly that. A big girls’ class. Literally, I was the only six-year old. Everyone else were, at most, eighteen. And back then, eighteen was a scary age! So imagine a little girl wearing a pink tutu with tights in a room full of 6ft girls wearing booty shorts… I’m pretty sure I stood in the corner of the room for the majority of the class.
Looking back at it, it wasn’t that bad. I just wish I didn’t quit. Because after dance, came piano: quit that after two years. After piano, was tennis; Also quit that. After tennis was art lessons; Which I DIDN’T quit, I actually completed the course; I just never had the energy to sign up for a second lesson. Since that very day, the mindset of “giving up” had been implanted into my brain. Even if I did enjoy them, I would make up excuses that i’m “too busy” and quit. And it stinks because if I had stuck with these activities long enough, then maybe I wouldn’t be so quiet and introverted, and life, as I know it, would be so much easier. But as I’m growing older, that phase is slowly drifting away, and my “Giving-Up-Days” are now turning into “Succeeding-Days”.
To be honest, I don’t know how I’ll teach my kids this. My parents signed me up for these things at a later age. My neighbors next door, three boys who play soccer and hockey, started when they were three. I feel like they didn’t have a mind of their own yet, so they couldn’t say no. But that’s kind of a good thing because as they grow up and their brains “mature”, all they’ll know is soccer/hockey because that’s what they were taught at a young age. Meaning, they’ll be less likely to quit because by then, they’ll have grown to love it. Whereas, I started at a very sassy age and said no to literally everything. So future sons and daughters, be prepared at age three… All I can tell them is not to give up. As Laiba often tells me at meets, “You gotta fight through the pain!” I feel like everything we do benefits us in someway, and if we quit, we’re missing out. And I don’t want them to go through that. Kids, do what makes you happy. Whatever your heart is telling you to do, just do it!
Jasmine i'm glad to hear that you are not giving up on thing's anymore. You sound very talented and i'm sure now that you gave up on giving up :) you accomplish a lot more.
DeleteHey Jas! Besides our name, we have other stuff in common. I took dance and piano too. I also quit hahaha. I know that the right thing to say is to never give up but let's be honest, I'm on the same boat as you. You were young and didn't want to commit to anything. That's perfectly okay.
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ReplyDeleteI think about my biggest regret every day of my life. Family is the root of everyone’s lives whether it be the reason that they’re happy or the reason why they’re morally ruined. Growing up I was lucky enough to have all 4 of my grandparents in my life, however I never took advantage of that. My one set of grandparents are the most supportive people I know and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. However, my other grandparents aren’t around as much which is strange to me because they only live about 10 minutes away. Growing up they were in my life, but not as much as I would’ve liked them to be. Every summer leading up until I was about 10 we would take a family trip to North Carolina for about a week. I would always be so excited because I knew that was week that I would get to see them every day. But once the trip was over, everything would go back to normal and it seemed as if we were strangers. Christmas went by every year and I would rarely get a card, my birthday would pass and I rarely would get a present. I thought that that was normal because it was what I was used to. But after seeing other people being so close with all their grandparents I felt that I was missing that connection with one set of mine. So, I would try to make time for them by taking a ride over to their house and hanging out for a while because my poppop could always make me laugh. But as time went on, the visits became less and less and it stopped bothering me because I felt as if I was making time for people who weren’t making time for me. I would get so angry at them because I could never understand why someone wouldn’t want to see their grandchildren. Months became years, and I didn’t talk to them because they made it so easy not to keep in touch since they would never call. One day, I get a call from my mom and she told me that my poppop was in the hospital. My response to this news was weird because I didn’t know how to feel. I was obviously upset but in some part of my mind it felt like I didn’t have the right to be upset about my sick grandfather since I didn’t see him often. I went to visit him that day but since he had minimal brain activity, he wasn’t awake, so he couldn’t talk. My poppop died on April 20th, 2014 and still to this day I blame myself for not being close with him. I wish I had more memories with him because all of mine are from when I was younger. I wish I could just go back in time and be close with him so that he could be more involved in mine and my brother’s lives. After that experience I try not to take advantage of any situation and I try to make the most out of my days because once that person is gone, you would do anything to have them back.
I believe that our ability to look at what we’ve done more in depth than what we're about to do is due to ignorance to consequences, we only think about how it can benefit us rather than hurt us. The worse decision I have ever made is rushing into a relationship when I wasn’t ready for one. The outcome wasn’t worth the time I put into the relationship do to the fact that I actually only got to see her a couple times. The time I put into her could have been put into something proactive such as track, homework, or sleep. If I could change anything I would just tell myself focus on homework or sleeping because she really wasn’t worth the grades I kept getting because I would talk to her instead of working on it.
ReplyDeleteIf one of my kids make the same decision that I did I will tell them how well the experience went for me, and hope they will take my advice. My parents really never check my grades so they didn’t know how bad I was failing two classes. Also, they have never actually tried to tell me anything about myself, just because I am unlike both of my parents so they really couldn’t tell me who I am. When my children reach their teenage years I will offer my advice but allow them to experience their own consequences, so that way when they enter the real world they are not shocked to realize that every action has a consequence. I believe in equal punishment for what they did wrong, I don’t want to be my children to hate me but I also don’t want to be there best friend, as a parent my job is to prepare and guide them through the struggles of becoming an adult. When my children make a decision like I made, I will be supportive but careful not to baby them.
Christian has all the right words...I also feel that every action has a consequence, no exceptions. I also think that advice is a good thing but it doesn't make you learn much. When you screw up and realize your mistakes I feel that you learn more. I also think that sleep is extremely important.
DeleteI tried writing this so many times and I don’t know what to say. I try and forget my bad decisions because I am that person that tries to block all negativity away from myself so I guess I push my regrets away like they don’t happen. But of course they do, and they suck. The absolute hatred I had for myself was constantly setting myself up to be let down, used, and taken for granted by someone I actually cared about. I led myself to believe there was good in everyone and that no one would ever intentionally hurt me. But I was wrong. This isn’t my biggest regret but my most recent mistake. I’ve wasted so much time on a stupid boy that never cared. A 17 year old image of perfection in my eyes that set me up to have Drake on replay 24/7. I was repeatedly lied to. All pinky promises were just an action not a truth. I fooled myself for even considering opening up to someone who had a history of playing mind games with girls would make them change. People probably thought I was so blind because he treated me like shit I don’t even know how to put into words how stupid I must of looked. The worst part is I never actually dated him and I still gave him everything I could possibly think of and so much more. I felt so unwanted for so long and in the end I was(or still am) at one of the lowest points I’ve ever been, not over him, just the fact I let myself do this. I was so oblivious to what I deserved to rather what I wanted. I regret using my heart rather than my mind. I came to realize that my sacrifices today were soon to be the greatest decision that I’ve made so far junior year. I don’t regret him. At all. It was a lesson. I regret my decisions when it came to him, more so myself. I let him make me feel that way and continued to watch him walk all over me along with all my friends and family. I know I messed up, but lowkey he is a good person. I’ll never hate him as much as I wish I could. It means so much more to me to see someone who I care about happy than waste time being pissy at them. I don’t hate him, I still wish him the best and I don’t like to see him upset but I think for the first time ever I finally put myself before him. I know I sound crazy but I just wrote about this not because I’m dramatic or to bash him but to say when it comes to regrets about or with someone, no matter who, can shape your mind and turn into lessons. I'm so happy for this regret, I’ve never been so open to anything before. This is probably all over only because I wrote part of this in my feels and the other half after I situated myself but all in all, I just made bad decisions for the wrong guy. I'm happier knowing I got what I deserve and obviously so did he. When it comes to this exact choice, I know my daughter/son will have to go through this pain eventually. I hope they are optimistic enough to realize what they deserve way before I did. I will give them all the confidence in the world before they dwindle down to letting someone push them around. I’ve never had a regret that was so crazy that I wish never happened. Maybe the most might of been sending a voice memo of me talking about the person I sent to and I wish that never happens to my kids because that's some serious business.
ReplyDeleteTeag I am so proud of you. For you to finally stand up to him. To finally get away from him and realize what we all saw he was doing. He does not deserve you. You deserve someone so much better that will appreciate you and make you feel loved. It's his loss love you girlie :)
DeleteThrough out my 18 years of life there are so many things I regret. I regret not taking chances to meet knew people because I was stuck on someone else. Many people have walked into my life and I have pushed them right out. These people are amazingly interesting, they are caring, they are genuine people, but because of my stubbornness to let go. I don’t want to make this a sappy love story where I’m stuck with someone and wasn’t able to have another boyfriend because this is about so many other people. I close myself off to a certain group of people and I don’t ever give people chances. I still do it to this day and regret every time I do it. I know that life has so much more to offer and because I close myself off ill never be bale to experience it. I could have many more experiences and know so much more stuff but I choose not to. People have so much to offer and I am just giving them up. Now I am not saying that the friends I have now are useless they have helped me so much and honestly make me so happy but the fact that I let people go is true. I don’t give anyone a chance. I get really annoyed easily and have to walk away because I know eventually I will end up being mean. I don’t want anyone to think of this post as me thinking I think I am to good for some people because that isn’t the case. I can honestly say I regret not being able to be close to some people as much as I want too. I wish I could tell myself that pushing people away isn’t the right thing but I have this like mechanism that just does it automatically. I can recall many of the times I have done this and I want to go jump of a cliff. I don’t even want to write about it anymore thinking about all the people I have let go. I Hope I can grow out of this annoying stupid phase where I like to close myself off, because if not ill be fucked for the rest of my life. So if this blog post is asking me how I would change what I am doing wrong the only answer I could honestly have for this is that I hope I grow up and mature enough to know that I am better off letting people go and letting people who are worth it in.
ReplyDeleteI will make sure my kids know that when you are stubborn to let someone or people go it fucks you the hell up. You miss out on so many chances and don’t experience what life honestly has to offer. So if I have to I will sit my kids down and tell them about every single person I’ve lost because of my stupid stubbornness to let people in.
Figuring out the worst decision I ever made was pretty difficult. I don’t like living with regrets, but the first thing that popped into my head was a past relationship. I honestly think that dating him in the first place was a huge mistake because of the amazing friendship we already had. I put that friendship at risk when I began dating him. The only options for how it could of ended was that we go out break up and be best friends again like it never happened, break up and never be friends again, at least not how it was before, or we live happily ever after. Considering I was a sophomore in high school and he was especially immature and indecisive, the fairy tale ending was extremely unlikely. The relationship itself was toxic, I was always the one left hurt, and I always forgave him for it. I let the relationship go on a lot longer than it should have. Even though I made some of the best memories of my life while with him, I’d give them all back just to have the innocent 7th-grade friendship we’d had in the beginning. The outcome was definitely not worth it because in the end I was hurt and now I don’t even talk to him anymore. If I had the chance, I would go back in time and change the day we started dating, and I would go with my gut feeling that told me it was a bad idea that was just going to end painfully, and I would tell him that our friendship is way more important.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for what happened brenna. I remember when you dated him. I think maybe you should try talking to him again. Maybe he has a change of heart.
DeleteI’ve made plenty of bad decisions so far, but some are higher than others. One decision I regret very deeply is from last year. During history class, we were given an assignment for a book called The Peculiar Institution. We had two months to read seven chapters, provide a summary, and talk about one of the stories in each chapter that we thought was most interesting. The way I am this year from last year, I would say is very different. I was the king of procrastination and would do all my work last minute. I was very lazy last year and didn’t care as much. My grades were all A’s and B’s, but when given that assignment, guess what I do. I procrastinate like usual and wait until the work is due in three weeks. I read four out the seven chapters and did all the summaries and other work that was needed. After the four chapters, I only had a week left to finish the rest. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and I asked one of my friends for the last three chapters and he gave them to me. I was stressed and mad at myself that I didn’t finish and that I should’ve started reading early, but stupid old me decided to be lazy. So in feeling desperation(and knowing what I was doing was wrong). I, Bunje don’t hate me, cheated and copied the last three chapters word for word. It was a horrible decision of mine and I would do anything to go back and fix it. After submitting the assignment, the next day Mr. Dunn called me in and asked why was my paper exactly the same as my friends, I told him the truth and he understood why. He allowed me until the end of the school year to submit it back. I redid the whole thing and got an 80 out of a 100, because of lateness. After that, I never cheated again, because it only makes things worse. And you start to have the guilty feeling build up in you and you just can’t hold it any longer. When I have children, and they make wrong mistakes. I wouldn’t punish them, but I would teach them on how to be kind and honest, and have good work ethics. And from that point, they will learn just as their father did to never procrastinate and to always work hard.
ReplyDeleteThat happened to me too Josh, the same book. I was to lazy to summarize the last chapter, so I asked a friend if I could see theirs to read it and write my own. But it was too similar and he caught me lol
DeleteI remember this! I saw you walk up to his desk and show him your paper. Me and Savannah were looking and said to each other "did Josh cheat?" I didn't know you did it, I thought someone else copied off of you. But, wth he let you have until the end of the year to re do the chapters. He would've given me a 0
DeleteI agree with you on how to properly teach children on making mistakes. Punishment doesn’t work unless they know what they did wrong. From mistakes, children should learn good work ethics and to never make that same mistake again.
DeleteWhen it comes to making decisions lets just say I win at making the worse. Naturally, when I get into situations where I could go right or wrong, I always take the wrong route. I will say though, from every bad decision I did definitely learn something from it. When it comes to the worst decision I’ve ever made it has to be the time I lied to my mom about where I was. Every teenager extends the truth on his or her whereabouts sometimes but I pushed it a little too far this time. I told my mom I was in Somers Point at my friend’s house but in reality I was at a campground with no adult supervision. Growing up I never believed my parents when they said they “find out everything” until 3 in the morning on a cold Saturday night when my parents came and picked me up from this campground. Looking back on it now I can see every thing I risked with making this stupid decision and at the time I thought the consequences were pathetic but honestly I deserved every single one. Going out of my way to lose my moms trust over a night that wasn’t even worth it was not worth the cost. My mom soon forgave me but she will never forget how I could just blatantly lie to her face over something so little. I will never make the decision to do what I did that night and now that I have my moms trust back I can just easily tell her where I am, as long as I am safe. I know, logically, that I will probably make some more dumb choices before I reach the ultimate mature age point, but I just take in all the lessons as life rolls on.
ReplyDeleteWhen I eventually have kids and they make the decisions I did, or act in the way I did, I will most likely punish them. At the same time, I will teach them how their decision could have landed them a spot in jail or even worse, dead. I will make it clear to my children that they can come to me about anything and I will allow them to go out, as long as I know where they are and if they are safe. I believe that when I have kids I will truly understand on why my mother worried so much when I was out and about.
Since I’m only 16 there haven’t been too many decisions in my life I could have made. And even less bad ones at that, because I am basically perfect. Though if I had to pick the worst decision I have ever made, I would say that the worst decision I have ever made is not being closer to my sister. If you do not know my life story, I have two parents that I’m pretty close to. Then I have my brother who always pisses me off but we generally get along. And finally my sister, Jess. I love my whole family the same, but out of everyone in my family my sister and I get along the best. Grant it my sister and I are probably closer than most siblings, but in my eyes Jess is a great person. I wish I was a lot closer to her because there are qualities that she has that I don’t quite have yet or may never have. I guess the reason why we are not closer is that she is three years older than me, which automatically makes our personalities and views on certain things different but normally we get along. But at this point Jess is in collage and we really only see each other at the most once a month during the school year, except for breaks. I just wish that in the 15 years we both lived at home we were closer. From now on the only time we will see each other is when we visit each other. We won’t really ever see each other around the house, maybe in the kitchen or the living room. And soon I will only see my sister at Easter, 4th of July, Thanks Giving, and Christmas, along with the rest of my family.
ReplyDeleteThere wasn’t any benefit in not having a closer relationship with my sis but there was a huge cost. I really won’t ever be closer to Jess than I was before she left for collage, so we really will just grow apart from there and I regret that in our childhood we weren’t closer. If I could, obviously I would have had a better relationship with Jess. We always got along and I feel like we could have been closer siblings, to be honest there were a few years that because of the age gap, I can’t really remember us hanging out at all.
If my children make the same choices as I did, I will try to redirect them, just as my parents did. The relationships will both of my siblings are great. And I am not sure that when I am a parent I will be able to gauge how well my children get along, but I will definitely enforce that they have quality time together. I know that when I came to the realization that my sister and I will only go our separate was from here on out it made me very upset. And soon the same will be true with my brother and me, but it will be me who is going to college. I hope that none of my children will ever feel the same about their relationships with their siblings. I just would like my children to get along well and be each other’s best friends just like my siblings are mine.
Regrets ... HA, that's hilarious, if you don't have any you are full of toxic waste. Like please tell me that there was not a day that went by when you read, saw or even heard something and you were like oh hell no I want to forget about that so bad. Well, let's see what do I regret I feel like I regret a lot of things, I don't think that's bad I just know not to do the things I did again.My biggest regret honestly is not putting myself first. No, I'm not talking about being selfish not at all. Not letting people in front of me in line or sharing my food and being selfish with my food because" I'm putting myself first."I'm saying when in situations I've been put in I've done or been through I feel like if I would have thought of myself first I wouldn't be hurt or feel as broken down as I do now .They say "You live and you learn" or "You learn from your mistakes" or maybe even "I don't regret anything because I've learned from them and they made me who I am today ".But no honestly my regrets made me the low and broken down person I am on the inside because I didn't put myself first.I have been walked on numerous times by different people guys and girls also but if only for a second I could have thought of how I would feel or how it would affect me what there about to do or what's gonna happen with maybe I wouldn't have been the one that got walked all over.Days I wanted people to just make me feel good about myself, they never could because they always put themselves before me and I wasn't their priority so why were they mine.That's all because my heart is just too big and I can't help but put everything before myself when I love someone but that's so very hard when they don't really love you or maybe when they don't love you as much as they said .A lot of times you find yourself in a situation that has nothing to do with you but in a way the result in negative turn out for you.How? I have no idea really I can't tell you the answer but just being there and not thinking about yourself you were in a bad predicament because anything can go wrong and fall on you.When being in a relationship this tends to happen very often nd I mean very often a lot of people don't get that the other does have values and standards for themselves usually one more than the other.Well with me I swore that putting them first and doing everything I could to make them happy was gonna make the stay in life and be there for me and love me but no i was wrong and I tend to be sometimes.So I did it I did things I would never have if I thought of myself first I REGRET that I don't put myself first and that I dont believe that I am strong enough to do so. Something I will tell my children is that yes you will come across regrets but at a time they were what you wanted or at least what you thought you wanted.Also, I want them to know that they are first before anything and everyone because if there not they will be so disappointed and in a way broken down because they didn't put themselves first and think of the effects tat could happen if they choose to not to.
ReplyDeleteHindsight is 20/20. I actually have never heard this before with the exception of a fortune cookie or a line in a movie, I don’t know really it just sounds a bit familiar. But I had to google the term, and I agree with it, it is much easier to analyze a situation when you’ve already experienced. It is kind of obvious why this is, but I will explain. Once you have went through a situation you know what the outcome will be or how difficult the task is or most importantly, is it worth it?
ReplyDeleteMy biggest regret in my life is being so close minded in sports when I was young and even entering high school. My whole life had been football. When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I played soccer, and honestly I don’t know why I quit, it was too long ago, and knowing how I used to be and still am sometimes, I was probably just being lazy. When I was about 8, 9 or 10 (my memory is all a blur) I wrestled, and I quit that because I both didn’t like it that much, and was again, lazy. When I was 10 or 11, I started to play baseball, and that lasted up until sophomore year, when I was cut from the team :(. But that was just a rundown of all the sports I did and when, now into my regret. Soccer is what specifically sparked this thought, and made me realize I should have been more open minded. In the past year or so, I have developed a strong liking for soccer and for someone who’s never played beside a season and maybe two practices, I think I’m pretty good. Like a couple weeks ago, I went to the soccer field with Enrique and another soccer player, and maybe he was just gassing but he said many times “How do you do that” “you kick better than half the kids on the team.” And it just makes me think about how my life would be different if I played from when I was young until now. The only thing stopping me from playing now is my love for football, and the fact that I have a much better chance at success with football. Now off the soccer topic, I wish I would’ve just tried other sports, nothing in specific just a few others. I recall a conversation I once had with my father in the car one day in seventh or eighth grade, where he asked me if I ever thought about or wanted to play any more sports. And my answer to that was it’s too late to start a new sport, and I was so wrong. Jerome Bettis, who was a running back for the Steelers and Lions, started playing football his freshman year of high school, and now he is in the pro football hall of fame. I was so wrong on that day, and i regret it to this day.
I will let my future kids do whatever they want. Clearly I don’t mean anything but if they want to do every sport possible or do no sports, that is on them. I obviously will suggest football because that is my favorite sport and I am decent at it, or soccer and baseball because I like those sports, but it will be completely his/her choice what he/she does.
When you use your hindsight to look at a situation, you are seeing the matter for what it is, not what it may be. You fully assess and examine the outcome, then you can decide whether or not the choice you made was good or bad.
ReplyDeleteOkay, look I know you are not going to believe this, but I’ve never really made bad choices. Seriously, I’m not kidding; I don’t get out of the house much, I don’t go to parties, and I don’t do drugs. Probably the worst thing I’ve ever done is miss the bus (and oh lord, if you know about that…). But I can say that I’ve had regrets in certain situations. Like, not speaking up, or letting myself be walked over. I think the biggest regret that I’ve ever had though, is when I perform or play field hockey, and I don’t do it to my greatest potential. You can’t get too comfortable at the top, it doesn’t work that way. When I perform, it’s a big deal to me; I am probably my toughest critic. So, when I performed the Star Spangled Banner at the pep rally, I was upset and I railed on myself for not singing it with my two best friends in the whole entire world. I know it was my first time ever singing in front of the whole school, but I know I could’ve been so much better. Another awesome example that keeps bringing up raw memories, was our hockey game today against Vineland. I shit you not, these girls have not won in literal YEARS, and then they beat us 3-1. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF. I felt like individually, I had let the team down, especially at the 3 minute mark in the second half (yikes). But I really was trying to score and I did not want to lose, which is also why I was so disheartened after the game. My teammates have never even seen me sad, but today they saw me shed tears (honestly, I don’t think I could’ve held them back, I was getting so emotional and upset). Seeing the Vineland girls so happy is what really set me off. That should’ve never happened. What we put in definitely was not worth the embarrassment of losing. I wish I could change other people’s mindset and make them see things in a different perspective. The girls on the Oakcrest field hockey team went in thinking it was an easy game, when we should’ve went in thinking about how many goals we were going to score or our own goals (not the point kind), as a team, for the game.
My children will learn to be hard-working. They will not give up when things aren’t going their way, but they will rise above. I never want my kids to endure the upright pain and suffering of the true feeling of loss and disappointment (especially in themselves). They will be taught to give 210% to every little thing that they do because, who knows, it may become extremely important. I really just don’t want my children to give up on themselves, ever, because to me, that’s truly heartbreaking.
Usually, after you have made a mistake, you get that “Yeah, I messed up” feeling. I believe that’s what they mean when they say hindsight is 20/20. You see clearly that you did something wrong.
ReplyDeleteOut of all my regrets, my biggest one would be not showing affection to my family, especially to my mother. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family to death, I just have trouble showing it. I just feel uneasy and awkward when I have deep moments with them. It’s really bad. My mom confronted me about this many times. She feels as if I don’t care about them, even though it’s the complete opposite. I guess it’s just my personality, but it needs change asap. I know one that day I’ll lose them and I have to show emotions before it’s too late. Although, my mom was the same way. When my aunt passed away she confessed that wasn’t the type to show her feelings either. She deeply regretted not being more affectionate. I don’t want to be the same way. I’m scared that I’m going to leave someone on a bad note without knowing it was my last time seeing them. If that ever happened to me I would probably live the rest of my life with just regret. The consequences of me being unaffectionate is that my family just thinks I don’t care. This just makes me even regret it even more because of the love I have for my family. The fact that my mom is unaware of how much I care for them sucks.
I would understand if my children make the same mistake; because I would know exactly where they get it from. I would tell them that I understand why they’re emotionless when it comes to their family members, but try to open up more. There’s nothing you could do about feeling awkward when you’re showing that you care, but do it anyways. I’ll teach them to never leave the house without saying a proper goodbye because it might be the last time you’ll see them.
Zack/Zach/JanTo be honest, it could partially have to do with the fact that you're a guy. I feel like society has made it so that girls should be more attached to their emotions and guys shouldn't be. Changing how you express yourself is going to take a lot of time and effort, which I'm sure you know. So, good luck.
DeleteI’m the exact opposite of you Zach. Well, in one way, but the very same in another. I’m the same as you when it comes to your feelings inside, the strong feelings you have for your family. I am very, very close to my family, they are my absolute everything. But as for myself, I’m also very good at showing my feelings and emotions, unlike you are. But I do also understand where you’re coming from because I feel the same way with extended family I still care about, I just don’t know how to show my love for them like I do for my immediate family. It’s also a scary thought of losing someone on a bad note or regretting the fact that you had so much more love to show them and they knew knew. My mom told me since I was little, to NEVER leave the house or end a conversation on a bad note and to always tell who you truly love, that you love them, even if you might be angry with them for that moment.
DeleteWhen you are stuck in a situation that seems to have no end it’s hard to look past where you’re standing with all this crap going on in your head. But when everything is over with it’s easy to see the whole picture from start to finish without the distractions. After everything has passed you know the path you took and the path you should’ve taken. And I think that’s the worst part about making important decisions; there is no going back to fix it even though you now know what should have done.
ReplyDeleteMy freshman year of high school I didn’t have just one big decision I made that I regret, it was a series of little things that definitely through me off my course. First, the choir had to sing at the wall of fame ceremony and we were picking solos. I thought I could handle memorizing the solo I chose in a couple of hours but I was wrong. I forgot all the words and I think by the end of it I was mumbling random words like “da” and “bum” hoping no one would notice. Being that I was already stressed out with balancing school and marching band; I was totally brokenhearted, embarrassed, and overwhelmed with sadness. It was only because of my choir buddies, and the fact that there was only like five students in the audience, that I shook it off.
The second bad decision was about a two weeks later when I decided to take on a task that over my head. The week before championships the band director, Mr. Schwartz, asked me if I could do a flag routine in the show “The Seven Deadly Sins”. There were two things wrong with this: I was still figuring out how to march and my instrument, and I never even picked up a flag before. I cried probably every night that week and it didn’t help that I messed up the routine during our championship performance. Even though we won the championship I was still upset with myself because I knew I should have done better for my band. We beat the second place winners by 0.25 points, who knows maybe it would have been 2 whole points.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a sob fest. I have pushed aside those mortifying moments and I take pride that I tried to put that weight on my shoulders. If anything, these times taught me that it is incredibly difficult to remember lyrics when you are nervous and that color guard is not my forte. I only regret that I didn’t allow myself to get used to high school and where I belonged before adding to my plate. I said yes to too many things before I sat down to evaluate what I was running into. But in the end my trials helped me find myself and they brought me closer to God. That’s all that matters to me.
If my kid ended up in the same situation I did my freshman year or high school the only thing I could give him is advice. It would be up to my little “Jesse” whether he wants to participate in a lot of activities or not. I will show Jesse how to manage his time to keep his head relatively clear however I can’t do his work. And the remedy for stress is different for everyone. Music and a bike ride was my getaway but maybe for someone else silence is all the sound they need. I already know what stress feels like and how to cure it, it’s up to Jesse to discover those things on his own.
This blog oddly enough is very hard for me to respond too. I have made many many bad decisions in my life. But I can not say anyone of them are worst than the other (or at least by a lot). I make bad decisions when it comes to how to spend my money, how to organize my time, how to word something etc.
ReplyDeleteAs for my biggest regret in life, my answers pretty generic and I believe many other kids probably will say the same but it is not getting as involved in school right away. My freshman year of high school I rowed. My sophomore year I did french club, I rowed, and I did stage crew. Now it is my junior year and I am currently a class officer, I am in french club still, I do stage crew still, I am in FCA, and I am a freshman ambassador. My activity list grows each year adding some things and on the occasion dropping things as well. But my regret is not just not hopping right on in and trying things my freshman year. I always use the excuse of that is the year I moved to Mays Landing so I did not really know anyone. But, to be honest I think if I had not moved I still would not have gotten that involved freshman year, simply because I am just a generally shy awkward person. Overall though my biggest regret in life is always being so shy and awkward. Thanks to that I am not good at conversation and it takes me a while to open up or truly feel comfortable as well as being so shy stops me from doing many things.
As for me kids, I am going to raise them up making sure that they are comfortable in their own skin. I want my kids to be confident and outgoing. I think those are important qualities. while I believe I may lack them I would still like to teach them to my kids because confidence can change your whole life.
I have a similar regret. Not being school spirited from the get go. Honestly running for class office takes guts. I don't think that a shy awkward person would have ran for office. I think if you lived in Mays Landing your whole life that you would have joined more clubs freshman year. Friends are what get you interested in different clubs. Freshman year I signed up for a good amount of clubs because my friends wanted to. It sounds like you're doing a lot of clubs this year and I'm glad to hear that.
DeleteIt's great that your involved in so many things. i wish i did clubs rather than just doing sports. I myself never did much in my freshman year besides sports. I wish I helped out the school in some way. However, like what you said, being shy and not so confident is a struggle for me that I'm still working on. It's hard but I have seen myself improve and I know you can too. I've always had a hard time letting people in and interfered with getting to know people and making more friends. So I totally know where your coming from. Just know that you can improve this and your not alone!
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DeleteI am also in my junior year of highschool, but unlike you, I am not involved whatsoever. That is also something I regret, not getting involved. But as for you, Kylie, you got involved freshman year, although it may not have been as involved as you wanted to be, you were still involved. I was too scared to get involved freshman year and look at me now… still scared. I'm shy and awkward just as you described yourself to be. But as for what I wrote my blog about, I blame those horrible qualities I have as a consequence of quitting dance. But I hope your senior year is bigger and better than any other year and you get even more involved. Good luck!
My worst decision ever was probably going to high school. My whole school life up until 8th grade i was homeschooled, I hated it my parents told me that this world was evil and they wanted to shelter me and help me grow as much as I can. Before 9th grade hit they gave me the choice of going to real school and I absolutely wanted to go. I ended up going to the school I'm zoned for which is Oakcrest high school the same school my parents went too. When I started going it was so scary and different I didn't really know what I was doing there, the only thing I knew was I was whole lot different from the other students. I mostly went for sports because I liked to wrestle and play baseball at the time but besides that I pretty much hated it. The vibe I got being there wasn't right, I liked what they taught us in class but hated the tests and the homework. On the other note other students wouldn't stop messing with me they knew I was different and that was something they picked on me for. Also my parents seriously pressured me saying if I ever slipped up, got bad grades, was hanging with the wrong crowd I was being homeschooled again. I had a really hard time transitioning to highschool let alone actual public school itself and yah I've made the best of it these last years but I still really hate it and my decision to come here. What I probably got out of it was the appeal of what are society and are youth really look like, it's upsetting almost none of these highschool students can grow up that was something I was not aware of before coming here. Also mostly social situations and problems I have managed to benefit and learn from so I don't make the same mistakes in life. My outcome was scars and knowledge and to be honest I'm happy for both if only I could have gained it a different way. Life is full of surprises and one is highschool and I want to say it's my worst decision to attend here but I feel everyday that possibility is slowing changing for good but only time will tell. I'm not sure what type of schooling I want my kid to have I don't even want one but if I did I'm afraid to send him to a public highschool he would learn the hard way either becoming like the others there or being hurt because he is different. If he wanted to go I would watch over him well because my parents didn't really with me I want him to be different though but in a good way.
ReplyDeleteI can understand how going to high school could be the biggest mistake you’ve made, especially the fact that you were not only new to the school but new to everyone else. On the other hand the new people and experiences will help you in the real world. Everyone is different than one another, some obvious but some subtle.
DeleteI have made many decisions, which were mostly minor. I didn’t get the opportunity yet to make the “Big Decisions” that will set my journey of life straight. I have regretted many things. I often start regretting something a second after I do it. Therefore, my realization of “hindsight is 20/20” comes quickly.
ReplyDeleteI have never heard of “hindsight is 20/20” just like I have never heard of millions of other sayings in America. Whoever came up with it was clearly looking for satisfaction and not perfection. What I mean by this is that the current saying has a flaw. A 20/20 vision is considered normal and good enough for most people. What I believe would’ve been a better saying is “hindsight is 20/10”. For people who don’t know, a 20/10 vision is 2x better than 20/20 vision. What I am implying here is that he/she just wanted to know the past mistakes with a “normal” 20/20 vision. In order to comprehend your mistakes clearly, you need to have hindsight of 20/10.
Back to my regrets. I was in a puzzlement about which regret to write about in this blog post. I have recently came upon the realization that the following mistake is going to have a detrimental effect on my life. My recent and main regret are: Not deciding to switch from AP Chemistry to AP Biology early (after knowing that Mrs. Rich was going to, as Br’Yan would put it, pump out a unit).
The decision to change to AP Biology was in my mind for a long time, but I was not confident enough to make a decision. At first, I didn’t know when she was going to leave. I didn’t expect her to leave halfway through the first marking period. The thought of learning one of the hardest AP classes under the guidance of a substitute gave me a tremor. Last year, under the guidance of the best chemistry teacher, Mr. Matlack, no one was able to get a 4 or a 5. If you do the math (simply dividing the starting score of 4, which is 81, by the total score, which is 150), you would know that you only need 54% correct in order get a 4 or above. That is pretty freaky to know that everyone got less that 54% the total composite score. I feel that this is going to have a detrimental effect on my GPA and also on my future career. Since I want to go to pre-med, biology is worth and valued more than chemistry. It also puts me at a disadvantage because I was planning to take SAT Subject Test for Biology and use AP Biology as a study resource.
My parents were schooled in India so they don’t know much about how the schools work here. Therefore, I have to do and plan everything. It won’t be the same for my kids. I would make sure that they get into the right classes. I would try my best to support them in any way I can. I would teach my kids to pursue whatever field of study they like. Doesn’t mean if they are Indians that they have to be a doctor or an engineer.
Have you ever met someone with 20/10 vision? By that, I mean, nothing is perfect. I don't think anything in life can really be seen that clearly because of the many minds and actions of other people and those are pretty difficult to completely comprehend. You say that you must comprehend a mistake clearly by seeing it in 20/10 vision, but if you think that not switching to AP Bio will affect your future, can you really see your mistake that clearly. I, honestly, think you will do fine in AP Chem and I know that because I'm doing fine. Trust me, you will be alright. I don't think this one class will determine or make or break your future. You can always take AP Bio next year.
DeleteTaylor may have met someone with 20/10 vision, but I don't know about it because I am not going to walk around asking people about their vision. I do admit that I used the strong word "perfection". By the way, 20/10 Is not perfect vision. There have been humans with 20/8 and birds, such as hawks, with 20/2. I don't THINK that not switching to AP Bio will affect my future. I KNOW. I can take AP Bio next year, which is the only option I have now, but I won't be able to finish the entire course before my applications to college. I don't mind having AP Chem. What I am trying to say is AP Bio would've been better.
DeleteI KNOW that one stupid minuscule class that you take in high school will not determine your future. There's a life outside these four years here, don't think it's all you got.
DeleteHindsight is 20/20 despite the situation being good or bad you are still able to see what you have done. When making a decision we only see the good out of it but never the bad. Everyone has those days where you just stare at the wall for a minute asking yourself “Damn why’d I do that ?” or a different question. I’ve heard of this word “hindsight” before but I never really understood it until looking it up. Entering the summer of 2014 I made a huge regret that not only affected me but my pockets as well. There’s a curfew in my neighborhood that I wasn’t even aware of until I earned myself a curfew ticket. I honestly didn’t see the risk in staying out past 9:30 p.m. (which is the curfew) because I didn’t know there was a curfew in my neighborhood. The cops didn’t even give me or any of my friends warnings, they just wrote us curfew tickets. At this point all I could think about is am I considered a criminal or something ? Now I honestly didn’t know what to think. After telling my mom about this she told me I had to pay for this ticket with my own money which was $125. This regret might sound stupid but I gave up hella shmoney. It really sucked giving away money that I made myself. I could’ve used that money for something important but instead I don’t know the rules of my surroundings and cough up $125. The outcome of this decision was not worth it not one bit. I felt like I was giving away my money for free without a cause which is basically what I did. One thing I would change on the day I got a curfew ticket is just simply knowing the rules around where I live. If my children ever did make the same mistake I made I could do nothing more but to tell them to know their rules and surroundings of where they are.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I literally laughed out loud at "hella shmoney". Yeah, curfew tickets are so dumb especially when they cost hella shmoney like $125. I could have sworn the curfew is around 10 around here though.
DeleteDidn't they take curfew away?
DeleteHey Jasmine! I totally understand how you felt when you lost your nephew, I have two younger sisters and I'm supposed to watch them whenever we go somewhere. I've lost them a bunch of times (I'm not the best babysitter) and every time I would freak out. I'm glad you found your nephew and that everything was okay. It must've been extra scary for you since you were in a different state and weren't familiar with your surroundings. I also get what you said about how you felt guilty for losing him, because every time I lose my sisters I start to feel really guilty as well and think about the worst-case scenarios. It's good that you told your family what had happened right after you lost him, which shows a lot of maturity. I'm sure you learned from your scary experience and realized that it's okay to make mistakes because we're all human.
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