As a kid, I moved around A LOT. It wasn't until I was 15 and a sophomore in high school that I was ever in the same school for more than a year. Because of this--well, because of many things but this is just easier to point a finger at--I have never been able to go back to a place where I lived and say, "This was my home--I belonged here." As a result, I posit that feeling as though we belong somewhere has a tremendous impact on who we are and who we may one day become.
The need to belong is embedded in most people's genetic make-up. Abraham Maslow, a renowned psychologist who conceptualized what is now known as an individual's "Hierarchy of Needs,” reasoned that the need to belong is third on the pyramid to a fulfilling life (the first two are pretty basic--physiological and safety needs), and without that feeling, we simply cannot advance, grow or ever fully become the people we are destined to be. Interested in knowing more about my boy Abe? Go here.Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs
So--what do you think? Do you, at the young and impressionable age of 16 or 17, feel the inherent need to belong? I bold that because feeling the need and feeling that you actually DO belong are sometimes two very different things. The most popular people you can imagine, the ones who are in every club, do every sport, go to every party--do you think THEY feel as though they belong?
If you feel like you do belong somewhere--where is it? What makes you feel that way? What does that sense of belonging do for you and your self-esteem?
If you don't feel as though you belong somewhere--why not? What do you feel is missing? Are you misunderstood, undervalued, overlooked? What does NOT feeling like you belong do for you and your self-esteem?
A lot to ponder over--trust me, I know. Give it some thought and tell me about it.
ReplyDeleteI know two things: I feel the need to belong, and that need is not fulfilled. I think everyone has the need to belong, the need to be connected. They may not be aware of it if that need is met though. Do you think about how you need to eat when you’re not hungry? That doesn’t mean that the popular crowd has that need met either. Going to parties and joining clubs doesn’t mean they feel they belong, just that they’re reaching out, trying to belong. They may not act like their true selves, putting up a façade and not letting them be themselves for fear of be ostracized. Perhaps they don’t realize that they’re accepted and belong, even if everybody loves them.
As for myself, I don’t feel like I belong. I always feel like a dead weight or even a leech who people just put up with. When I’m with friends at school it feels like I’m unwanted, that I should just leave so they can talk to who they really want to. It feels like everyone secretly hates me, but won’t tell because they want to spare my feelings or it would be too much trouble if I ended up offing myself. It doesn’t help that teasing and bullying would be preceded by a friendly sounding call of my name, greeting me. It dipped every greeting in poison so that if I don’t know the person well enough it feels like an attack. With every awkward moment, bad joke, unanswered greeting, or any sign of disinterest every one of my paranoid fears are confirmed, no matter what else happened before or after. The feeling of isolation never goes away. It’s just easier to stay alone.
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of that. Though you may not even realize or believe me, I've been in the same situation as you have been in for what seems like along time, except under different circumstances. All I can say, is that you're incredibly strong for having come so far with that feeling resting in your heart. These people don't sound like friends. And regardless of if they are all you have, you don't need them. You don't need negativity like that and you don't need people who would ever feel okay with hurting you in any way. As difficult as it may seem, loving yourself is the most important thing, and I'm sure you hate hearing that (I know I do) because it may seem totally impossible. But nothing is impossible. You should be the most important person in your life; your opinion of yourself matters, no one else's. If you isolate yourself from negativity like that, you will find that life has a lot to offer for you and that those people will never ever cross your mind again. You deserve that, at least. And just know that life is not worth giving up on because you have so much potential and so much to look forward to even though that may seem ridiculous right now. In one and a half years, which is a small small fraction of your life, you'll be able to leave this place and live life on your own terms. It's worth getting through and you are strong enough to do it and gain happiness for yourself along the way. Don't ever ever give up.
DeleteMelissa, I'm sorry there's people in your life that make you feel this way and those people are disgusting people. I see how much of an intelligent young lady you are and you have so much worth. You control your own happiness. I would say "don't let people get to you" but it's easier said than done. For your "friends", you don't need people who make you feel like that. You don't need people who will bring you down and make you feel unwanted because there are people who love you and would be torn if they lost you. I know we aren't close but if you need anything at all, or just someone to talk to, I'm here for you I promise.
DeleteMelissa, i don't really know you that well but from what i'm reading i cant tell you are a great person and you don't give yourself enough credit. The people in your life or whoever you call friends should not be making you feel that way and if they do they are not real friends.People should always feel lucky to be around you for what you bring. Same as Emily said its not easy to not let things that other people day get to you but i think that you gotta start small. Give yourself credit, start doing things that make you happy and do those things with people who make you feel wanted. After a while you will start to see a difference. Don't surround yourself with people who make you feel unwanted life is too short for that bs.Find people who honestly make you happy and wanted, it's not hard you just gotta start looking a little harder trust me i have been through it.
DeleteI don't know when we first met (my concussions start to take away my memory after a while) but let's flashback to the eighth grade. You were one of the smartest people in Mrs. Holdren's class and also one of the nicest. I remember this especially because eighth grade was very hard for me but you were always sunshine. You've never been a leech, as you put it, towards me. You are a truly fantastic person, Melissa.
DeleteFirst off, congratulations to Melissa for being the first one to post.
ReplyDeleteSecond off, I will disagree on an assumption within the prompt: “...and without that feeling, we simply cannot advance, grow or ever fully become the people we are destined to be.” Who says that we are destined to be anything? I do not believe in destiny or fate due to no convincing arguments for them, so, unfortunately, I must disagree with the entire statement. I will also disagree with the statement when it asserts that without the feeling of belonging, we cannot advance. While true that with a sense of belonging people can advance—look at organizations of people working together to accomplish a task—people can advance without feeling as though they belong. For example, early scientists and philosophers, such as Copernicus and Aristotle, respectively, had ideas that were radical at the time and those ideas alienated them from others. Despite this, the Copernican model of the solar system (the model that says that the sun, not the Earth, is at the center) is the one that advanced past all of the other ideas that were created by groups of ignorant people that “belonged”.
The inherent need to belong is one that is seeded within man’s genes and often holds man back. The reason that it holds humans back is because it encourages the perpetuation of ignorance because any ideas that go against the perceived sense of reality alienate those that have the new ideas. For proof of this, look up just about any scientist that was ahead of his or her time and find that many of those scientists were killed or punished in some way because he or she did not “belong” with the crowd at the time.
With all that said, I try my best to ignore the WANT to belong. I am a very disagreeable person, and so the likelihood of my finding a group to “belong” in is unlikely, so, even though that may not make the pursuit of belonging not worth pursuing, it makes the pursuit of belonging a waste of time.
I am not the most popular people that I can imagine, so I cannot answer if they feel as though they belong or not. The people that are in all sports and go to every party have nothing to do with me; I do not care for competitive sports and, despite what many may think, I am not a party animal. Because I am not those people, it would be irresponsible for me to extrapolate, from my life, what theirs might be like.
I do not feel as though I am missing out on anything by not “belonging”. Belonging is boring. If I wanted to be part of a group of people, I would clap people up in the hallway and say, “Yo! Wassup, bruh?” I would listen to rap music and wear pants that do not fit me. In elementary school, I would have worn the stupid shoes with wheels in them and those completely useless shaped rubber bands around my wrists; I would also have done my homework with the trendy scented pencils, because I am the kind of person that would do algebra homework as fast as I could so that I could snort pencil when I am done. I am not misunderstood or overlooked; I just do not see the value in belonging.
As for the question, “What does NOT feeling like you belong do for you and your self-esteem?”: I do not have a clever way to dodge that question, so I will just say, “yes”.
Your sarcasm and overall personality will forever make me question on how you are human. I liked "I am not misunderstood..." because I try to understand how you became you everyday of my life. I always am drawn to your blogpost because of your sarcastic comments, my favorite one was about you being a party animal. Sometimes I wish you didn't try to find "clever" ways to avoid answering the freaking question, but I guess there's nothing I can do.
DeleteI would also snort pencil. I actually thought you were a party animal too... guess not. :( If you still have your silly bands I can trade you some :D
DeleteBryan how are your blog post so good every single time. But other then that I think that the way you looked at this topic was very clever. I agree with you that people shouldn't crave the need to belong but I think it's still important that people have someone they can go to, to feel comforted and wanted.
DeleteOh Bryan. First of all, I'd like to thank you for editing my post because it had no cohesion. But anyway, I respect the fact that you don't need to fit in. You don't want to read what I'm about to write, but do it anyway. I feel like if you did "fit in" so to speak or if you were just different in general, my life along with everyone else's would be dry as hell without your hostility and sarcasm. And that's why we all love you.
DeleteThis is the part that is so unique about you Brian. You are not like anyone else. Other people would think that belonging to a group is the most important thing out there because otherwise they feel lonely. You are independent all the time, but don't you think that sometimes its okay to feel the need to belong to a friend group?
DeleteBelonging to something or somewhere is important. It fights the feeling of loneliness we all face at different points in our lives. From what I have observed, being on the outside of a group causes discomfort and anxiety. There is no support system in place if a distressing situation comes up. In terms of mental and emotional health, it is vital to feel like a part of a community.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are many situations where the groups will do more damage than good. Several times I have seen once-outsiders included into a group only to be used as a continuing joke. People can be cruel.
What I’m trying to say it is understandable to feel a need to be included and belong, but other people can be too much trouble sometimes. In high school and in families, sometimes they won’t accept you for who you are. Don’t edit yourself to fit yourself to their expectations. Being by yourself can make you lonely, but so can being surrounded by a bunch of people you don’t really like and who don’t like the real you.
Life throws changes at you constantly. It’s not that long before we graduate in the large scheme of things. Maybe there is no place you belong now, but you’ll find it someday, and you’ll feel fantastic.
I’m involved in drama, choir, and dance; but I don’t always feel like I belong in those groups. If I truly belonged, it would be a true loss if I left, and I don’t see that is the case. I audition a lot between the three things, and I always see certain people get the solos or roles. To put it in sports terms, it feels like I sit on the bench and I never am a starter. It’s good to have me around, but not brilliant. This really frustrates me sometimes. But I can’t let other people take away these things that I love so much. These activities belong to me as much as it belongs to them.
As of now, I haven’t found somewhere I always belong. Sometimes I feel alienated from my mom and brother. They always side together in arguments and I’m always stuck by myself. It really drives me nuts. But, in general, I can say I know I belong in my home with them. We all love each other and that’s not going to change.
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ReplyDeleteAt the age of 16 I feel the need to belong. I strongly believe that if I didn't belong, others would miss out on so many things. For example, who else would make fun of Christians calves? Who would mirror Alfonsos' image of being so lost on a calc test? Who would feel Enriques' pain when thinking about the struggles of the outside mids? Who else, other than Pham, could I laugh with about Disney references? Looking at the connections that I have with people do make me feel the need to belong. Knowing that I can make someone laugh, or fake cry (like we do over calc tests) also gives me this feeling.
ReplyDeleteI feel that the popular kids that go to every party always feel the need to belong. I do not understand this feeling because whenever I go to a party I never know what to do… Which is one reason why I don't go to parties. For some reason these people always seem right at home at parties and in their numerous clubs. Being around 50 people that I never talk to would make me feel uncomfortable and I don't like uncomfortable situations.
The place where I feel as if I belong most is on the soccer field. Ironically I feel like I belong at outside mid, only because I have been playing it for so long. I'm comfortable there. Stopping the opponents outside mid from scoring, or scoring a goal from completing a run ensures that I belong. This sense of belonging does wonders for my self-esteem. Feeling as if I belong somewhere makes me feel more comfortable; which means that I can just be myself.
Yes, if you didn't belong, who would make fun of Christian's calves?! But anyway, I like your blog response because you get to feel a specific, indescribable way with the people you belong to, it just feels right. It's nice that you know a place where you feel comfortable and place where you know you can succeed. Not a lot of people can find their place, and it's good that you already know yours.
DeleteYes Tim the struggle of outside mid!! But I agree that with all the connections everyone has with people everyone must feel the need to belong. And I feel the same way you feel about parties.
DeleteTimmy!! Not sure why we haven't had a Disney Karaoke Night yet... pretty sure we'd both kill it. I probably wouldn't sing Tarzan songs though (Phil Collins is too corny), and I'm guessing you wouldn't sing Tangled even though it's one of the greatest Disney movies of all time and the fact that you don't like it personally offends me. Hey, remember freshman year when me, you, Jas, Dina and Christian would all eat lunch in Mrs. Kennedy's room??? I felt like I belonged there. And I feel you when you say you'd be uncomfortable around 50 people you don't know. But you're so easygoing that I feel like you could fit in anywhere.
DeleteI agree with you so much! I think that having connections with friends make me feel as though I belong and that's so important to have. And just like you said I don't crave going to party's and that definitely wouldn't make me feel as though I belong.
DeleteTim, I strongly agree that if someone didn't belong they would miss out on many things. Not belonging leads to not being social, quietness, and shyness. With this, people don't really do much but stay to themselves. Surprisingly you miss out on many experiences.
DeleteIt's honestly the funniest thing ever to see Alfonso taking his calc test. Anyways, I don't think kids who always go to parties always feel the need to belong. Some people might actually be comfortable surrounded by a lot of people. They like being with others. Like I've said in my post, where you belong is where you are comfortable. So maybe parties aren't your thing but for some people they're pretty comfortable with it.
DeleteTim I agree, you actually made me think of things that I'm the only one can do and made me feel as though i belong where I am. And the party thing, I'm the same way, I'd much rather hang out with five friends that I talk to all the time, then fifty people with three that I talk to. Also, don't worry about Christian's calves, Joe an I have him if you can't
DeleteI agree with you that if you feel like you don’t belong you miss out on a lot of things. Maybe I didn’t feel like my calves belonged which, is why I’m missing out on them now. I’m just like you when it comes to parties, I don’t know what to do so I just stand there awkwardly. Also, there are a lot of people who would still make fun of my calves.
DeleteTim, it's really nice you have a group of friends that make you comfortable. It's always good knowing you have constant support and one of a kind connections with each of your friends. I do agree that some popular kids rely on the attention of parties too much and get caught up but it's good to get out sometimes. Getting out of your comfort zone will open you up to so much more. Sports really are a way to feel like your ultimate home. It's probably the best feeling to step on a field and not only benefit yourself but your teammates.
DeleteI think that everyone feels the need to belong, not just us teenagers. The idea of acceptance is something most of us all look for in life. Knowing that you belong is comforting and makes us feel safe. Specifically for us, teenagers, however, the need to belong is even more intense because the teenage life is a big ball of tangled yarn, basically, a complicated mess (at least for the most part).
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I can't really answer whether or not popular kids actually feel like they belong, because what everyone feels is different from one another. Popular kids who go out and party with their millions of friends don't always necessarily feel like they belong. Maybe they're just surrounding themselves with people to mask their actual loneliness. And those who join every club and sport possible maybe do so to occupy their time and keep their minds busy so they don't have to think about how they actually feel. But that's not always going to be the case. Because sometimes kids just want to party with their best friends and have the time of their lives or get involved in extra-curricular programs because that's where they meet new people and make awesome friends. Basically, sure many popular kids do feel like they belong right where they are, but many times there can be cases where they don't.
Now you're asking me if I feel like I belong. Although it may look like I do feel as if I belong considering how well my life seems, I actually don't feel that way. Whenever I'm with a group of friends, even if it were my absolute closest friends, I somehow always feel like I'm the odd one out. I'm always the one who sits quietly and listens because I don't know where I fit into conversations or feel like my input isn't very important. I'm an observer and because of that I feel like many times people forget that I'm even there with them. And that has happened many times and I always play it off as if I'm cool with it, but like always I keep my thoughts to myself.
Am I misunderstood, undervalued, or overlooked? Yes, I do believe I am all three. But maybe not to an extreme. Many people, I feel, misunderstand me in many ways. And it's not their fault. It's mostly mine. I don't show people what I'm really like on the inside because I don't think it's important nor will they care. I don't tell them my deepest thoughts or emotional feelings. They don't see when I'm sad or when I'm truly angry. And you can ask anybody that because I guarantee that a lot of people I know, including my best friends, don't really know the deeper parts me. Undervalued, sure I do feel like that sometimes. But again, mostly my fault. Especially because I'm the type of person who will go out of my way to make someone feel better and show them I care. And it's not like I expect something back because trust me the "thank you"s and hugs work just fine, but sometimes I feel like I give too much and receive so little. Overlooked? Definitely. As I said before, I do feel like many people forget that I even exist because I'm just not one to stand out, but more often than not do I feel like I don't matter. Like if I were to disappear no one would notice. And it's not just at school but at home too. Growing up in a busy household I've constantly been ignored and most of the time it's not intentionally.
Feeling like you don't belong with your friends and with your family does a lot to you. In my opinion, it shapes who you are in the long run. You keep quiet because you don't know how to join in. And when you actually do say things, you constantly repeat yourself over and over because you feel like no one was listening the first time. Feeling like you don't belong makes you keep everything important about you to yourself. It's why I think too much but say so little.
Cynthia, I agree with you that everyone feels the need to belong because we as human beings are social creatures. We need to interact with other people or else we go to the corner of loneliness. I am actually overlooked all the time too. If I'm absent from a class, nobody will even know that I'm gone so I understand how it feels to be overlooked.
DeleteIt is very important for a person to feel as if they belong to someone or something. We live in a harsh and cold world, and it would be unfair for an individual to go through their entire life alone. Feeling lonely and neglected is by far the worst feeling anyone could ever go through. In fact, I’ve experienced it a few times. Sometimes, even when I’m surrounded by a group of family or friends, I still feel neglected, and feel as if no one really understands me. Yet, I couldn’t imagine how painful it is for those who face this problem on a daily basis. Loneliness, abandonment, and rejection all have very powerful effects on mental and emotional health. They can lead to either short term or long term depression, and if it is bad enough, suicide. That is why it is essential for a person to have the sense of belonging to someone, something, or somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t always live in Mays Landing. In fact, I moved here from Egg Harbor Township in fourth grade. I originally lived in Pleasantville, and attended Pilgrim Academy ( a Christian School). Between first and fourth grade I had already been to five different schools. I honestly hated it, because as soon as I became comfortable and made new friends it was time to move to another school. Finally, I moved out to Mays Landing! My mother enrolled me at George L. Hess, and that is where my life began. On the first day I was welcomed by all of my classmates, and at recess they all fought over me. I absolutely loved it! And from that moment on I knew that this was the place where I belonged. I’ve lived in Mays Landing for six years now. I’ve made many friends, learned plenty of new things, become comfortable with my surroundings, and grown into the wonderful person that I am today. Mays Landing and its people shaped me into the person I am now, and I am very appreciative of that because I low key love who I am now.
I moved here at the perfect time, because it was the point in my life where things actually became relevant. Back when I was like five or six, the only thing that really mattered to me was recess, naptime, and food. Actually I lied, food and naps still matter to me. Anyways, it was very important that I came and remained here in Mays Landing. I’ve grown up and became friends with the same people from fourth grade. The people I’ve surrounded myself with for the past six years, know and understand me to their fullest ability. Additionally, we have all grown on each other, and become major assets in each other’s lives.
(Before I go any further I would like to give a special shoutout to all of My classmates, friends, family, neighbors, teachers, teammates, and pets that have played some role in my life. I love you all so much! Having each of you here with me definitely makes my life more enjoyable.)
As for the celebrities, Hip-Hop stars , singers, models, etc., I know deep down they know they don’t belong. All the fame, riches, b*****, money… whatever you want to call it, mean absolutely nothing. Eventually, those things get played out, and once that happens what do you do? Exactly...nothing. These famous people are surrounded by a bunch of people who share common interests: Money, wealth, and fame. A majority of them don’t actually care about each other. In fact, half of them don’t even take the time to really get to know the other. Also, these famous people portray themselves to the public as something they are not. In truth, some celebrities lose the person they really are, because of all the other people they were told to be. Moreover, their fans don’t really know what their “idol” is going through, they only see what the media wants them to. Take Robin WIlliams for an example. The public saw him as this amazing, happy, energetic actor, when really he was suffering from depression. From the way I see it, he may not have felt understood by all of his friends, family, and fans, which could have possibly led to him committing suicide.
Shout out to all the nap lovers out there, cause I know I sure do love them! In fact, I take one every day! I didn't know that you moved a lot when you were younger, so I’m glad that you came to Mays Landing and love it here! And I understand what you’re saying about famous people and it does happen a lot. Sometimes people are so caught up in fame and money they don’t realize how much they’re sinking in money and loneliness. It’s sad how most don’t even realize it until it’s too late. I hope that you continue to feel this way about where you are for as you live!
DeleteI always hated naptime when I was little. I was never sleepy, and I always got in trouble for talking or doing other activities during naptime instead of actually napping. I remember one of my punishments was to write, "I will not talk during naptime," 100x. Or another time I had to pick up tiny fuzz balls from the carpet floor because I started a "fuzz ball war" with my friends by picking at the tattered sleeping mats.
DeleteHey Kayla, I actually just moved from EHT this year but I've moved around a lot too. I love naptime back when just like you and I wish we could have naptime now. Many celebrities all stab each other behind each other's backs so I don't think celebrities feel the sense of belonging. I agree with you that the public does only see the outside of a celebrity and they don't know what is going on inside.
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ReplyDeleteComing to this country I was introduced to a completely different culture and different people who behave in different, and in some cases, odd ways than people from my country. There are many different kinds of people and groups here with different interests and needs, but I tend to be able to "fit in" in every group and every situation, but that doesn't mean I like to be a part of them all. Coming to high school, knowing no one, I had to change and become an "American" to fit in and make some friends. What I mean by that is that I had to alter my behavior and speaking in such ways that it fit the ones of the people around me. It sounds a bit like putting on a mask and changing my identity, but it is not. This being said, back then I felt a little like belonging or "fitting in," but now it is not like that. I have made some friends and I am on the crew team, which is almost like a family to me. I'm not too sure how to say this, but I feel no need to belong, I already belong somewhere. Does that make sense? Joining the crew team was the best thing I have done so far that I can remember. Not only that the sport is so great, but the people I have met are great also. People I have never met before are my closest friends now, even if some of them are annoying. I sound corny, but I don't care. Since I've joined the team and made friends, my self-esteem has gradually been growing. Part of it is because I'm in good shape and I'm getting "bigger" and the other part is because I have good people to surround myself with and that's a good thing in my opinion. I value and treasure friendship, so no matter where my friends are, I already belong there.
ReplyDeleteThis brings me over to the popular people and my ideas about if they think they belong or not. In my opinion, these "popular kids" go to parties, do many sports, etc. because they look for a place to belong and look for people that will accept them. These people being the ones kids look up to and think that they are "cool" and "popular." So, to get their attention these kids will do anything, like drinking and smoking, to look "cool" to others. Sadly, they don't know any better so that's why they do it and keep doing it a lot, which kills them later on, not only physically, but emotionally they may feel like they have been alone from the beginning or that they have been abandon. It's sad and it isn't the path I want to take, though. I don't care to go to parties and I don't care enough to join so many sports and clubs. I'm well and satisfied about where I am and what I do, except some small things here and there.
It's crazy because crew, my freshman year, contributed to my negative outlook on life that I had for a strong four years before that. However last season and this upcoming one, I've made friends who I know are truly friends with me because of who I am not "what I'm into". I love you guys. And all the judgement I get for being on the guys team is irrelevant to me because I really do care about crew and you guys because I've become a better person in so many ways. I'm glad you feel that that is where you belong, too.
DeleteTo prosper I feel that you need to belong to some time of group. Friends are here to build you up. I have had the memories with my friends and without them I would not be the same person I am today. Although, friend groups can change over time and once something happens and you are all of a sudden kicked out of that group you can feel lost. Everyone needs to have a friend by their side to keep them going. When you are constantly by yourself you feel alone as if you don't belong. Knowing you belong to a certain group of friends can make you feel secure and make you feel better about yourself knowing that people care about you.
ReplyDeleteA plethora of people try to hide their feelings through making wrong actions. Some people just try so hard to belong and fit in so they go to every party and want to make an appearance everywhere. Trying to hard to belong is not what you should be doing. You need to find a group of friends that accepts you for you, not a group of friends who only like you because you will go to parties with them. Everyone belongs somewhere but it is not the easiest thing to find where you belong.
I feel that I belong exactly where I am right now. Throughout my couple years of highschool I have gone through many friend groups trying to find where I belong and I have finally found it. I can be myself around my friends, loud, annoying, and all the other crazy things I do. I love being with my friends and they make me super happy. Whenever I am home chilling by myself I always wish that I was with all my friends having fun because no matter what we are doing we are always laughing and having fun even if we're doing nothing. I love where I stand in my life right now and I love all the people around me. I do feel like I belong but I know that not belonging is a terrible feeling. You are left always feel like no one wants to be around you and you have no one to talk to. Everyone belongs somewhere but they just need to stop searching for where it is and let it come to them.
It still amazes me how you somehow always find a way to use the word “plethora” in everything you do. I’ve known you for almost forever and we’ve been best friends, so it’s not surprising at least for me to say that you’ve always had been an outgoing, loud, little munchkin, so it’s no wonder how you’ve found the group of people where you fit in so perfectly! You’re one of a kind, Altea, and I’m really happy to say that although we’ve drifted apart a bit, you’re one of the best people I know and I’m proud of the person you’ve become. And it makes me glad to know that you like who you are and where you are.
DeleteAltea, it's good that you recognize how lucky you are to feel like you belong because a lot of people do not. You really value the people in your life and I'm happy that you feel like you're right where you're supposed to be. I think that you can fit into any group you want because of your funny, versatile personality. It makes me happy that you love life because it is so optimistic, and uplifting to see. love you cousin, keep shining ;-)
Deleteomg guys im crying ily both so much thank you for being in my life
DeleteHi Altea, i am so happy i met you. I feel like you are literately someone that people need in their lives not even playing. Its nice that you feel like you belong because many people feel like they don't, i am so happy that one of my best friends isn't going through this struggle.Like Cynthia said you are a loud munchkin and well no one can replace you. So in conclusion, i love you.
DeleteAltea, I have known you since the day I moved to Mrs. Tobin's class. She put me in the group with you, Teagen, and Kennedy. It makes me laugh trying to remember the days when you loved to make me feel awkward just like the way you do to Bryan now in calc. I am glad you are in some of my classes because it's your loud and annoying things that makes APUSH and calc less boring. What makes you great is that you are able to physically fit in any group :) (just kidding. sorry, couldn't resist)
DeleteIf we did not feel the need to belong, we would not form relationships with friends, spouses or family members. Generally, people develop these relationships in order to achieve fulfillment; people without friends and without a social life are usually presumed to be lonely, and thus, unhappy. People without a family or a home are often presumed to be lonely and unhappy as well. Biologically, people feel the need to belong. Physically, people lust after one another to achieve a different sense of belonging and emotionally, we desire relationships; communication and productive dialect mixed with a strong heart-to-heart connection. Personally, I feel the need to belong but I feel I am an outlier to the average person’s strong desire to belong. I value relationships, love and communication but I do not value society. I value bonds family including my own, but not limited to my own. I feel the need to belong in the sense that I feel it is necessary. On the other hand, in my heart, I feel the need to get away from that feeling and pursue pure, deep-seeded transcendentalism. The concept of being “alone” does not scare me; it is intriguing.
ReplyDeleteBelonging to every club and every sport possible does not automatically mean that someone feels that he or she belongs. Some may join clubs or sports because they feel that participation is expected and normal, not necessarily because the club or sport will make them feel happy or accepted. But feeling normal is, technically, feeling a sense of belonging; belonging to the group of people who succumb to the status quo. All in all, people overly-involved aim to feel like they belong in the groups they are expected to submit themselves to; math club members aim to belong, if not in a group of mathematically gifted people or those interested in the subject, to a group of people trying to enhance their college resume or trying to please society’s standards of what intelligence is.
I feel like I belong. If I did not feel like I belong in any specific place, I would feel the sense of belonging in my own life because I value life in itself; I feel like I belong on this planet, that I have a purpose here, and that is enough. However, where I feel the strongest sense of belonging is with my absolute bestfriend. In every way, our minds are the same and our hearts are equally as passionate towards each other and the world. I am eternally thankful that my friendship with him turned into an unbreakable relationship. I have never valued someone’s mind, well-being, or company more. In turn, I have never felt as valued as he makes me feel. While it is not necessary to “belong to someone” it is necessary to “belong with someone” and that is the greatest sense of belonging one can feel because it does boost self-esteem. While some may gain esteem in a relationship due to the mere fact that another human thinks they possess good qualities, I gain esteem from from this relationship because he makes me open my own eyes to the good qualities that I possess. In other words, he brings out the best in me and shows it to me all at the same time, eliminating any irrational negative thoughts I have about myself which is the most valuable derivative one can gain from feeling the sense of belonging.
It amazes me how whenever you say something I immediately can relate. For example, you said that you value friendships and family and you said that being alone would intrigue you. When you said those things I thought to myself, "Me too!" I also agree with you when you said that you don't value society. I feel you. If I could, I would be friends with every SINGLE person on this planet. I would love to cooperate with different people and do things with them and share ideas with them, but sadly that is merely a dream. It has never been so that any person could be friends with everyone else. This never happened. The average human is too ignorant and arrogant to be loving towards everybody and in my opinion, if you let such people be in charge of powerful things, this planet would not exists. So, getting back to my original point, it is hard to acknowledge society when it is so crude, but being able to love and value life itself, like you and me do, is still an exceptional thing because many don't, or simply, cannot love it.
DeleteYou have a gift for writing, I honestly didn't know that you could write the way you do, probably because I'm always 100% distracted and all over the place. Lately I have really been paying attention to your blogs (I swear I'm not stalking) What you say just interest me because your view on life is somewhat similar to mine and you always make me see certain situations in a different light. I think what makes a good writer is being able to show people a different side of life and interpretation and you do that very well.
DeleteI used to feel the need to belong; now not so much. I used to feel like I had to belong to one group of friends because of reasons that are still unknown and now I feel as though I can belong anywhere. Those people who make fun of me for having Cedar Creek friends are the type of people who are mad that I can get past the fact that we go to different schools and that I can have more than four friends. I’ve finally found where I belong and I can’t really describe it, but I’ve found it.
ReplyDeleteI am the person in every club and every sport. I am the vice president of the junior class, I’m in student council, habitat for humanity, social studies club, GAA, knitting club, I’m the varsity field hockey and lacrosse goalie and the list continues. I’m not in it for a sense of belonging as much as a sense of involvement. Some people do it for their college applications, but I’ve never crossed paths with someone who played a sport or joined a club because they needed to stick to the status quo.
I don’t know what exactly here is, but I belong here. I’m not talking about physically sitting her on October 20th, 2015 at Mr. Wiseback’s desk at 4:06 pm, I’m talking about when I’m at peace. It doesn’t happen often so maybe I don’t belong there, but I’d like to. If I belong anywhere physically, that’ll just have to be figured out somewhere down this long winding road because I don’t know where I can be useful yet. It’s pointless belonging to a group of people because when we all go away and get on our separate paths, no one will remember how good you felt when you were around people, trying to belong. My self-esteem has nothing to do with me belonging. My self-esteem is exactly that; SELF esteem. Nobody, whether they “belong” or not is going to tell me how I feel about me.
If you feel like you don’t belong somewhere, you’re looking too hard and trying too aggressively to fit in. If you don’t have that sense of belonging yet, give it a while. It’ll come to you.
I agree with you Bre, self-esteem is how you feel and see about yourself, and if you are in a place where no one meets eye-to-eye with you on that, then you belong somewhere else. I also understand when you say even though you and a lot of other people are involved with a lot of organizations, but you don't feel like you truly belong there. That happens to me and I know it happens to a lot of other people too. I also understand why you also have Cedar Creek friends; because they are also people who you feel comfortable with and who give you a sense of belonging.
DeleteBre.. the cedar creek friends need to get cut before I cut you off. If you're such good pals with those kids from cedar creek why didn't you go there? Well you're at Oakcrest so.. Anyways, I have 2 question, do you feel like you belong because you're doing so many things? What if you weren't doing everything, would you still feel like you belong? But I agree with you about how self-esteem is how you view yourself and how you feel about yourself, and if people don't relate with you, then you do not belong.
DeleteYou obviously put a lot of thought into your post; in the second sentence of your second paragraph, you said that you were at “Mr. [Weisback’s] desk at 4:06 pm”. Because your response was posted at 4:16 pm, I can infer that you most likely spent about ten minutes on your second and third paragraphs and proofreading. I was taken aback, a little, when, in your list of clubs you participate in, you listed Social Studies Club (notice the capitalization) after Habitat “4” Humanity (notice the ghetto use of a digit in a club name). I can get over that, though...maybe. I agree with you on why to join clubs, for involvement versus belonging. I join clubs not because I care about belonging, but because I have no life outside of school, enjoy spending time with our amazing Oakcrest faculty, and because if one is in a club, he or she gets to do stuff.
DeleteI am not aware of your Cedar Creek friends. People who judge you for having pirate friends are judging the book by its cover. I really do not see a valid reason to be judged for having friends from CC. People say that they are our rivals, but that is only in sports. We don't actually brawl with them. After all, both schools are from the same district and lots in common. I totally agree with you on cramming on clubs and sports. It gets really hard to manage time. I have seen people who "sign up" for every club/sport or just come to every club/sport to show that he/she came, but you are one of the few people who cram on extracurricular activities and still manage to be one of the most important members in the clubs and sports that you take. Kudos to you.
Delete*have lots in common*
DeleteEveryone deserves a place to belong, or at least feel a sense of belonging, because when you are in your “comfort area” you are free to be you and you don’t have to worry about being judged. For example, when people are apart of sports, clubs, or they go to parties they could feel like they belong, because if you like the sport and you like the people active in the sport, you could possibly feel a sense of belonging. However, those same people being invited to parties may not feel the full sense of belonging. You may get invited to a party, but you only might be surrounded by acquaintances.
ReplyDeleteWhere I feel the most comfortable and a sense of belonging is at the beach. The beach is my absolute happy place and my favorite place in the world. When I’m at the beach, I feel warm, I feel comfortable, I feel relaxed, I feel happy. The beach is my equivalency to “feeling right at home”. I say this because I have always gone to the beach my whole life, ever since I was a baby. Being at the beach helps me destress from the previous school year, the beach is also a fun place to be with my friends and family. My self-esteem doesn't change when I am at the beach; it doesn’t increase or decrease because I don’t know how it will effect how I feel about myself, it’s just a place I love to be at.
It's really important to be comfortable in order for you to feel like you belong. I think it's mostly important to be comfortable with who you are because if you don't know who you are then finding a place where you belong is a lot harder. I didn't really think about it the way you did. So it was really interesting that you took it that way. Sometimes an actually place is where you could belong. Honestly, its anywhere you feel most comfortable being yourself.
DeleteI also love the beach and everything about it so I too feel most comfortable when I'm there soaking up the sun and chillin. Its really good that you feel really comfortable just being you because a lot of people aren't. So keep being the best Cait Beck out there and you will always feel that you belong just by being yourself, don't change for anyone.
DeleteAw, just imagining a baby Cait Beck playing in the sand makes me smile! I think everyone needs a little happy place to go to once in a while to unwind and de-stress from life in general. I’ve only been to the beach twice now in my life (shocking, right?) so I can’t say that the beach is my happy place. But if I were to name one place, it would be my bed. Not even joking, I love my bed so much. I agree with what Donna said above about how you have to be comfortable with who you are in order for it to be easier to find where you belong. Maybe that’s why I’m having a hard time. But knowing that you, Cait Beck, know where you belong is a great thing and I hope you always feel that way when you’re tanning at the beach.
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ReplyDeleteAs a 16 year old girl in high school, there’s definitely the feeling of having to belong. Whether you feel the need to belong in a certain “squad,” or the need to belong in a certain place, that feeling is always there. I often feel the need to belong because I don’t think I actually do belong. I feel that way because as I see the most popular people that are in every club, do every sport, and go to every party… they look like they’re exactly where they belong. But me on the other hand, I always feel caught in between.
I don’t feel as though I belong in the nerd group, but I for sure don’t belong in the popular group. I’m not a weird loner, but I don’t fit in with the popular group either. I feel I’m missing a great amount of confidence in myself. I lack the confidence in myself to accept myself and to not give a damn about what anyone else thinks. But, my problem is that I give every damn and I get self conscious. I also feel extremely undervalued, but at the same time over valued if that makes any sense. I’m undervalued when people think I’m lame and don’t belong, but I’m overvalued when I have something they want or need, let’s say homework for money, and then suddenly I’m a part of them and I belong for as long as they need me.
Feeling like I don’t belong is one of the toughest things. Feeling like I don’t belong is an everyday feeling, in every situation and I am always paranoid about not fitting in. Feeling like I don’t belong isn’t only exhausting and stressful, but it lowers my self- esteem tremendously. Since I don’t feel like I belong, I always second guess myself or think about what other people might think of me for not fitting in and it stops me from doing most things. “Belonging” and “fitting in” grinds my gears because I hate they way society is today and how judgmental we all are. I wish people viewed others equal to themselves no matter what clothes they wear, what grades they get, or what sports they play. I doubt it, but maybe one day I’ll find where I belong, but until them I’ll continue to be the socially anxious weirdo that doesn’t belong anywhere in particular.
DeleteAw Kayla you need to have self confidence in yourself. You don't have to be popular and the best at everything to have confidence either. As long as you're comfortable with yourself then that's what matters and you have every reason to. You've accomplished so much these past years and I admire you for that. I'm always here if you need it and I need your homework or your money ;)
I don’t know if anyone ever notices how scattered I am when I write these blogs, but I am, and I think it might be really noticeable today. I guess I never felt the need to belong anywhere. I guess I’ve always been lost when trying to figure out who the noodle I am, but I never felt lost with where I stand. I don’t even know how they makes sense, but it does to me.
ReplyDeleteThe popular person you reference might love the scatter, might love the different crowds, might love different people. But this person might just love to dip their toe in everything to figure out where he or she belongs. I guess it could go both ways.
I guess I’m not sure whether or not I belong somewhere, which makes me think I don’t or it could mean I do. I feel like if I knew where I belonged and had a place, I’d have a lot more shit figured out. But at the same time, I don’t feel that lost when it comes to thinking about where I do belong. But I am someone who has friends in different groups and I’m in too many clubs for no reason. I’m always at this school and I don’t know how. I’m not sure what that means. I’m not sure really where I stand in this crazy world, but I know I’m not lost. I still don’t think that makes any sense to anyone but me. I don’t feel like anything is missing, but I don’t feel full or complete in any way.
I guess you could say I belong with the people here, Oakcrest, Mays Landing, whatever the hell. BUT I’m not sure. Sometimes I question whether I belong here because it is all I know. I was with the same people for 13 years now and we all know things about each other and have our dumb labels. I love meeting people and I think you can’t just be comfortable in where you “belong” to grow. I think you can’t grow if you are stuck. To grow you might need change, maybe not too much, but you need some change and challenge.
I believe if not all, many of us feel the need to belong. The connections you have with other people should make you feel you belong. Connections with friends, family, and teachers should give you the warmth of belonging. Also, if you can relate to others, you belong. The overall connection with other people or ideas is belonging. If you didn’t belong in the environment you’re in right now, what will you be missing? What will the other person or people be missing? I believe that popular kids go to every party and feel the need to belong. But I am the opposite. If I am not with a group of people that I know, I feel lost and feel as if i don’t belong. And that’s because I am very antisocial and would prefer you come up to me, than I come up to you. For example, when I went to my girlfriends sweet 16 I had never met her family and didn’t really know her friends to well. I felt awkward and nervous. Without her by my side I felt as if I didn’t belong.
ReplyDeleteA place where I feel I belong is the soccer and baseball field. In the 2 positions I play for both sports, I feel as if I belong. When I play the positions I play I feel comfortable and it feels like I was born to play that position. From making diving plays in the outfield, to taking advantage of the other teams outside mid because Tim and I are the best outside mids in the cal, just feels as right. It feels as if I belong. The need to belong is a huge part in everyone’s life, I wonder what it feels like to not care if you belong or not..
I feel the same way, I hate going up to people that I don't know and having to talk to them. It just feels awkward, I don't know how people can do it.
DeleteI can relate. I feel like I belong in the sport I do (crew) as well and feel good when I am in the place I row the best in. I guess I'm awkward like you, too, and don't like going up to people and starting a conversation. I just don't got the "guts" I think. But oh well. I agree with you when you say that belonging somewhere is a huge part in everyone's life because, in my opinion, it helps everyone to grow when they are around people they are comfortable with.
DeleteI don’t really think I’ve felt the need for belonging. No matter what age I was, I always had amazing friends and great people to surround myself with. So therefore, I have never felt that horrible need to belong in school. I feel like I belong. I have an amazing group of friends from our school and other schools. I for once can say I do not know how it feels to feel out of place or to not “fit in.” But if you have good friends and a good life why feel the need? You don’t need to feel the need to be in the popular group or go to all the parties, you just need friends. Who even is the popular group? Do people still see things that way? I don’t really see popular and unpopular, like you just have your friends and are in that friend group, why is it called popular?
ReplyDeleteHowever, I have and do have self esteem issues with even with fitting in even though I have such unbelievably great friends, for some reason because of my anxiety and low self esteem I analyze and feel the need to think about everything I say. I feel like sometimes no one likes me and for no reason even when I fit in and have amazing best friends. So you if even you do fit in, the people that fit in aren’t living some perfect life, they still have their issues with self confidence. But the fact that my friends are always there for me and making me feel good about myself just cancels that out. I usually have some big, deep, long letter on this blog about my life but this time I just don’t. If you have a good group of friends, not even a group, all you need is a friend and you can be okay. You do not need to feel like you don’t fit in, just be happy, and surround yourself with good people.
I agree 100% that having great friends is the key to feeling like you belong. My friends are the main reason why I feel I belong. Being comfortable with the people around you helps out a lot with self esteem to (in my opinion). I also agree that there aren't really popular groups anymore. Just different friend groups.
DeleteGale, I'm glad you think so highly of your friends. I too am grateful for our friendship, and I'm so happy you feel like you belong because you should. I know you've been going through some things lately but, I'm happy that you are satisfied with the friendships you've made because sometimes those are the most important ones.
DeleteI love the way interpret things abby. I care about my friends more than anything so I see where you're coming from.
DeleteBelonging ? Mhm well, when I think about that word I think about close moments mostly. In my house, I feel as though I belong some things happen at home but things happen at every home.Sometimes things at home happen that make me so under the weather, but I know I'm accepted there.When I say I think about close moments I mean times with tiny groups or one person because when it's like that they're more connections more truth no awkwardness. They are there for you, you feel the sense to belong there with them and feel wanted.When I feel awkward around people I feel like I don't belong like nobody wants me there because why should anyone feel like that at any time like your the Alien.A lot of times I do feel this way because I'm not close with a lot of people so I feel real out of place.Don't get me wrong I'm a very outgoing person and I can get along with just anyone but some people make me feel like I don't belong or feel less than and sometimes it really hurts so that is a need belonging to anything is a great thing.
ReplyDeleteHonestly Bunje I want to say I'm sorry I'm sure It's not something you want people to be so sympathetic about but when your a child that must be hard. But because of that I can tell how all the things that have happened to you make you so wise a strong. But for me knowing people in town for so many years it's a home a community it's honestly a huge family and you always have memories to think about.When you grow old and have your own family and your sharing your memories you could always resort back to actually saying back at home. But honestly having gone into the next chapter in your life where your house now will be you home and your children's belonging the place they grow up. But your heart will always have some type of belonging to the place you've grown up at and the place you experience so many life changing things. Being as though I had taken social psychology and I am now taking abnormal psychology and I know a lot about Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs and te need to belong is important because if you feel you don't belong your hurt and you might think or take actions that you shouldn't, the fact you feel like you belong is a great feeling to have.
I can agree, Teea mainly on the part you say how to you this community is your home. Both of us have lived in Mays Landing since we were little kids. Anyone who can relate knows this town doesn't just feel like a place we live but its grown to feel like home. It's warm, comforting, and a place we have made many memories.
DeleteAlmost everyone wants to feel like they belong to something. We want to feel accepted by others and by belonging to something we don’t feel lonely anymore. For teenagers, feeling the need to belong is a lot stronger. You are constantly surrounded by different groups of people and not belonging to one can make you feel like a loner. It’s at this point of our lives, we try to somewhat figure out who we are. For some there’s a struggle between being who you really are and being part of the crowd. The need to belong is scary because for some it affects who we are as a person and it changes people.
ReplyDeleteFor most of my life, I’ve lived in Mays Landing. I grew up and know many of the people in my school. Almost everyone in my classes now were in my classes back in hess and davies. I’ve made so many memories here and I wanted to continue making memories until I graduated. That’s why it was really hard for me when my house was put up for sale and even harder when I found out there was a potential buyer. On the way home one day from my practice, my brother asked me “How do you feel about finishing your senior year in Florida?” I obviously said I didn’t want to. He didn't respond. I always knew the day would come but I always had a little bit of hope that it would happen after I finished High School.
Growing up in the same place and seeing the same people, we become accustomed to all of it. So I was really afraid when I heard we might be moving. It meant starting all over again. New house, new school, and possibly new friends. I didn’t want that. I wanted to finish out High School here with all my friends where I’m comfortable. That’s how I know I belong here. I've never had the feeling of needing to belong because I’ve always been comfortable here in Mays Landing with everyone that I grew up with. I know I won't spend my entire life here in Mays landing. But as a teenager this part of my life is important to me. So I want to stay here knowing that I belong here.
I agree with you, Donna. When being with friends, you get the feeling that you know you belong here. When you are with your friends, you feel comfortable and you can be yourself. I hope you stay here and finish your senior year with your friends.
DeleteMy whole life I've never really belonged anywhere, in a sense of belonging to a group of people of any kind or even a specific place. I don't really feel the need to belong anywhere, I can't figure out if I was programmed that way or taught myself over time to think like that. The reason why I may feel this way is sort of unknown but I feel every year I seem to come closer to that answer. I was bullied at such a young age I never really understood that I was being bullied, my whole life I've been singled out in every possible situation you could think of. Never really got the experience of actually being able to be part of something I truly felt like I belonged to. I would ask the question a lot "why me." I'm the only one I know who doesn't feel like I belong. I've never been accepted I've just always wanted to be left alone. I have friends and I do have a life but I'm so different that having friends that relate to me is the biggest lie I've ever told myself. I probably don't feel I belong anywhere because of how different I am, I've never met someone like me, you can't find clone of me anywhere which is something I'm actually proud of saying. I've wondered how other people think of this though with all the stereotypes of people there are. For example the stoner kid who doesn't care about much except smoking, the popular good looking guy who's a phenomenal athlete, the pretty white girl who has an A in every AP class and probably plays soccer or field hockey, the backwoods kid who comes to school with camo on everyday and shows everyone the deer he caught last weekend on his phone, and even the weird kid who probably has some sort of disability and is socially awkward but always puts a smile on everyone's face. Everyone there has their place but I want to know if they are happy with that place, and do they like that there are plenty of people just like them? I think a lot of people like that, a lot of people want to know that there are others just like them and they want to have the secure feeling being around them, they feel accepted. I'm glad their is no one like me, but does that mean I don't belong? I'm still not sure I feel as if I have a higher calling then all these people. The way I think, the way I live, the way I learn, it's all different but it all plays a key part in my future and where I'm going. Not sure where I'm going of course but hopefully somewhere good. Because of my differences though I'm the most misunderstood person you would ever meet, half the time people have no idea what to think of me, when you meet a new person you talk to them and get to know them, then you stereotype them in whatever category you think they belong in friend group wise. What if I don't have a group you can stereotype me to? Then you either mess with me, hate me, think of yourself as a bigger person, or want me to disappear. I tell people I'm probably the most smartest/interesting person you could ever meet but you would have to understand me before you think that. I guess you could say I'm undervalued but it's doesn't break my self-esteem at least not anymore, years of understanding who I am first was key to keeping my self-esteem. Realizing how special I am with my differences and the feeling of not belonging anywhere in general has really boosted my idea of doing something great knowing there is no limit to what I, as in myself can do.
ReplyDeleteI like what you said about a clone of you not existing anywhere. I, too, wonder about how the people that fit the stereotypical versions of themselves feel. I disagree with everyone on something, and usually many things, so I have never seen anyone with many of the same views and lifestyle choices as I. I also wondered why groups of people do very similar things, like take the same classes and do the same sports, and have come to the conclusion that they all feel the need to belong and are willing to do things that they would not normally do, like take certain classes they do not want to, just to belong. I enjoy seeing people that are willing to do what they want to do instead of what their groups tell them to do, because unique people are becoming harder and harder to come by and life is becoming increasingly boring because of that.
DeleteIn terms of feeling the, “Inherent need to belong,” I have never felt such a thing. I have never once felt like I belonged anywhere and have never felt the need to belong. No offense, but I feel as though that when people long for the feeling of belonging; they are insecure about where they are and possibly who they are in life. With that in mind, I have no such qualms. I accept everything that I am and that is precisely one of the traits that makes me, me. On another note, for popular kids, they surely have a greater chance of finding where they belong; being so involved in many different activities that they could and should find a place. Moreover, for those people that don’t know where they belong, it must be tough. Just know that you will eventually find a place, a niche where little Billy Bob or Suzie Q. will find themselves at home. It takes courage and dedication to put yourself out there, but that is exactly what it takes to find the place where you feel that you belong.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you referenced Mr. Matlack in this response. I agree that the "popular" kids have an easier time fitting in because they are so involved and they seem like people persons. I also agree that the only way to find a place to belong is by putting yourself out there. Even though it doesn't work every time, just keep looking for a place to belong.
DeleteJust know you belong to me and we will get married one day. (I'm kidding, I just had to) Ok, the feeling of belonging doesn't necessarily mean a group of people. I think it could mean belonging in who you become or a place, a sense of comfort. I don't think that necessarily makes you insecure, maybe a little lost.
DeleteYes, I agree with what Taylor said. I think that belonging can also mean you have some place to go to feel secure or people to comfort you. Alfonso, I do agree with you about how popular kids might find it easier to find out where they belong since they are so involved with everything.
DeleteAlfonso, it's great that you feel that you don't need to belong. It shows that you're comfortable with yourself and your independent.
DeleteI agree with you on how popular kids will have it easier to belong because they're everywhere. And I find it great and interesting that you do not feel the need to belong. I thought everyone felt the need to belong.
DeleteI think you nailed it when you said that people are insecure when they try too hard to fit in. Not trying to be rude, but if you have to try that hard than you don't fit in with that crowd. It can't be enjoyable if you have to try that hard anyway.
DeleteI think that people who are popular have an easier time finding where they belong because they are involved in everything. The point you made about how people who constantly try to fit in are insecure, I couldn’t agree more.
DeleteOf course, I feel the need to belong. It's not just in my genetic makeup that makes me want to belong. It's the environment and society I'm around. Most of the movies about teenagers are about them trying to belong. 8/10 times, they strive to be popular. If someone doesn't belong, they either are a loner or change who they are to belong. (I would be a loner, but picking partners in class and sitting at lunch tables is not fun unless you have friends.)
ReplyDeleteThat's a tricky question. A lot of the popular people are close friends, whether it was before or after their popularity. They belong with each other, because they know the same people, party with the same people, and have drama with the same people.
However, there are some people that everyone knows and loves but they don't know or love everybody else. They are invited to every social event and content with staying home on some weekends. They're chill with all of the popular people and talk to them but they're not solely friends with them. They may not belong in that group, but they stay there because that's where everyone excepts them to be.
I don't think I belong to a group or specific title. I'm friends with a lot of divergent people so I can't correctly categorize where I fit into. I can be extremely quiet at times which makes me be overlooked by most people. It makes me irritated and confused that I can't fit into a group. People say that ones friends define them. I'm friends with polar opposite people. If my friends define me, I'm a mess full of contradictions.
I feel the need to belong in some group. I am new to Oakcrest and I don’t know anyone. I want to mix in with people and become their friends but unfortunately that’s not what I do. I only hang out with my friends from band or I hang out with other Asians. I feel like people from my own race understand what problems I go through every day. I feel like people who are popular do feel like they belong somewhere because they have so many friends and they can just blend right in with people. Well, I’m not like that, it takes me time to be comfortable around a group of people or an individual. I have a sense of belonging in band, because everyone there makes me feel like I belong in band. They are friendly and caring people, and they made me feel like I have come to the right school. Although band consumes a lot of time, I feel like my friends in band are who I turn to, to pour out my feelings and not be judged.
ReplyDeleteSometimes when I talk to certain people, I feel like they are giving the look of why are you talking to us look. I do not want to be talked about or made fun of so I stay away from people who look unapproachable which to me is everyone else besides the friends I know. Like in some of my classes, I know no one in the class and I feel as if I’m in my own world. I feel as if I don’t belong there in that class. I’m over overlooked because I rarely talk during my classes and I never answer questions. Not feeling like I belong somewhere makes me feel like I’m in my own little in which no one cares about me. It makes me feel lonely and drives my self-esteem down because I feel like I’m being judged in everything I do.
Hey Sandy! I'm new to Oakcrest this year too, so I definitely understand how you feel. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you feel comfortable in some classes because you have friends in the same class, but not in others because you don't really know anyone. It's easy to feel as if you're being judged when people don't immediately reach out to include you. Talking to new people is scary and I also hesitate sometimes because they seem intimidating. However, most people are nice and turn out to be totally approachable once you get to know them. If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, I'm always here!
DeleteHey Sandy, i know what you mean when you say that you feel like some people give you the "why are you talking to us look" because some people have given it to me as well. But you know what i did? i kept on talking because they can judge me inside there heads or behind my back all they want as long as they don't verbally tell me off then i could care less about what they think. You shouldn't let your fear of what people might think or your Discomfort around new people hold you back form engaging in your high school life.
DeleteHey Sandy, I get what you mean about hanging out with people your own race. It's easier to talk to Asians because we share the same culture, so we can generally relate to many experiences. However, try talking to other people too. If you limit yourself to a certain group, you'll never get to know what you have in common with other people.
DeleteHey, I totally understand what you mean about people giving you "that" look. Unfortunately, some people might do that, but that's the awful human race, right? But you can always talk to me in APUSH since you're right next to me! I promise I won't give you "that" look.
Delete16 years of different trends, emotions, friend groups, etc. Within those years, I grew up with certain friends who I can call family. I have always felt comfortable with them growing up. Whenever we hung out, it didn’t matter if I was dressed in my pj’s and had last night’s mascara smudged under my eyes, I knew they would still accept me. As we grew older, things changed, at least for me anyways. I was “the baby” in the group since I’m the only one born in ‘99. Being the youngest, I never knew the same people in their grades so whenever the topic was about others, I had no choice but to sit back and listen. Also, I never could make it to some hangouts because my parents told me to stay home, and I ended up missing out on all the funny insider jokes. I always brushed those things off since we made new ones constantly. What I never really liked was how I always missed out on the updates about their lives. I couldn’t always make it to the 5 way calls, or my phone was silent so I never saw the mass text messages. Entering our teenage years, the more we grew on our cell phones, the more quiet I became around them and I feel as if the more they began to not pay attention to me. Yes, I’ll admit, I didn’t try as hard to get them to notice me but I always thought that since we grew up and loved each other, they would just accept it. I never say or do much, but when I do I feel like I’m going to end up not saying the right thing because (I know they don’t intentionally do this) they somehow find a way to make me feel less than them, stupid, or just plain wrong. Sometimes all at once. Eventually, when I switched to Oakcrest, I saw some familiar faces from Davies and started hanging out with them. With common interests, ideas, and friends I felt something different compared to my best friends. I guess you could say I felt like I finally belonged. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel apart of the girls but not as much as I used to. Spending time with them, I felt small and unheard but with my school friends I felt noticed and relevant.
ReplyDelete“The popular kids” who go to clubs, play sports, and go to parties are the ones who are trying to find their place. The ones like me, who don’t do much, are the ones who aren’t confident in their place in the world yet. Having two groups where with one I feel no pressure, but with the other I feel crushed isn’t right. In order to believe that I belong, I have to belong with ALL the people in my life. So sadly no, I don’t feel like I belong.
It's okay that you don't feel like you belong yet, or that you are torn between two groups. When you continue to grow up and realize the little things, then you will realize which group you belong to, and then you'll feel more comfortable with who you'll be around. It's also okay you aren't that involved with the school clubs or sports, because the clubs and sports that you are involved in, those are the organizations that really matter to you.
DeleteJas, it's okay to feel like you don't belong in one single place. I feel the same way sometimes but, it's okay to have involvement in different places. I know what you mean about growing out of friendships though. I grew up with a lot of older girls too and sometimes I did feel out of place because I couldn't add to the new things they were experiencing. Even if we aren't as close with them, I'm sure the friendship will always be there when it comes down to it. As of now, I think it's okay to not know where you belong. You have time to figure this out but, if you were to ask me, I would say you belong just where you are :-)
DeleteIts alright, Jas! People grow apart sometimes, its normal. But that doesn't necessarily mean they're forgotten about you! Sometimes its good to meet new people and branch out of your little group. And it's okay that you don't "belong" anywhere. Heck, I don't even feel like I belong! As Cait said, as we grow older, we'll realize where we're most comfortable. And once we realize that, only then will we find where we belong...
DeleteI definitely feel the need to belong. The main reason I feel the need to belong is because of my fear of not belonging. I have always been a part of something my whole life and the thought of not belonging to anything scares me. For a lot of middle school I felt like I didn’t belong socially but, now I feel more established as a person, and more comfortable in what I belong to. Even still, I know I belong to things but, underneath sometimes I feel like I may not belong. A lot of times I am too hard on myself and feel that I’m not good enough to belong to the clubs, sports, and whatever else I’m involved with. I get why people join every club, every sport and go to every party, but it may be different for everyone. I would say most people do this because they feel like they don’t belong and therefore, by participating in everything, it gives them a piece of mind that they do belong. It’s not fair to say who feels like they belong and who doesn’t though, because I am not them, and I can’t judge how they feel. As of now, I feel like I belong right where I am. I am generally happy with my activities, my friends, my family, and everything else I belong to. These people/things help my self-esteem because I know that I always have these things to fall back on, and feeling like I belong makes me feel wanted and better about myself. I definitely agree with the human necessity to feel like one belongs.
ReplyDeleteI'm really happy you feel like you belong. You are deff the funniest person I know and I'm so happy we are such good friends. You're always the person to make anyone laugh no matter what. You are amazing at club/activity you do so keep doing you and I'll always be your #1 falcon flocker for field hockey.
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DeleteI believe that there is never a place where you don't belong. I'm catholic so my reasons are kind of religious. You have a reason for being on this planet and you do belong somewhere, a place that's right for you. However, only you can figure that out. You loved ones can guide you but it come down to you being the one to figure out where you belong.
DeleteJess I am so sorry you felt that way in middle school. I really wish you didn't. You are such an amazing person and the funniest person I know. I am so happy that you are one of my best friends. Do not ever feel like you don't belong because all we need is our friends.
DeleteJess you're so super cool and I'm proud to call you my friend. I'm happy you feel comfortable as a person now because you have truly established yourself probably the most out of everyone I know. You are so different and so comfortable in your words and appearance it's crazy. I hope you realize that you're good enough for anyone and deserve the world.
DeleteI am 15 and a junior. I know it seems crazy. The reason is that, in India, the school starts in June, but, in the United States, it doesn’t start until September. I came to the United States in September right around when school started. I was about halfway through 7th grade in India when I came here. I was supposed to go to 6th grade here, but my father insisted on putting me in 7th grade since I was in 7th grade in India.
ReplyDeleteI can tell from experience that moving is not a pleasant thing to experience. It is really hurtful to see what you thought to be your home leave. You get attached to it and make memories only to forget them. Most memories, if not all, would diminish after a period of time. I, personally, can barely remember any memories. The only ones I remember are the crucial ones that had an impact on me, but still I cannot point out every detail meticulously. This really backfires on me now, and it is driving me nuts because now I have plot holes in my OP.
I disagree with the following part of Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs”: “... and without that feeling, we simply cannot advance, grow or ever fully become the people we are destined to be.” There are people who feel the need to belong but still cannot advance. For example, slaves feel that they need to belong in order to be with their families. They do not, however, feel that they belong where they are— in the slave owner's clutches. Feeling the need to belong sure does get your hopes up, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you would grow into a person you are destined to be.
Looking at the big picture, I feel like everyone should have the need to belong on Earth to make it one of the few places (statistically speaking, there should be more than just Earth) in the entire universe to inhabit life.
People who do all sports, join all clubs, or go to parties are not necessarily famous. People who are so concerned about joining clubs in order to put it on the resume feel the need to belong in every club. People who think they need to look cool go to parties, and, therefore, feel the need to go to every party available to them.
Looking at the small picture, I belong to the clubs I am dedicated to. I feel like I belong there because I have been a main member for quite a while. In some clubs, I even hold a position which makes me feel that I belong there more. Feeling that I belong somewhere boosts my self-esteem because I feel like I am an important part of the club now.
There have been times when I thought that I belonged somewhere, but I really didn’t. For example, I was part of a club (I won’t name it) in freshman year that I was really involved in. I went to every meeting and event. There were times which made me closer to the advisors and the other members. In sophomore year, they just abruptly stopped sending me emails and treated me like a stranger as if I was no one. They treated me as if they never saw me before. I decided to quit the club because I thought I didn’t belong at a place like that.
I can barely imagine moving from Oakcrest to another school, never mind moving from one continent to another. I'm not mentally capable of dealing with something like that, so kudos to you for dealing with it so well! Also, good for you for knowing your worth and getting the heck out of that club (the club that shall not be named) as soon as you could. I've been through something vaguely similar. If you want to add on even more to your extensive list of extracurriculars, just know that mock trial and tennis will be waiting with open arms.
DeleteYou know, I can relate to you so well it's unbelievable.
Delete1. I came here from a different country
2. I came here when I was in 7th grade as well
3. I hate moving
That's not all, but those are some basic things that I feel like I can relate to you with. The memories I have right now about my country and friends from back there are slowly fading away by the year. Since I was just 12 when I left there, all the memories that I have remaining are mostly positive, but in reality some things weren't as positive as I think they were.
That aside, I agree with you when you say that the feeling of belonging doesn't let you grow into the person you are destined to be. If I may add, I'd like to say that in my opinion a person can grow when he has good friends with him. Friends who can teach him and introduce him to new things. The feeling of belonging to those friends alone isn't enough, the connection with the friends is what lets a man grow.
To finish this off, I just want to say that some of the things that you mentioned in this blog of yours are some of the things I wanted to say in my blog, but I guess I couldn't bring my thoughts together too well this week :P
Dan, that sounds rough. The thought of moving from one country to another is scary. I am glad that you were able to deal with it and still continue on with your life. Also, it was a good idea to leave that club. If they don't treat you the same as you treat them, you don't belong there. You belong to clubs that actually cares about their members.
DeleteI moved from North Jersey to South Jersey which is not a drastic change as you moved here from another country, but it was still moving to different areas with completely different people. I myself had a hard time making friends and missed my old friends very much. It was hard for me like it must have been hard for you. So I can totally see your point of view here.
DeleteHey Dan, I can relate to you forgetting your memories somewhat. As time goes by, I find it harder and harder to remember my childhood and my dad. It's really upsetting for me because I feel as though I lose more and more of him as time goes on until one day, I won't have anything of him. It's scary to think about, but I just have to try and hold onto what I do have. Maybe you can do that with your time in India.
DeleteFor middle school I went to EHT and I was my regular self, until I wanted to fit in. I don’t even remember who i use to be. I was the only African American in my friend group of Asians and Caucasians. I wanted this need to belong in the popular group. You know the girls who cheerlead and have cute boyfriends. I blamed my skin color. There were never popular black girls and I changed how i acted. My voice started changing and I tried to be like them, not puberty, but it was something changing. I realize now I shouldn’t have thought about becoming them.
ReplyDeleteNow I don't know where I belong. I have a place but it’s just not filled with me. Am I the girl who smokes and gets in trouble? Or am I the nice girl who takes people’s shit? I have a need to belong but l don’t know where. My self-esteem is higher than last year. That’s because I built myself by myself. I can’t belong until I know myself and get over the past. I hope it comes one day because it’s not a good feeling.
Loving yourself is the first step to anything, and that's what you will learn throughout high school. You may not know where you belong but after this is all over you will realize exactly where you stand and who your real friends are and where you really do belong. So for now just keep doing you and keep being the amazing person you are!!
DeleteHey Alyssa, when i see you in the hallways from time to time you are always with someone and look as if you are in your element. So by reading this i am surprise, although i don' know you like that, i thought you acted the way you did because it was just who you were. But if that's not who you are than you shouldn't have to fake the funk, and likewise you shouldn't take anybodies shit.
DeleteThat's,the hard part. it will come in time but thank you Altea!! And hey Kayla, when you do see me, I am acting myself but in my head I think it's wrong so i just overthink. Idk it's really confusing.
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ReplyDeleteI do not feel the need to belong as a sense of “fitting in”, but I do think that it’s important for me to feel like I do have a place that I can call home and somewhere I know I can go to to be safe. Also, I think that having a group of real friends you know you can count on is a big part of me feeling like I belong. Without the support system of your friends and family who would you turn to for help? I think everyone should be able to say the belong in some way, shape, or form because it’s important in life to be able to have people you feel comfortable around. As of other people I think that they may feel the need to have to fit into the “popular group”or be around certain people that make them feel secure. For the people who need to go to every single party to feel as though they belong will never make sense to me. Partying is fun but to me partying would never help me feel like I belong somewhere and partying was never my priority. I always knew that if I was around people who cared about me then I belonged there.
I feel as though I belong with my gymnastics team. We see each other so much at the gym every day that we are not even teammates anymore, we are family. I know that no matter what, they are there for me always and we go through the same problems together. Having someone you know is there for you can give you that extra support and a feeling of security which is why i feel like I belong with my gymnastics team.
Hey Jasmine, I Agree with your view on the "popular groups" of people. I personally don't enjoy raving parties because i don't feel i belong there. I also can relate to your view on your gymnastics team as being family. There are certain people in life who will push you for the better and not judge when you do wrong and if you are surrounded by people who fit this description then you don't have any choice but to feel you belong with them.
DeleteI agree that a support system of friends and family are very important to feeling like you belong. The only gymnastics knowledge that I have is from watching "Make it or Break it" and "Stick it" with my sister; but your gymnastics team being so close to you makes perfect sense. When you're doing a sport that grueling and intense, you need to have a great support system encouraging you while in the gym. If you have that support system and you feel like giving up; you know that everyone is going through the exact same thing.
DeleteJasmine I completely agree with you. As long as you have a group of friends and good people to surround yourself with you don't need to feel like you have to fit in. All you need is supporting people in your life and you shouldn't feel the need to fit in and try so hard to.
DeleteFeeling the need to belong is what, I think, every teen desire is in high school. It’s why we try out different cliques or remain in the same ones, to know our value and place among our peers in a group. I like to say that it doesn’t matter to me if I belong in a certain environment or not, but then that would be a lie. Deep down the need to not only fit in but also obtain an essential place in a certain group is what makes me try even harder to reside in one. Being an athlete helps me to better understand the concept of belonging, therefore I can say that I belong on a basketball court. Generally the position I play, center, only requires a tall person and although there are a lot of eligible girls who fit that description, I have an athletic build and knowledge of basketball which benefits the team and knowing my place in the unit helps benefit me. Part of said benefit would be earning a sense of self-pride from putting all that I learn from practicing in use in a game. Likewise this also feeds my competitive streak because even though I earned my spot on the team it doesn’t mean it is permanent, so therefore I have to keep working to maintain it. Similarly, at home I know I belong because it is up to me to do the chores, and laugh at my father’s corny jokes.
ReplyDeleteMy part at home and on my basketball team makes me feel relevant. Likewise I think the people feel that they belong, because generally they have a group of friends they hang out with and then little cliques that they occasionally mingle with. The only thing that separate a “popular” person from an “ordinary” person is that the popular person needs more attention by people to feel they belong, were as an ordinary person may fit in well with 2-3 groups and still feel relevant.
In my blog post I said I belonged in Mays Landing. Yet, within Mays Landing I belong in many other places. Our Spring track team makes me feel as if I belong. When we run the 4x1,4x2, and medley relays I feel included, because those races require a team effort. Playing a sport in general, forces us to come together and interact as a team. I appreciate all of the support I receive from my coaches, teammates, and competition. The more we work together and the more we support each other, the closer we become as a "family".
DeleteSo, I completely understand what you mean when you say that your basketball team makes you feel as if you belong.
DeleteThis is my favorite blog question so far because of how much I can relate to it. Like Bunj, I’ve moved many times before (although not as much as her), so I definitely know what it feels like to not have a place that I can call my ultimate home. This feeling of not belonging is the most present when I’m in school. In my old town, which I had lived in since 5th grade prior to moving, I never totally felt as if I fit in. The bullying was what mainly contributed to this, since the kids made fun of my appearance (I had a haircut that made me look like coconut head from Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide along with buck teeth). I’ll never forget my first day starting at my new elementary school. I walked into the classroom, filled with kids, and was met with awkward waves and whispers. I went to go take my seat at an empty desk when a girl whispered to her friend, a little too loudly: “Look at the size of her nose!” That comment, unfortunately, has stayed with me throughout my life, and I can pin point that exact moment as being the first time I ever felt self-conscious about my appearance.
ReplyDeleteEven though the bullying stopped when I got to middle school and I found a good group of friends, I never exactly felt like I belonged. I was in a large friend group, and it felt like a constant struggle to always be invited to things. The worst was when my group of friends decided to hang out without me, which of course made me feel unwanted. For the most part, people didn’t notice me or pay attention to my existence. Often when a substitute called out my name for attendance, someone would say “she’s not in this class!” or ask “who?”, and the sub would mark me absent unless I spoke up to say that, yes, I actually was in that class, and yes, I existed. Being undervalued and overlooked basically sums up my middle school/ first half of high school experience.
When I first moved here, the transition was a lot easier because 1) I no longer look like coconut head (at least I don’t think) and 2) from what I’ve seen, the people are a lot more accepting. Even though I don’t exactly feel like I belong, I definitely no longer wake up in the morning dreading the thought of school.
Although school was never the place where I fit in, I wholeheartedly feel like I’ve found a home at my camp, Frost Valley. I’ve talked about camp in one of my previous blogs as the thing that fills me with the most joy. It’s the only place where I have ever experienced a complete sense of belonging, and I’m thankful every day that I have it because I know that some people don’t ever find a place where they feel this way. I’ve made so many great connections with so many great people that I feel like I’m actually wanted when I’m there. My self-esteem is the highest when I’m at Frost Valley because I know that no one is looking at my appearance and judging me. Everyone just simply accepts each other’s differences and embraces them. It’s the one place in the world where I don’t feel undervalued or overlooked.
Rach, I'm sorry that some ignorant girl made that nasty comment about your appearance, and I'm sorry that it's unfortunately stayed with you until now. Just know that I (and lots of other people I'm sure) don't care at all about what you look like, because as soon as you speak, it's obvious to everyone that you're a damn good person. And no, you don't look like a coconut head. It's hard for me to imagine you ever looking like a coconut head. Also, you talk about camp all the time, and I've noticed that whenever you do, you get ten times more animated. It's clear to see how passionate you are about Frost Valley, and I'm so happy that you've found a place where you belong, even if it's not somewhere you can be all the time.
DeleteI've also had my fair share of bad haircuts. I've always kept my hair around medium length until 7th grade. I wanted my hair to be shoulder length, which is the perfect length on me, but every single time the hairdressers would cut it too short or not enough. I've had the "coconut head" haircut about 4 times, and each time I cried about it. I have yet to find a hairdresser who will listen to my wishes and cut it exactly at shoulder length.
DeleteI was pretty excited to meet you when my friend first told me about you moving here. She described you to me as somewhat shy and really nice and I have to say it was pretty spot-on. I'm really sorry someone made that comment about you, but I can honestly say that you are so pretty. Alexis and I were actually talking about how pretty you are (I hope that's not weird!). We've all had our fair share of terrible haircuts and friend groups where you just don't get invited to things, but I think you'll be fine at Oak.
DeleteIn my previous blog, I talked about how I was bullied. So I know what it was like for you. I was made fun of my appearance and my personality at times. People are so cruel but if you accept yourself then non of that matters. Your own opinion counts. Being you is enough. I don't know you well but I can't see anyone that would hate you because you seem so nice.
DeleteTrust me, Rachel you are beautiful! And you deserve to know that you are very very pretty and that the one girl who lacked manners and respect was wrong to say something like that out loud. It takes a lot of courage moving to a new place and then trying to get to know new people. I am so happy that you were in my gym class and that Lucie and I, mainly Lucie, convinced you to join tennis. I hope being part of it has made you feel like you "belong" a bit more, because i know it's hard being the new kid.
DeleteRachel, we don't talk to each other that much, but from the few times that we did, already, you're the most chillest person I've ever met. You can tell that one girl to go jump off a cliff (not literally, of course, because then that'd make you a murder, and we don't want that!). You are beautiful inside and out, don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise!
DeleteIt is very often that I ask myself, who am I and what am I doing? Sometimes I just feel like everything is wrong and I just don’t belong. There will be instances when I have a very different idea than everyone else, and when this happens I say to myself, “This can’t just be me that feels like this.” And then I realize that no one else sees it my way, I’m all by myself. Other times I’ll be with my little group of friends and ill realize that I do belong. My friends and I are very similar and I fit in with them. We have most of the same ideas on certain things.
ReplyDeleteIn some ways I do think that the people that are in every club, do sports, and go to parties fit in because they know what they want. They are very active and know lots of people. They also have friends that are similar and that they can relate to. But in other ways I feel like they try too hard. They go crazy trying to do everything possible in life. They try and make life perfect so they can belong. They think of everything that could go wrong and try to prevent it. This is not how life is supposed to be. Sometimes life needs to run its course and that is how you find out where you belong. If you like how a certain group of people look or act, that’s cool but be your own person. There will always be someone who you will relate to, you’re never on your own.
I feel like I belong exactly where I am, I have great friends, I am in AP classes, and I am a runner. I don’t know how to explain why I belong with my friends, I guess it’s because we act and think similarly. I do know why I am in AP classes. I have been in regular classes and they just aren’t for me. They lack the challenge and I can’t always relate to the students in these classes as much as I can to the AP students. I also feel more respect from the teachers. The teachers care more about what you want out of the class. The feeling that I get when I finish homework and turn it in, or any work, makes me proud. I have accomplished my daily goal that some days is set very high. I am a runner and I belong a runner because I am good and I love the successful feeling when I finish a race. I always complain about running but when I finish a race and I PR and beat 100 other guys that look like their twice my height, that is when the sense of belonging really kicks in.
I really can’t believe that you said you belong being a runner, especially distance running. You brought up so valid points, but the one I found most interesting was that popular kids know what they want. I personally think that the reason they are so involved is that they are trying to find themselves.
DeleteBelonging to SOMETHING is absolutely monumental in our lives today. There is always a “clique” to be a part of or start, and honestly it is growing larger and larger as the minutes go by. My feeling or need to be a part of something used to be immense, I mean I tried with all my might to be a part of a group of friend or club and well it never happened. As I grew older I realized that, that appeal to be a part of something slowly slipped away from my mind. I just did what I had to do, yeah everyone is a part of something whether you realize it or not; it could be a book club, gaming group, hell even a group chat, but for some reason we all crave more, even me at times. I feel like I belong where it counts, simply with people I want to be around. I think why we all want to be a part of something is to fill that void that many of us may or may not feel, it’s a tricky concept to attempt to explain but here goes nothing. The reason why I tried so hard in the past to “belong” somewhere was because I lacked friends, and activities to do because of moving so much, which sounds like a crutch but it’s the truth. As for other people I think it’s mainly because being a part of a “clique” or “squad” is just trendy and can be attached to a hash tag.
ReplyDeleteYour first couple of sentences are exactly how I was going to write mine. I agree that in today's society, being apart of something, anything is vital.
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ReplyDeleteBeing in high school I think we all have somewhat of a desire to belong, even if its small its still there. Some feel that they belong on a team or in a club and thats good enough for them. Some have an extremely strong family connection so thats where their roots are. Regardless of where you think you belong there is always one place that you do actually belong. I cant say that the sports kids or the party kids belong because while I am one of them I am not them. I cant say what one individual feels, what I do know is that sports and parties make them happy and if you're happy in that moment, you belong. I know that I belong…I don't know where that is but I know that its somewhere. Throughout our lives we belong in different places, life is about the experience, and if you're happy with where you are and life is worth it to you, then you belong. Eventually I will come across a place that fills me, every crack in me. Along the way I have been in these places, places that made me so crazy in love with life that I couldn't handle myself. While there will always be struggle I think that belonging somewhere is important, having a place to call home is necessary for me. Sometimes I don't have a place like that but when I come across one I hold on to it because thats where I feel I belong…home. Wherever home happens to be. I guess being a bit of a drifter when it comes to belonging somewhere has taken a toll on me, I know that when I feel like I belong I am a much happier person. Even if its just a moment, a moment where maybe I'm looking at my friends laughing or laying in a field watching my horse race around me in a circle trying to get me to play with him. Small moments like that are the times I feel like I belong, when there is nowhere else I would rather be. I may not feel that way for a long time but in that moment that is where I belong, and I love that feeling…that safe, happy, calming feeling.
Sam i can tell you honestly this whole summer i felt like i belonged, belonged with all of our friends. So when you say "Even if its just a moment, a moment where maybe I'm looking at my friends laughing" i think of all the memories from summer, whether it was just in a car waiting for hours for Charles to get done work or if it was running into the car because we couldn't let people see us. We belonged there and sometimes i long for the times when we can have that back, not because i don't feel like i belong anymore but because in that moment we belonged even without trying. We were just ourselves we weren't thinking about anything else. So reading this made me think of all of our summer memories and i just want that back. I just want my little sister back even if it means having to buy her everything because she cant find her wallet. Missing you and our late nights and late breakfasts everyday just a little more.
DeleteHaving that sense of belonging is important. I feel like it boosts one’s confidence level, and makes one feel whole. Generally, you are comfortable. You don’t have to feel ashamed or pretend. You can just be yourself.
ReplyDeleteI’m not going to lie, I don’t feel like I belong. I often feel alone, isolated even. In class, while everyone is chit-chatting away about some party, i’m over here just doodling away in my notebook. While everyone is playing on their phones and showing each other pictures, i’m over here gazing at the ceiling like an idiot. While everyone is in, I am out. Even in my family, I feel like the black sheep. But i’m not complaining. Everyone has those days where they feel misunderstood, undervalued, overlooked. Or at least, I think they do. Not everyone you meet will have the same mindset as you. And that is perfectly okay. To be honest, I’m pretty content with where i’m at. I (like to) know where my strengths are, where i’m most comfortable. Around certain people, around certain circumstances, I get that feeling like i’m on top of the world. I could talk endlessly (which may come as a shocker) on something stupid. I could make a complete fool out of myself and I wouldn’t even care. And with it, i’m able to get a “glimpse” of belonging, and a glimpse is all I need.
Aww Jasmine, of all people I would have never thought you would be the type to feel excluded. I can relate to what you said about people having their days. Some days I feel like an outsider, that has no friends, no life, and no point in being on this earth, Whereas other days, I feel so loved by the world. Believe it or not , during our cross country races I feel like I belong there. Every time we have a meet I question why I ever chose the sport, and when I'm left in the dust of others I feel alone. But then when you are by my side, it boosts my confidence and reminds me of why I do the sport. It also reminds me of how much of a great friend you are. We finish almost every race together, and I love that about us, because we push each other. And in the end we both feel great and as if we accomplished something.
DeleteFeeling the need to belong is not something that I’m unfamiliar with. When I was little, my parents weren’t able to pick me up from school, so they sent me home every day with a friend. This friend’s family cared for me every single day, graciously feeding me and letting me stay at their house until my mom could get off work. On paper it sounds great, but in fact, it was not. From the ripe age of 9, when I started getting picked up by my friend’s family, I became very self-aware. Instead of playing carefree like I should have, I started to feel very isolated and I started being more cognizant of where I stand in other people’s lives. When they offered me food, I would feel that I wasn’t deserving of it. I was afraid that I would do something wrong and they would kick me out. I wasn’t related to them, and when they would do “family things” after school, I would have to tag along. Nothing is worse than being surrounded by a family that isn’t yours. Many days I would be fine and happy, but some days I was so overwhelmed by the feeling of isolation that I would shut down and not talk. I think on those days the family would assume that I was mad at them, but of course I wasn’t. How could I be mad at people who were kind enough to practically babysit me every day? It wasn’t their fault-- it was nobody’s fault. But as a 9-year-old, I was very aware of the fact that I was a burden and a chore.
ReplyDeleteThese imbedded feelings have continued to follow me, and I’m 16 now. I feel awkward whenever I’m at other people’s houses, even when it’s my best friend. I feel especially uncomfortable at house parties. I was invited to a friend’s birthday, and my anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t stay for more than 30 minutes. I gave a half-valid excuse and I bolted out of there. Once again, I was very aware of the fact that I was an outsider, and that it wasn’t my place to intrude on someone’s birthday celebration, especially when they didn’t need me there in the first place. It’s gotten to the point where I decline invitations altogether (not like I get very many of those, haha). Whether my fears are valid are not, I don’t know. But they are my fears and they are very real to me. I have a feeling they’ll be sticking around for a while.
And because of my keen awareness of my position in social situations, I have yet to find where I belong in school. Sometimes Oakcrest doesn’t even feel like my school. Maybe I do feel undervalued or overlooked, but I don’t let myself dwell on negative feelings for too long-- especially not long enough for me to figure them out. The closest I’ve come though, is my tennis team. When I’m with them, I feel at ease. I don’t feel like less of a person; I feel like me, and I’m assuming that my team thinks that’s enough. But as great as belonging somewhere is, sometimes where you think you belong is not where you actually should be. Change is necessary for growth, and sometimes being stuck with the same people forever and ever will not do you any good. If where you think you “belong” is with people that hurt you instead of build you up, then it’s not where you “belong” at all. I’ve learned this the hard way. This is stupid, but whenever I picture where I belong, I picture a flower bed. I’m rooted in place, surrounded by familiarity, but I’m still allowed room to grow and change and better myself. I’m not sure if I’ve found that flower bed just yet, but for now I’ll make do with the tennis court and the kickass girls that share it with me.
As for “the popular people,” I honestly have no answer. I don’t know what it’s like to be in every sport, every club, and at every party. Maybe they do belong in all of those places, or maybe they don’t, but regardless, they are brave enough to put themselves out there, and I respect that. Still, I can’t even begin to speculate how they could ever get enjoyment from being around people all the time. I could be standing in a completely crowded room but I would still feel alone. Being in every sport, every club, and at every party would probably drive me insane.
Lucie!! You are you, and that's more than enough for the tennis team, or anyone else for that matter. Where would we be without you leading the arm stretches whenever Aubrey's not there?? I'm glad that you have at least one place where you feel like you can be yourself, and im 1000x more glad that I can be a part of it. That flower bed metaphor is also v on point and it actually made me question life for a few minutes there.
DeleteOne question before I say anything: for how long did the family took care of you?
DeleteI can sort of relate to your situation, but instead of being raised by a friend’s family, I was raised by my grandparents. I know it is a big difference, but still it is someone other than the parents. Kudos to you for handling all that at age 9. Be glad that you were in safe hands and with someone who actually cared for you. People these days are becoming more independent and less supportive to each other. Many years ago, huge families, consisting of more than 6 people, used to live under one roof. Nowadays, when people reach adulthood, they leave their parents who once changed their diapers and took care of all their needs. Poor old parents are left behind to live on their own. Usually, this situation is caused by the marriage of the son/daughter. Now he/she is left to choose one or the other: wife/husband or parents. My brother had the same problem when he was small— around the age of 3. I was in India, and my parents were busy with work. So, my brother spent half of his childhood with the neighbors, who coincidentally were also Indian. The neighbors basically fulfilled all the needs from changing his diaper to feeding him.
It is absolutely plausible for you to think that tennis is where you belong since you spend a great amount of quality time with your team. Only if you could join Academic Team…
I don't necessarily feel the need to belong. I think this this is because of the fact that i already know where I belong and where I'm comfortable. If I find myself somewhere that isn't in my comfort zone I'll leave. I don't know if others feel that they belong in the groups they are constantly in but if they're spending a lot of time I sure hope they do.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I feel like I belong side by side with my best friend. That's the only person I am completely comfortable around. Knowing she will always have my back makes me feel like that's where I belong. When Emily and I are together I will literally do anything and everything cause I know my other half is right there to do it along with me. Em gives me the utmost confidence without even knowing it. Her presence alone ensures that everything will go just fine unless, I'm driving with her and my parents.
If I feel out of place it's probably because some type of dancing is going on. Only half joking its most likely due to the fact that there's no common interests but this is hard to come by because I find it easy to get along with most people. Feeling like an outsider can be good and bad. If I'm not fitting in with a group that is filled with bad people then that might even boost my self esteem a little to know I'm nothing like them.
I know you secretly like dancing. Throw dat back
DeleteWait. I thought I was your best friend...
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ReplyDeletePersonally, I do feel there is a need to belong. To me, belonging relieves so much pressure or fright from a person. If they don’t feel as though they belong they are hesitant in probably everything they do. Maybe they don’t want to join a sport because the players aren’t “their type”, or going to parties make them feel like the outcast. Not feeling belonged may also cause people to be more of a quiet or shy person. However, if a person does feels apart to a specific group, team, etc. they are more likely to express who they really are. It is extremely important for ones to know they “fit in” because to me it just makes life so much easier.
ReplyDeleteThose who are involved in almost everything and have many friends most likely do feel they belong. Though, I am almost sure some interact that way to force themselves to “belong.” Today, “fitting in” is hanging with the cool kids or doing what everyone else is doing, which is probably why people tend to act as if they are apart but don’t really FEEL it.
I have lived in Mays Landing since I was about four. This means I started school here, and have been going to school with almost the same kids since then. I can honestly say I do feel like I belong. Of course because when I moved here I was too young to actually know what feeling apart felt like. Also, all of us kids were on the same boat anyway (new and getting used to every bodies face). I just grew to adapt to the “Mays Landing environment.” Based off the person I am I don’t go to every party, have a lot of friends, or just jump into what everybody is doing. This is not because I don’t feel I belong or fit in; I just always preferred to stay to myself. However, because I may be considered the quiet type, I still have no hesitance in expressing who I really am in school, around my friends, etc.
I totally can relate to being the quiet type...somedays. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking. But you and I both know that when a song comes on that we like, we will hit the quan, millie rock, and whip the hell out of it.
DeleteA person feeling like they belong is very important. Everyday people are living through struggle in places because they don’t “belong”. I feel like everyone belongs you just have to find the right people to associate yourself with. You have to find the right group who likes you as you. I felt like I didn’t belong when I first moved to Mays Landing because I came from Atlantic City. Everyone thought I was ghetto and obnoxious because of my background but I’m nothing like that. Once people got to know me, I felt like I actually belonged and was pretty excited. I still feel like I belong but sometimes I don’t. I feel like no one ever has the same problems as me and that when I am upset I don’t have anyone I can talk to. I know all my friends say they are there, but who is actually there? If I try to explain myself no one will understand what I’m saying and I won’t be heard. I tend to not show that anything is bothering me because I don’t want to be misunderstood because it happens all the time. I don’t let it show on the outside but deep down I’m wishing I did belong. I feel like I belong mostly in cheer, track and field, the choir room, or at home. Being surrounded by people who actually care and enjoy the same stuff as me makes me feel like I belong there. I don’t have the best self-esteem so me belonging somewhere makes me feel better about myself. It shows me that not everyone sees me the same and there are people who like me for me. The popular people probably think they don’t belong. Most of the popular people think they only have friends because of their popularity but some are really nice and genuine.
ReplyDeleteSierrah I don't care what you say I'm always here for you and that's facts not printer! I do agree though, sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to either because its weird talking to my parents and my friends just don't really understand sometimes.
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DeleteIt is very true, that there are hardly ever situations people can relate to. Even when it’s not personal, telling someone your story may make you feel better but hearing their opinion drowns the relief. Because all people really want is others to listen not make their own suggestion. But it’s not anyone’s fault both parties think they are helping the person in need. And that’s when the need to belong overtakes you and its hard not to tell you friend group everything. Hopefully wherever you feel like at home helps you with even the slightest uneasiness.
I definitely feel the need to belong. Especially in school where I’m surrounded by people who all have their own group, I want my own group where I feel like I fit in. It’s such a lonely feeling when you have no one by your side who you can connect with, or when you feel as though nobody wants you. I sometimes get the feeling that I don’t belong, even if I’m with my family and friends. I’m really quiet and shy, so a lot of the times I don’t contribute much to the conversations. I’m just there. And then I feel like the other people don’t need me, and I start to question if they really like me. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, the feeling of not belonging hits me like a smack across the face. I feel drained and insecure, and all I want to do is go home and be myself. It’s weird but sometimes being surrounded by others is more lonely than being alone.
ReplyDeleteI don’t really belong here. Oddly enough, the place where I belong to is all the way in Markham, Canada. It’s where all my closest cousins live, and I visit them every summer. That’s actually why I feel as if I don’t belong here — I miss out on so much during the summers not hanging out with my friends. But I wouldn’t skip my summer trips to Canada for anything because I love my cousins to death. When I’m around them, I feel so loved and happy. They’re about 10 years older than me, so they watched me grow up and, in a way, raised me. They have a special place in my heart, and I have never felt lonely with them by my side. I also really love the city, and all the other surrounding cities. When I go to Markham, it feels like home. Even though I’ve only lived there for two months at a time, I feel like I belong there. I don’t love Mays Landing, and I don’t feel as I belong in the community.
I also agree with you on the fact that it is necessary to feel like you belong. As I mentioned in my blog, sometimes I can be surrounded by a large group of people and still feel as if I'm alone. As shocking as it may seem, I can be very quiet and awkward around people I've never met. I mean who doesn't? But I also question if that is really who I am? For example, when I'm around friends and they are talking about something that I don't know about, I get upset. I feel like I need to know everything, otherwise I'll feel excluded. Also, Canada seems like a wonderful place Janet, and although you miss it, just know that I am always here to make you feel as if you belong. You and many other friends are a major part of my life. You guys have shaped me into who I am today.
DeleteEvery once in a while, I will feel something akin to what you talked about in your first paragraph. I fight the feeling by remembering that my thoughts, whatever they may be about, are just an organization of chemicals in the brain and that those feelings exist only because of those chemicals and not necessarily because of the outside world.
DeleteI can relate a little to you not belonging in Mays Landing because a lot of your family lives in Canada—I like Canada too, a lot more than the U.S., actually. My grandfather, whom I relate to a lot (he is grumpy and angry all the time just like me), lives in seclusion in New York (the mail does not even get delivered to his house and when it snows, no one clears his streets because the streets are so rarely used), so I rarely see him. However, I cannot fully relate to you because I do not feel as though I belong there, as you do in Canada, because my other family members that live in New York are crazy and make my life Hell when I am there.
What I love most about this question is that it is specifically said that feeling the need to belong and feeling like you actually do belong are two very different things. I do feel the need to belong and this is most likely going to be the same for everyone.
ReplyDeleteThe other side of this question would be the "DO you feel like you belong?" This question is not going to be the same for everyone. Some people may feel like they belong completely and others, like myself, may not. The people who are extremely social and "popular" may seem like they feel as if they belong, but they may not. It's really one of those questions that only the person being asked can answer. I can't answer it for someone I don't know well enough because I don't know their home life or their relationship with their parents.
I don't feel like I belong, but it's not a specific place where I feel this way. I honestly believe it's just a part of me that feels like I don't belong anywhere. It does not matter where I am or what I'm doing. I just don't believe I've ever felt a sense of belonging. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong areas, but as of right now I just don't know.
I can maybe agree that I feel misunderstood, but not by other people. I feel like I may be misunderstood by myself. Not feeling like I belong takes a toll on my self-esteem. According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, love and belonging are the third most important need.
Taking a look at the website really helped me understand why I may feel so bad all the time. This is why I want to be a psychology major. I want to help people understand themselves.
Hey Savannah, I want to major in psychology too because the human brain is so interesting. It can explain why we feel the way we do, and I think that it's so cool to make the connection between the physical thing going in our heads and the emotional impact it has on us. I also want to help people understand themselves because I feel like in doing so, I will eventually understand myself and why I think the way I do.
DeleteI don’t “belong” to anything or anyone. I am independent and I am my own person. I don’t want to put myself into a certain group and I certainly don’t need to. So no, I do not feel the need to belong. All I need is my family. In fact, I take back what I said about not beloning to anything. I belong at home with my mother, father, brother and sister (Kennedy too because we basically live together). These people are all literally just as weird and crazy as me. Those are the people who will stand by my side and never leave no matter what is happening and I feel so blessed for that. I have had my fair share of clubs, sports, and parties, but the ones who are in every club, do every sport, go to every party “the popular kids”, yeah they’re having alot of fun and making alot of friends, but will those same people be by there side in 10 + years? Most likely not.
ReplyDeleteI believe self esteem takes a part in people thinking they don’t belong. I personally have self esteem issues and I know why. And its not just something you can magically get rid of. It sucks that this socitey is revolving around certain things and people, praising certain characteristics and degreading other ones. Like people will put you down if youre skinny and people will put you down if youre thick. You can’t win. They’ll put down the clothes you wear, the hair you have, the skin you have, even the freaking music you listen to. It makes you feel like you’ll never be good enough for anyone, and that you’ll never belong. Not everybody has the same mindset as me, so I can see how so many girl and guys feel like they aren’t good enough to belong in any group. And I honestly think its so f***ed up.
DeleteI love that your stand on the need to belong is that you don’t need to because you’re an independent person who belongs to no one but yourself. It’s hard to admit that especially since highschool is filled with the groups you are a part of. I wish more people had the same mindset as you, it could save lives. It’s great to see a person so well figured out.
You go girl. You don't need to belong to anybody. It's great that you think that way because it shows that you don't rely on other people for your happiness.
DeleteThe feeling of needing to belong is mutual at all ages not only as teenagers. Adults, children all have their own cliques they join, its only when we talk about teenagers is the idea of acceptance almost always associated, otherwise every person has an internal struggle of trying to fit in with the crowd. Knowing where to be at all times comforts everyone. They belong somewhere on this planet and to already having been accepted there is a safety net we all strive to have. The feeling of needing to belong has always crossed but has never fully been recognized as necessity. It has always been a mystery to me which crowd to join or whether to even join a so called group at all. I like to determine the choices I make based on me and not other’s opinions. The reason being I get overwhelmed when there are too many voices telling me what’s right and wrong. As the years go on I find myself apart of various groups and experience different life moments with each of them. The need to belong is a so and so topic. It doesn’t exactly have an impact on my life but it’s always nice to have a friend group you can share your life with. It makes every situation a little easier to go through when you know there’s someone who may not relate but can untangle the thoughts blurring in the tears.
ReplyDeleteThe most popular people I can imagine are the ones who struggle most. The parties and the glamour of drinking is only a distraction to their messed up lives. Their faces a permanent smile and a high in their eyes because they want the blackout to take them away. A place where they can remember the last few hours of heartbreak and abuse. Drugs aren’t a weakness it is the life around them that force then to turn to something more reliant. Stephanie Perkins questions “Is it possible for home to be a person and not a place?” I say it is the people who make the home. Without the people it’s an empty four walled box impossible to climb out of. Therefore the clubs the drinks the parties the popular people go around, being loud in disguise, covering the pain with laughs. They put the impression that they belong and like where they are at in life when really one person could change their future.
Am I misunderstood, undervalued, or overlooked? I probably am most of the time just not to the extreme of a brooding gothic who may not hate the world the way we would presume them to. I’m often quiet about my opinion and say no more than a few words because I have no idea how people will react. But relating to another blog, I’m working on it. I want to share my views when I disagree with something I want a better understanding of others and if that means asking weird questions so be it. It’s time I learn to speak from my mind and hopefully make someone’s day like so many make mine. I no longer want to be overlooked because I’m the observer in the group. My day will come where I can lead something anything and I’ll probably way to self-conscious to do anything correctly but I’ll learn and get over it. Because if I really belong, there will be acceptance and everything will be okay.
Self Esteem is almost always ruined by self-doubt. Needing to belong and wanting to belong when you don’t can take its toll on a person. Friends and family are important. They what we think of the world. Whether to follow in their footsteps or run as far away they teach valuable lessons even when they’re not present. It’s important to feel comfortable and safe but I never want to lose myself in trying to become something I’m not for the sake of fitting in.
The need to belong is something that many people struggle with on a daily basis. Almost your entire school career and whatever comes after it, you have to deal with those clicks of people that make you feel like you don’t belong or like you’re not good enough. As a 16 year old, of course I feel the need to belong. When I’m with the people who truly care about me and who understand me and my personality, I feel like I belong. When I find myself with groups of people that I don’t belong with I’m usually very insecure and jealous of maybe their looks or their intelligence or whatever it may be that makes me feel as though I don’t belong. I believe that everyone belongs somewhere but for some people it may take longer for them to find that place. I feel like I belong right where I am and it took a long time for me to realize that. Once I found out who the real people are in my life, I knew that I belonged with them and other people’s opinions or comments will never deter me from that. Knowing where I belong does boost my self-esteem and makes me feel comfortable but mostly it makes me feel happy to finally appreciate that I belong somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI am blessed to have been raised by such active parents. Not active as in they are constantly in motion, but active in our lives. They signed my sister and I up for many activities. I started gymnastics when I was three, and my sister followed soon after. Around the same age, I took dance classes for fun, though gymnastics remained my primary sport. My Mom is a piano teacher and I saw how awesome playing piano could be. At five years old, my Mama taught me how to play! My sister and I did ice-skating for a decent while, took art lessons, were involved in band and choir,have participated in numerous musicals, and the list goes on.
ReplyDeleteI am so fortunate to have learned all of these skills and I understand that being well-rounded is a great quality to have as a person. Reading this blog post, I knew that I technically belonged to many sports and activities. But now I am wondering which of these parts of my life really count in the long run. Which of these do I belong in and not to? I know the difference between feeling like part of a family and feeling like I am wasting my time by being there.
Now that college and career paths are all the rage in my life, I have started to narrow down my activities. I no longer ice-skate, I rarely find the time to practice piano, I stopped playing the flute after eighth grade, I stopped gymnastics due to an injury, and dance classes have become too expensive to continue, although I practice constantly. Because these parts of my life have faded away, I know that what places I truly belong in: The Oakcrest Girls’ Tennis Team, Drama, and Choir, more specifically Select Choir. I truly feel like I can be myself with the people in these sports and activities. I am familiar with the people who run the clubs and I know that they trust me and appreciate me for who I am. I have great relationships with other people in these places. In tennis, I have grown very close to Lucie, Dina, and Rachel and am proud to call them my fellow Junior tennis teammates. In Choir, my closest friends are Erynn and Elena, with whom I successfully auditioned for All-State Choir. And lastly, during the musical season, Melissa can confirm that us drama nerds are as tight-knit as ever.
The “popular person” who does everything in life probably feels like they belong because they most likely have a multitude of friends to take part in the multitude of activities with them. They most likely wouldn’t feel alone. But I’m not too sure because I am not one of those people.
To me, the feeling of belonging somewhere comes from having a sense of security. It presents itself when a person is comfortable being in a certain environment. I do think it is necessary to have a sense of security in some part of your life. Maybe school can be a bore filled with people you can’t stand, but you go home to a supportive, loving, and caring family that you belong with. Friends are almost necessary for the growing teenager because a good friend will listen to all of your whining, complaining, and ranting, but will still appreciate your company at the end of the day. Personally, I feel like I belong in the environments described because I am close friends with people that are doing the same thing as me, can relate to me, and make me feel warm inside. The action taking place also plays an important role, of course. I belong in tennis, drama, and choir because I have done those three things all my life.
I know how much all your activities stressed you out sometimes. Even though you had to stop doing things you really like, I think it will be better in the long run. Now you're just in what matters most to you, and what you truly love. I'm glad to hear you feel appreciated in each group and that you know you feel comfortable in all three. None of them would be the same without you. It is true that you definitely belong there.
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ReplyDeleteSociety can be some people’s worst enemy. It has a funny way of pointing out your every flaw. Labels and “cliques” have always been hard to get away from but now there’s standards that everyone is required to live up to in order to seem “perfect” and fit in. Girls have standards of the perfect look and guys have standards of the perfect athlete. A lot of people nowadays, myself included, feel like they need to fit in in order to be treated normally by their peers. Everyone knows that bullying has been a huge problem in kids and I believe it’s because of society’s views. Everyone is always afraid to be different from everyone or stand out because of the jokes that get made about them, or all the pictures of them with mean captions that show up on social media. No one ever wants to be made fun of, so it’s always easier to try to find a spot where you fit in and it’s not easy. Everyone is so quick to judge a person that wears something they wouldn’t wear, or someone who does something they would never do. We all just need to understand that people are different and people have their own ways of showing who they are. There’s always popular people in school. It’s probably easier for them to fit in if they are involved with school activities because they have more options to fall back on compared to a person who isn’t involved with school activities. For me, I feel like I’m still trying to find my place in society and I think it’s because I don’t want to restrain myself to one specific place because I could miss out on so many different experiences and friendships. A lot of people are misunderstood and that’s because no one ever takes the time to understand that person because once someone has an opinion of you, it seems like it takes a while for them to change it if they ever do.
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DeleteRetweet to how society is some people's worst enemy and your claim about bullying. the feeling of "needing to belong' has become such an issue and has been a result of such awful things such as low self- esteem and bullying. I personally have days where I couldn't care less about belonging, and other days I feel extreme pressure to belong. And when I don't actually belong, which is most days, I’m very misunderstood because people don't look at you for being anymore than "not belonging," like you said.
Through out my 16 years of life I have felt the need to belong from time to time but currently I don’t feel that need. I honestly couldn't give a fuck whether people like me or not because I like me and to me that’s all that matters. I know people don't like me but just because they don't doesn't mean I'm going to change the person that I am to please other people because that’s just really stupid and I have more respect for myself than that. But at the same time I do feel like I belong most of the time. I belong with my best friends and with my drama family and I've never felt that need to hide who I really am when I'm with them so yeah, I guess I do belong certain places. When I'm with the people I "belong" with it does make me feel pretty good about myself because those friends or groups I could say always gas me up so it’s a pretty good feeling. On the other hand, a lot of the time I don’t feel like I belong with the people I go to school with because I am very different from most of the people I know but that doesn’t mean I feel the need to want to belong with them. I do believe that I am very misunderstood, undervalued, and overlooked by the people I go to school with but it's honestly not that big of a deal, although a little attention would be nice from time to time. Ever since I was little I was always a lot more mature than my friends and I was always interested in different things than them which made me the weird kid, but to be honest I like being the weird kid, it's who I am. To this day it is the same way but that's okay with me because it just makes me seem even more interesting to my friends or seem even weirder, I don’t know. I don’t care. As for the popular kids I do feel like they think they belong. Most of the popular kids in my grade have always been the popular kids and will be until we leave high school. I can't imagine why they wouldn't feel like they belong, they get the attention from everyone and their mothers and get praised for every damn thing they do so I couldn't think of any way that they don’t belong. Although I'm sure there is an exception to all of that but I cant exactly think of an example of one.
ReplyDeleteIt's awesome that you don't care what other people think of you. Not a lot of people can say that truthfully. I think I can honestly say that I don't really care either. I don't ever worry about what other people think of me because what they're thinking I probably already know. So embrace your inner (or outer) weird kid.
Delete100% where we come from has a huge impact on who we are and who we may one day become. Belonging to anything, a friend group, a team, a family, etc., shapes and molds a person to be who they eventually turn out to be. It’s not that I feel the need to belong; I just like the idea of belonging somewhere. I like the idea of having a home away from home, wherever that may be. I don’t exactly know where I belong, or where I am destined to belong, but I sure as hell know where I feel belonged.
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly, I cheered for 10 years of my life. And now I am a junior coach, for a bullshit team called the Lakers. Underhill park has been my “home” since I was 6, and as crazy as that sounds I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t experience what I did there. Even though I didn’t sleep or eat there, on occasion I did though actually, it still felt like home and Underhill was definitely one of thing places that made me who I am today, as stupid as that sounds.
When it comes to the most popular people I can imagine, I think of the ones who are so involved and don’t miss a party. I think they feel as if they belong somewhere, in the crowd they surround themselves with, but they will soon figure out that’s not where they want to be.
They say, sometimes home isn’t a house, its two arms holding you when you are at your worse. We all have a “home” like that, a boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, adult, little kid, anyone. And that “home” can also be where one feels belonged. When I am sad, or even overly happy, and my friends give me a hug, I feel at home. I feel at ease and I feel like everything is going to be okay.
I belong with my two amazing friends. I belong in 204. I belong with SOME of my family members. I feel as if I belong with/in these places/people because that is where I feel wanted. In order to belong, I strongly believe it has to be somewhere that gives you nothing but happiness. The sense of belonging teaches me to love myself and the people around me. It taught me to stick up for the ones I love, when they are around and when they are not. It taught me bad things happen for even better to occur.
I never looked at it that way. The way of being in someones arms or even somewhere happy. Realizing now, it was dumb of me not to think of those things because they seem pretty obvious. I didn't expect reading this or hearing it from you, and I think thats pretty cool. Thanks Heather
DeleteHaving people you feel safe to be around is an essential for me. I value my friendships over many things because of how much I need my friends in my life. Even though some people may think only having a few friends is not getting yourself out there I am completely fine with having three best friends. Having these people in your life that you know you can tell absolutely everything to has helped me so much and having three of them is even better. Having three best friends that are all different is great because they all have different opinions but I can go to all of them because I know that they will be there for me and there to help. Not really belonging to a place but belonging to a group of people is where I find myself. Having some place to call home is not really a big thing for me. I feel like any place can be a home place for you and it does not have to be your legit home. When I was seven my parents got divorced and when my mom moved out I had to learn to call another place home and then again when she moved to a new house. Not having a legit place you can call your home is not a living essential but having people or a group you can belong to is. Being able to play different sports and be in different classes and clubs is very helpful to finding a group but being with people that you just connect to is where you want to be. You do not have to go out to all the parties and even go out to different clubs and sports and be someone you are not to “fit in.” When you find where you belong with a certain group you know it is real because you will not have to pretend to be someone else. With those people you will be able to be yourself and you will feel completely comfortable around these people. Although self-esteem is confidence and satisfaction in oneself I know that when I’m surrounded by my friends my self-esteem is all good. My friends know how to cheer me up when I am sad and they know how to keep me laughing when I am happy, without them I would not be who I am today and I love them for that.
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ReplyDeleteAm I “home”? First let me tell you this. I was moved a lot, like what Bunje said. But in my case, it was house locations and different schools. Long story short, I’ve been in 6 different schools, including Oakcrest. The schools I went to weren’t all from the same area. I was born up north in North Bergen, NJ. I lived there for about 6 years and attended 2 schools there. Then when I moved down here in Mays Landing, I enrolled in 3 different school for 3rd-8th, but 2 only lasted a year for the reasons being the school closed down or my brother’s behavior got out of hand...basically he was a devil child. Anyway, moving so many times was annoying and miserable because I would have to make new friends then suddenly say our unexpected goodbyes. I wouldn’t ever talk to those friends again. By the time I first attended the school that I spent the most years in, the “making friends” process was a cycle for me; one that was somewhat hard for me to achieve. Since the friendships I made, in previous schools, never lasted, I lost hope for having permanent friends because I thought this would be one of the other schools that I would have to leave. However, that was not the case. I attended the school from 3rd grade to 8th grade with a great group of friends that I still try to keep in touch with because of being in different schools. Now, obviously, I’m in highschool with awesome friends and a great supporting family. So, am I home? Yes, I would say so. Wherever the people or things I care about are is my home.
ReplyDeleteTo take it a step further, I ask myself, do I belong? Belonging is like being home; the position or place where you feel most comfortable being true to yourself. Since people label groups as how they are, I’ve always seen it that way.The popular, weirdos, jocks, nerds,etc. I’ve seen myself as being the quite, nice girl, however that’s not really me at all. If I’m around a person that I'm comfortable to be myself with, I am actually crazy, annoying, and weird all at the same time. Labels are overrated because what you they are may not be true if you don’t really know them. So I’ve changed my outlook on that. I look at people as an individual. One unique person. Yea, we can have a group of athletes or a group of math geeks but there’s so much more about those people. As for myself, I feel like I belong when I’m drawing or painting.I express myself in them. I feel like I belong when I'm with my loved ones. I can be myself around them. Where I belong is where I’m home.
I haven't ever moved drastically but I can relate to just moving in general. When my mom moved and we all had to box our stuff up and bring it to a new house it was stressful and annoying. However for you it must have been ten times harder having to move even farther and then making new friends on top of it all. I am so happy that you came to Oakcrest because we were so close at camp. I completely agree that where you belong is basically where you feel home because it is where you feel safe.
DeleteI never knew you moved that much!!. I would have to say i beat your record. I've been in 8 different schools. Let me tell you that it's the hardest thing you can do. Having to make new friends all over again. You grow apart and there aren't anymore connections. I'm happy your in my life and the crazy person that I hope you stay as.
DeleteI think it's human nature for people to feel a belonging to something or someone. The feeling of being recognized and understood and given respect. People want these things in life, if not then the world would be filled with desolate and lonely people. Some people go to parties, join clubs, play sports, to feel as if they belong to find themselves in the vast world we live in. To find purpose in our lives and find out why we were put here on Earth.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I feel I belong; but only to certain people or things. For instance, marching band and tennis are things I feel I belong in and it also boosts my self-confidence in myself. I've developed many friendships along the way. I even met my girlfriend in marching band. Talking about my girlfriend, she also makes me feel that I belong. She always motivates, supports, and helps me through anything and is very understanding of my needs also. She tries to understand what I say and usually does. And we always talk everything out. With certain things I don't feel I belong. Especially when I'm in a big crowd of people and I might know some of them, but sometimes I just feel that they're not really my true friends, but just people that I've acquainted with. Also, I feel I don't belong when I have to present something in the class because I feel everyone in the room is better than me and judging me silently. Which makes me feel alone sometimes.
Aww Josh, that's good that, in general, you feel like you belong. I think the big crowds and class presentations make everyone feel like they don't belong. Their confidence level drops, and they don't feel comfortable anymore. You're definitely not the only who feels like that!
DeleteAt 16, I do in fact feel the need to belong, whether I do or not is a different story. I believe everybody belongs somewhere, and once they find it and accept that that is where they belong, they will be happy. I feel as though there are a lot of people who aren’t socially where they belong, but they feel the need to (as Ms. Bunje put it) be in every club, do every sport, go to every party so that they can feel accepted when they should really just do what makes them happy, not what makes a certain group of people like them. Don’t get me wrong though, there are many people who go to every party and club who actually belong there, but I know there are also many people who don’t even enjoy doing those things, but they do it for attention or the friends you can gain from it.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I belong exactly where I am. I belong with the friends that I have, I belong with what I do on the weekends and after school. I feel this way because I don’t go out of my way to make people like me, or convince people to include me in their plans or social groups. A teenager trying to find out where they belong is like one of those shape things that babies and little kids use to learn shapes, yanno the wood boards that you have to put each shape in the hole that is the same shape. You know what I’m talking about? No? Well honestly I didn’t explain it very well. I get easily sidetracked. My point is, I am a circle and I go in the circular hole, as opposed to triangles who want to go into the circular hole or squares that want to go into the triangular hole. Sometimes, my specific “circle” does get me a little discouraged, like when a weekend goes by where I sleep and watch TV, and I go on snapchat and there’s sleepovers and parties and I wish I was involved, or when I’m talking to a friend, and someone else (usually a “triangle” or some other shape other than mine) comes in and basically squeezes me out of the conversation. At the end of the day, I should just tell these people to f*** off, but I just find it very hard to do so, and It just leaves me feeling sorry for myself, and like I don’t belong there. Sure, this does hurt my self esteem but then other experiences when I do feel accepted and like I belong bring it back up so, I may belong and I may not, I really don’t know.
We talked about your blog during history class which was very amusing. Your circle analogy wasn't the clearest but I understood your point haha. I also understand the mixed feeling of sometimes belonging and sometimes not. It sucks, but hey, at least you were honest when you say you don't know. There's nothing wrong with that
DeleteI really like your analogy. This is so true, people try to be squares when they are obviously circles. I can also really relate to what you do on the weekends, it's like we live the same life.
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DeleteDespite your very long run on sentence in the beginning of your blog, and your poorly written humorous analogy, I definitely feel you. I see where you're coming from when you put it in the way that you feel pressured to belong, but if you do or if you don't, it doesn't phase you. Although I am a very big, intimidating girl, I too feel sorry for myself when I can't build up enough confidence to tell people to f*** off.
When someone says that they “belong” I interpret that as feeling loved for who you are by the people surrounding you. Whether you admit it or not everyone was born needing love and attention. Who, in their right mind, wants to constantly be in a place where they are invisible and not cared for? Because of changes in our bodies mentally and physically I think it’s vital that I, and every teenage, feels that they belong. Being that I am definitely not the most popular girl on earth I can’t exactly speak for the popular kids out there. However, I can say that if you are not acting like yourself to be accepted by others then you probably don’t feel like you belong. Like I said before, to say that you belong somewhere means you are being yourself. If you have to change who you are to fit in then you’re trying to push yourself into the wrong mold and will, therefore, never truly “fit in.” Who cares if you’re strangest kid in school? Are you with people that love you?
ReplyDeleteOn a smaller scale I have been in places where I felt I didn’t belong, but that was because I wasn’t familiar with the people around me. For example, I am part of a state choir but none of my friends are in it with me. During the first practice I sat by myself while all the other kids had their buddies. At that very moment I felt pretty invisible but I realized that I simply had to grow up and make friends (a direct quote from the wise Mrs. Castillo.) On a larger scale I belong right here at this time and place. Although it took me a while, I know who I am and I have friends that love me for who I am. I know that someone likes me for me and all my weirdness. Having friends that have my back makes me all over stronger, happier and more confident. What more could I ever ask for?
My first day of All-State was actually very similar to yours! I only saw Erynn in the car and briefly on our lunch break, but the remaining 3.5 hrs were spent singing in opposite sides of the room. I felt alone at the beginning as well. But, like you, I realized I have to "suck it up" and meet some folks.
DeleteBelonging to someone or something is the best feeling in the world so I think its only human to feel like we need to belong somewhere. As humans we always like to be loved and cared for and belonging somewhere is going to get you exactly that. Maybe you wouldn’t belong in a place but maybe you’ll belong with a group of people and that’s the best thing. Although belonging in a place can also be awesome I feel like most people find themselves feelings attached to certain people other than places.
ReplyDeleteThere was a time in my life were I felt the need to belong. When I thought that belonging somewhere or with someone was the most important part of my life. I changed whom I was in order to belong. Not anymore though. I don’t want to come off as cocky but I honestly feel like I belong. I have a small group of friends that I think I can genuinely call real friends; it might not be big but its there. They are people I can rely on and help me through everything. I do sports and I love it, I am part of clubs and activities after school, and although I don’t want to advertise this I go out during the weekends with my friends too. Most importantly I feel like I belong with my family. I have the most loving mom and we just click and I click with the rest of my family too. Growing up I also moved around a lot but that didn’t stop me from building relationships with people. Some of these relationships are still standing to today, so I don’t have a certain place I can call home. I can’t say I’ve lived in the same house for my whole life and that’s where I belong but I can say that my family and friends is exactly where I belong. So I guess I could say I have it all balanced and I do belong. I think I have it all together maybe I do maybe I don’t. Maybe I don’t belong and it’s all in my head. People maybe don’t like me and the friends who I honestly think care about me don’t. Maybe I’ve built a fantasy world where I do belong and in reality I have no idea who I really am or who I belong with. For right now however I’m going to stick with my people and call them my home.
I love you so much...you belong with me, your annoying little sister. You will always have a home with me you're my best friend and my big sister all wrapped up in one I honestly don't know what I would do without you. Without your support and your friendship. I promise that no matter what happens in life you will always have me.
DeleteI feel the need to belong, but I don’t allow it to influence a lot of my decisions, I don’t make irresponsible decisions just to fit in better with everyone else. I don’t believe the popular kids feel that they belong, I think most of them do what they do to figure out where they belong. As I said previously I do feel the need to belong, but there’s only one place that I feel I will always belong, and that place is the track. Even when I’m alone I still feel I have a purpose being there, that I have a value. The sense of belonging gives me a purpose other than eating, sleeping, and breathing. When I’m on the track my self-confidence is amazing, I believe I can do anything and beat anyone.
ReplyDeleteThere're a lot of places that I don’t feel I belong, in fact, any place that has a lot of people I won’t feel like I belong. I have no self-confidence around a lot of people, which is why I am shy and not talkative. The reason for this goes back to when I first moved to New Jersey, when I was younger I got bullied a lot because I was very shy. Kids would pick on me because I wouldn’t say anything back to them or ever attempt to defend myself, I was an easy target. As I grew I began to feel unwelcomed with any large group of people, mainly due to the fact that only when I was around a lot of people did I always find someone to make fun of me. Eventually, I came to the realization that my problems with people stemmed from my low self-esteem, so in middle school I began to put on this façade of high confidence and, for the most part, it stopped kids bullying me. I imagined that this would solve all of my problems until people began to think of me as cocky. Saying how I’m egotistical, self-absorbed, and an asshole, people misunderstood who I was, I never wanted to be any of those things, I just wanted people to stop criticizing me for who I was. So being misunderstood has made me feel that I’ll never belong with other people and that no matter what I do I will always be alone.
I can't relate to moving all time because, I didn't. Well, I moved from Millville to Mays Landing when I was 5 years old, but that doesn't count because I didn't know what the feeling of belonging to a sport, or activity was. Now I do. I do not feel the need of belonging to or fitting into any sport, activity, hobbies, or certain cliques. That doesn't mean I don't have a place I can call home, somewhere I feel safe, or where I feel I belong. Belonging to a club or sport isn't the same as belonging to a safe hide out or a place you can put your feet on the coffee table. I feel the need to belong in Frostburg, Maryland (random, I know). I say that because I feel ease there. I'm content looking out a window and seeing the beautiful mountains, driving in between two mountains, and seeing my family the whole time I vacation there. This specific place also holds a special place in my heart because it is where we spread my granny's ashes. So, every time we make the 8 year trip up there (really only 5, but with Bella in the backseat with you, talking your head off, it feels like an eternity) we go up to the grave site and visit the place her ashes are. Frostburg, Maryland is my home. It's where I feel I belong. Everyday I wish I was up there, either climbing mountains or just hanging with my cousins. I feel like belonging to something/somewhere you love is worth more to me, than feeling as if you need to belong somewhere.
ReplyDeleteYou're very similar to me Alexis. I don't know the feeling of moving and not having a place to call home because I've never moved from place to place to place. Although I moved from one place to another, from Galloway to Mays Landing when I was 6. But unlike you I feel the pressure to fit in. But you're right about being content gazing out of the window at the beautiful scenery, I love that too. Sometimes being so caught up in the new trends, cliques, and drama, you miss the little, beautiful things in life like that.
DeleteI always feel the need to belong. I constantly am looking for approval from people without fully expressing it. I don't go out to parties with my friends because I would feel extremely uncomfortable. And only one person would know me. Or I just feel like everyone would be like "why is she here". I feel like the people who always go to parties, do belong there. Most of the people who go to parties are feeling the same way, and just everyone clicks together because of that. Honestly, I have no idea where I belong. I just feel like I'm always just misunderstood or undervalued. I usually stay to myself, not even talking to my "best friends" but I just I can't anymore. Wherever I belong, I hope God will bring me there, but for now I belong in my bed. Not belonging somewhere I'm not sure the effect of what it has on myself, just because I don't really pay attention to it.
ReplyDeleteAw Angie girl you should not feel uncomfortable because you would fit in anywhere. But I completely understand the feeling of belonging in bed. Just about now I wished I was snugged in my bed and having a long sleepover however that is not the case. Although you may feel like you do not know where you belong right now I think you are doing everything right. Since you may not feel like you belong in a specific place you are playing different sports and are participating in different clubs which will definitely get yourself out there.
DeleteIn middle school, I felt a need to belong because I didn’t fit in anywhere. I was always the one person who was quiet in groups because I couldn’t relate to anyone else. It changed the way I acted when I was in school because I just wanted to fit in. It made me lost. However, ever since I got into high school, I started caring less and opened up more. This led me to find friends who I was comfortable with and I actually felt like I belonged somewhere. Up to that point, I didn’t have the feeling of needing to fit in. I don’t care what anybody thinks of me anymore and this boosted my self esteem. For the popular people that are in every club, do every sport, and go to every party, they probably do feel like they belong without even giving it a second thought. They’re probably the ones who feel like they belong the most.
ReplyDelete"I stared caring less and opened up more" omg i thought of Hotline Bling hahaha
DeleteAnyways, it's good that you don't care of what anybody thinks of you anymore. I unfortunately still deal with that issue.
We have similar stories and it's such a bad feeling when you don't belong. Kinda feeling it right now but I'm happy you feel included. Honestly just make the most out of all this drama and high school. Your a chill ass guy so you'll be fine.
DeleteZach, I'm one of those friends!!! Ok, maybe not. But, I feel like middle school was rough for anyone's identity and I'm glad highschool helped find yours.
DeleteAt 16 I do feel the need to belong. I feel as if “belonging” is very very important in life. To me when a person belongs somewhere they are comfortable there, they can be themselves there, they are accepted and cared for their. The popular kids, the ones who everyone know, the kids who are great at sports and are super good at socializing. Do they feel as if they belong? I truly believe that some of them fell as if they do because they are happy and comfortable with their lives, they are comfortable with their team or whatever makes them so happy. Same goes for the partier kids. I think some of them feel as if they belong because they are partying with friends and people who have the same interests as them. But, not all partiers feel as if they belong. Some may just party away the loneliness I’d imagine to people who feel very low a house full of people and alcohol is pretty appealing. But as for me do I feel like I belong? The answer to that is not always. In certain friend groups of mine I do feel misunderstood and overlooked. Now, that probably means I should hang out with my other friends who I am really comfortable around but sometimes that is not an option. For example in school. No one picks the kids that are going to be in their classes. In saying so I do feel I belong in some of my classes the ones where I can call out an answer not afraid of what my class may think of me, or my classes where I am not scared to raise my hand and answer a question without being judged, and my classes in which I know I will always have a partner. But, that is not all of my classes this year I have 3 classes that I sit very quietly in just because I am not comfortable in their at all. As for where I really really feel I do not belong that is my dads house. It's weird to say that because it is my dad's house and your supposed to be comfortable their. But, not in my case. Living with my dad is his wife and my three stepsisters that I do not speak too, like at all. Its at the point now that when we sit at a dinner table and not one word is spoken to each other. That is of course very awkward because my dad moved into their house so they were their first. So, instead of feeling like I am at one of my parents house I just feel like a very unwelcome guest. Not feeling like you belong obviously does not do good things for a girl's self esteem I know for me it brings me great anxiety always wondering what I need to change about myself to make it easier to belong somewhere.
ReplyDeleteTwo places that without A doubt I feel as if I belong are stage crew and my church. At stage crew I can really be myself. I can say stupid things, act goofy, and giggle non stop and it's okay. At my church I have my closest friends I really feel like a belong in that friend group. We can be ourselves together and that's a great feeling. To make it even better some of us go to school together. Even though they are all seniors and took the classes that I am taking now as well as lang last year which means their not in my class. That being said they are still probably my closest friend group.
My overall feeling of belonging sorry I rambled. It is super important to feel like you belong. Everyone should have at least one group they belong to just so that they can be themselves.
I’m sure everyone at one point or another has felt out of place, or has felt the need to change their behavior and actions based on their surroundings, aka “fit in”. High school has 4 encompassing labels: Jocks, Nerds, “Bad to the Bone” Kids, and Populars. These kids belong to these labels. Are they happy with them? Who knows, maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. One thing is for sure, if these kinds of people and labels didn’t exist, there would be no place to “fit in” for society. Sometimes there are high schoolers who break the stereotype and don’t fit in a certain category, like me.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I do not belong anywhere, which to me, is a very good thing. I want to do it all: get good grades, play sports, sing, dance, perform, etc. I don’t want to be stuck into one thing that defines me, I want multiple good things to define who I am as a whole. I have supportive friends, parents, and teachers who will be there for me no matter what I decide to do for the rest of high school. This boosts my self-esteem, I’m not contained into being one thing, I am free to be who I am as a person, and that makes me extremely happy :)
after, "...who I am as a whole." *I don't have to care what other people think about me or my craziness.
DeleteI like your categorization of high school students. I feel like they are pretty accurate, and I also feel that I don't fit into any category either! I like the whole idea of your blog because it is put in a completely different perspective that mine was. It was interesting!
DeleteWhile its a good thing to be unique I don't think that by feeling you belong somewhere defines you. People like to label, but thats just where others think you belong, where you decide you belong has nothing to do with the labels other put on you. Belonging somewhere, anywhere, at one point or another is necessary. Right now in your life you belong where you are happy. For example you love to sing, so you belong behind the mic. Its not about the labels, its not about other people, its about having something to call home, a safe place. Whether thats family and friends, or a sport, home can come in the form of anything. Everyone belongs home, wherever or whatever home is for them.
DeleteI feel the need to belong to my family because I know that they’ll always be there for me no matter what. The need to belong to friends is false to me due to them coming and going. Don’t get me wrong you could have a bestfriend for the rest of your life but do they really mean something dear to you ? In the long-run your family will always be there for you throughout hardships. If you're having trouble paying for your college tuition will your best friend that you feel cares so deep about you help pay for that tuition ? It’s great to have friends but certain individuals would shut out their family over their friends. There are parents in this world that don't care about their child so that individual has no other choice but to turn to a friend or a parent figure in their life, I respect that. But those children that take their loving families for granted just know that they are the ones that made you the person you are today. At the age of 16 I believe that I control my own destiny in the future with the help of my family. People that are in clubs/do sports/go to every party, they can feel the need to belong to a certain group or a certain someone. I’m in a couple clubs and I play multiple sports, nobody forced me to join these clubs nor play these sports. I did these things because I felt the need to, my own independent choices. Having a place/people I belong to gives me a high self-esteem. My family will always be there for me regardless the situation for this reason this is why I belong.
ReplyDeleteI understand everything you are saying about how your family are the ultimate people to be faithful to because they made you who you are and they will be there for you through everything. I do believe that few friends come and go but if you are lucky enough you will find some that will stay with you throughout your entire life. These friends you will be able to go to when you cannot go to your family and these friends will the ones that you can hang out with and never get tired of. However you should never shut out for your family for your friends because family lasts forever.
DeleteLarry, I agree with your view on friends. Most of them do come and go, and it will be hard to find ones that stick with you for the rest of your life. For example, my brother had many close friends during high school, but when he left for college, he barely keeps in touch with them anymore. It has me thinking who's going to be with me after we graduate.
DeleteI can relate to your feeling of family is the real place someone should feel the need to belong. For the better part of my life, my family’s motto has been family is forever blood is thicker than friendship and all the other clichés a tight knit family can say in 10 years. Their not too big on outside friendships and don’t believe they will ever last long. I on the other hand am so conflicted, it won’t be until years later when either I’ve lost everything and everyone or am living blissfully with the best of both world. But I agree, if you were privileged to have a caring environment around you, to never take it for granted because not everyone is so lucky.
DeleteHi Larry. I think your absolutely right, i'm also very close with my family. They are more reliable than friends, no doubt. The people that don't appreciate their families are very dumb to me. I value my family higher than anything else in the world.
DeleteI think most people will say that they feel the need to belong. Not everyone has a place where they feel like they belong there. I agree with Mr. Maslow about without this feeling, we, the people, can not grow or advance to become our true self. When you feel like you don't belong there, you become quiet, shy, or embarrass. When you have a sense of belonging, you can act like yourself and not worry on being judged.
ReplyDeleteI used to think almost everyday, “ I don't belong here.” If you seen my past and compare it to now, you would probably the same. How can a kid who stays at home most of his child's hood and took normal classes turn into an athletic teen who is taking AP classes. That transformation happen because of my friends. My friends made me feel like I belong here. They help build who I am today. When I am with my small group of friends, I know I feel like I belong with them. About the popular kids, I don't know how they feel or why they are doing every sport or club. If they feel like it helps them and gives the feeling of being needed, then good for them. That is one way to feel like you belong.
I meant to say " If you have seen my past and compare it to now, you would probably think the same way".
DeleteOh good, you fixed that sentence I told you about. Anyways it's great that you have friends you feel like you can belong to. It really helps when you have friends who are there for you and you're just comfortable to be with. You said you have a small group of friends, some people have big groups. So I think it doesn't matter what group you're in as long as thats where you feel like you belong.
DeleteI feel the same way with the fact that my friends molded me into the person I am today. I'm glad you feel as if you belong, small or little group, because just feeling like you belong where you want to belong is what matters.
DeleteI'm glad to hear you have such a wide range of people to lean on for support and that you feel comfortable with them. It's the best feeling when you know you can be your true and unfiltered self, and the other person will accept and love you just as much as before.
ReplyDeleteIt's awesome that not only you like to play sports, but you're extremely talented! Being able to devote yourself to something you love just makes the rest of your life more manageable. Whenever you're feeling bad, you know you can just let it all out on the field.
Just keep doing you Teagen!
I'm sorry you can sing teag I wish you could but I'm happy that you have found a place in sports because you truly are an amazing athlete I am so proud to call you my best friend. I can relate to you completely because like lacrosse is your home soccer is mine. Being on a field of the sport you love all your problems go away.
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