Most of us have been there at one point; the ones who haven't will get theirs, eventually.
There you are, innocently sitting there, eating your Cheerios or some other tasty snack, when it hits you. That flash of lightning that zips through your brain, jump starts your heart to the point of acrobatics, and sends the corners of your mouth into that half-circle of upward idiocy because that stupid grin won't stop spreading. An image of your beloved burns itself into your brain like a cheap plasma TV screen. Yup--it's love, and its got you in its grips. Muu ahhhhhahhhh.
If none of this sounds familiar to you--don't worry--you simply have no soul. ;) Just kidding--like I said, you'll get yours and it'll be just as described with different metaphors. Not ever being privvy to this feeling does not preclude you from this blog question, though; no doubt, you've seen what looks like and that's as much as you need for this assignment.
First, define love. Nbd. Thousands upon thousands of poets, essayists, philosophers and the like have all tried to come up with a working definition--whose to say their version is better than yours? Do your best.
Have you ever been in love, or known someone who has? Did their behavior change? Did yours? Why do you think we are attracted to those we are? What do you look for in potential relationships? What is your idea of a "perfect" relationship? Who taught you about love? What is your earliest memory of "seeing" love? Does that memory affect how you view the idea of love?
And, finally, what will you teach your future sons and daughters about the idea of love and relationships?
I laughed when I read this blog post; I also had to look up what “nbd” means. I agree with what “nbd” refers to, as defining love is not a big deal. Love is the delusion of the mind that results when pheromones of a potential mate reach the “lover”, causing the “lover” to experience a strong urge to save the species through a disgusting act involving sweat, whimsical noises, and claustrophobia. Heterosexuals experience this to save the species; homosexuals experience this as the result of a very complex evolutionary adaptation that I have read about and have no time to get into now; bisexuals experience “love” for a combination of the two reasons. It seems “thousands upon thousands of poets, essayists, and philosophers” have been suffering from a delusion resulting from an evolutionary adaptation; more love means more babies. Of course all this refers to one definition of love; the love that people experience with each other. To answer to the “have you ever been in love” question using the aforementioned definition, I would just offer a “Ha!”.
ReplyDeleteI know many people who have “been in love” because if there were not many people “in love”, then there would not be too many newborns and the population of the human race would be diminishing, when the population is actually skyrocketing in real life, so, statistically speaking, I am ninety-five percent confident that I have seen at least one person “in love”, that is, filled with goofy-juice in his or her brain yielding unusual thoughts and false feelings, false like all other emotions, leading to an increased want for attachment, like a leech, onto another unfortunate human being with the same goofy juice in the brain. “We” are attracted to those we are because some traits were better suited for survival when man was hairy and brainless and finally leaving the cave. For example, in females, wider hips led were better equipped for giving birth and, in males, a muscular stature meant that the male can hunt and procure food easier for the female.
“What do you look for in personal relationships?” Nothing. No beauty is found within humanity; humanity is but a tool used to gaze upon such beauty, so there is no reason to look for anything in personal relationships. There is a reason, however, to look for “love”, “beauty”, or whatever you want to call it, outside of relationships and within nature, as that is where beauty lies. My idea of a “perfect” relationship is one between not two people, but a person and nature.
I was taught about “love” during my earliest memory of seeing it, when I first walked in on my two friends, Boxie and Charlton Heston III “doing the dirty” (they are both Eastern Box Turtles). Charlton Heston III seemed to be enjoying himself while Boxie was trying to get away. I liked Boxie; Charlton Heston III was being mean, so I took him away and put him in the woods never to be seen again. Nbd. That memory affects how I view “love”. Although what I witnessed may have been considered “rape”, the act occurred for the same reason “love” occurs. To repopulate the species.
I liked the last question. “And, finally, what will you teach your future sons and daughters about the idea of love and relationships?” To answer that question; I could only offer a “HA!” and state that I am glad that the question addresses only future sons and daughters, not past ones, despite all the so-called “Oak-love”, which is simply gross.
I feel like you refresh her blog everyday to ensure you are the first one to comment. Even though you are the first one to comment, I always feel like your blogs are so concise and put together. While, I spend days on mine and it still a big pile of blob instead of blog. (Get it?) But, for some reason I can't argue with you because I could hear your depressing, dark, snarky remarks after. I agree, normal human beings do overthink love compared to your precious turtles. But, hey! I don't think that is anyone's fault. I don't see the point in saying no one holds beauty because how would you, Bryan Marengo, have any clue what that really is. If you don't see, fine. That does not mean it doesn't exist, sweet cheeks.
DeleteI keep rereading your blog and I will forever question you.
Not to be disrespectful Bryan but, I literally couldn't disagree with you more on almost everything you said. I'll start by telling you that love does not only exist so that we can keep the world populated. Many MANY women can not have children for whatever the reason may be and they fall in love just as much as anyone else, just because they cant have children doesn't stop them from falling in love. I also don't understand how you can say that there is no beauty within humanity, humans are beautiful creatures. Beauty is not only defined by the way you look, so many people in this world are beautiful for the things they've done. I just find it very hard to believe that you've never looked at someone or something that someone has done and not thought it was beautiful. But if you haven't thought that then I feel sorry for you because you're missing out and some amazingly beautiful things humans have done. I also find it very hard to believe that you've only ever seen one person really in love, that just very hard to believe. But, once again if that's true then I feel sorry for you because seeing two people truly in love with each other is a beautiful thing to witness.
DeleteI hope that one day if you and the person you LOVE have children that they won't need relationship or love advice because I don't think they will appreciate their dad saying "HA!" right to their faces.
Your blog posts always seem to leave me a tad confused. I honestly think one day a girl is going to fall in love with you and your gonna get married and have cute babies. Please invite me to your wedding :)
DeleteBryan, you and I haven't really shared many words together nor are that close. But since you are ALWAYS the first person to post their blog I finally decided to read it. Throughout the whole time I could not stop laughing! "...causing the “lover” to experience a strong urge to save the species through a disgusting act involving sweat, whimsical noises, and claustrophobia." I have no idea why, but the way you put those words had me cracking up. Anyways, you and I have completely different perspectives and it's pretty cool to read something that hasn't been said yet and in my case, never even thought of.
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DeleteJennie Chalakee:
To address your point: “Many MANY women can not have children for whatever the reason may be and they fall in love just as much as anyone else, just because they cant have children doesn't stop them from falling in love…” This is not evidence against love being an evolutionary adaptation; we know eyes came about because of evolution, yet blind people still have eyes. Even though the eyes serve no purpose for blind people, blind people have eyes for evolutionary reasons. Love came about because of evolution; even though love may not be an advantage for some, evolutionary-speaking (infertile people), it still came about because of evolution because it increases the population of humans on the large scale, just as eyes help humanity on the large scale even though some people (blind people) do not benefit from the adaptation.
“Beauty is not only defined by the way you look, so many people in this world are beautiful for the things they've done.” This is irrelevant to what I said; I said that there was no beauty in humanity and said nothing about “looks”. What I did say, however, was that there is an advantage to being attracted to certain traits that help with survival (read my point about wider hips in women). You said, “I also don't understand how you can say that there is no beauty within humanity, humans are beautiful creatures,” but we will simply have to disagree here because no evidence of this point was made in your response, so I have nothing to refute.
You said (Sorry, Ms. Bunje for using “says” and not some other word), “I also find it very hard to believe that you've only ever seen one person really in love, that just very hard to believe.” I never said that I have only seen one person in love; I actually find that funny because usually it takes two people to be in love, not one, but to quote what I really said (asserted): “...I am ninety-five percent confident that I have seen at least one person “in love”...” AT LEAST ONE. If I did say that I only saw one person in love, that would disprove my point about love helping increase humanity’s population because one person in love cannot make a difference in the amount of humans on the planet, so the “love adaptation” would most certainly be irrelevant and not worth talking about; more than one person is in love and that is what makes “love” a good adaptation.
Finally, you said, “I hope that one day if you and the person you LOVE have children that they won't need relationship or love advice because I don't think they will appreciate their dad saying "HA!" right to their faces.” The only thing I have to say to this is, wait for it, “HA!” I am just kidding, of course, but just because I explained love in scientific terms does not mean I cannot feel the emotion. I know that hunger is good for survival because it forces an organism to eat and not die. I know what hunger is in scientific terms, but that does not mean I do not feel it.
1- You completely misunderstood what I said about love not only existing for repopulation but I'm not going to argue with you.
Delete2- No, it does not take two people to love. One person can love someone and something without it loving them back. Or the thing they love can be an object.
3- AGAIN I still don't understand how you can not find any beauty within humanity. Your parents made you and I'm sure they thought that your birth was a beautiful thing.
4- I respect everything you said I just don't agree with it and you don't agree with me and that's okay.
1- I addressed that point with an analogy to the human eye; whether love ONLY exists for reproduction was never addressed in my blog post, only that it does exist for reproductive purposes. To argue further could lead to a path that ends with a difference between our morals, in which case we would simply have to agree to disagree.
Delete2- Fair point. In my original post I spoke about the best love being between one person and nature (transcendentalism), but the definition of love I spoke about in my response to your’s was about the love between people. Your point about someone loving someone else despite that someone not loving them back was not thought of on my part, but to answer that I would have to go into what “true love” is and how the evolutionary drive to mate is present even in that person who is not loved by his or her lover. All in all, good point.
3- There is nothing to argue about on that subject because we simply disagree on a core belief and perhaps there is a difference in our respective definitions of “beauty”.
This might seem off-topic at first, but yesterday I watched a segment on the daily show with Bill Nye talking about the amazing discovery of water on Mars. He was on the panel with two other ignorant comedians that didn't care for the subject, so he had to try to get them to see the value in the discovery. Bill spoke about the implication of the water and the different possible effects it could have on humanity. He also explained how science affected all the different aspects of our lives. Although the two comedians continued to be rude and obnoxious, I found it really interesting how he used science to explain the different aspects of life. So just like Bill Nye, I find it cool how you used science to explain love. I didn't even think it was possible to relate the two, but somehow you managed to make the connection.You’re so freakishly passionate about science and history, but it’s not the weirdest thing about you. I find it crazy how you don’t feel hunger. I’m constantly eating every day, so I don’t know how you can survive on just a meal per day.
DeleteBryan everything you say always has me rolling on the floor laughing. I read every post you make because its so, "freakishly" to quote Janet Lam, on point. I never looked at love through science but you're so completely correct. The way you used hunger as an example of a feeling like love is crazy. I always knew you were a genius but you pulled that out of somewhere other than earth. I don't know where you find the storage space in your brain for all this but I find it fascinating. (not even trying to gas) this is seriously my favorite series of posts so far.
DeleteLove is an abstract idea. Depending on how one has seen love or experienced it, their idea of it can be totally different compared to others. And this may seem cheesy or lines straight out of a movie, but my personal definition of love, even though I’ve never been in love, is when you would give anything up just to see the person you love happy. It’s when you think about them multiple times a day and get butterflies just hearing their name. It’s when you can tell them your deepest, darkest secret and know that they’ll keep it. It’s when you wake up at 3 AM and wish that they were right there next to you. It’s when you realize that that person deserves every single part of your heart because they’re just as amazing as you are, and together you two make a pretty awesome team.
ReplyDeleteAs I’ve said before, I personally have never ever loved anyone to the point where my definition fits the description. Sure I love my friends and my family, and sure I’ve liked people, but never in the way that I would travel across the globe just to see them (but let’s be honest that’s just insane, we have FaceTime and Skype for a reason, right?). Although falling in love hasn’t happened to me yet, I’ve seen other people in love. At least what I think is love. Considering we’re only in high school maybe it’s just puppy love and not love love, but it still counts I guess. Obviously their behavior had changed into the mushy lovey-dovey type that gets sickeningly gross after the first week. I mean come on, no one needs to see that every single day.
Why are we attracted to those certain people we like? Well for one because of their looks. There’s no denying it. People like people based on first impressions, and almost always that has to do with the way they look. However, after you get passed their physical appearance, we definitely like them because of their personality. Personality dominates over appearance any day. Because when we’re all old and wrinkly, there’s not much to look at. Whether they’re quirky, athletic, or just the most perfect human being ever created(at least to you, because no one’s perfect), it’s unquestionably a determining factor that leads from like to love. And if the attractive person you have a crush on has absolutely no personality at all, then most of the time we move on to the next, and that’s the harsh reality of things.
There’s nothing really that I look for in potential relationships. Everyone’s so different from one another that no two relationships are ever the same. Everyone experiences love in different ways. But if I were to say what I would look for, it would be trust and understanding. Which is something that someone should never look for, considering it should be there from the start. The “perfect” relationship for me is just one where there is for one, reciprocated feelings, and two, just the basis that every relationship should have, either at the start or as it goes along. My friends taught me how to love. I would say my parents did, but I think we’ve established that I don’t really come from a very affectionate family.
My first memory of “seeing” love, or in this case experiencing it, would have to be the time where I was five (I think) and I was at the park with my brother and close family friends, whose two sons were our best friends. Long story short, I fell off a slide (or was it a swing?) and I got hurt and started crying, so my best friend at the time kissed my cheek because he swore it would make me feel better. Honestly, just thinking back to the time makes me smile and I actually have a picture of it because his mom thought it was a Kodak moment. That memory never really defined my view of love because I have always believed in it.
I think that when I have kids I would definitely share my views on love and relationships with them from an early age and then one the time comes let them explore their own ideas on it.
PART ONE ---
ReplyDeleteLove is such a weird thing to think about and define because in reality, there's no one definition of love. Love is different to every single person and it comes in a lot of different forms. It's not something you can look up in a dictionary and fully understand because according to google, love is "an intense feeling of deep affection" and I could not disagree with that more. No one's definition is better than anyone else because every single person's definition is different. Therefore, in my opinion, love is something that can only be defined by each individual person and to be honest, I don't think I even know my version of it.
There have been times in the past where I could have told you with total honesty that I am in love and I'm not going to say I wasn't because at that time, my definition of love was different so at that time I was in love. After those relationships, I would look back and see what was wrong with it and that's how my definition of love develops. It's always changing which is why I can't give a flat out definition because tomorrow, my opinion could be totally different.
My behavior does change when I am in love and that's completely undeniable. When I look back at the points in my life where I was not in love, I felt like something was missing and my behavior was different. I would sit in my room, not necessarily upset, but I just felt odd.
We all have different "types" of people that we are attracted to, not only including looks. This may not be true for everyone, but I feel like we are attracted to people who seem to have the qualities that we lack. For example, I see a lot of shy girls or boys leaning more towards girls or boys that are outgoing and loud. Again, this may not be the case for everyone, but it's just something that I have observed with people I know.
PART TWO ---
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that I look for in potential relationships is someone that I feel comfortable talking to, someone I feel will be there even when I am at my worst, and someone I see myself being with for a while. I don't date people just to date. If I am dating someone, assume that I am very serious about the relationship.
My idea of a "perfect" relationship is similar to what I look for in a potential relationship. I believe those three things are vital to any relationship and if you read those and think, "none of these things apply to my relationship" I don't believe this is someone you should be with.
I think I taught myself about love over past experiences. There was never really anyone there to try to explain it to me so I just had to wing it and eventually I learned more and more and I'm still learning today. I think it's something you continue to learn about until the day you die. It's one of, if not the most, confusing things and it can never be fully understood. It's not the same as learning slope-intercept form. Not even in the slightest.
I don't think I have an earliest memory of "seeing" love. I'm not sure it's something you can see, rather than something you actually have to feel and experience for yourself. Just because you see a couple holding hands in the street, it doesn't necessarily mean they love each other because it's pretty sad how these days, people are so desperate to experience the mystery of love that they will date anyone to try to get that feeling and if you are forcing yourself to, you don't love that person.
The best way to learn about love is trial and error. There is nothing wrong with that either and that's what I'll teach my kids. The one thing I will try my best to explain to them is that love is absolutely not sex or anything similar to it. Love has nothing to do with sex and if someone is pressuring you to do that and they try to tell you that if you do it, they will love you or that they won't love you anymore if you don't, leave them. If two people are in love and have sex, that is okay and I'm not trying to say that it's wrong to do it, but if your relationship depends on it, that's not okay.
No one can tell you your definition or opinion on love is wrong because everyone is different.
I totally agree with you on how our definitions of love change because they honestly do. Sometimes we are driven by lust and just think were in love then once that relationship crashes and burns then our definition changes to one that we think wont hurt us in the long run. Also just remember Savy that if a guy ever hurts you again, he can square up with me between classes.
DeleteI definitely agree love is something undefinable. No two people will have the same definition which makes it kind of cool and a little challenging. Trial and error is probably the best way to figure it out so I think you def hit the nail on the head with that one.
Delete“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13 4-8). This is not my own definition of Love but it is the one that I have always found true and this quote is what I try to base all my relationships on.
ReplyDeleteI have been in love and I will admit it is something that I miss but not something I need, then again I have never been in true love because love never fails. My behavior changed because I became obsessed with making my lover happy, bending over backward just to see her smile. Love is a legal form of cocaine, making you crave more and more until it consumes your thoughts. I do not know why I found my ex-lover's attractive. The only thing I can say is I’ve never wanted to put a finite definition on what I find attractive because it limits possibilities of other relationships. There is only one exception to this rule and that is that I need to find someone who is active because I will go insane if I’m not doing anything. I haven’t looked for a potential relationship in a long time so I really don’t have any standards to base my ideals off of. My view of a perfect relationship is one that fights because when there are no differences in opinion then the relationship is dominated by a single person, and if the relationship is dominated by a single person then the other is just object with no other meaning than to please the other. I would just like a relationship where we argue but still attempt to make each other better. I have been taught to love by many people and it is one of the most valuables things I have learned. Four people throughout my life have taught me what true love is about, both my Grandparents. My grandparents on my dad’s side have showed me how powerful love is being that they were each other’s first loves and have been together since the age of 14. My grandparents on my Mother side have shown me that love is a form energy, my grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and only given weeks to live, as she was in the hospital for two weeks my grandfather never left her side, he would stay beside her from as soon as visiting hours opened till they closed for two weeks straight every day ignoring sleep, eating, and drinking just to make her feel safe. My earliest memory of love was with my grandparents dog Shelbie, and I loved that dog so much. One day a couple kids were playing in our backyard and began throwing stones at her, she then bit one of them and was forced to be put down. I remember crying and then attaching a letter to a balloon, in that letter I asked God to send her back down with a parachute. I remember looking up to the sky a hoping I would see her floating down so I could hug her one more time. Until now I have never realized that she was the first thing I loved and lost. This memory really has affected me because I have difficulty trusting people, and due to this I believe that every relationship will end in tears which to a degree is true.
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DeleteI will teach my son or daughter the same thing I base my definition of love off of “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13 4-8). I will teach my son to respect women and to be a “good guy” even though he will question that decision all the way up until he gets married. I will teach my daughter to think about how much she asks from who’s she’s with because if a guy truly cares about you, he will do anything to make you happy, also to not take advantage of someone who cares about her. The main lesson is simple to treat them same as you would want someone to treat your son or daughter.
Hey Christian first I'm gonna say love the verse in the beginning that's a great definition of love in fact probably the best, also I really feel yah on the if the relationship failed then it wasn't really true love because love never fails. The thing about your grandparents being together for a long time is so amazing I wish I could say the same for mine. Christian your a great dude and I know about you looking for love and I hope you find someone bro.
DeleteI have said "I love you" to many people in my life (mainly family). With this being said, I have never been "in love" with anyone. My definition of being in love is loving someone that you would do anything for. Someone you want to be happy at every moment of their life; whether you are part of it or not. Someone you never want to let go. I do know someone who has been in love. His behavior has changed. He was much cockier when he was in a relationship. When he was with his "other half" they were ALWAYS lovey dovey. The first reason to be attracted to someone is appearance. Sadly, this is true. After the physical attraction, people are attracted to the significant others personality. Both of these attractions depend on a persons' personality, and what their "type" is.
ReplyDeleteIn a potential relationship, I look for someone who is tall, brunette, generous and has a sparkling personality. Whenever I picture myself with someone, someone like this always pops into my mind. I guess this would be considered my dream girl. In a potential relationship, I also want a person who has some of the same interests, but who is also different than me. Basically, I want someone who will play FIFA with me.
The perfect relationship in my eyes is seeing that significant other and not being able to help smiling. Listing to that person and being intrigued with everything they say. Having a back story of how two people met is the main step to a perfect relationship. A back story such as "I almost hit the woman I loved in the parking lot to get their attention," is a great back story and you will be able to use it for the rest of the relationship. A perfect relationship is a relationship where both people equally love each other, and isn't dominated by just one person.
My grandparents taught me about love. My grandmother is legally blind, has parkinsonism's', and can't stand up without assistance. She was living with my family members for awhile until it started to become too much of a hassle. On the other hand, my grandfather was able to walk, drive, and fish up to the day he passed. My grandfather (being a former veteran) was able to go into a veterans home, but never wanted to go because he was enjoying life at home. As my grandfather started getting weak, he decided to go into the home, because my grandmother would not be able to get in once he passed. The day he made this decision taught me so much about love. Love is about sacrifice. Doing anything for the person you love, even if you hate the thought of it. I was recently taught this lesson by a stubborn, loving man who would do anything for his "honey."
My earliest memory of seeing love was when I watch "The Notebook." The fact that Noah reads Allie their life story every day brings me joy. This is the first memory that I have of true love because Noah's determination to spend time with his wife, and make her remember him for a brief amount of time at the end of the day, shows that he truly loves her. This memory brings me back to "love is putting the other before yourself, and being willing to do anything for that person." This memory doesn't change the way I view love. I will teach my future sons to respect women and never take advantage of them. I will teach my future daughters to never take advantage of a generous guy and to never stab a person in the back. (metaphorically)
Your blog is so sweet Tim! I love how you told the story of your Grandparents because that is how I see love too, doing anything and everything for that one person because you love him/her so much. I also liked how you talked about the movie, "The Notebook", because that is another great example on how someone loves another so much he/she would read stories to the other just to remember him/her. I also, personally dislike when couples get too "lovey dovey" because I feel like it is way too excessive. Don't get me wrong, because I do agree that couples should show affection to one another, but in a more "toned-down" fashion.
DeleteI can relate to what you were saying about your grandparents; I was actually going to use my grandparents as an example for my post, but then the turtles popped into my mind. My grandparents were together from middle school up until my grandmother’s death two years ago. Ten years before her death, my grandmother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and quickly became bedridden for about a decade because she could not move either of her legs or right arm. Despite this, my grandfather stayed with her and, after she died at fifty-nine, screamed at her doctors for over medicating her and not treating her bedsores. Acts like this and your example about your grandparents will continue to confuse me; I suppose both acts of sacrifice demonstrate the power of oxytocin on the brain.
DeleteHey Tim loved every second of the blog! Come on Tim you never really love before that's crazy but anyway your picture of the perfect girl is a lot like mine I just want some one that I can do things with but also is a little different from me and personalities key. Your story about you grandparents was so interesting, I know you will find love someday Tim it will just hit you one day!
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ReplyDeleteWhen my friends told me to look at this blog post right away I knew it was going to have to do with my recent events. Therefore, I am going to tell you all about love, how amazing it is to be in love, and how it hurts like hell to have your heart shattered into a million pieces. Love is a pretty crazy thing. It’s what people try to find their whole lives. They search for it, search for the perfect relationships. But you can’t search and pick stuff like that, it just happens one day. Now even though I am only 16 I’ve had some experience with love. Love to me, is when every time you see that person you get little butterflies in your stomach. Love is when no matter what when you look at that special person, you can't help but smile. Love is when one person knows everything about you inside and out. Love is those late night drives where you blast music and you cry of laughter and go to sleep so happy because you don't know how you got so lucky. Love is having a best friend by your side all the time. Love is finding out something and you just can’t wait to tell that special someone. Love is fighting, and yelling at each other, but always overcoming it because love is supposed to overcome anything right? But with love comes heartbreak.
ReplyDeleteThe harder you fall for the person, the harder you fall down after the heartbreak. Once you get stabbed in the heart it’s a long road to recovering from it. They tell you love is some special amazing feeling, and it is while it lasts. But what they don’t tell you is that love is just a huge trap. You fall for the person harder than anyone you ever dated or talked to. Your love grows every single day. And then one day, it can all come to an end. Isn’t it crazy how the one person who made you undeniably happy no matter what is now the cause of your unhappiness? And like I said, that’s exactly what they forget to tell you about love. They forget to tell you that it hurts like hell to have your heartbroken. It hurts so bad you now don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. Love is long nights laying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about all the great times you had. Love is scrolling through old pictures and just crying because it hurts so much. Love is hearing that person’s favorite song on the radio and trying your hardest not to burst into tears. Love is walking through the halls and seeing that person and hoping they’re happy. Love is feeling actual physical pain from missing someone so much even though it's only been a few days since your heart was shattered. Love is a cruel thing. And the fact that people make it out to seem so great is so deceiving. I think everyone has a true love out there and I guess we fall in love with others and break up so we can find the significant other that really belongs to us. I hope one day I can find someone who cares enough not to leave when times are bad. I hope one day I can find someone who will stick with me through my hardest of times. I hope to find someone who will love me indefinitely. Because love, like I said, is such a wonderful thing at first and I hope I can find it again one day and heal from this broken heart. And anyone else surviving with a broken heart, I hope you find it too.
I hope everyone finds someone who will love them back as much you love them, because everyone deserves that, just like you said. Even though stuff like this happens, we have to pick ourselves up and grow from pain like this because that is the only way we will make our next relationship work. I personally don't know how your specific pain feels like, but your post can relate to any heart-ache that ties into relationships, such as friendships or a loss of a loved one. However, I hope your pain goes away with time, so you can move on to bigger and better things!
DeleteThe thing with love at this age is us girls give more than most of the guys ever will, and sometimes, vise versa. Love can be the greatest thing in the entire world but it can also suck. Loving someone that you know doesn't love you back is probably the worse feeling in the world. But with these experiences of heartbreak, we have to take it as a lesson, and love harder next time. Make sure you don't let the next guy in your life suffer your last's mistakes because that is unfair. I know right now you feel love doesn't even exist and the whole 9 yards but this situation will just make you appreciate so much more next time. hang in there abs, love u
DeleteAbby this blog post has so much emotion in it and I can feel your pain. Love is great until you get your heartbroken. But I think with your heartbreak, growth comes afterward. Of course it's going to be hard at first but once you overcome the pain I think you will be a stronger person. I also agree that with love sometimes heartbreak is going to happen unless you are with the person you are going to spend your whole life with. But no matter what just remember you will get through it Abby!
DeleteI love you with my whole heart and so much more. Just always remember if things were meant to be they will always find their way back. You have one of the prettiest smiles I know and please try and wear it more often especially through this rough time. Always remember that you need to find happiness in yourself before giving it off to share with someone in a relationship. There will never be a time I'm not here for you to cry on my shoulder and I pinky promise you are worth so much more than you'll ever imagine. Boys are crazy just like you ;) xoxo mia <3
DeleteMerriam-Webster’s definition of love: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
ReplyDeleteDictionary.com’s definition of love: a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
My definition of love: The rare feeling of fireworks, sparks, and the unique feeling of butterflies (not the butterflies of anxiety before you take a test) but the feeling you get when you are in the presence of someone special. You only get this feeling when you are with them because of the special connection you feel with him/her, even if you’re not sure they have the same perception, but they will one day.
I personally had never felt the unique sense of butterflies myself, but I do know someone who has fell head-over-heels because of how overwhelmed they were from the butterflies. Thus, her behavior slightly changed, not completely changed, but slightly, because of how in love she was with this person. Obviously, I saw this coming. The only reason why she slightly changed was because of how attracted she was to him, therefore she constantly talked about him, would text and snapchat him constantly, and hang out with him most of her days. But she was attracted to him and the reason why we are attracted to the people who we are is simply fate. Or we can get into the technical and scientific reasoning's behind attractions, i.e. our senses: 1. What smell we are attracted to, 2. What are definition of beauty is, 3. How we like certain people to act, etc.
What I look for in a “perfect relationship” or in a future potential relationship is someone who is honest, trustworthy, caring, and someone who has a sense of humor. Those are honestly the four big qualities I would like someone to have if I ever get into a relationship.
The earliest memory of love I can remember are my parent’s marriage. My parents have been married for almost 26 years, and I have not seen them get sick of each other once. Therefore, they are the first people to teach me about love: to care, respect, protect, and to nurture. Thus, they are the ones who affected my idea of love, considering the qualities I listed above for a “perfect relationship”. Knowing that my parents did so well by setting the example of what love looks like, I hope to set the same example for my future kids.
I really like the way you started this blog post. It was creative and completely different from everyone else's. Its nice to see that you're parents presented you with a healthy example of what a relationship should be. Hopefully growing up seeing parents who were "in love" will help you understand the kind of happy relationship you deserve. Not many kids these days can say they grew up with parents who were happy to be together. Healthy relationships are important to see because it gives you an idea of whats right and how you should treat each other.
DeleteNot being able to say that you've been in love at our age is not a loss. Its good to know exactly what you want so that you can avoid heartache though it will most likely happen eventually. Seeing your parents love is one of the best examples of love that you can see and you should cherish those moments that you see your parents showing affection because a lot of people nowadays don't get to experience things like that anymore.
DeleteCait Beck! I agree with Sam on how I liked how you compared your definition of love with the dictionary’s definition. I love how your parents are showing you what love is like every day and how they seem so happy with each other. You’re always kind and supportive of everyone no matter what and I hope that one day you find someone who is worth all your love because you definitely deserve it!
DeleteYour definition of love is by far the best I've read so far. I completely believe in fate. If two people are meant to be together, they will find each other. If you haven't been in love yet, then you just haven't met "the one." That's awesome that your parents are your first memory of love. One day you and this honest, trustworthy, caring, funny guy will be that example for your children.
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ReplyDeleteLove can be used in many different ways. "omg, I loved that ride", "I love those shoes on you", "I love this new lipstick I got" and "I will love you until death does us apart." The last one, to me, is my way of defining love. Love is forever, no matter how much a person has screwed you over, you still find thousands of reasons to love them. Love is not about facial appearances, how big your thigh gap is, how big your butt/boobs is/are, it's about how that person feels around you, how they can light up your day, how their personality shines. Love comes from the inside. Some people don't believe in love at first sight because, how can you love a person you haven't met yet? I disagree. I believe in love at first sight. I loved seeing the smile on his face, the way he laughed, the way he pronounced himself, the way his voice was, I loved everything about him, I still do. Yes, his blue eyes, his noticeable scars on the right side of his face , (I love scars. It tells me that person overcame something that was painful to them) his beautiful smile, his hair, his incredible voice, are all bonuses. But, I love what's on the inside of him. His behavior. It's gotten better. When we first met I thought to myself "wow, this kid really does that." But, I feel like I changed him. He doesn't do the stuff that he did before we met, he takes my feelings into consideration. I feel that we're attracted to people who are bright, not in a smart sense, but how their personalities are. We love the way they light up about small things, how a joke can make them laugh and/or smile, how they act silly when it's only the two of you. We love those things because it's part of them. It's part of the person we love so much. What I look for in a potential relationship is true happiness. If you are truly happy and you have the best time with that person, it can mask a lot of things. I feel like that plays a big part in a potential relationship. This brings me to, everyone is not perfect. We all have flaws, we all can be jerks sometimes, we all have bad days, nobody is perfect. And if no one is perfect there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Everyone works hard at a relationship. It is inevitable that there will be disagreements, fights,and even breaks. Now, I feel like every relationship is perfect in their own way. Some couples might have less fights, but that doesn't make their relationship more perfect than yours. Who taught me about love? My granny did. She always told me to love someone who makes you feel good and makes you feel beautiful inside and out. I saw love between my parents when I was little. They were happy and truly loved each others personalities. For my children, I want them to experience it at first. I want to see if they truly love him/her or they just think they do. If they don't, then I will be more than happy to teach them.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post, just due to how you spoke about the change that love can bring someone. My favorite point you made was that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship by definition, but each relationship is perfect in its own way. I also agree with you definition on love, true love lasts forever.
DeleteLove is a feeling. A feeling of warmth, compassion, and struggle. I say struggle because love isn’t easy. Things happen. People come and go. But love is something you’ll feel for that specific person or that specific thing forever. Once developed it is almost impossible to go away. Even when that person does a wrong-doing, deep down inside after getting through all the hatred you know you love them. I believe there is a huge difference between “I love you because I need you” and “I need you because I love you”. People might love you for things you do for them. That isn’t real love. They should love you for who you are.
ReplyDeleteYes, I admit I am in love. Being in love changes you in many ways. From your mood to your decisions. Knowing you have a partner that will support you through anything and loves you for who you are is an amazing feeling. I find myself more motivated to do things and very joyful. We are attracted to people because of similarities, uniqueness (if that’s a word), and different personality traits. Many kids are attracted to others because they’re pretty or cute, but I surpass those reasons to be attracted to someone because looks aren’t everything. I think looks are just bonuses. You have to love the person for who they are, not for what they look like. In relationships I look for content and enjoyment. If you’re miserable while being in a relationship but you like him or her for their looks will you stay? I think not. My idea of a perfect relationship is none. And I say that because nobody is perfect. No matter what they will always be something both of you disagree on. Also in order for a relationship to be perfect, both people in that relationship have to be perfect and nobody is perfect it is not possible. Nobody taught me about love, I am experiencing it. It is something that is amazing but tough at the same time. My earliest memory of seeing love would be when my parents were together, seeing them so happy together and always happy about life was beautiful. This memory of love does affect my view on love because that’s how I want it to be. Being happy together is the main priority in the relationship.
In the future with my sons and daughters i’ll only tell them to love a person for who they are not how they look and to make sure that you are happy with that person. I’d let them experience love for themselves so they actually learn from it rather than maybe I telling them and them not really listening because they think that I’ve been with their mom for so long I can’t remember. Letting them experience it is probably the best way for them to learn love because they are experiencing it themselves and can learn from their experiences.
I agree with you by say your companion should love you for who you are. I love you and sierra's relationship. You guys are so cute. I wish one day I'll be able to love someone as much you love each other.
DeleteLove is an emotion, like all other emotions, produced when thought and physical feeling connect at the “center” of the body: the heart. Love cannot be defined with any totally right definition for endless multitudes of reasons, such as the mere fact that love is experienced differently within each person, yet similarly within each person in that it always occurs in an indescribable way. Everyone can use vivid adjectives to describe love but it can never be fully understood unless it is felt. To me, love is spiritual connection. Love is what produces peace. Love is vivacity and limitless unity. “Love is one soul inhabiting two bodies” as Aristotle has proclaimed. But those adjectives are not all that love is, rather minute pieces to the puzzle. If one can define love with any type of strict detail, it is not love that he or she is giving meaning to.
ReplyDeleteIn order to understand whether or not one has been in love, one must first understand the difference between “love” and “in love”. However this takes years of experience, despite popular belief. I cannot say with any positivity that I know the vast detailed differences in their entirety. Although, I do know what “in love” and “love” means to me on the surface and knowing that does not take years of experience. “Love” is what is needed to produce the feeling of “in love” and that is the only way I can put it into words. I have been in love with experiences, places and sights. It is simultaneously overwhelming, calming, breath-taking, and exciting. I have loved people, too many people, but I do not believe that I have been in love yet. Being in love with someone requires surplus, naturally-occurring positivity between each person and is empty of negativity. Being in love with someone means that between both people there is an impervious connection rooted in harmony, understanding and true bliss.
I have met people who are in love. My parents divorced almost ten years ago. In their marriage, my mother was never happy. She was never able to be herself around my dad nor did she feel comfortable with who my dad truly was. There was constant negativity, anger, deceit, and jealousy. She gave him too many chances until she finally realized that she deserves better. I was not there when she told him to leave our house, but I have always imagined the moment as nothing but a powerful one, for which I admire her. Afterwards, for years, my mom searched for true love, but never found it in its whole form until four years ago when she met the man who is now my step-dad. They radiate positivity, joy, and unity together. I am grateful for their relationship not only because they are finally both happy, but because it is a type of relationship I know I deserve one day too. It has helped me to better understand that, after experiencing what I feel is enough negative relationships, I should no longer waste my time on people who do not emit positivity and everything else that comprises real affection within a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI believe being in love changes people. In some relationships, one person is in love and one is not. The person in love will go to lengths others would be unwilling to travel as an attempt to lure the other person into falling just as hard as they have. However, this almost never works, leaving the person in love missing parts of themselves and feeling spiritually wounded. This could then lead to various other negative outcomes such as depression, drug use, or even suicide (which I have seen occur first hand with motivations of lost love). On a brighter note, being in love can affect people positively as well. When both partners are truly in love, they will each better one another because, again, like Aristotle said: “Love is one soul inhabiting two bodies”. Being in love with experiences can also benefit people. It brings sheer happiness.
I cannot give solid reason to why people are attracted to each other solely because each person is attracted to something different. However, attraction, I believe, is a force derived from fate. It is naturally occurring and will draw one to the right person at the right time and each person involved will know from that moment on what is meant to happen, whether it is love or not. Many believe fate is predictable, but fate cannot be foreshadowed or expected. Fate is the way your life is destined to go. It only makes sense that fate, then, is what decides who you will spend your life with.
A perfect relationship is, like the description of emotions, dependent on one’s personal opinion. Each person would describe a perfect relationship differently. My idea of a perfect relationship is one that is rooted in pure positivity and happiness. I do not believe negativity should exist in a perfect relationship and although perfect is hard to find I do not believe that perfect does not exist. Everyone’s perception of perfect is very possible. The only time that anything is impossible is when one says time and again that it is impossible
Honestly Dana, let me just start off by saying how amazing you are at writing! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post! I especially loved the part when you talked about your mom. Is it weird that I feel oddly happy for her even though I don't know her? On the other hand, a relationship is a two-way street, both partners have to put in the work or else it'd just be painful for everyone! And like you said, it should be full of positivity!
DeleteThose who give love are those who teach love. Those who give hate are those who teach hate. That is how a perception of each is formed. My earliest memory of seeing love is seeing what it is not. I grew up in a household of hate and, half of the week, still live in one. As a result, I know what love isn’t and I believe I taught myself what love is. I have not been guided through decisions previously made in my life as thoroughly as some might have. I have discovered, through personal experience, what love feels like to me and what I might define it to be. No one’s perception influences my own anymore because I have realized that love is unique to each of us. That, then, is what I will tell my kids. I will tell them not to let others’ definitions define their idea of the word love or the term “in love”. I do not believe love should be taught; I believe it should be discovered, seen, experienced and perceived only by its founder, observer, or recipient.
ReplyDeleteWhat’s love? To be freaking honest, I have no clue. Love is love. I love my family and friends, but I know that’s not the in love stuff I should say. My family loves each other, but nobody I have ever been close with while I was growing up was in love. I really never see it. I know what love isn't, but I'm not 100% sure what love is.
ReplyDeleteI guess that’s why I have the worst trust and commitment issues and have never been in love. I am the best person at pushing people away to avoid getting hurt because that’s always been what I know. Love hurts. People hurt. I don’t know. My parent’s marriage sucks. They are the type of people who get married because the girl got knocked up. I know they love their kids(especially me), but I know they sure as hell don’t love each other.
I know it is so bad that I can’t open up enough to let people in and I know I’m missing out, I just can’t stop. I’ve always thought that it was dumb for me to go through the trouble of being hurt, so I control it.
What in the world is a “perfect” relationship? Nothing is that, but I guess everyone can form their own little perfect I just don’t know what this is for sure. I was gonna say happy, but happy is such a stupid thing to strive for because it will never last forever. Love isn’t all happy.
I don’t think I will necessarily teach much about the ideas of love and relationships to my future kids, but I will support and love the crap out of them in whatever they do. I know what it’s like to not have the most supportive parents, so whatever relationship or whatever they feel love is, is what they can decide and learn and conquer for themselves. Peace out and love yourself.
I honestly love the fact you spoke completely honest about what you think love is. Honestly to be quite honest the love I have with my family and my boyfriend is so different and I have no idea why.I love him with honestly everything I could love but when it comes to my family I could not like them some days just love them so freaking much and be confused at the fact that I do like it comes naturally for me to love them but loving my boyfriend I slowly learned what the love is between us is and we all view that differently.
DeleteI’m on the same boat as you on how I don’t know what love completely is. I mean I think I know what it is, but I can’t say that it is what I think because I’ve never been in love before. My parents are just like yours in the way that I’ve never had really seen them act like they’re in love, in fact sometimes I wonder how they even got together. However, I do know they love me. But I do agree with you on how we should let our own kids decide on what they think love is like for themselves by showing them what it is to love and not telling them.
DeletePeople have been trying to define love since the beginning of time. The problem is everyones definition of love is different. To be in love you just have to find someone who's definition is similar to yours. I can admit I have been in love, all different kinds of love. Relationship love and a love for someone or something are different though. Peoples behavior completely changes when they're in love. You can see it in the way your friends act after getting a boyfriend or the way your significant other starts to treat you less like a friend and more like family. Even you change. You’re constantly distracted by the thought of them, where they are, what they're doing, who they're with. You go to extreme lengths to make sure they're always happy, and if they truly love you they'll do the same. We love the people we choose to love because they fill up our missing pieces. People always say “You don’t need someone to complete you, you are not half a person.” While this is true, you are not half a person, people still need people. Plain and simple. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons and everyones reasons are different. Maybe that person fulfills your sense of adventure, maybe they're the only person who can make you smile. You'll never be able to understand why someone wants who they want only they know that, only those two people can understand their connection… spectators have always been guilty of only seeing what the want and using old opinions to manipulate a situation. In a relationship all I want is someone who makes me happy. I love to smile and laugh so that’s all I want in life, just someone who will smile and laugh with me. I like smart people, someone who uses their intelligence to understand more about the world. A relationship where a deep conversation about the world can turn into throwing grapes at each other is ideal for me. Someone I can talk to about anything with and do anything with. I need someone who will save me from myself. As for the perfect relationship… I don't think there has ever been one. Something can look picture perfect but what people don't understand is you don't know what happens behind close doors, and that goes for every kind of relationship family and friends included. Close to perfect is more realistic. Close to perfect means trust. You should be able to trust that person with your soul. Everything that you are whether you’re clean lines or jagged edges that person should protect everything that you are, regardless of circumstances you have to have each others back. Honestly this is going to sound absurd to any one who doesn't know me that well but my horses taught me about love.
ReplyDeletePart two:
ReplyDeleteI started riding when I was five years old so I've been around horses my whole life. Throughout the years many horses have come and gone into my life. What I learned from them I take with me everywhere. I learned that to complete any kind of task or accomplish, the absolute most important thing you need in a partnership is a connection. A connection means trust, loyalty, and forgiveness. Yes forgiveness. Riding horses has taught me patience, when I cant get something right with my horse I have to take a step back and collect myself. A horse can sense what your feeling so if you're mad he knows it. I learned how to take a breath and think about what Im going to do next because you cant move forward when your stuck on what went wrong before. I find that its important not to be spiteful in relationships, you can't dwell on the past, you must master the art of forgiveness if you're ever going to move forward. Horses taught me that if you really love something you can trust it with your life. When I ride and something happens like a gun goes off or deer jumps in my horses face my horse has to trust me to get him to safety and I have to trust my horse to listen. My earliest memory of seeing love…I cant say I have necessarily seen a lot of “relationship love” my parents kind of exist around each other I guess but I don't think they're “in love”. I have seen love in other forms, once on a cold December day my brother fell into the lake when it was frozen over and suck to the bottom,he was two, my mother jumped in after him before even thinking that she could die too. She ended up saving his life without blinking so I think that is love. Throwing yourself into the unknown for the one you love regardless of the consequences. Of course this affects how I view love, love should be daring, brave, and genuine. If that person isn't willing to jump to their death for you they don’t love you.
Sam honestly I think that you're example will be added to what I think love is. Because it is absolutely true, someone who loves you won't think about anything but you. It's crazy what our mothers would do for us right? Honestly I'm just really mind blown that I didn't think of this example. And cudos to you, because I could never ride and trust a horse the way you do.
DeleteWhat is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me…no more. Other than through an unnaturally famous song by Haddaway, many people have questioned the, well question, “What is love?” Love is a feeling. An attraction between two things that is beyond the explanation of science. No aspect of love is logical. Better yet, everything about love is illogical. And I’m not talking about how an overweight potato loves his burgers. No. That’s the kind of love that lasts for a couple of minutes. Real love, the kind between people, should last a life time. And I say “should” loosely, because it’s hard to find, “The Perfect Match,” and for some people, it’s just not for them. And that’s fine too.
ReplyDeleteHave I ever been in love? Yes. First, I must explain that I have an unbelievably strong sense of love. My heart is the kind of heart that falls in love way too easily, and I admit that wholeheartedly. (Tehee) Anyway, yes, I’ve only been in one relationship, and I remember completely falling for this girl. Before we went out, she had good days and bad days, but it was apparent that personal things were bothering her. It was relieving that throughout our relationship, she became an overall happier person. However, as she became happier I became a gloomier person. People were wondering why I wasn’t my normal jubilant self anymore. On another note, I think parents play a large role in who we are attracted to. People observe their parents and see how their relationship is like. Naturally, we use the information to search for our mate. Parents can show us what to look for in a spouse and the types of things we do and don’t like in a person. In a potential relationship I look for someone that has a sense of humor and treats people well. I like to make people laugh, and if she doesn’t laugh, I wouldn’t enjoy spending time with her. Then, how she treats other people is an important factor. I’m a true believer of the corny saying, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” And if she treats me or other people with disrespect, why should she deserve mine? In terms of the idea of a perfect relationship, I believe that there is none. The best possible relationship is the kind where the couple still enjoys spending time with each other. Who taught me about love? I would have to say my grandparents. They are one of the epitomes of love that I have actually “witnessed.” Next year, they are having their 50th anniversary, and that itself seems like a big accomplishment to me. My earliest memory of love is not the kind of love that I talked about for the past nine-hundred lines. The type of love I witnessed first is brotherly love. One of my earliest memories ever, is of my uncle’s funeral. Even at a young age I also had a strong sense of empathy and I felt their strong love for my uncle. It taught me how important family is.
I’ve always wondered if I’d be the, “Chill Dad,” or the “Overprotective Dad.” Probably depends on if I have boys or girls. I would probably be chill if I had boys, and I think I’d be an overprotective dad if I had girls. From the start of their birth, I would push strong values of family and friendship first. So that they completely understand the ideas of Family love, and the bonds of friendship. And I think, once they understand both, they’ll be able to figure out their own thoughts about love and relationships. I think it would be impossible to teach my kids about love, specifically. And I think the only thing I can truly do is just steer them in the right direction and hope that they’ll find happiness.
Alf, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I can't wait for you to really love someone, and not just love making someone happy. I don't think you loved her or were in love, but you just loved having someone that you made happy. You will forever love so hard and be such a hopeless romantic and I can't wait for us to get married in the future. HAHA. I'm sorry, I had to. Peace out.
DeleteAhhhh Alponso, I use to be the same way. I use to fall in love very easily. However, as I matured more, I am more careful. I'm still hopelessly romantic though. And when it comes to being a dad, I'll probably be an overprotective father when I have a daughter too. I would hate to see my daughter heatbroken.
DeleteAlfonso I completely agree with you on how parents play a huge role on who we are attracted to because we have watched them growing up and when you said "The best possible relationship is the kind where the couple still enjoys spending time with each other" I couldn't have agreed more. Also I witnessed brotherly love too, but I lost my grandfather. Parenting wise I would be the same way you would be
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ReplyDeleteIn my opinion love is mistaken with liking. I know that doesn't make sense, but let me get into it. I've seen quite a few people get into relationships throughout my high school years and they all thought it was all perfect and stuff. And the two partners would say "I love you" to each other constantly or "you're the only one" "I want to be with you forever." These kind of talk irritates me because usually these feelings and words are fake, even if the people who are saying them don't think that they are. I am guilty of such behavior. I definitely am. I was in a relationship not too long ago and I knew I shouldn't have said "I love you" and stuff, but it would still slip. I just had this urge to do so, but, you know, now she sits in one of my classes and I don't even speak to her. That's the thing, no one knows when love comes and goes, so no one should risk anything and possibly get hurt, because that feeling sucks. I really thought my relationship with that girl would last for a pretty long time, but it didn't and so whatever :P. So for the time that I thought I was "in love," I don't know about her, but my behavior didn't change that much. I would only be nicer when I was around her and that's pretty much it. For my future relationships what would be perfect for me is truly knowing that my partner really cares about me, even during the crappiest moments, I want to be sure that she will care. And that brings me over to my definition of love. Love to me means caring. Just caring. As humans we are still animals and like other animals we are governed by our instincts, some of the time, and what separates us from other animals are feelings and emotions. If, for example, Bob and Mary are in a relationship and Mary really, truly cares about Bob, then all the emotions and feelings in Bob will arise, in a sense, and take over him, hence Bob will fall in love. In my opinion care is one of the most important things that a human being needs, and craves to some extents.
ReplyDeleteI have no specific memory from my past that taught me about love, but I have learned things over time related to this topic. I don't know how to explain it, but all the knowledge that I've occurred related to love, I was just able to bring all my, and other peoples', ideas and thoughts together to form the conclusion that I have. I'm still young and my conclusions will most definitely still change, but isn't that what's meant to happen? Aren't my ideas and my preferences meant to change as I grow up?
And lastly, I'm going to finish up by answering the question of what I'm going to teach my future kids about love and relationships. I will not tell them much. I'd rather have my kid, or kids, figure these kind of deep topics out themselves, but I would tell them that caring about another person and caring in general is important. I'll just tell them that love is a good thing and that they have to watch out who they get into a relationship with. That's it. Not much. I'll just leave them hanging like that and let them figure out their own meaning of love.
part one
ReplyDeleteTo me love is knowing all of someone's fears, weaknesses, strengths and accepting them for the person they decide that they want to be. Love is an unconditional commitment to someone, and not always to just a spouse. Love can be between whoever you want it to be. I love my best friend. I don’t view them romantically but I still love them, I know all of their fears and I would never take advantage of them. When you tell someone that you love them and truly mean it then to me you're making a promise to them, you're promising them that they really mean something to you and have their own special place in your heart and to me that means a whole lot. But, there's a million different ways to tell someone that you love them without saying the words "I love you." Saying: "put the cigarette down", "you can tell me anything", "you're safe with me" are just some of the many ways you can let someone know that you love them.
I have only ever kissed and dated, one person and that person was also my first love. I dated that person for over a year and over that period of time we dated I fell deeply in love with him, with all of his flaws, his weaknesses, his strengths, there was not one part of him that I wasn't amazed by and that’s what love is to me. I knew from the moment I spoke to him that there was something there. I didn’t like him for his looks at first either so lets all stop saying that people first fall in love with the way someone looks because that is not always true. While we were dating I did change, we both did and for the better. I felt very confident while being in that relationship and I did a lot of things that I would normally be afraid to do but I did them because knowing that I had someone that would love me no matter what made me feel very strong.
I cant exactly speak for everyone else but I know that the main thing I look for in a potential relationship is their ability to make me feel safe and how hard they can make me laugh. If being with you doesn’t give me a sense of security then I don’t know if I would be able to date you let alone love you. My idea of a "perfect" relationship is one where we know everything that makes each other tick. One where we know exactly how to make each other happy and laugh even at our saddest moments. One where we could be sitting in complete silence for hours on end and not be bored. My "perfect" relationship would involve a lot of trust, open-mindedness, forgiveness and a ton of HAPPINESS.
This was amazing Jenny for you to put all those examples in the first paragraph it really makes you think about what people say to you that actually love you and care about your well-being emotionally mentally and physically in all forms to be loved they do show their love with the little things that they do say.
Deletepart two
ReplyDeleteI don’t exactly remember my first experience with love but I do vividly remember watching a video of a soldier coming home from war once when I was very young. This man had been near an explosion and his face was very burnt and he looked extremely different compared to how he did before he left for war. He came home and his wife ran to him and jumped in his arms and kissed him with no hesitation. She then began to run her hand across his face, she cried, and told him that she has never loved him as much as she does right now. That video really taught me a valuable lesson about love and beauty. This women didn’t care that her husband looked completely different and that she would never see the face that she used to know and that taught me that beauty isn't only based on someone's appearance. People are beautiful for the things they do not by the way they look. So many people confuse lust with love and only date some of the people that they do because they're pleasing to the eye but once they actually find love then their entire view and definition of love changes. But, its okay that our views on love are constantly changing, its good that they do so that one day we'll finally be able to say we have our own "perfect" definition of love and what we love and how we show it.
I am very excited to one day be able to teach my future son or daughter about love. The main thing I will tell them is to not be afraid of falling in love. Though they will experience heartache it shouldn’t stop them from getting to experience all of the amazing things that go along with falling in love. Ill tell them that its okay to fall in love, a lot. And that making a lot of mistakes is okay too because after all the heart aches and exciting moments they will find someone that they will be able to spend the rest of they're life with and will never have to question whether or not this person is the love of their life because they'll just know with every ounce of their being that they are.
You're right Jennie, I agree that knowing your spouse, family, or even a friend inside and out is a vital thing for a working relationship. But about the looks aren't everything, that might be true for a select few, but nowadays not so much. I mean take the majority of high school students for example. You want to tell me that they look for personality in a relationship? Or that they want a long lasting relationship with ONE person? I don't think so because we all know what they really look for... But regardless of the majority, there are surprisingly still people like you and me who want a long lasting relationship, with lots of happiness and laughter.
DeleteStarting off, I didn't want to read anyone's blog post because then the way I perceived love to be would be biased. What is love? Love to me, first you need to be in love with yourself. To see every flaw you have, and to accept and love how you are. Next, love to me, is when you love how another person is. You see their flaws and you love it. To see them walk into a crowded room and have your stomach turn upside down. To have your entire face become flourished with a shade of bright red. To have to ask every person around you, "DO I LOOK OKAY?? ARE YOU POSITIVE???" all because you see him/ her walk through. Love is to want to put another persons emotions into true consideration, and their needs, majority of the time, to come before yours. Love is to be able to go to them for everything and anything, and it's okay, because they would love to hear anything you have to say. To feel like your on cloud 9 when you're with that person. And lastly love is someone who you can be yourself with, yes the true self. The crazy, the smelly, the goofy, the melancholy, the joyous, the choleric person that you naturally are, and they love those multiple personalities and every thing about you.
ReplyDeleteYes I am in love. Many people say that being at this age is too young to know what love is, or to be in love. But is it really? I sit down and I question myself a lot of times, and ask myself, "Am I really in love". And my question is answered, yes. I will not go into detail of how I am in love, because to be quite honest some of the feelings that electrify my body, cannot be put into words or described for someone to understand. I would say that my behavior may have changed a little. I'm still the introvert, caring, loving person that I have always been. But sometimes I do think that my emotions for my boyfriend do affect my friends. Because sometimes you just want to be with your boyfriend every second of every day, because the time you guys share isn't enough. And that leads to leaving your friends hanging. I try my best to not be the person that does that, because frankly it sucks. We are attracted to the ones we choose, can be simply because we thought they were cute. Or their smile, or the way they uphold themselves. To be honest Bunje, this is one of those questions that has a infinity sign right next to, because the answers could be never ending. What I look for in a relationship is just honesty and loyalty. Those are the key to a "perfect" relationship. Also to add to the perfect phenomenon, is to be able to talk to your lover about anything. Who taught me about love? Very good question. I would say my mother. My mother for those who know her, you know that she is very outspoken, those of you that didn't know, well know you know. But my mother always gave the same examples that I gave earlier on, and she just really made me think about everything. She always told me that there is a difference because like and love, just like there is with lust and love. And that I needed to be with someone who made my heart beat rapidly, and who made me happy and accepted me. My earliest memory of seeing love, was in the Notebook. I absolutely adore this movie in every way possible. It showed that love can be young, and that love has isn't always happy. It showed how yes you guys are going to get mad at each other, but that's human nature. It also showed me what being in love with someone is. This movie didn't affect how I perceive love to be, but it definitely is similar to what I say love is. What I will teach my future babies when it is time, is exactly what I said. And also I will let them know, that it is okay to not agree with what I say, and that whatever they feel when they get in love, or they're questioning if they're in love, is to go by with how that person makes them feel.
As my best friend I hope you know how much I love you .Even with your flaws I love you more than I could if you didn't have any,I over watching the notebook with you when we watch movies and eat ice cream all night,ad cry endlessly because we want a love like Noah and Ally and I'm not saying our relationships are perfect but they definitely are worth it.Many people have their opinions about how young and not in love we are but we are I know we are with the things we tell each others and the things we can't even admit to ourselves there no doubt someone can tell us other wise they are entitled to their opinion.
DeleteAng, you’re definitely right when you say that loving someone is to love them for all their flaws. That’s seriously one of the basic things that come with falling in love. And it is pretty hard to balance relationships and friendships from what I’ve seen, because sometimes you can accidently, like you said, leave a friend hanging to spend time with your beloved without even meaning to. And that’s just a price that comes with being in love, the fact that you have to focus on your relationship but also friendships. But I guess that it wouldn’t be too bad if you’re in love with your best friend, which I’m pretty sure you are.
DeleteWhen someone makes your stomach feel so tight and floaty at the same time, when your cheeks hurt so freaking bad because you can't stop smiling and people think there's something wrong with you because you're just so damn happy. It's just chilling with someone talking,yanno and making mad silly jokes.But then not wanting to go to sleep because then you just might be without them for a minute and no you don't want that.When you're thinking about them thinking about you, you telling your friends more than you can admit to yourself about them.Hating how jealous they are but loving how much they want you to themselves.Seeing how your first name sounds so amazing next to their last name.Seeing how long you could go without calling them and not even making it out of the front door, Waiting until they fall asleep to wonder if there dreaming about you two being in love.Who loves each other more, what they're doing at this exact moment, not knowing exactly where you to are headed but looking forward to whatever is, spending hours on the phone and not even saying shit.Counting all the things you love about them and losing count because it's just too much.Celebrating your 1-month anniversary even though that's not an anniversary. When you want to stop stuttering but you're just so caught up in their everything. When you wake up in the morning and you have someone to talk to. When they are the most annoying person in the world but you feel like you will become loneliest without them.Singing songs loud as hell out the window because you think you guys are on the Wells Fargo stage.Being able to not think before you speak or do something because no matter how funny, dumb, cute or whatever it is won't matter because you can be exactly yourself with them.Knowing someone really loves you and is in love with you and your heart melts every time they say it no matter how many times they do it will never get old.That's love.There's things you can't even explain love and all of the things that define it.
ReplyDeleteOn January 3 , My life was a little flip flopped turned upside down ,Have I been in love I want to say yes in the past but I don't think i have before today,a lot have signs may have said yes but actions and feelings speak otherwise . I was confused on what love really was because a lot of it all came down to things that wouldn't go on if you were in love that did ,that hurts and tears down people and their hopes. Some people just aren't worth it enough to even have you but they do some way or the other the wrong person gets a hold of you and in a way destroys you and it happened to me but someone else ,yes someone else may come and change everything for the better for you and make things all bad good. When a god person comes along you just know everything changes your behavior changes ,ever since last year i've been so much nicer and it's not only because i'm happy it's also because i have someone who reminds me everyday that being mad at the world only hurts myself what am i really mad for ? why do i have a attitude? Everything about them is attractive ,but it all started with personality the way he speaks to me ,the way he communicates his feelings and emotions brought everything else there could have been ,his appearance meant so little to me after that but i guess i was lucky because to this day i've never met someone so attractive in my life.A perfect relationship is the one i'm in we bicker sometimes but that's okay i actually enjoy every second of it.We communicate like a married couple ,protect eachother like brother and sister have fun like best friends and just love eachother unconditionally i may be young but i can love and when i do it's do hard.
I love you Teea!! Rae is one lucky guy!! Im so happy for you and im happy that he makes you happy. You are amazing and you deserve the world. <3
DeleteWTF. WHY YOU DO THAT TO ME?? :'((((( Your an amazing person and I'm happy your happy. I'm glad he came along to better you and make you feel special. I love youuu.
DeleteStay with me for a while. You might find my first paragraph super nerdy, but it's the truth. Here I go:
ReplyDeleteLove is an addiction. I am not exaggerating or being overly dramatic. Love is the release of neurotransmitters into the bloodstream that causes a person to do unusual things. Like I said, Love can get someone addicted to the significant other. Studies show that the brain of a lover is so similar to the brain of someone suffering from OCD. When people say that they feel butterflies in their stomach, they are merely experiencing dopamine surge through their body; it is dopamine that makes people crave for the significant other. Lastly, Serotonin, which is crucial in maintaining well-being and security of the body, drops making one vulnerable. It awakens the wild desires and makes him/her infatuated with the other. Don’t worry, your significant other hasn’t done magic on you. It is simply your brain acting. All this is about “Romantic Love”. The brain undergoes a similar process when being influenced by family love. It would release the same neurotransmitters but in different amounts giving different effects. For example, In a romantic relationship, Oxytocin would be released due to sexual activity. In a family relationship, Oxytocin would be released when hugging someone or when nurturing an infant.
I love my family, especially my grandparents. My parents came here to America when I was about 2 years old and left me with my grandparents. They took care of me better than anyone could’ve. Perhaps that is why I am more fond of my grandparents more than my parents. I feel more open and better when I have to talk about certain issues with my grandparents. I have of course seen people in love. I can bet that my parents love each other, but they never express it. A stranger would never know that they are a couple. It is just how my culture is. Open romance is discouraged.
Finding the right person is like trying to crack a safe open by guessing. You have to try out different combinations until you find the correct code — or, in this case, the best person. There isn’t anything specific I look for in a potential relationship, but if I had to say why I chose someone, it would be for these reasons in no specific order: trustworthy, dependable, caring, someone who gets my humor, supportive, someone who is able to make my neurotransmitters release. I know it’s a lot to ask, but most of them go hand-in-hand. My idea of a “perfect” relationship is the “click!” you hear when successfully cracking a safe.
My earliest memory of “seeing” love is when I actually experienced it with my grandparents. The bond between my grandparents and me was strong. My Oxytocin levels were rising due to their caring nature. That memory affects how I see love. It made me realize that family love is the supreme kind of love there ever is. Nothing can break the bond one has with his/her parents.
I would take care of my kids (obviously) the way my grandparents took care of me. I would support them in any way possible. I would not teach them anything about love and relationships until they have experienced it. Once they think they are in a relationship, I would gladly steer them to the path that I feel would make them happy. I would make sure that the boy/girl he/she dates is worth him/her.
I think it's really sweet that you have such a close bond with your grandparents. My grandparents on my dad's side have always been very openly loving towards me, and I don't know how to deal with it, so I push them away. Whereas my grandparents on my mom's side are not very open, so I'm always craving attention from them. Funny, isn't it? I also think it's so great that you have a relationship with your grandparents that can be an archetype for how you're going to raise your own kids. Most teenagers are always saying that they're going to raise their kids completely differently from how their parents raised them. And I totally get what you said about how in your culture open love is discouraged. I think that's the case for most Asian cultures.
DeleteI also read that study that acknowledged the similarities of brains with OCD and brains that are “in love”. It is interesting to note how dopamine plays a massive part in human romantic relationships, as you said, it is what causes infatuation, and that dopamine is also the reason why people become addicted to nicotine; nicotine raises dopamine levels. Oxytocin could most likely be my least favorite hormone in humans. I hate it and try my best to ignore the effects it has on my brain.
DeleteDan (I hope that is okay for me to say, or else please tell me) but I completely agree with you when you said trustworthy and etc. All of those impact me greatly. I also really really really liked how you talked about the brain and how it's addictive. As for your relationship with your grandparents I think it's amazing!! Family bonds are such an important thing in life.
DeleteFirst off Dan love the post, but that was crazy all the science behind love your were talking about you did such a good job mapping that all out for us. You talking about your grandparents taking care of you instead of your actual is interesting. I hope your parents really love eachother like you say, that's what keeps your whole family together. Trying to crack a safe is hard and is probably as hard as love but most people will eventually get it just takes a couple attempts!
Delete“Define love.” I sat staring at the first part of this blog question for a good twenty minutes. In need of some direction, I googled the term “love” and found a very helpful definition: “A person or thing that one loves”. Thank you Google. The thing is, trying to define love is certainly not “nbd”. I have no idea what love is exactly, so I can’t really define it. One person’s idea of love could be completely different from another person’s, so I guess how you define love says a lot more about yourself than it does the actual word. I’d say that love is the act of being blindly attracted to another person for all of their combined traits and seeing the best in them. I use the word “blind” because I think that when you love someone, you become blissfully unaware of their more negative qualities, giving meaning to the phrase “love is blind”.
ReplyDeleteI have never been in love, but I know someone who has. My friend is in love with her boyfriend, and she went from being depressed and anxious to being slightly less depressed and anxious, which I think is an overall improvement. It worries me, though, that she relies so heavily on her boyfriend for happiness. I’m scared that if they ever break up, she’ll feel lost and spiral into an even deeper depression that she was in before they started dating.
As for why we are attracted to the people we love, I have several theories. The first is that we love someone because they possess something that we need. For example, if a person is misunderstood by their peers and labeled as “weird”, then they may fall in love with someone who is unusually compassionate and understanding of others. These qualities are exactly what that person needs in life to be happy, so it would make sense that they would find these qualities attractive in another person. The second theory is that we love someone because they are who we strive to be as a person. Someone who wants to be charitable may fall in love with someone who is really giving and sympathetic to others. In other words, we are attracted to them because they are the better reflection of ourselves.
In potential relationships, I look for someone who is just an overall good person. They have to be accepting of others and willing to put those they care about before themselves. They also have to be a feminist (males can be feminists too!!) and hate Donald Trump with a fiery passion :)). My idea of a perfect relationship is one in which both people constantly inspire the other to be a better person, so that’s why a good personality and moral standards are so important to me.
Nobody really taught me about love, I kind of figured it out for myself (“kind of”=not really). I can remember my earliest memory of “seeing” love was when I watched Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for the first time. When the Prince kissed Snow White to break the Evil Queen’s spell and they rode off into the sunset, I remember connecting love with a “happily ever after”. For the longest time, I thought that if two people loved each other, then they would be together forever and live happily for the rest of their lives. But reality, (and Grey’s Anatomy), have taught me that love isn’t that simple. There are so many things that could prevent two people from having a happy ending, and fairytales aren’t all that accurate.
Finally, if I ever had kids, I would tell them that love is complicated, and that you can’t help who you love. I’d tell them that they could love anyone, boys, girls, both, or neither, and that I’d still love them regardless.
Snow White used to scare me because the Evil Queen looked so freaking creepy. I remember it really clearly: I was really little and I was hiding behind the couch watching that one part where the Queen talks to the magic mirror, when my dad came into the room. He chuckled at me, and then he told me that he'd kill the Evil Queen for me. He told me that he'd do anything for me. To me, that's love. I don't know, you mentioned Snow White and this memory just popped spontaneously into my head. Anyway, I really get what you said about your friend and how she relies so heavily upon her boyfriend for her own happiness. I think that's what holds people back a lot-- that fear that they'll become completely invested in someone, but then have it ripped away from them.
DeleteI am so awkward when it comes to this whole “love” thing. Sometimes when I see couples in public I’m like “Aww, how cute”, and then other times I’m just like “Eww please get away from me”. I really enjoy staying to myself, but at times it can become very lonesome. I don’t care who disagrees with me, but at some point in your life you will need someone. Whether it is for a short period of time, or if it is for the rest of your life. For all of you who believe that it is nonessential to depend on others, let me tell ya, you are going to live one miserable life. At some point in your life, maybe not now, you have depended on someone. As a child you depended heavily upon your parents to take care of you. As a student you depended on your teachers to teach you everything. As a teenager, you depended on your friend(s) to be there for you. I could go on forever, but my point is that you could never say you NEVER depended on someone else.
ReplyDeleteLove is such a broad term, and it can be interpreted in many ways. I honestly, couldn’t tell you what love is, because I’ve never experienced it. All I can say is that it is something a person feels, and you will know when it’s “true love”. Personally, I think people use the word “love” too loosely, and by “loosely” I mean people say they love something or someone but don’t actually mean it. Then again, everyone has their own concept of love, so I can’t judge them based on that. As I said earlier, I am a complete weirdo when it comes to this stuff, so rarely will you ever hear me say I love someone. It gives me the chills, and I think I sound stupid saying it. Why should I have to tell someone I love them, if they can easily see for themselves? You will know if I have strong feelings or appreciate you in my life, based on how I act towards you.
Have I ever been in love?( I actually laughed when I saw this question) Though, I’ve never been in love before. Essentially, because their is no dating in the Hamler household. My father is totally against dating...I mean what dad isn’t, and at the rate we’re going, I will most likely be in a walker before I’m allowed to date. On a more serious note, most of you know that I have confidence issues, and if you didn’t, now you know. I have been told on numerous occasions, that the first love you will ever feel is for yourself. However, due to my lack of confidence, I have a very difficult time loving myself. At times, I can be very hard on myself, to the point where I convince myself that I am not good enough. Not only is this with my physical appearance, but also with school and sports. I have this constant thought in my head that I am incapable to do certain things, even though I know deep down that I can. I can be very insecure about the way that I look, and when people say things about me, it really gets to me. It has become so bad, that when people tell me I’m pretty I don’t believe them. Simply because I don’t see what everyone else does. I also try to compare myself to other girls, but that only makes things worse. At times, I try to feel good about myself, but I am never convincing enough. As far as school goes, I have zero confidence in myself. Is it possible to be in the negatives? I think that is where I am. Without a doubt anyone can tell you that I know my sh**. However, I stress out, I begin to panic, and then my mind goes completely blank. It sucks because then people think that I am an idiot, because I fail almost everything. Track does require you to be physically fit, but most importantly, it requires you to have a positive mindset. This is where I completely f*** up. I get easily intimidated by girls that are bigger than me or who have a better reputation. So, I instantly give up, and convince myself that I don’t stand a chance. In some cases, I ended up being right. However, most of the time it is an easy win. As most of you already know, I suffered from real bad injuries last year. These injuries were a huge setback for me, and it caused my confidence to drop severely. However, this year I am working my way back up to the top. Essentially, I have several things to work on before I can “love” anyone else. Although, it is a lot easier said than done. How do I become more confident in myself, without being too cocky? How can I improve the way I see myself? Most importantly, how can I give myself credit, while actually believing it? These are questions that constantly run through my head. I am willing to change my attitude towards myself, in order to become a better person. Please feel free to give me advice, because I really need it.
DeleteYou may not believe me but Kayla you are beautiful, you are more than good enough. You can never be too cocky, and if you are who cares because you have the right to be. Confidence is key
DeleteKayla I honestly don't know how you turned your post about love into a post about your self confidence and school. Anyways what I said about loving yourself before you can love someone, Kayla you need to realize that you're a beautiful and an amazing person. There's a difference between being confident and cocky. Being confident is being able to recognize and accept how amazing you are. You can compliment yourself it's not a big deal. The more you say it, the more you believe it. When someone compliments you because you know everyday someone is complimenting your outfit, just accept it and be like "yeah I know I look great today."
DeleteI've felt what you're feeling. In middle school I was teased on my weight and the fact that I acted "white." My whole friend group was either white or Asian. Now I just laugh. Those "Asian and white" friends are now the realest friends I have. Im going to tell you straight up. You're a boss a** b****. I don't care if you don't believe me because I know I'm right about this. want me to hold a sign up? I will. Don't compare yourself. It's the worst thing you can do.
Deletep.s you bomb affffffffffff
I have this conversation with you about your confidence every damn day and I know it won't make a difference. You have to want to love yourself for you to love yourself. You know I think you are so beautiful in and out, but it drives me insane that you can't even see a little bit of that. Don't overanalyze it. You can get too cocky, but I think the cocky people are the most insecure. Loving yourself and digging your own vibe doesn't mean your not insecure just that you know you have so much good. Sometimes I wish I knew what I could tell you, but I guess time and acceptance and what not. Peace out, and remember you are killing the fucking game. Love yourself.
DeleteKayla, you are a very smart and aware girl. You know your strengths, weaknesses, values, and the things you need to improve on. Even though you say you aren't confident, you had me fooled. When it comes to school work, I know how stressed you get but, you really do need to give yourself more credit. When you feel stressed out or like you're not good enough, take a step back and try to see the bigger picture. Try not to stress yourself by focusing on your weaknesses in every area but, focus on what you're good at and capitalize on that. When it comes to your love life, that's another thing that you seem very conscious of. Until the right person comes along, it's good that you will have more time to focus on yourself and that can only make you better than you already are. Love you kaycheham.
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ReplyDeleteLove is comfort. That’s how I describe it. It’s not always about the butterflies in your stomach or an intense rush of emotions when you look at them but more like being able to share every little thing with them. It’s about being able to show who you really are without any worries. Not worrying about how you look or how you act because you are comfortable with that person. You can’t love someone if you aren’t comfortable with them. That’s just facts. One day in the future when you wake up next your partner in the morning and you smell their bad breath, if you don’t care then that’s love. At that point you and your partner have reached peak comfort zone. In the beginning of all relationships we try to be the best person we can be, we act a certain way and we clean up a bit more. But in reality we don’t always look like that. Once you drop down your guard and you let that person in, it means you are allowing that person to accept who you are and that is love.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a bit weird to talk about my own experience with love. I’ve only been in two relationships and my first wasn’t like a real relationship. I loved his personality but thinking back to it I don’t really know if I actually loved him. I’m in a relationship at the moment and I can say that I love him. When I’m with him I can just be myself. I feel so comfortable around him that I don’t have to worry about how I look or act. When you love someone almost everything changes. I basically have another person in my life that I have to worry about.
Honestly speaking we are attracted to people because of their looks. We all have certain preferences so that is what we look for in a partner. Once you find someone that fits a certain look, then personality becomes a big deal. People generally look for someone with the same personalities and ideas. Looking for a potential boyfriend/girlfriend is like a test. Do they fit the look, yes or no? Do they have a good personality, yes or no? Can I see myself being with this person, yes or no? Finding a person you like is hard but finding someone you love is a lot harder.
To my future kids, I want to let them know that love is not easy. It’s not like you find one person and you instantly fall in love with them. There may be several people before you find the one. But before any of this, I would teach them to love themselves. To be comfortable with who they are as a person and to know their worth. Don’t settle for anything less. You can’t love if you can’t love yourself.
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DeleteBeing comfortable with someone is the most important thing in a relationship. If you aren't comfortable with the person you are with, then your relationship can be awkward. No one wants an awkward relationship because you want to talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend without it being weird. Also, like you said, if you don't have confidence within yourself, it's hard to find confidence and comfort in a relationship because then you will always be questioning yourself. Therefore, you should always find confidence and comfort in yourself and in your relationship.
DeleteBeing in a relationship with someone and being conscious about how you look all of the time isn't a relationship in my eyes. So it is very important to be comfortable with whoever you are dating. I think that pre dating and the first few weeks of a relationship are kind of like a check list. Look, personality, and future are all legitimate qualities to want the other person to have. Loving yourself before loving someone else is a great thing to teach your kids. Loving yourself is the first step to loving someone else.
DeleteI remember last year in Debate & Discussion (which is now called “Art of Persuasion”) we discussed the triangular theory of love. The theory divided love into three different types—passion, commitment, and intimacy—and everybody had their own combinations of love. You could have as little as one type of love or the combination of all three types. It’s interesting because the kind of relationship that works for one person may not necessarily work or be the best for another person. Love ultimately comes down to the type of person that you are and the choices you make. Love is, as Cynthia put it, abstract. There’s no definite way to define it because it’s different for everyone. I could say that it’s a strong feeling for another person, but according to the triangular theory, if you just have commitment then it’s considered “Empty Love”. I honestly don’t believe that you can even count that as love if you only feel a commitment or obligation to stay with someone. Love is just irrational, there’s no solid explanation for it and I doubt that there will ever be one.
ReplyDeleteI’ve never been in love before, but I’m not really looking for it right now. I know so many people who have been hurt by love, and I don’t want to go through that. I think that when the time comes, I’ll find somebody to love, but not right now. I’m not ready for it yet.
A “perfect” relationship is when the people involved trust, support, and work things out together with equal respect. It’s probably because I see it happen to my family all the time, but I hate when one person dominates the relationship and there’s no mutual respect. I have an uncle and aunt who are in an empty love kind of relationship, and I have no idea what’s keeping them together. They practically hate each other, and my uncle is always running away from his wife. She is the dominant one in the relationship, controlling and determining how much money my uncle gets to spend and all the other jazz. It’s not healthy for them, and they would be better off getting a divorce, which they, for some odd reason, refuse to do.
My earliest memory of love goes way back to pre-school. There used to be a little Indian boy who had a little crush on me and wouldn’t leave me alone. One day during recess, he chased me all around the playground while I tried to run away from him. I remember telling the teacher to get him to stop following me, but all she said was something along the lines of “boys will be boys”. She didn’t take me seriously and let a boy, who I didn’t like, bother me. I might be a little bitter about love because of that moment, who knows.
The one thing that I’ll teach my future children is self-love. It’s so important to love yourself before you get into any relationships because you need to know how to protect yourself. If you don’t really value yourself, who’s to say that your partner will? They could just take advantage over your insecurities, and the relationship becomes a hot mess. A relationship shouldn't be one person filling in the void of another person; it should be two people improving each other. The only person who’s going to be there throughout your entire life is yourself, so you should come to peace with yourself and enjoy who you are as a person.
Janet I also want to teach my children about self-love, especially since I struggle with it. I would never want my children to go through what I go through now. I want to teach my children that they shouldn't have to fully depend on someone else to love them, especially if they cant love themselves. Of course, in life you will need people here and there, but you don't need someone to make yourself happy. They can add on to your happiness, but it all starts with you.
DeleteI, too, am not ready to fall in love. I don't want to force it in my life but instead, let it present itself naturally into my life. Rushing it means heartbreaks and regrets. I don't want to end up like some girls who cries in their bed, wishing they never met the person.
DeleteAs I read further into you post, I laughed so hard about the story of a boy that had a crush on you. YOU RAN AWAY LMAO!!! Janet, that's so mean! Haha jk. you were only in pre-school and I probably would of done the same thing. But that's so sadly funny, if that makes any sense.
Aww, Janet! I loved your last paragraph to your future kids. Self love is definitely the most important love out there! You are not a toy, and if you don't want to be played with, then you can say no. People can take advantage of your vulnerability and mess with your heart. I mean, who wants that, right?! And Janet, don't worry about "falling in love"! You're a great girl, with great values, and I know when you do find the right one, he will treat you like a princess! But I swear if I'm jinxing myself right now, I'll personally beat him up if he ever messes with you! But for now, just go out, have fun, and explore! You're special someone can wait lol
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ReplyDeleteLove is complicated. It’s so pressured now and days. I feel like in high school you’re so pressured to love the person you’re dating. I love you. Three words. Eight letters. The words don’t really mean anything to me anymore. I’ve heard couples say that and then they break up and say, “That’s why I cheated on you,” or “I never even liked/loved you.”
ReplyDeleteThe type of love that society has formed is dumb. Love is a battlefield. Love is blind. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is when someone doesn’t cheat on you. Love is when someone doesn’t put their hands on you. It’s so broad. It’s different for everybody. Love is undefinable. We are attracted to things we like, don’t like, or need. If somebody needs laughter in their life, they’ll be attracted to an extremely funny, sarcastic person. I don’t like my personality, therefore I would be attracted to someone who does not remind me of me.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There can be a perfect relationship on the surface, but in reality, the couple is bored out of their minds and wants to break up. I believe that if a couple works hard at their relationship, it can work. I guess my mother taught me about love, but I’m more of an observant learner. A lot of what I know comes from seeing it from other people. My parents are my earliest memory of seeing love. They got divorced though so I know that not all love lasts and not all of it is meant to be. When I have children, I’ll teach them that love comes in all different forms, shapes, and sizes. There is no real definition of love that pertains to all human beings. Be happy and love whomever you would like.
Have you ever been in love?
DeleteI can agree, society has made love not what love actually should be. Now in days many people just say it to their significant other when under pressure. Maybe its just in the moment but what they aren't realizing is they are messing us the real definition of love.
DeleteRyan you are so hard on yourself. You have a banging personality. I agree with you on how there is no such thing as a perfect relationship because everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect themselves. But just like Alyssa said, have you ever been in love? I feel like you have but your keeping it on the low.
DeleteI really don't like the word love. I like it when saying it to family and friends but when it comes to relationships the word love seems overused. The worst part about the word love is that it is supposed to mean so much yet someone can use it and not mean it at all. Personally I have never been in love with someone romantically so my definition is a little off but love is when you have this connection with someone and they just understand you. You have this thing with someone that you feel like you just can’t live without them anymore. I tend to keep myself unattached and not let myself get too close with someone because believing in love seems so hard. The fact that two people can stand in front of their friends and family and vow to each other and the lord that they will be with each other for better or worse and then create a life together and then have three kids and then after all of that have a divorce makes the word love questionable. Although I have never been in love I may have witnessed love but then again it ended. I don't see how two people can be "in love" and then be able to end things like that. So if you were really in love, if being in love was a thing wouldn't you still be together? How can love be real if it always seems to end badly? How can love be real if so many people get divorced but they said "I do" on their wedding day and they said "for better or worse?" How can love be real if two people can create an entire life together and then everything they've worked for just ends and they have to start all over? How can love be real if you feel like you are in love but then you breakup and only have the memories left? We get attached to people we like to be around because they make us happy. We get attached because we let our feelings take over and sometimes it's okay to get attached but Sometimes getting attached is what leaves you hurt the most. A "perfect" relationship isn't a thing but a relationship I would want to be in would have to be one based off of loyalty and trust. I don't have to know where you are every second of the day and frankly we wouldn't have to talk at all that day but I would need to know if you are in it one hundred percent or not. There isn't a point to a relationship if the other person isn't in it for the long run because what's the point you're just going to get hurt and it's basically a waste of time.
ReplyDeleteA good relationship is one where you are both on the same page about where you stand and what your relationship means because if one of you treats the relationship as exclusive and the other doesn't then there is only confusion. With my parents being divorced for ten years I guess I haven't really been taught about love. I've been taught about sacrifice and starting over. I know what love is to a family member like how my parents love me and my brother and sister so much that they work on being nice to each other and they don't get mad at each other anymore. The only thing that I have seen of "love" is what kids call being "in love" in high school and the crazy amount of love movies I watch just because I like to see what love looks like even if the whole thing is scripted. Without being able to see what love is and always seeing love end in heartbreak it's hard to say that I even believe in the word love. The word love is probably the scariest word out there because who can say it even is real? My earliest memory of "seeing" love would have to be the ending of "love." Seeing my parents going from both of them coming into my room at night to say goodnight when I was four to having to pack my whole life into one duffle bag and bring in back and forth between houses doesn't really give love a good memory. Seeing two people in pictures looking so happy together to then seeing them referring to each other as "your mother" or "your father" doesn't give love a good memory. It's hard to believe in “love” when all you have seen it do is fail. Seeing my parents’ marriage end and never being in love personally definitely affects the way I view love, for one I don't like the word mostly because I can’t trust the word. Although I know my parents do not love each other at any extent after everything that has happened I can truly say that I know they love me and my siblings because they never wanted us to see or hear them fighting. They never wanted to put us through what my mom was put through which was listening to her parents fight and yell at each other every night. I know they love us because although they hated each other at first they put that aside and worked on being nice to each other to make it easier for us. They decided that being mean to each other only made it harder and today people think they're still married. They help each other out and even train for ironmans and triathlons together. Hopefully I'll get to feel what everyone feels as this "amazing" feeling and then I can explain to my children that although it can seem like “love” is not a real thing it will happen and when it does it'll be the best thing you will ever experience.
DeleteHaley, your blog response has me in my feelings. This was packed with sincerity and emotion. I'm sure, almost positive, that you are going to feel love one day. Your parents' relationship is no indication of what you're going to experience one day. Like you said yourself, it will be the "best thing you will ever experience" and I know it will happen for you.
DeleteHaley Florence Crispell, one day you will find the love that currently leaves you in disbelief. Although my parents aren't divorced, I remember my sister going back and forth between my house and her dad's house for years. She never felt like she had a place. For a while she didn't understand why her parents love for each other didn't last. Love can be really disappointing sometimes but, try not to cut off the idea of love just because you haven't found it yet. Even though your parents' love didn't work out, that does not determine what your love life will be like. Although they set the example for love, that doesnt mean that their love life has to be the model for yours. Haley you are a very lovable person and one day the right guy will see that too.
DeleteHale this is probably the cutest thing I've ever read. I find it really cool you don't like the word love like that and notice people using it wrong or not meaning it because I peep that too girlie. But one day you'll find someone with that connection and maybe you'll discover a better word than love.
DeleteHale I agree with what Jess said. Love does exist somewhere out there and maybe people who get married then get divorced were just blinded. Maybe they thought they loved each other but they realized they didn't and had to get divorced to find their real love out there. I really do believe everyone has a true love and one day you will find yours.
DeleteLove has a lot of different meaning to people. It’s perceived differently to us all. To me love is wanting to make someone’s day better and make sure they never have a bad one. Its doing everything you can to make sure they’re happy. However all of this is dangerous even the literal chemicals that make up love are dangerous, an overdose on any three of those chemicals can cause mental disorders. For example, dopamine which is one of the chemicals that reacts when we fall in love could result in schizophrenia is overdosed on.
ReplyDeleteI can confidently say I’ve been in love once despite what my friends say. When things were good nothing could bring me down. Someone could break my leg but as long as she was coming to visit me at the hospitable I would be perfectly content. But when things were bad I was bad, you’d catch me crying in the middle of the day because I didn’t know what I did wrong or thought I was going to lose her. When I was in love my relationship affected me every day until I stopped caring.
The popular thought of “opposites attract” is extremely true when it comes to this question. In my opinion though I think it applies when you don’t really like yourself too much or know yourself. I think you look for someone to show you what the other side is like. I always liked assholes or people that didn’t treat me well, but the more I get to know myself and like the person I’m becoming is the more I want someone with the same values. My idea of a perfect relationship is one with equal effort being put in while still being easy going and fun.
My dad always made love a big deal. He taught me that if you love someone you put them before yourself without a second thought. I’m more than thankful for his many lectures and lessons about the subject. I was too young to remember seeing my parents actually try and be in love with one another so I’m not sure about my earliest memories. I remember my first time seeing heartbreak and devastation but, love, not so much. Last February I did go out to dinner with my uncle and his fiancée and I’ve never seen a more loving couple they weren’t even the annoying kind. Their love was something casual and every action was before they even thought about it.
I plan to teach my son or daughter exactly what my dad told me. But I will make it clear love is not hurting yourself for someone else, you always have to come first but keep them at a close second.
Ken I know you keep trying to look for that special someone to be with but you have to wait for it. Love is one of those things that you have to wait to come to you. No matter how many relationships you are in just know that one day you’re going to find that one person that makes you forget about everything you’ve been through in the past. All you have to do for now is wait your time will come my little grasshopper.
DeleteI completely understand how you feel and only being able to see heart break and devastation at first but now being able to see both sides. Although having divorced parents is hard to believe that love is real I'm so happy for you that you have been in love so you know what you are looking for and I wish you the best of luck! Just wait because the number one gal for you is going to come and when she does I know you will know!
DeleteI agree that opposites do attract, to a certain extent though. But it's cool to see that your dad made love such a big deal. I think it's important that parents do that to their children so they wouldn't be afraid to love when they get older. And Ken, I never knew you were attracted to people who didn't treat you well because of the way you viewed yourself. So now I'm glad you love the person you're becoming and starting to look for people with the same values.
DeleteCutie girl, you're the only one who would know, and will ever know if you are or were in love romantically. Although you may love your friends, only you will know for sure. And you're right, when your relationship is in a good place, you couldn't feel better, but if it was taking a bad turn, it would be a surprise if you didn't kick someones ass. As for what you said about "opposites attract," I never really thought of it that way. It's true that you look for in someone what you don't have yourself and that can be a joy or even really toxic. I'm sorry you never witnessed love in your house growing up, because for me I think it helped me be able to love easier than if I hadn't seen what love is before. But one thing I don't agree with is your dad's theory of how love works. There's plenty of cliche quotes and sayings about putting who you love before yourself, but in reality, the person you should love the most is yourself. Because without loving yourself, there's no way anyone else will be able to love you, so therefore like you said, you always keep yourself first with the person you love at a close second.
DeleteLove has many definitions. The simplest one I can think of is to know, think, worry, and care about another person more than yourself. Love is to sacrifice, compromise, and do everything in your power to be with this person. Love is different for everyone because everyone has different standards and ways of showing their love. Yes, I’ve been in love. When love was in my life, I let it consume me. I fell pretty hard which made the heartbreak even harder. Love is such an abstract idea but, it suddenly becomes so clear when you find it. You have more motivation and drive. You crave their presence. Even at the bad times, when you’re infuriated, love overcomes you and no matter how much you want to punch them in the face, you can still crack a smile. You hate that you love them, because the effect they have on you is undeniable, uncontrollable and undefinable. You know you love someone when you hold onto every word they say, every dumb story they tell you and every favorite song they play. You remember every quirk, every fear, and every single moment you’ve spent with them. No amount of time with them is enough. The thing about love is that even when it’s “over” it’s never truly “over.” Nothing will ever change the way you feel/felt about them. You loved them, you might still love them, and you might always love them. You don't choose love; it chooses you. Love definitely changed my behavior because everything went from “I’ll do it for myself” to “do it for him.” I was happy before love but, love made life more meaningful. Everything I did had another purpose behind it. I wanted to be better, not just for myself but, for him. We are attracted to people because we find something in them that we admire. What I look for in potential relationships is honesty, loyalty and trust. I look for these things because is it what I value and it is what my last relationship lacked. There is no point in love if there isn't trust because it will only end in failure. If your partner is not honest, then everything they say will become questionable. You will begin to question whether they love you or not, because unfortunately, they aren't a credible source anymore. My parents and family taught me about love. I can’t complain about love in my household because it was always there. I know my parents love each other and they never fail to show me that they love me. My earliest memory of love is the love my parents and older sister first gave me. When I was little, my sister was always by my side. My mom always came to every school event, concert, game and whatever else I was involved with. My dad was the best playmate and friend. After finding out that Santa is not real, I came to realization that my father had spent three hours in the middle of the night setting up a huge doll house for Christmas morning. Another first recollection of love pertains to my eye problem. From when I was an infant to two years old, my eye had to be patched for two hours each day so I was forced to use it (I was close to blind in one eye). The only thing that kept me from crying while being patched, was my mom dancing and rocking with me for those two hours. The plastic eye patch also made a return after my first eye surgery when I was four, which my mother again helped me get through. These rough times showed me the love my parents had for me. They always got me the best care and did everything they could for me. All of these early memories truly demonstrated what love is. The love that my parents have instilled in my family, makes my view of love a very positive one. When I have kids of my own I will teach them to love unconditionally, to love honestly, and to never not love. Of course they need to love themselves first but, to share love with others is the most fulfilling and rewarding love of all… unless they lie to you, cheat on you and make you feel worthless :-)
ReplyDeleteIt must be so hard to be in love and not be able to fall out of it even when you want to. Jess I am so proud of you and for being as strong as you are and being able to hold your values instead of pushing them to the side when he broke your trust. Don't ever let your values go no matter who does what because your values make up who you are and what you stand for.
DeleteJess what you said really got to me because I feel the same way as you. Love is such a great feeling but trust is such a huge aspect of it. I respect you so much for sticking with what you thought when your love broke your trust. Just know there is other love out there for you to find and you will find it someday, we all will.
DeleteI love the fact of people being in love. My definition of love is happiness. To me love is putting somebody over yourself. You just can’t bare to be without that person. They give you the same butterflies in your stomach every single time you look at them. Someone you can tell anything and everything to, like your best friend. He’s the funniest person I know (besides myself). You love everything about them and you can’t find one flaw. Like they’re totally free of flaws. You never want to be apart and when you are you just miss them so much. You just love them more and more each day that goes by. You can never get tired of them. I’m in love and I’m not going to front and say that I’m too young or something. I genuinely care for this person more than anything and I would do anything to keep them happy. This person makes me feel SO appreciated and so loved, they respect me and would do anything for me. And that means so much to me. But most importantly he makes me feel like the most amazing girl in the world. I have my insecurities like most people do, I compare myself to other girls picking out whats wrong with me and what should be changed, I don’t think I'm pretty enough and sometimes I feel like I look like an egg. But everytime I talk to him he makes me feel like I’m perfect. But to answer the question, no, I have never been previously in love. I thought I was, but I realized that wasn’t love at all.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think my behavior changed at all. Towards him my behavior did. I mean now were all lovey dovey, sappy and gross and mushy but I love it. To answer “Why do you think we are attracted to those we are?” I can’t speak for others and why they are attracted to the people they are. But personally what attracted me was his personality. He has such a unique way of thinking. His views on things are so interesting and you just want to hear more. Before we got close I would just get so amazed at what he said and I still do. We would talk for hours and hours about EVERYTHING, the most interesting conversations I have ever had. We still have these conversations everyday. What also attracted me was the amount of respect he had for females. And how mature he is. Oh and he has pretty eyes.
To me there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship. No relationship is perfectly smooth and if it is then something is wrong. I’m not saying that fighting and arguing is good, but how could you go soooo long with nothing that bothers you? Just my opinion. I think the problem with most relationships and finding somebody is that people search too hard… you shouldn’t “search” for love, it just comes and when it does is comes SO unexpectedly. What pissed me off is when someone called my relationship “annoying”. It used to hurt my feelings but now I literally could not care any less what people have to say to me. Like does this affect you? Or are you just upset? It is my relationship not yours. #Juando. Nobody taught me about love, you kind of just assume what it is yourself. I don't have memory of “seeing” love. How can you see love? You have to feel love yourself. Besides the romantic love, I love few people. I say I “love” my friends but I truly love one friend and that is Kennedy. I LOVE Kennedy. You have no idea how deep it would hurt if she disappeared from my life. She gets me like nobody else, we have like our own language and way of speaking to each other. She sticks up for me and I do for her, weather we are there or not, nobody comin crazy at my mans like that without me saying something. She has been my best friend for like 46 years now. Sure we both have other friends we are super close with and everything but nobody comes before us. And I don’t think there's been a moment I didn’t get tired of her, I get tired and sick of people easily. I can’t live without her. And that is love. If or when I have kids, what I’m going to teach them about love is that its tricky. You may think you are in love but you are not. You are going to go through all the wrong ones until you find the right one.
Hell yeah give me that shout out. But in all seriousness you're my mans whether you'e dressed like a boy or not. However, I am a little sad to hear you didn't love Miguel when we didn't even hang out the year y'all dated smh. Even with that rough patch I truly cherish our 46 year friendship, cause you my right hand.
DeleteWe hung out what the heck
DeleteHey juando, I’m so glad you have a mans to call yours and be happy with all the time. You can be posted up with a real person unlike me who’s posted up with pizza. You’ve had a relationship before so you know just what to worry about and you are familiar with love which is great. So I hope you and your person have a great time together and eat all the chicken nuggets with french fries that you can. xoxo
DeleteOh Love. An emotions that is part of everyone's mind. Love can express in many different ways, through music, actions, and poems. I see love as a feeling that everyone has when they attracted to someone special. The people must have felt some sort of spark while they see their love. Nowadays, people use the word “love” loosely. Like “Yo, I love this game” or “Yo I love you” to a friend. I get what they are trying to say ,but wouldn’t it be better to use a different other than love. But It doesn't bother that much.
ReplyDeleteI have not been in love. There were some moments where I thought I was in love ,but it was only just a phase. I seen friends who fall in love and it changes them. In middle school, I saw a friend who dislikes girls and then later when he had fallen in love, he totally likes girls and became friend with one girl. I think that we are attracted to others by looks and personally. Looks would come first then personally because we, humans, always judge someone by their looks. History justified it. Everyone has a personally that fits themselves from the rest and could have similar interests with other people. That is what people are searching for a “perfect match”. They want to find someone who is have similar things they like. The “perfect relationship” is someone's ideal relationship of what they think is right. If I want to date someone, I want the person to have a hint of humor, is good-looking, and can treat people with kindness and joy. Two important factors is honest and trustworthy. I want her to be honest and truthful. I hate it when I get back stab by someone who I treat loyalty. I trust that she won't cheat on me while she trust me not cheating her. This is my ideal girl for my relationship, but no one is perfect. So I would want the girl to have at least some of these things.
I was never taught the meaning of love. Since I was mostly in home, I watch a lot of T.V. So much that turning on the T.V. Can sooth me if I was scared of the dark. So I learn from watching T.V. And some teachers. The teachers will briefly talk about it ,but never full detail. So combine cheesy love with textbook definition love, and boom. Love in a nutshell. When I was little, I thought you can find love through a musical. I was wrong.
I will teach kids on kindness and friendship. As they grow older, I will teach them about love. If I have a boy, I will tell him to be calm and act normally. Also telling him that don't take advantage over girls. If I have a girl, I will be overprotective at first then just tell to be careful around boys and don't let them control you. If any of my kids have a problem, I will have a private conversion with them.
Ah Justin... You gotta proofread, my friend! But I agree with you. People use the word "love" loosely nowadays. Even myself. Love is such a strong word, I feel like it should only be said if you actually mean it. We say it so often, we get mixed signals and it's just like, "Do you love me?" or "Do you love-love me?" But ehh, I guess it's not THAT big of a deal.
DeleteYo Justin I agree that nowadays people do use the word "love" loosely. They say it for anything. But none of those people know the true meaning of the word. And I wasn't taught the meaning of love either, I guess our parents just wanted us to experience it for ourselves.
DeleteI can relate to you about your ideal relationship/girl. I'm the same way with that. I like to know that the girl I'm with, or will be, will be with me 100% and be truthful and caring. Other than our common interests, I agree with you about the word "love" being overused. I talked about this in my blog too, but the thing that I left out was that I actually kind of hate when people use the word love for everything and use it a lot. In my blog I said that it irritates me, but now when I think about it, it more so infuriates me. I don't know... I just kind of want to tell the person to shut up when they use love in their every sentence.
DeleteI can relate to you about your ideal relationship/girl. I'm the same way with that. I like to know that the girl I'm with, or will be, will be with me 100% and be truthful and caring. Other than our common interests, I agree with you about the word "love" being overused. I talked about this in my blog too, but the thing that I left out was that I actually kind of hate when people use the word love for everything and use it a lot. In my blog I said that it irritates me, but now when I think about it, it more so infuriates me. I don't know... I just kind of want to tell the person to shut up when they use love in their every sentence.
DeleteWhat is love? (“Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, anymore….”) Love is when you care for someone so deeply that you would go to Pluto and back to make sure they are happy and healthy. Love is thinking about someone else’s well-being before you think about your own. Love is accepting someone’s flaws.
ReplyDeleteObviously, I love my family and my friends, but I’ve never been in “love love.” The only people I know who are in “love love” are probably my parents, but I’ve never seen them not in “love love” with each other so I have nothing to compare their actions to. But then again, how can we tell? If you have a friend who just started dating someone begin to act differently and say they’re in love, how can we decide if they’re REALLY in love? Not everyone’s definition of love is going to be the same, so it’s entirely subjective. Your friend might say he or she is in love, but you could just interpret it as lust. And still, who is anyone to tell another person how they feel?
I think we are attracted to people we can relate to, or people that give off good energy. It seems natural that we are more comfortable around people who are like us, and when we see people who seem content with themselves and their lives, we’re attracted to them too. In potential relationships, I look for someone who won’t push me away as their 2nd choice every time. I’m not looking for any type of “love love” relationship right now though, so that’s all I got. Maybe once I know for sure who I am and what I want, I’ll come up with a better list. As for the perfect relationship, I don’t think that exists. After all, humans are flawed, so no matter how trusting and loving the relationship is, there will be factors that affect the relationship anyway.
Without a doubt, my family taught me what love is. My parents, my little brother, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and most definitely my cousins all contributed to that definition I wrote up there. At this point in my life, I rely on my family’s love the most. I don’t yearn for a romantic relationship, and I no longer place as much value on friendships. My family means everything to me, and when I see them, I see love. However, I’ve been scouring my memory for an hour now, and I still can’t think of my earliest memory of seeing love. I do read a lot of books and watch a lot of shows though, so I remember reading about how much Lily and James loved Harry, and how that love saved the entire wizarding world. (Relationship goals?) I also more recently recall Chuck and Blair, and how Blair’s world is not her world without Chuck in it. These fictional examples of love reiterate what I already thought love was: caring for someone so deeply you’d go to Pluto and back for them.
Finally, I would teach my sons and daughters that they should know their own self-worth, and realize that they deserve the best love there is. Love is important, and it should never be cast aside as foolish. I would want them to love as much as they can, and regret none of it.
I completely get what you are saying about how everyone has their own definition of love. This is why love is such an abstract and confusing subject; it could be a million different things. I also never really thought about how perfect relationships don't exist. A seemingly "perfect" relationship could in reality have many flaws. I really appreciate that Harry Potter reference, and yes, Lily and James Potter are def relationship goals.
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ReplyDeleteLove is an emotion that can be really weird. Everyone has a different idea of love but for me, love is an emotion that can either make you really happy or tear you apart. I still think to this day that maybe my prince charming will come in on a horse and take me away from all this stress. I don’t think I have ever been in love because my social life isn’t great. My best friend since 4th grade has been in love and I can tell he is in love because he is a complete fool when he meets his well now ex-girlfriend. I’ve had crushes on guys before and I think my eyes turn into heart emojis. Around my crush, I would act very self-conscious and I would make sure that I don’t make any mistakes around them because I want to impress him. We are attracted to those we are because I think its human nature to feel lonely no matter how many friends one has. You want to fill that empty part of one so we call that love.
ReplyDeleteIn potential relationships, I look for someone who would want to spend time with me. Someone who is willing to let me have a shoulder to lean on and can be there for me 24/7. I want a guy isn’t a jerk like all other guys who care so much about themselves. No one really taught me about love. Well I guess I can’t say that because I have learn a lot from TV. Like although couples on TV seem almost unreal, I still learned a lot about them. I think my earliest memory of love was when I turned 4. We had a family picture done and we as a family just sitting there makes me feel complete on the inside. My emotion then was like we as a family really love each other, and we are inseparable. The memory doesn’t really affect my view on love because family love is way completely different from relationship love. I still am waiting for prince charming and he should help me with the definition of love. I think the idea of love is to be learned by oneself, so as for my future daughters and sons, I don’t think I will teach them because love is different for everyone.
Growing up love meant lollipops and swing sets and then one day in 10th grade it hits you that love is sharing happiness with another person and you think you have the whole world figured out. Love is when you cannot sleep because all you can do is thing about your significant other, your person. Love is when you care more about the other person’s happiness than your own. Love is selfless and love is a connection and touch without touching physically. Love isn’t always sunshine and butterflies though. Sometimes love can lead to heartbreak and in the first month it is the worst thing in the entire world. How can a person just walk out of my life like I’m nothing is what I asked myself over and over. The pain hit so hard during the day but even harder at night. Then one day it only came in waves, until one beautiful morning I realized I will not let a stupid little boy be in control of my happiness. Love is a beautiful and ugly thing, but cherishing every moment is so important.
ReplyDeleteMy sophomore year I thought I was in love, actually, I was in love. I put his happiness before my own, and I cared about him more than anything or anyone else in the world. Looking back on it now, my behavior definitely changed and I am so grateful I can now apologize to my friends, family, and teachers for pushing everyone away and being so oblivious. Love makes a person do crazy things sometimes, and pushing away everyone so your time can be spent on that one person is a crazy thing. I don’t exactly know why we are attracted to those we are because honestly I am attracted to different types of guys and opposites sure as hell attract. I was attracted to my ex-boyfriend because he wore a really good mask of what the “perfect boyfriend” should be. He took me on dates, never let me pay, went out of his way for me, always made me laugh, and was good with my siblings and dad, and much more. But that stupid “perfect boyfriend” bullcrap blinded me from all the red flags over the time period of our relationship. Sometimes the devil doesn’t come in a red outfit, sometimes they are the people you NEVER in a million years think will cause you complete heartbreak.
My experiences have taught me about love. No one has ever sat me down and said, “Listen Heather this is what love is.” I just picked up about love along my 16 years, starting with how my grandparents acted towards each other, than to the love I grew for my best friends, than when I fell head over heels for my ex-boyfriend. My earliest moment of seeing love is when my poppop got extremely sick when I was younger and just witnessing the way my mommom took care of him and was always by his side made me realize that was where I wanted to see myself when I got older.
I don’t know how exactly I am going to teach my children about love but I will make sure my son will never treat a girl how I was treated. I will also make sure my daughter never cries herself to sleep while I am oblivious, like my mother does to me. I will not let my children fall victim in a crappy love story situation. I will teach them to love hard though, because I never want them to grow bitter.
Heather this is so great and I couldn’t agree more. I know you have probably heard it from everyone but honestly, what that boy did to you will not even matter soon because in 10 years who’s going to care about the walking slim jim? Not you. But I just have one thing, stop looking for it because you don’t want to rush into anything. Let it find you and just don’t fall for those same tricks again, it will be hard but its worth it because one day a guy will realize that all along they were looking for a girl exactly like you to come around.
DeleteHeather I agree with you and how you think of love. It's great until you get to the heartbreak. I don't really understand how you can walk out of someones life like its nothing either. But honestly if you think about it that person has to feel something from leaving, some sort of pain even if very little I realized that in some way they care. As you know I recently got my heart broken too by the love of my life and it just sucks but after reading this I realized that it will get better.
DeleteLove is the feeling of unexplainable happiness. It’s a person, place or thing that makes you feel complete in away no one or thing else can. When people are in love they can go to the beloved object , and even if they had the most stressful day, would feel better in their presence. I'm in puppy love with my dog, Diva. Not in a weird way but in a way where I come home stressed out from school and just by petting her i would immediately feel a little better. I also know people who are in love with other humans. They seem very joyous and committed. Some other people claim they're in love but are only really with the other person to benefit themselves. These false lovers are the ones cheating , and are always on breaks in their relationships.
ReplyDeleteI would say that we are attracted to certain people for many different reasons. One being Compatibility, Some people may be attracted to other who are more similar to them, While others need a balance in their relationship so they search for their opposite. Honesty and Commitment are key in any relationship, these two things alone are the foundation of a perfect one. I ‘ve never really been taught love, but I’ve seen how people who claim to be in love react and respond to one another. I remember seeing my grandparents arguing back in forth, I guess since their old that that's all they can do nowadays. But this one particular time my grandma was complaining about her feet and my grandpa (who has arthritis) stopped the argument short and rubbed her feet until she fell asleep. He claimed that he only did it to shut her up but deep down i knew that it was because he loved her.
If I ever have any kids I would tell them that love is blind, so they shouldn’t go searching for it. Now, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t participate in any relationships when given the opportunity. It just means that they shouldn’t try to find who they think they could spend the rest of their lives with by the standards they have, because who you fall in love with just may be the opposite of what you’re looking for. In relationships i would inform my future children of the need for honesty and commitment, and also tell them that they shouldn’t be bored while they are in a relationship because if that is the case then they need to let the other person go and continue on with their lives.
FINALLY SOMEONE WHO FEELS THE SAME LOVE FOR THEIR DOG AS ME!!! I also kind of agree with you about love being blind. Because to be honest me and my boyfriend was the last thing I expected and I didn't go looking for love, love came to me. The little brief summary of your grandparents warmed my heart, thank you for sharing :)
DeleteLove does cheer people up and I'm guilty of it. Even just by thinking about it, thinking about how I will meet someone that I'll love and she'll love me back in the future sparks a little happiness inside me. Maybe I'm silly, but that's how I feel. And about the fake lovers, well I hate them. I just hate the fact that people don't know that them being "in love" is false and just go along thinking that they are and feel themselves with so much happiness that when everything turns to crap they break down. People should really stop making fools of themselves. (Got a bit off topic sowwy)
DeleteLove is a tricky, tricky subject, feeling and matter. Love for everyone is a different feeling, a different emotion, and a different definition. Love is not only for a partner or lover, but for family, friends, or even your pets. Love is pure compassion and dedication as you drive down the smooth roads and the bumpy ones, singing your heart out having the time of your life because to you, what matters is here and now and you want to cherish every living moment you have with that person. For everyone, love is different and for love, there are different types. For instance, there's selfless love and there's selfish love. As Antoine De Saint said, "True love begins when nothing is looked for in return." Selfless love is when you wholeheartedly care about another person and you do for them what you would want in return... but you don't hold them to your expectations of what you want in return. Selfless love can be the key to true love... but could also ruin love for you at the same time. True love is when both people are selfless, whole hearted lovers, but the people you love or even yourself can be a selfish lover. Being a selfish lover means you want and want and want out of the relationship between a partner or any other person. You want THEM to make YOU happy, do for YOU, and to take care of YOU. Now you might be able to make this work if you're both this kind of lover... but on the other hand if you're a selfless lover & you're trying to love a selfish lover, you're doomed.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I’m a selfless lover and that has benefited me in some ways and screwed me over in other ways. As I said before, love is a tricky, tricky subject and I say this because I’ve experienced it. I’ve experienced what it feels like to love, to have the butterflies, the smiles from ear to ear, and this endless laughing… don’t forget a fair share of fighting. But love isn’t always a good feeling. You can fall out of love just as fast as you fell into it. Now this is where love gets tricky. Think of the person you currently love and how much you truly love them. Then think of not loving them tomorrow, for no real logical reason at all. That’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever encountered. I was in love and then one day the butterflies went away, the smiles were as far from my ears as they could be, and there was nothing more to laugh about… but lots more fighting. People say it’s impossible to just “fall out of love,” which is exactly what I thought until it happened. I didn’t want it to happen, but life gets in the way sometimes… even in the way of love you thought would last forever. But I believe things happen for a reason and I believe in fate.Yeah, those two years of my life were wonderful until the end, but it lead me to something even better and the past year has been extravagant. The view I have on love now is completely different from what it used to be. Now it’s not just about the butterflies, smiles, and laughter. Now it’s about the mental, emotional, and physical connection, the attraction, the want and the need I have for that person. At the end of the day I have my boyfriend through the good, the bad, and everything in between.
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ReplyDeleteBeing “in love” has never changed my behavior as in who I am. But it has definitely had an affect on my overall mood. When love is good to me, I’m on top of the world. But when love is bad to me, I feel like I’m in hell. We love because the people who we come to love are people who are vital in our lives. I say that like we’ll die if they one day weren’t in our life like they’re oxygen, but it most definitely feels that way when you lose someone you love. In a relationship I look for drive, motivation, and compassion. If someone isn’t any of those three things then how do you expect them to stick by you through the ups and downs of the relationship? You can’t, because without those qualities there is no way they’ll fight for you, want to make you feel the way you deserve, and they’ll be heartless. There’s no definition for a “perfect relationship” because I bet if you ask anyone in one, they’ll say it’s perfect. But the best way to describe a “perfect relationship” would be two people who love and support each other, people who listen to each other, sacrifice for each other, and two people who are both selfless lovers.
No one ever taught me about love, but I’ve seen so many good examples of it that when I see it or experience it, I know it’s right. There’s no lessons or courses about love or how to love but my first memory of love is seeing my grandparents love each other. They love each other so hard even a stranger on the street could tell you they are. Their love is that kind of old school, romantic love that the twenty first century generations has lost the value of completely. Seeing this throughout my whole childhood, up until now has changed my view on love dramatically. Married for over fifty years, three children, four grandchildren, and one great grandchild… you bet I hold my view on love very high because they’re doing everything right to be at the place they are now, and I hope I can have the same. As for what I’ll teach my sons and daughters about love and relationships, there’s not much to teach per se. What children learn about love isn’t what they’re “taught,” it’s what they see first hand. I hope to have a strong, loving, supporting marriage when I have children so we can be the best examples we can be. Because I don’t want my children to suffer from relationships as many people nowadays unfortunately do from most likely growing up witnessing broken, abusive relationships.
I really like how you pointed out that there are 2 different types of love: selfless love and selfish love. I never thought about love in this way, but the more that I think about it, the more sense it makes. I think it's important to know the difference between the two, because it could save a person a lot of time and heartbreak if they knew from the start that they were in a relationship with a "selfish" lover. You also said that true love is a relationship between two people who love selflessly, which makes a lot of sense to me. If two people love each other for all the right reasons, then there's no reason to believe that their relationship will not be successful.
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ReplyDeleteHow does someone define love? Come on Ms.Bunje. Now let me not say the same thing these 81 comments already said. Love. Love. Love. As much as I say it, there won’t be a definition. I won’t know until I actually feel it. My mom is my love. I love that woman to death and I would do anything for her. Anyway, to say this makes me feel shitty and disgusting but I told him I loved him and didn’t mean it. You know how your in a relationship and they say something so you're sorta forced to say it back? Yeah, that's what happened. It’s the past so I can’t fix it. Also, I do know someone that has been in love. My mom. She loved this guy from high school and even moved in with him when she graduated. They stopped being together over a dumb reason but now they're back in each other’s lives and I haven’t seen her this happy since Housewives came back on. She started to be more happy and patient like he was. I just got happier for her.
I have no idea why I’m attracted to some of these guys. Humour is such a big factor. I will love you forever if you can make me laugh. I want someone that actually has respect for other people. I need someone that strives and makes moves. I want someone that loves me for me and only me. Really Bunje? A “perfect relationship?” There are no perfect relationships. Scratch that. There are. A relationship doesn’t need to be not perfect just because you argue. I’ll curse my lungs out at you but think it’ the most perfect thing. As long as you love me and I love you, then it’s perfect. My Aunt Molly and Uncle Wally (funny right) taught me about love. They’re been married for 67 years. He went off the war for 15 years and she waited for him. He smothers her with gifts every holiday because he thinks she deserves it. Since I was little, they’ve been my inspirations. Their my role models.
I have high expectations for love. I’ve been taught how a guy should treat me and I’m not settling for less. I want to teach my daughter that getting a broken heart is not the end of the world. There will be other guys but you just have to pick the right one. To my son, I will teach him to treat a women like a princess and to never, ever, harm them. I only wish I’ll be treated like that one day.
The perfect relationship part got me too. I don't think there is a such thing to be honest. Every real relationship is going to have problems, and down falls. It takes those problems however to make a relationship grow stronger right?. That's all to it, no matter what the case may be you should always stick together if its real. The goal is to grow and become better.
DeleteYo Lys I am with you when you said you would do anything for your mom because I would do anything to have her in my life forever. I know at one point ill lose her:( but I just wish she could guide me through everything. And Lys you're my friend and all and I don't want to make you feel like shit, but what you said to him was wrong. The truth might hurt but lies hurt even more. But otherwise I really liked your response.
DeleteMimssy! I definitely understand your love for your mom, cause that's how I feel with my mom too. She's one of my greatest inspirations and always motivates me to do better with everything. And I know you'll find someone who will love and cherish every moment with you. I've gotten to know you least year, and I think any guy would be lucky to have you.
DeleteLove is a mysterious thing. It has a raw power unparalleled by anything else. Money and material things can get people somewhere, but they’ll never be satisfied without love in their life, more specifically, self-love. The only constant in a person's life is themselves. No matter what changes they make in their surroundings, they won't love life without loving themselves first. Self-love is seeing the good and bad in you, and adoring both. You take care of yourself and keep yourself a top priority on your life. Your weaknesses can be strengths as well.
ReplyDeleteLoving another person is a similar idea. You admire their quirks and beauty marks and flaws. You accept it all with a smile and big heart. Love is wanting to share with someone all of your favorite things, and let them share with you.
Love is a different thing at different stages of life. Loving someone at 4 is different than loving someone at 17 and that is different than loving someone at 82. People always talk about soulmates, and how they important they are. When you find your soulmate, you just click together and you spend the rest of your lives happily together. I can’t tell you much about romantic soulmates. But I think everyone has platonic soulmates too. In Sex and the City, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda are at their usual spot and they are all having trouble in the romance department. Charlotte offers up some wisdom. “Don't laugh at me, but maybe we could be each others soulmates? And then we could let men be just these great nice guys to have fun with?” (Season 4, Episode 1) That iconic line has stuck with me ever since the first day I heard it. It is just as important to say you love your best friend as it is your romantic partner.
I remember falling in love with my first best friend. We were both 5 years old, and she just rocked my world. She was so daring and driven and silly. We were attached at the hip, and I wanted to spend all my time with her. I was fascinated by all the exciting things she did. She showed me all her cool rocks of all sizes, she sang loud and proud, she showed me all her games. I was happy being best friends and I never wanted anything to change.
Maybe there is some truth in “opposites attract”. She was a leader, and I was in my own little world. Together, opposites find a happy medium. Of course, we had some things in common like our admiration of coloring and swing sets. Strong relationships take a mixture of both. You start off bonding over common things, but the new things are what excites the both of you.
My mom and dad were the first to show me love. Our house was just a great big pot of love. We were happy spending all of our time together and we never got tired of each other. Honestly, I could call them my first two best friends, but that’s already enclosed under the title of “Mom” and “Dad”.
I know someday I want a family. I want to make a home with someone special and our kids. It’s going to be amazing and I look forward to it. I’ll teach my kids to always keep their loved ones with them. I’ll be cheering them on at every turn and bend, and anyone else lucky enough to love them will be too.
Bunje…you’re killing me here the “L” word really? Uhhhg okay… With that being said, there are three “L” words that need to be addressed and cleared up because they are NOT the same and for some reason everyone thinks it’s cute to mix them up. There is love, lust and liking and for some ungodly reason everyone in this generation cannot decipher the difference between them all but its okay I guess I mean you could blame it on puberty or crappy love songs I don’t know that’s up to you. But theoretically love is defined out of the dictionary as an intense feeling of deep affection; a deep romantic or sexual attachment; a formula for ending an affectionate letter. Lust is defined as a strong sexual desire and liking is feeling regard or fondness. So now that we have the difference between the three I can say that if all you’re thinking about is what is in your pants then it is NOT love. Love in my opinion is a chemical imbalance that can screw up your life, but it can be a beautiful thing (not tumblr beautiful we all know that’s fake). Love is that one hope and dream we all have and like anything else it takes some heart break to achieve it.
ReplyDeleteHave I ever been in love? Honestly minus my family and my animals not really. At least I haven’t felt the way I think one should when they are in love. But I have seen people in love and when it’s true it is a really heartwarming thing. They’re behavior changes but if it is a healthy relationship it’s for the better. If it isn’t for the better then it is not a healthy relationship. Bottom line.
Honestly I don’t think there is a real way to teach a child how to love other than showing your child the love you have for them. Love is not a lesson that can be taught only shown through affection.
Love. Love is so many things put together. I can make up my mind about what love is, I cant brake it down to just one sentence. There are so many thoughts that come to my mind when I think about love. Maybe its an overwhelming feeling towards someone else, maybe its when you care about someone else more than you care about yourself, maybe its happiness, maybe its feeling like you can conquer the world, maybe its that pit of butterflies in your stomach when you look at someone, maybe its, not being able to stop looking at someone. Maybe love is all of those things put together and maybe its not one of those things. I would love to believe that I am currently in love because if not then I’m I just wasting my time and my boyfriend’s time? How can I know if I am really in love if I cant even put a definition to it? I think I genuinely care about him, how could I not?
ReplyDeleteI know for a fact that I change my behavior when I’m with him, I am a totally different person, so is that love? He doesn’t make me change, he doesn’t tell me what I can and cant do but I am sure that subconsciously I just want to be liked by him so I change m actions. Love though should not make you change your actions. You should be able to be yourself. Trust me I am myself around him but some things around my life have to be shifted in order to be able to be with him. Things are on a cliff when I am with him, my relationships with other people fall apart. Many people aren’t able to notice these changes but I have been with the same person on and off for 4 years. I am able to see all these changes. Being with someone though for that long I am able to see how everything changes.
Being with someone makes me wants, cute dates, holding hands but in reality I want someone who will connect with me. I want someone who will genuinely care about me.
Disney. Disney is who taught me about love. When I was little that’s what I wanted. I wanted a relationship that looked like a fairytale. Honestly I still do, but is that realistic? TV was also played a very important role. I have always watched TV shows that also showed relationships and that’s exactly what I wanted. That’s exactly what I still want.
Family. Family was the first time seeing love. My family made me who I am today. No matter what decisions I make they love me unconditionally. That is a love that cannot be replaced and one of the best kinds.
My future family, I have no idea what the hell I will be saying to them. I am so scared. I right now am with someone who I would not love to see my daughter with and would probably kill someone if she were. I am doing it right now though and have no idea why so I wouldn’t be able to stop my daughter from doing it. I would be able to give her advice not to change the person she is because he is not worth it. If I have a boy you can bet I would not be okay with him being like whom I date now. I hope that when I grow up ill be able to come up with the words I need in order to help my kids get through “love”.
So I’m I really in love? Who the hell knows? I would like to know I really would, but then again I’m so scared to find out. What if I’m not? What if I’m just wasting my boyfriend’s time and mine. It would suck, to know that I’m not in love but it would be really freaking helpful.
Love is a feeling that when you have it, you know for sure. Love is very hard to describe. When you love someone or something, you cannot get it out of your head. All you see is what you love and when you really see what you love you cannot get enough of that person or thing.
ReplyDeleteI have never been in love and I do not know anyone else who is or was in love. I think we all have certain characteristics that we look for in a person. Some people mainly appreciate looks, and others it’s all about personality. I look for someone with a caring and considerate personality and also outgoing in potential relationships. My idea of a “perfect” relationship is when two people feel the exact same way about each other, both people are on the exact same page. No one ever sat me down and said, “Love is…” I learned about love from seeing it. My parents are the first memory of me seeing love. I think that everything my children will need to know about love will what my wife and I show them every day.
I agree that once you find true love, you will know for sure. I really like the "show don't tell" method that you'll be using with your children. That method seems to work pretty well for your parents. Joe you're telling me you weren't in love with Bailey!?
DeleteYou just spoke my mind! First of all, you summarized everything so well, I like it, and secondly, I feel the same way about your idea of a "perfect" relationship. Two people feeling the same way about each other is the best and in my opinion, it's perfect. My last relationship failed to be like this, but oh well. And I've also haven't been taught about love, many people turn out not to be, so it's okay. I learned by observing my surroundings, really, and got my own thoughts about love, much like you learned about it.
DeleteAhhh, love. How does one even define it? It’s like one of those crazy abstract paintings that make you go, “What the heck? Is it a dog or is it a flower?” There are so many possibilities of what it could be, so many different interpretations, and I feel like that’s the same with love. Love...is just simply love. It has no real definition (or at least in my book it doesn’t). Sure, people can tell you loads of definitions and stories about love. And you may or may not be able to get a feel of what it is from them, but you wouldn’t fully understand its true meaning until you’ve actually experienced it. Then again, this is coming from a girl who has never been in love before, so what do I know right?
ReplyDeleteI like to think we’re attracted to a certain person because of their personality, their intelligence, or you know something modest like that. But if you think about it, it’s EVERYTHING! Your friends, your family, the way they look, how they act, etc--they all play into effect. For me, I look for someone who is open-minded, willing to adventure out and try new things, and kind-hearted. I mean, why should I put myself through the pain of being with someone who is stubborn to the bone and voluntarily treats others with utter disrespect? Our personalities would clash and it just wouldn’t be a great experience for either of us. As perfect relationships go, I don’t think they exist. Unless we’re talking about Kanye and kim, because obviously they’re a match made in heaven. Just kidding. No relationship is “perfect.” It could be close-to-perfect, but never perfect. Every relationship has its flaws, faces a little patch in the road here and there. Nothing is ever smooth-sailing for us.
Who taught me about love? Pretty much everyone. I’m sure you all heard the saying, “Oh you’ll know when you’re older.” And that’s what happened. As the years went on, I would learn something new: same topic, just in different details. Because as I grew older, people felt it fitting that I was “mature enough to handle the information.”
My earliest memory of love isn’t your typical love story. It was actually with my grandpa and dad. A love between a father and son. I guess that counts, right? Well anyways, this happened a couple years ago. My grandpa was in the hospital. He was so scared. He knew his time was coming to an end, but like everyone, he wasn’t ready to leave yet. My grandpa was paralyzed from the waist down, so the only body part he could really move was his hand. He was shaking like crazy. Out of the seven kids he had, my dad was the only boy. And so while my aunts stood in the back, and my grandpa was sobbing in bed, my dad reached over and held his hand until the very end. This, to me, is love. Despite any situation, the one you love will always be there to comfort you in times of need. Because the person you love is inevitably your best friend. And like any typical best friend promise, you vow to be there for each other till the very end.
To my future sons and daughters, love is a whole mix of things. It’s never easy, nothing is ever easy nowadays. Don’t force things upon one another, take things one at a time. Love them for who they are. And in return, they will love you just the same.
Jasmine I look for the same thing in a person. At times, I can get very stressed out and I tense up a bit. So I need someone who is kind-hearted, positive, and patient to keep me calm. I totally agree with the one point you mentioned about perfect relationships. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. A relationship is like a never ending roller coaster, and each one has its ups and downs.
DeleteI almost teared up while reading your story about your grandpa. My grandpa was very similar to your grandpa as he was also paralyzed from his waist down and passed away a couple years ago. He could utilize his arms, so his condition wasn't a bad as you grandpa's, but he still faced some major problems. The love story here is between my grandpa and all his children (seven boys and one girl). After he came back from the hospital, it was hard for him to adjust to his new life. He was miserable, but the entire family united together and did everything in their power to make him feel comfortable. And they continued to support him until the end when he passed away peacefully in his sleep. Love doesn't have to be the romantic; sometimes the best kind of love is family love.
DeleteThe simile you used to describe love was great example. Being an artist myself, I see how love can be like that. And the part where you mentioned Kim and Kanye...HA HA! They are so far from being perfect. Also, I'm sorry about the loss of grandpa. Your dad's and his relationship was beautiful as you showed in the story.
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ReplyDeleteWhat exactly is love? I guess it could really be anything you want it to be. Love, in my eyes, is everything wrapped into one. Love is adventure, love is fun, love is hurtful, love is frustrating, and love is hope. Attraction to a person who will make your days better and unforgettable is what I look for. Loving someone who you find comfort in or someone who you can trust no matter if you’re on good or bad terms is a “perfect relationship”. Making the person you’re in a relationship with feel like they could conquer the world and to feel like they have a meaning in the world is your job. My earliest memory of “seeing” love was when my parents, even after all of my mistakes, still see me as the best daughter ever. Love isn’t focusing on the mistakes, but focusing on the positive things that person does or the positivity they bring into your life. I try not to let people’s mistakes define them as a person because in reality no one is perfect and if you think you are than you should get over yourself. But if I were to judge someone by their mistakes, than that is the same attention I will draw to myself. It’s important to treat everyone how you want to be treated. (Sorry about the 2nd grade reference) Love is missing that person even when you’re with them and when forever doesn’t sound like enough time to be with them. Love is learning, whether it’s about that person or even yourself. I myself have been in love and my experience was great, but sadly it’s not like that for everyone, but loving someone is definitely worth it. Heartbreaks are a hard thing to go through but they’re great to learn from and they help make you the person that you will become, whether it be by making you stronger, or even smarter. I’m not sure if this will make any sense but I love that I’m in love. It’s such an amazing journey and it’s making your own story with someone. When it comes time to teach my kids about love I will tell them that the love you put into a relationship may or may not be the love you get back, you just have to be able to tell the difference before it’s too late. Love is a scary thought, but whenever you put yourself into the unknown it’s always an adventure.
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ReplyDeleteLove; the four letter word that triggers emotions, feelings and thoughts rushing through our minds with the effects of butterflies in our stomach, rosy cheeks and/or heart racing. Society seems to see love in just a romantic or sexual way. I'm no expert and or experienced enough in life to know all about it and people will have different versions or opinions on it, but I believe that it is more than just sex, holding hands, kissing etc. In my opinion, love is kindness, caring and respect for an individual or something that you choose to build a relationship with because it means something to you and you are willing to keep it close your heart with kindness care and respect, as a said.
ReplyDeleteHowever, love has its flaws. People get confused and blinded by the idea of love and so they dive into the feeling too quickly and it sometimes results in heartbreak or loss. Love is not a feeling that quickly forms, it takes time for you to build into that feeling. I’ve seen and heard countless relationships that have been broken off because of either rushing it or being confused and unsure about it. For the most part, a lot of people go through that because they’re anxious to experience it for the first time. That's life. We make mistakes and eventually learn from them. Being that, I believe that love is a learning process at first, that takes time to learn the true meaning of it.
I myself have never been to the point where I was in a relationship with someone and was in love, nor do I expect to experience it soon. I’m not knowledgeable of it yet. Although, do love my parents, friends, dog, life and things I'm passionate about, no doubt about that. Many of my friends or people I know have said they were in love with their boyfriend or girlfriend. When they told me that, I immediately thought it was false because they are still young. They still have so much more ahead of them to learn and experience. I'm not saying that the relationship is fake or stupid, I'm rather saying that people should take it slow and should figure out more about themselves for who they should really be with before assuming they are in love.. Sure, some relationships last pretty long and could go the right direction resulting to the other person being your soul mate but it doesn't happen often. I just think using the word "love" is a irrelevant for teenagers since haven't been through enough to have much knowledge of that.
My opinion of a “perfect” relationship does not exist at all. Every relationship has its ups and downs; it's perks and flaws. People go through arguments and disagreements for various reasons. I have been through disagreements and arguments with my family, friends and other people surrounding me, everyone has. That's life.
I may come off as like a know it all but I'm only sharing what I've learned from my parents. They advised me their knowledge of love since they are adults and have experienced more than me. I look at them as an example to learn from their mistakes. Their stories make me think twice about my decisions and to be aware of the outcomes. Then, when the time comes, I’ll have the right thoughts. Finally, when have children, I would tell them all that I have learned in my life as a got older and quote from the bible, " Love is patient, Love is kind" 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Some people do rush too quickly into their relationships and they tell each other they love them especially at our age. But who's to say that that love isn't real.Yes, some people shouldn't be using I love you in their 1 month relationships. But, there are people who are very mature and have been through a lot in their life and know love when they feel it.
DeleteThe only love I can define is the love I have for family and friends. Love with them is when we have each other’s backs no matter what and can play around and no one’s feelings get hurt. Love is when you care for someone just as much as they care for you. Love is warmth, comforting, and not being afraid to be you. Kisses, hugs and just being with family and friends is love. I can’t define love in a relationship because I have never felt love. Yes I’ve had boyfriends but I never loved them. I never felt a connection strong enough to say I love you. It’s not a bad thing, I’m just waiting for the right person to say it to so I won’t regret it. Although I have never been in love, I witness the love of my parents for each other every day. From the time that I can remember, their behavior has not changed. They still act like the same two love birds after 17 years of marriage. They still give each other a kiss when they leave for work in the morning and a kiss when they return home in the afternoon. Even if there is a disagreement, they always resolve it before they go to bed. It is nature’s design for people to be attracted to each other. Whether the attraction is physical, intellectual, sexual, or even financial, all depends on each individual. In a relationship, I look for someone with honesty and compassion. Those are my biggest requirements but I also look for someone who is attractive, has an outgoing personality, genuine. To me, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. You can work as making it the best it can be but it will never be perfect. No one has taught me about love. I have learned it over the past years by my family and friends. The earliest memory of me seeing love is when I was about 5. It was when I saw my parents argue for the first time. I had no idea what was going on and I was honestly scared. The fact that my parents yelled at each other for 10 minutes and then stopped and made up like nothing ever happened made me realize that they could get through anything. This affected my idea of love because it showed me that if you really love someone, you and that person can overcome the obstacles in your way. I will teach my future children that love is not only made up of sex and good times, it also involves respect for one another and working through the hard times.
ReplyDeleteThis is very similar to mine and my beliefs about love. Both of our parents have been married for many years if feels good to grow up around people with actual true love for each other. Weather they realized it or not everyday they teach us about what this affection really is.
DeleteLove is an intense feeling you have for another person or thing. I would say it’s a strong affection that no one can really describe but the person who is feeling it, maybe not even them. It’s that weird uncontrollable emotion that many of us teenagers are starting to encounter. Believe it or not we have all experienced loving something or someone weather its family, friends, your phone, or even your pet. However, in this case we are discussing about the type of love you have toward a significant other. Putting it that way, not all of us have had our first love yet, including me. Actually, I have but I never been in love if that makes sense. I do though know people who have been in love and let me tell you, it was not fun to witness. All they talked about was their partner, and every time they seen each other it was like they were apart for 100 years when really it was just a minute. They just couldn’t get enough of each other. The two main things why I believe we are attracted to those we are because of looks and their personality. These are mainly what we see and notice first. I have heard many times people become attracted to those who remind them of a close loved one such as their mom or dad. They are people who they have respected and been around since day 1. I think it just comes naturally.
ReplyDeleteWhat I look for in relationships most of all is respect. In my opinion, you cannot plan to be with some one for a while if you don’t accept them for what they bring along with managing to be loyal. Another thing is honesty. No matter what it may be, let out whatever needs to be let out. Never hide anything. A perfect relationship to me is when both love each other for who they are. They can be there self around one another, be best friends, and most of all have trust.
My mom and dad first taught me about love and one thing they always proved was love means sticking together even through the worse. My parents have been married for over 20 years so I have been experiencing what love really is since I was born. Everything they have taught and shown me are things that I hope to remember when its my turn to encounter this time and show my children what it is. I would hope to set the same examples as my parents did and get through to them that love is a very powerful emotion.
Being in love is to have someone there for you through thick and thin. No matter what the circumstance they always have your back. They're there to hold you up when your down and make you instantly happy just by looking at them. Your love can turn that frown upside down. Everyone is trying so hard to chase love and can never seem to find it if they are looking to hard. But the key isn’t to look for it, its to let it come to you. Me? In love? Of course!! Pizza is my love. Never leaves me, only a phone call away when I need it, and is constantly turing my frown upside down. Pizza and I are goals, I know. But on the real, I’ve never really had that serious relationship where I’ve found myself in love with someone. But considering I’m still a young seed I don’t think that matters. So many people swear that the person they are dating now is the one they are going to marry, which could totally happen, but, probably not. So many of my friends think they are in love and it sucks for them to find out in the end that the person they thought they fell in love with just is not the same person anymore. People are so quick to get into a relationship and they end up not even knowing who they are really dating until they cheat on you and then you realize that you thought you were in love with scum.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that sucks the most is having a really good friend of yours get a boyfriend. Yeah your are happy for them, then in most cases they start to forget about you. I’m not saying this happens every time but 6 times out of 8 it does. Then the relationship goes on and you never hear from them again, until they break up. Then they try and come back to you saying they miss you and they are so upset, but they wouldn’t even bother to send you a text a month prior. It is really sad how people can give all their time to one person, just to end up being lied to and cheated on. Most boys are just about as good as that gum you stepped on out on the side walk, so basically, they aren’t good at all, well, most of them
People are always saying “looks aren’t everything” but lets be real, IT TOTALLY IS A FACTOR IN A RELATIONSHIP SO STOP ACTING LIKE IT ISNT. Most of the time you won’t even talk to the person if they are not somewhat attractive to you, and everyone has a different version of what they think is attractive. I’m not saying this is for all situations but if someone tries to slide in your DMs and you don’t think they are attractive you automatically think they are weird, even if they are just trying to be nice. I’m not saying everything is based on looks but it really is a deciding factor. What I look for in a potential relationship is just someone who wants to laugh at the same things I do, stay up with me doing stupid stuff, so basically I’m asking for another me. Yes, there will always be fights in a relationship, especially if I’m in a relationship with another me but if you aren’t going to fight and argue then you don’t really know the person because you are not going to love every view they have.
Everyday my parents tell me they love me, and everyday, I tell them I love them too. I never leave the house without saying it because who knows what could happen next. My mom always tells me that she will never love anyone more that me, not even her husband of 22 years. No matter what happens my parents will love me to the end of time. My mom taught me to never love a boy too quick because most of the time they only want one thing. It can’t even be denied because boys will say whatever they want just to try and butter your biscuit. There are so many people who swear to be in love but I believe my parents are truly in love, only knew each other for less that 90 days, got married, had me, and have been together for a whole 22 years. Crazy. That right there gives me hope. I know I will find someone one day to treat me as well as my dad treats my mom but until then, I’m chillin, my time will come.
"butter your biscuit" what a wonderful euphemism. I totally agree with the part where you said you aren't half a person so you don't need your "other half". cool beans
DeleteAltea, not even trying to gas you, I really loved this post. Even though you've never been in love, love is very clear to you. You are aware of managing your friends and boyfriend, you realize that jumping into a relationship only leads to disappointment, and you aren't on the search for love, you're letting it find you. You spit some facts in this post and I could relate to a lot of the things you said. Not only do I love pizza but, I'm not in any rush to get into a relationship either. Also, I agree with you, as shallow as it seems, looks do somewhat matter. Initially, that is where the attraction comes from so it is not wrong to say that looks matter.
DeleteI just wanted to say that your proportion of good friends that get boyfriends that forget about you could be simplified. You said, “I’m not saying this happens every time but 6 times out of 8 it does.” It is easier to say, “three out of four.” On a different note, I liked what you said about loving pizza. Pizza does not cheat on you. Pizza does not argue with you (if it does, a commercial has told me that Tums work). I am not aware of any medication that can, legally, make a person arguing with you shut up. True love for pizza is displayed when actually ordering it; many of the people that work at pizza places have very thick accents that are hard to understand. When one orders pizza she or he proves true love for the pizza by dealing with a moron over the phone. Finally, love for pizza is better than love for a human because it is cheaper to tip a pizza guy.
DeleteEven though I laughed after I read you're looking to date yourself, it totally makes sense after I thought about it. In theory, people love themselves before starting a "successful" or meaningful relationship. It wouldn't make sense to also love someone who is an opposite of you. Then one of those loves would be less valid.
DeleteI'm glad you recognized that people in a healthy relationship fight. If they didn't let out their true feelings, they would blow up later. I bet when you start a relationship with someone, you'll be great at communicating with them.
Until then, I hope you enjoy your time with pizza.
My daughter or son just needs to know one thing. They are not half a person so they need to stop with the “I just want to find my other half.” NO ONE NEEDS TO BE IN LOVE TO BE HAPPY. I COULD BE POSTED UP WITH A SLICE OF PIZZA AND BE FINE SO CHILL OUT. But anyway, I just don’t want my daughter to be left with a broken heart as I see a lot of people are. Also, if my son grows up to be an f boy just know that he will never be out of the house again because no girl deserves to get their heart broken.
ReplyDeleteI don’t even want to talk about love. Love is like a plague that sticks to your heart forever. In every way, shape,and form love by far is the one thing I know that can take over your whole mind and twist it until you feel completely lost and only that one person can help you. Love can generate the most happiness you've ever had but in a split second everything can just crumble and you're left with only memories and wishes to go back and fix your broken mess. You’re left with regrets and tears that shower your face entirely. But in the back of your mind you still can hear the laughter, the screaming of songs, the late night heart to hearts, and most importantly you feel the constant comfort that person gave you; you know that person was your ultimate happiness. Love is not about the gifts but the genuity of caring for someone and sharing the happiness you have for yourself with them. If you’re reading this you probably wondering who this is about because i've never technically been in love, and I’m scared just by the thought of it. One day, that person you loved can leave. You can fall head over heals for someone who literally will just leave and take your heart with them forever. They go because they lost interest or just plain stupid they lost someone who would run across the world just to see the slightest smile on their face. I will never understand how one can possibly fall out of love. To me, if you really love someone you will ALWAYS feel some type of way seeing them. Remnants of your past will tear you up 2 years after you parted your separate ways. That's how you know you loved them. I believe in love so much. Everyone is constantly trying to find their love but it starts with you. To find love you must find the love for yourself so others can love you for that. It's your imperfections that make love so admirable. Never count out your flaws because if you didn’t love your flaws no one would. I have no expectations for any relationship because if I did, I would be let down. Everyone is different and you can’t expect someone to love you a certain way. I taught myself the existence of love from my mistakes. You start to become more open to the positives and admire them just by learning your past. Love can be looked at so many different ways and once I feel love first hand my views will probably change. I hope my kids never have to ask themselves, “Am I in love?” If you're in love there should be no question about it. I don’t ever want to hear about my daughter crying her room alone late at night over love without me helping her. It hurts my heart to think about it. Love is one of the best things a human can invest in and it is so worth it to learn from your past loves and your final one.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, being in love is actually really scary. Being in love means giving yourself to someone else. The way I see it is that the more you love someone, the more you will get hurt. That's probably why most people are too scared to fall in love.
DeleteTeagen I couldn't have said it better myself. I've never experienced "true love" or whatever you want to call it, but I have had strong feelings for someone. I went through 11 months of hell with the person I talked to. It started off fine, but after awhile we started constantly arguing. We would get along and then literally 5 minutes later we were fighting again. After that, I never talked to anyone again. In fact, it has been two whole years since the last time I "talk talked" to someone. So if I couldn't handle simply liking someone, who knows what love would be like for me.
DeleteTeagen I am totally in love with your post and how you put everything. Love is a scary thing but the biggest thing we are most likely to get out of it is lesson learned. Sometimes, the harder you fall the harder your hurt but that fades away, eventually.
DeleteI seriously love this so much I am in tears. I already did my three responses but I had to comment. I just am so in love with this post. If you love someone you can't just fall out of love, which is why I don't understand how someone can leave someone they "loved".
DeleteIt’s about to get corny. Throughout my middle school and halfway through my high school school career, my definition of love always changed. However, now I have come to the conclusion that love is when you put someone else’s happiness before yours. I was in a relationship that lasted a very long time. We basically grew and matured together as a couple. A good amount of my life was with this one girl and it’s crazy to think that 365+ days were dedicated to her. I loved hearing “Damn, you’re still with her?” But then, as I got into my sophomore year it was just nonstop arguments. It was so frustrating just being with this girl. We started falling off, but I wanted to make things work. Finally, she decided that we should end things. But I kept trying to fight for her. As long as I tried fighting for her, she stayed with me. This lasted for about two weeks. Then finally, I realized she just wasn’t happy being with me. I reluctantly decided that I should let her do her own thing and stop being in a relationship with her. I could’ve tried to keep fighting for her, but that would’ve been selfish of me. I’ll be honest, this broke my heart. But the fact that I broke my own heart just so she could be happy, shows that I truly did love her. But now she’s irrelevant. Haha.
ReplyDeleteSo, have I ever been “in love?” I want to say yes so bad, but I feel so naive saying it. I just know someone is going to hit me with that “You were 15, you weren’t in love” line. But whatever, I say I was. I wouldn’t say my behavior changed much, I was just more motivated to do things. I can’t really explain why, it just motivated me. I’m attracted to the girls I’m attracted to because if she bad, then she bad. In a relationship, I look for someone who’s loyal, trustworthy, and just fun to be with. I’m always usually really hyper and goofy. It’s rare for you to see me in a bad mood for a prolonged period of time. I want someone who won’t bring me down and will project good vibes to me. And when it comes to trust, I don’t want to be those couples who have each other’s password for each social media site. That means you absolutely don’t trust each other. If you can’t trust that person, then why are you with them? To me, any relationship is perfect as long both of the people in it are happy. If you’re happy with the person you’re with, isn’t that perfect enough? On another note, nobody really taught me about love. One of my friends considered me to be a “hopelessly romantic,” and I wouldn’t deny that. At a young age, my parents split up and I was pretty bummed out when I finally realized that fact. However, it never affected the way I look at love. It just taught me to find the right person. One day I’ll teach my kids that love is an experience, and be thankful to everyone who you fall “in love” with.
AWWW Zach, throwback to you and Monica. But I totally agree about having trust in a relationship and I think that's one of the most important things. Also being with someone who can have fun is key because who wants to be with a basic girl. You have to be able to make me laugh, that's just how it goes!
DeleteZach, true love isn't restricted to age. Some people find love in high school, and others struggle to find it at thirty. Even though you were just 15, you're feelings were valid, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
DeleteZach there is nothing wrong with believing you were in love at 15 because I'm pretty sure we have all been there and done that. And we have all been there where we fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for. Stupid, I know. Anyways, I love how I have the same view points as you because most guys just try to make it seem like they don't care about anything or anyone.
DeleteZach I definitely agree with what you want in a girl to give you good vibes and motivation. I know in my relationship, my girlfriend and I always give each other motivation and always try to make each other happy. But overall your blow was really good, and I know you'll find love out there one day.
DeleteLove according to google is an intense feeling of deep affection. But, I think of love as when you truly care for someone and will do anything for that person. You strive to make them happy and only want the best for them and their always on your mind. You put them first to make sure they’re always okay before you even think about yourself. Love is no matter how annoying that special person can get, you still enjoy their presence every single day. It’s waking up in the morning with that person on your mind and someone who you can be completely honest with no matter what.
ReplyDeleteOver this past year I actually did come to find out that I love someone and I know I do because this person fits my definition of love. You can’t really explain what it feels like to love someone until you actually feel it for yourself. I don’t think my behavior changed since this happened but I know that I now care for someone so deeply, and everything you do actually reminds you of that person in some way shape or form. But I know that some people when they are in a relationship with someone they can act fake towards their friends when there with they’re with their girlfriend/boyfriend. And that honestly irritates me so much.
People are attracted to certain people for all different reasons and it depends on the person. The most superficial thing people are attracted to is looks, which is stupid to me because once you get past that what’s really there? Your personality is definitely the most important feature and is something I look for in a person. My mom always tells me that it’s not all about the looks, it’s about that person. You could be a look-a-like Trey Songz but have the crappiest personality, and then you would really feel salt because you just been fooled.
As for right now, I’m not even thinking about potential relationships because I’m happy where I’m at right now. But if I had to I would look for a relationship of trust and loyalty. To me those things are so important and I don’t think a relationship will last without those two things. Once one of them are broken it’s hard to look at that other person the same because no matter how much you love them you still remember what they did to you. To be honest I don’t think there is a such thing as a “perfect relationship”. Nobody’s perfect which means a perfect relationship doesn’t exist. Everybody makes mistakes and that is just how life goes. I believe that if you have a perfect relationship there is no room for growth and that’s so important. Your love for someone is supposed to grow with time and with time comes mistakes and with mistakes comes learning.
Nobody taught me about love. I didn’t even know love could be taught. I learned about love through seeing it every day with my parents. From a young age I was much loved and I always knew that my parents were in love with each other. They are the people that set the standards on how love should be and I look up to them on how great there relationship is. When I have kids of my own I won’t have to teach them what love is, I will just show my affection to them every day and tell them that they are loved. I would let them know that they will always have a mom and dad that will care for them deeply and that no matter what we will be there for them.
Love is a general feeling of attraction for another person. I think love differs depending on who it's shared between.
ReplyDeleteI've never been in love. If anything I've had attractions but I've never been in love. If my mom has been in love, it was before April 11th, 1999 because I've never seen it. I don't know if my mom's been in love because not only are all her children accidents, including myself, but she's never been married either. And that's fine. I'm not one of those people who blames her problems on the fact that there has been a sufficient lack in a father figure. Ann Stringer holds her own. My parents behave like adults, and their relationship has no effect on my mental health.
We're attracted to people because that's when the head and heart agree. The little voice in your head starts talking and then your heart picks up and then you're SOL. Attraction is not who you look good with when you're strutting down the hallway. That just makes you a shallow asshole. Regardless, we're attracted to the people we at attracted to because that might be the only time our head and heart agree; on what we do and do not like. When your head says, "Oohh, look at that face!" and your heart starts beating real fast, they're agreeing.
When it comes to potential relationships, all I really want is to be in a relationship with me, a good one. I usually have a whole bunch inner turmoil with myself and I just want to have a Bre loves Bre type of thing going right now. Future relationships however are different. While I still want to have a B loves B relationship, I welcome all male opportunities with opened arms and an opened mind. In the words of a very wise mom, "It doesn't matter if they are purple with pink hair. If they treat you right, I'll approve."
Through all the relationships I've seen fail, I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. The female is always too crazy and the guy is always too relaxed so the whole thing is just a soggy shit sandwich. The media pretty much taught me how to love. Mostly songs and television, but no physical being taught me how to love. My earliest memory of love comes from my aunt and uncle. They were hilarious and fun and all that good stuff, but they are the first, and maybe my only example of true and honest love. That memory doesn't really have an effect on me. Although my aunt passed, her pictures are still hanging up and my uncle's love for her hasn't wavered.
My kids are going to be some of the most open minded children in the universe. I will allow them to love and be who they want to be and I won't inhibit them. I will also tell them that in order to be in love with someone else, you have to love yourself first. If you don't, your relationship will fail as will all the other ones after it.Also, don't go pokin til "I do" is spoken.
Love is a general feeling of attraction for another person. I think love differs depending on who it's shared between.
ReplyDeleteI've never been in love. If anything I've had attractions but I've never been in love. If my mom has been in love, it was before April 11th, 1999 because I've never seen it. I don't know if my mom's been in love because not only are all her children accidents, including myself, but she's never been married either. And that's fine. I'm not one of those people who blames her problems on the fact that there has been a sufficient lack in a father figure. Ann Stringer holds her own. My parents behave like adults, and their relationship has no effect on my mental health.
We're attracted to people because that's when the head and heart agree. The little voice in your head starts talking and then your heart picks up and then you're SOL. Attraction is not who you look good with when you're strutting down the hallway. That just makes you a shallow asshole. Regardless, we're attracted to the people we at attracted to because that might be the only time our head and heart agree; on what we do and do not like. When your head says, "Oohh, look at that face!" and your heart starts beating real fast, they're agreeing.
When it comes to potential relationships, all I really want is to be in a relationship with me, a good one. I usually have a whole bunch inner turmoil with myself and I just want to have a Bre loves Bre type of thing going right now. Future relationships however are different. While I still want to have a B loves B relationship, I welcome all male opportunities with opened arms and an opened mind. In the words of a very wise mom, "It doesn't matter if they are purple with pink hair. If they treat you right, I'll approve."
Through all the relationships I've seen fail, I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. The female is always too crazy and the guy is always too relaxed so the whole thing is just a soggy shit sandwich. The media pretty much taught me how to love. Mostly songs and television, but no physical being taught me how to love. My earliest memory of love comes from my aunt and uncle. They were hilarious and fun and all that good stuff, but they are the first, and maybe my only example of true and honest love. That memory doesn't really have an effect on me. Although my aunt passed, her pictures are still hanging up and my uncle's love for her hasn't wavered.
My kids are going to be some of the most open minded children in the universe. I will allow them to love and be who they want to be and I won't inhibit them. I will also tell them that in order to be in love with someone else, you have to love yourself first. If you don't, your relationship will fail as will all the other ones after it.Also, don't go pokin til "I do" is spoken.
Aww I love my girl Ann Stringer. Of course she holds her own and that's where you get it from Bre! I'm so happy that you believe in loving yourself f first because that is key. You only really do accept the love you think you deserve so if you don't love your self it will be hard to accept pure and honest love. I am especially jealous of your kids because I know no matter what happens they will have the strongest and most caring mom ever!
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DeleteDon't think of yourself as an accident; think of it as a blessing of life. I'm sure Ms. Ann thinks your a gift from God that she couldn't be more thankful to have in her life. I've seen your mom at all the games that I watched screaming her lungs out cheering you and your team on. Your mom loves and supports you so much. It brings a smile to my face. She is a strong woman and I know you will love your children as much as she love you.
DeletePS: Say hi to Ms Ann for me:))))
Bre i love the way you talk about your mother in this post, i think i feel the same way too but my mom has been married and i think is currently in love, but she is able to hold her own. I am in love with the idea that this post isn't about having to be in love with the perfect guy but how you have to be involve with yourself. After reading this i would love to put myself first before any guy. In reality we are really the only ones that matter, ourselves & we should always be sure to love ourselves first before anyone else of course including family.
DeleteLove is an emotional connection. It is the need to put others before yourself and to share in their joy. Their joy is your joy, their pain is your pain. It’s a pure human connection, sometimes for a moment, other times for a lifetime. It’s a mixed bag of happiness and sorrow, anxiety and comfort, and everything all at once till it feels like you can burst. There are so many types; romantic, platonic, familial, to the point that one could say that all positive relationships are love. Honestly, to love is to be human.
ReplyDeleteI fell in love with my best friend. It took me over a year to figure out that my feelings are romantic, that it wasn’t just some ultra platonic gal pal stuff. Once I did figure it out I got so awkward with certain interactions with her, but it wasn’t that different. One day while we were hanging out at the mall, She came over to me and said something along the lines of “I heard you have a crush on me and I have one on you too” I froze up with the most awkward expression before going to look at perfumes. We haven’t really talked about our relationship, but we spent the last time hanging out at the mall with our arms around each other. I’m sure whats going on now or what will happen with us, but I’m hopeful.
In my mind, a perfect relationship is like being best friends, only with romantic stuff. Probably not that surprising after my story, but it’s true. You need to understand the other person, have their back, support them. If you’re only there for the romance or. . . stimulation, why are you there at all?
I honestly don’t remember “seeing love” and it feels like it’s something I just absorbed from the culture around me. Mom didn’t really teach me much in the ways of values and ideals, at least on a conscious level. One of my earliest memories is of shoving myself in between my parents when they were fighting, and they got divorced when I was pretty young. At an early age my idea of “love” was teeny-bopper romances on the disney channel, and when I grew out of that, I didn’t have much to replace it with. In a way, I gave up on romantic love, I don’t get crushes on people and I didn’t care much for love songs. I eventually figured things out and got those romantic feelings, but now I have no idea what to do or how to react to them. I don’t know what I’ll tell my future ankle-biters, I’m still figuring it out myself.
Melissa, It must have been nerve racking to fall in love with your best friend and not knowing if she feels the same. But must have been a relief to find out she does. I really hope the best for you two. :)
DeleteLove is something that you have the power to give and is something that can rebuild and destroy, also the most dangerous and beautiful weapon any human can use. When I was young I liked many girls but I don't think I really was in love at all. When I got older I started seeing many girls and some how every time in my life there would be that one girl that I didn't know that well but all the sudden gained a huge attraction too. I would think about them all the time whoever it was and I would get to try to know them better, and then they were nothing I expected to be. Then the feeling was gone. I would fantasize about how such an amazing person they possibly were and then they were never what I thought they were. I would talk to many and try to have relationships with girls. At first I would absolutely be head over heels for them and be in a amazing mood, but later I would lose it and it would just feel more like lust then anything. When I truly love someone it's that I admire them almost fully in everything they do. I will have a burning thing inside me when I'm near them but they really have to wow me in their personality not just good looks. I'm not really sure why other people love because everyone is different I just love the way I do. My idea of a perfect relationship is when you and them are different from the rest of the world but can relate to eachother it forms such a strong bond. A "us against the world relationship" I would call it. Also a communicative, and not distant in anyway relationship. What taught me the most about love was probably my parents but then again the bible shed much light on it. There is many scripture on what really love is and it is very knowledgable and the people who follow it their relationships tend to last forever and I want to base mine off of what it says. My earliest memory of love was pretty confusing and blurry I think I was maybe ten still trying to figure out everything else in life and no I don't think it affects my view of love today I'll just let you know that it is different. I will teach my children to be thoughtful and caring, I will show them that the worlds a cruel world and only people like us will be able to love the way that we do. I will call it their gift that was given at birth to them, consider it their spiritual gift. I will teach them that relationships can be horrible but if you have the right mindset and cherish that person you will unlock and go further into happiness for the rest of your life but be sure they read the scripture from the bible to help teach them.
ReplyDeleteGabe, it was perfect how you said that sometimes you like someone and they were nothing like you hoped. I feel like this happens to me too. But its not like that girl is a bad person all the time, its just that you think so much of her and then everything you imagined was all a lie. But I think you really said it great.
DeleteThe title of the blog post says it all “Why we love…. And other UNANSWERABLE questions” In almost every book or movie a love interest is present to keep the audience engaged. From the beginning of movies love is advertised as a fairytale, an endless happy ever after in every Disney movie ever played. From a young age is has set the minds of millions of innocent little girls that one day we all become princesses for a lifetime not just on Halloween. It’s a dream, a hope for some that brings immense pressure within society to find the perfect guy. The lucky ones never have to try because whether its fate and the planets form in a single line accidents turn into sparks. This question what is my definition of love, I truly believe I can’t answer for at least another 5 years. Until I can experience a world outside of high school “love.” Because there definitely is a difference in what we call love within the walls of education and in the streets of New York. For now is a dream it’s the fantasy implanted in my brain from every romantic comedy my eyes burned in my mind. All of the clichés to me at this point are possible. The shy girl and the player, the cardigan with a leather jacket and even the “just friends” story. My definition of love is somewhere between the clichés and the heart breaks I see in reality and yet it’s not even half of true loves potential that we will come to know when we break free.
ReplyDeleteSo far the only love that I’ve seen is in the hallways of Oakcrest. Besides my cousin who is living every little girls fantasy (which is a story for another time… ask, you’ll be jealous, I’ll guarantee it because I am too.) I’ve seen breakup and tears one after another. There’s taunting and flirting floating in the hallways. They soon become a “thing” between two people and if their lucky will last a year maybe two, or days and end up being a total heartbreak, world shaker. I’m happy for everyone who believes they’ve found the one. It’s the time to experiment so I guess its okay. In regards to behavior, that’s complicated like this entire blog. It truly depends on the person. For their sake I imagine them to be a little happier with a hope in their step and a do good attitude. What’s the point if drama ruins the fun out of the relationship? Attraction differs in each human being. We have set standard in our social lives to whom we may be allowed to be seen dating versus who we actually want to be with. In some bizarre epiphany over the years I’ve come to realize we all can truly learn to love someone. Personality and of course, however many times we deny it looks in ways manner. Can you carry yourself with confidence? Are you the type of person who makes an attempt and getting dressed (sweatpants are for gym and even then maybe), because why should I care to even try if you don’t, it’s not worth it. Funny, must be funny and talkative wouldn’t mind never having an awkward silence. But like I said when its true love it should be impossible to stop talking. It’s impractical to list why we are attracted to who we are. Someone can love by the way a person laughs or they have some kind of “sparkle” in their eyes no one but them can see. And that’s what makes love the ultimate crime that’s left unsolved, it’s an enigma that I won’t understand until the planets align for me.
When you said, "Whats the point if drama ruins the fun out of the relationship" that really is relatable to me. I really think that it is dumb when people start talking to each other and neither of them get anything out of it except a whole lot of drama. That would just make me mad and less happy which is the total opposite of what relationships are supposed to do.
DeleteLove is inevitable, we all crave the affection we can’t have. We ALL see the lovey dovey couples in the hall way, walk pass them grossed out and yet in some way, maybe not to that extant wish for the same. Just someone who cares to listens to everything you have to say. To have conversations that last hours feeling it was only minutes before that they were started. Sadly enough there needs to be some kind of bickering and arguing. Not to make the relationship last longer or keep the “flame alive” with idiotic rambles. Bickering, my definition at least in love, the reason for it is to never lose your own voice. However entwined you are as one person personal decisions or at least the capability to decide by oneself is needed. The most beautiful thing Leo Tolstoy has to have ever said would have to be “"He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began." But no matter how one you are, the need for an opinion is often forgotten and that when the flame burns out. All there is left is to agree without will and thought. Life becomes robotic and routine, to the point of boredom. I want that feeling of fireworks and the fear of lightning striking every single moment I’m with that person. There should be a million butterflying clawing their way and goose bumps rising out of your ears. Everyone deserves the love that makes you forget to breathe and stumble over words that you’ve practiced in the already planned conversation in your mind. The moment where darkness covers everything and a light shines brightly on just the two of you. And every time something funny or weird happens you have a person to glance at in an exchange of understanding with a ridiculously goofy grin painted on your face. Every cliché in the book should be reality. The moment when your eyes meet and you just know. That’s the perfect relationship. It’s what love should bring out of you. A person’s heart should race so fast that their seconds away from a heart attack each time their love walks through a door. It’s these feelings combined with individuality that makes some relationships unforgettable and envious. They are seemingly impossible goals but sometime all it takes is one thing that lacks almost always. To step back and compromise is something that keep the “one that got away” from running at all.
ReplyDeleteIn my family love is not a word we use very often. Sure to each other and blood relatives. But I’m sure how it works in every other family but from what I’ve heard most are open minded weirdly understanding. Mine not so much, love and boys are not a topic that is frequently mentioned. I could never think to even bring up this kind of conversation with my parents. I imagine them seeing this post or even reading any of the comments, I honestly can say I have No clue how they would react. They are unpredictable in ways I could not explain. Love marriage any social situation basically involving high school teenage drama… no idea what their opinion would be besides something negative saying to stay away. Nevertheless I never had to talk about it to see it’s there. My grandfather and my grandmother have been married for an incredibly long time. My grandfather cares for her soooo much that I had to use multiple o’s in so. It absolutely the cutest thing. Even as she isn’t capable to do most things another gal her age could easily, he is there always to catch her, quite literally. He supports her people at our age would consider a burden at the very thought of loving someone disabled. But nothing stops them, and it might be because they could never think of divorcing for cultural reasons but its clear there’s true love. Their eyes shine together. A picture of their younger selves sitting in front of the taj mahal brought tears to their eyes last anniversary. It was dead silent, no one could sympathize with their emotion. It’s like no other especially growing up in a different continent. To think about all of their eyes have seen and still every night the last thing they see is themselves is truly amazing.
ReplyDeleteAs for my future generations, much like my first paragraph, when I figure out .what love is they will be the first ones ill brag to. As for the basics, respect women, don’t judge a book by the cover and not worry until at least the age of 9. Hopefully the subject won’t be an unavoidable elephant in the household. But our generation, it’s new, Americanized I’ll let you know if it’s for the better or worse in about 20 years.
Love isn’t something that’s black and white. It’s always more complicated than that so defining it can be a little complicated, hence the thousands of different interpretations and definitions. For me, love is putting that person, your person, before yourself. It’s feeling their pain and their happiness with them. It’s those butterflies in your stomach that you have when you’re with them even though they’re the one person you’re most comfortable with. Love is also painful, anything worth having hurts but in the end it’s all worth it. I’ve been in love before and for a while it was amazing and perfect. I fell in love with my best friend and tried to deny it for the longest time but when I finally decided to take the leap, I’d never been happier. My behaviors definitely changed because I was introduced to new people and opportunities. I believe people are attracted to who their attracted to because of personal preference. Not everyone is attracted to the same things. Maybe who we’re attracted to is based on our own personalities. In a relationship, I look for someone that can be my best friend. While a physical attraction is important, being attracted to their mannerisms and the way they think is important to. I don’t think we get a choice in who we fall in love with, it just kind of happens. For me a perfect relationship is just two people who don’t give up, and don’t just walk away when it gets rough. The only person who taught me about love is probably my ex. I had to experience love and how it feels on my own in order to learn anything about it. Since my memory is terrible and I can’t remember that far back, the earliest memory of love that I have is from my brother and his girlfriend from a few years ago. My brother had broken up with the girl but he was crying later on about it. They were always fighting but as much as my brother loved her and she loved my brother, it wasn’t enough. This made me realize that sometimes it’s good to know when walking away does more good than harm as much as it may hurt.
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ReplyDeleteLove is weird. It makes you do things that make you question your own existence. You start to sweat (from the inside) when close to someone that you find attractive. And then one day you do the unthinkable. You actually start to talk to him/her and after those long five minutes that feel like a lifetime the weight is lifted off your shoulders. Now there are two types of love, the love that you show for an individual person and then to your family and friends. The love you show for your family and friends is a neutral love, where you’ll be there to support them and they’ll be there for you also. Also, family love is also to comfort your family members and be there for them in their darkest times. Now, love to an individual person is very different. To an individual person, when showing love to him/her you tend to be more cautious of things. You always want them to be happy and loved. Their happiness is your happiness and is always thinking about them from the morning to the night. You always support them in what they’re doing and always be by their side no matter what. Every little moment is cherished with that person from talking or full on making out.
ReplyDeleteCurrently, I am in love. It’s pretty nice, it’s an interesting feeling nonetheless but most of all it’s great. I feel I can be more relaxed and not have to worry about as many things in my relationship. We both understand each other and have grown over the eleven months of being together. For me personally, the attraction is mainly based on personality. As long as you’re a kind, helpful, and confident person then that’s a girl for me. Looks are not a big concern to me, a girl is beautiful no matter what she looks like. Because if you really love a person, you love them for their soul, character, and heart. Not for their assets. I was never truly taught about love, but from being taught to be kind and helpful it helps understand how to love more. No one is perfect, and relationships are not perfect. There are good times, bad times, and ugly times. But some few things can be done to help better the relationship. The main goal is to make sure that you’re partner is happy and that you’re also happy with yourself. Because if you’re not happy with yourself first then you can never fully love another person. Also, there’s no need to yell if some dispute is occurring, it’s always better to just talk it out and tell the other person what’s bothering you and how things can be changed. Another thing, listen to what your partner has to say, it may also affect you too. But overall make sure you the both of you are happy and care for each other. I don’t clearly know the first time I’ve ever seen love when my parents were together, because they had decided to separate when I was at a young age, but I think it would have to my mom and stepdad. Sure they argue and get stressed sometimes because of work, but in the end they talk about all their problems and they truly love each other. And that memory doesn’t affect the way I see love because that way is how I also see love.
When I do have children I will teach them about showing love to their family and friends first. To establish the bonds they will make with friends and the unconditional love from family. For individual love, I will let my children learn that on their own.
Love is confusing. What is love? I have no idea. Love to me is something that you never really know until you have experienced it, and until you have I feel as though you cannot define it. I also believe that everybody can have their own “Love” and there isn’t any set definition of this confusing word/feeling whatever you would like to describe it as. Many people I see describe it as a butterfly feeling or sensation you get when seeing or thinking about somebody but you also get strange feelings seeing or thinking about someone or something we’re scared of, so i don’t really understand that notion. But as I said before, I’ve never experienced love before so how would i know the difference between scared butterflies and love butterflies... I wouldn’t, and that is why i’m not going to completely knock people who think that way. I also believe that there are “false loves” (i just made that up) that people believe they are in love but eventually it just dies out. For example, John and Julie are in a relationship for 2 years and trade a million “I love you’s” then they just suddenly they lose feelings for each other, friction arises and they break up and hardly think about each other anymore. Now did they really ever love each other? Or did they just find each other attractive and they stuck around because one could make the other laugh? That is a question that could never be answered or be answered as soon as the relationship ended, that is what makes love confusing, you just never know.
ReplyDeleteI think I have known people that have been in love, but maybe they weren’t, for the sake of this post I am going to assume they were. Everybody’s behavior changes when they meet a special someone whether it’s love, “false love” or simple saying to your friend “damn, she a jawn and a half.” There’s really nothing to stop it, people could have complete personality shifts or just take a tiny amount of attention off their friends to mack with someone they like.
Everybody is different in what they look for in a relationship. Some people go for looks, some people go for personality, most people go for both, and there is a select few who look for, “other interests” I won’t go into. Personally for me it would be looks to draw me in and the personality would keep me around, which I know is how a lot of people think.
Nobody taught me about love, and maybe that is why I still don’t know what it is. I believe nobody can teach what love is you must experience for yourself. That is what i would tell my kids...you never really know until it happens to you and even then, you can still be confused or have mixed emotions on it, or even possibly not even know you’re in love.
My earliest memory of love is simply seeing my dad kiss my mom before he went to work every morning. My parents are now split, and although my dad doesn’t like my mom anymore, he has even said himself that he still has love for her from all the years they spent together and the kids they have together. That is the small belief about love I have is that if it is true, it will never go away.
P.S. Drake was played in the writing of this blog
I agree with you so much about the fact that you need to learn for yourself what love is. I also feel like it is more rewarding to learn things for yourself that really matter like this. I really liked your last paragraph about how love may never go away.
DeleteThis day and age many people seem to think there are multiple definitions of love. Many people also believe that you can fall out of love whether it would be in a relationship or friendships. But in these cases where people “fall out of love” did they really love one another in the first place? Love is something that takes hard work; it is respectful, trustworthy, caring, understanding, forgiving, and long-lasting. No one should understate how strong love is because it is the root of our existence, without love our lives have no value; they are hopeless, and straight out miserable.
ReplyDeleteSo far in my life I have yet to be in love with someone. However, I have watched my friend, we’ll call her Carly, fall in love. She was someone who didn’t really care how people saw her dress and cared for herself more than anyone. But when she met the “man of her dreams” that all seem to change. She started wearing more makeup, she smiled more, wore nicer clothing, and waiting at the man hand and foot. And if that didn’t give it away the way that Carly looked at this guy was like her whole life was in his arms. Unfortunately this relationship was only a one way love but anyone could tell Carly was beyond head over heels for this guy.
In the movie “Rocky” Rock is love with this woman, Andrienne, and one of the best quotes from the movie was, “I dunno, she’s got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.” In other words Rocky loved Andrienne because completed his puzzle. Ultimately people are attracted to those who complement them because humans like balance. In places where you lack your spouse could excel in and vice versa. On the other hand complement also means the people who share common interests with you. Obviously similarities in hobbies create fluent and interesting conversations, which is vital to have in relationships.
In future relationships I will look for reliability. Does this person have my back? Will he leave me when we are having a bad day? If I can’t trust someone there is no relationship to begin with because that is the main component of any bond between two people. I would define the perfect relationship as any two people who are attracted to each other trust one another, and who love each other. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be rainy days but it does mean that me and Mr. Somebody will get through it and learn from our mistakes. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
I can easily tell you that my parents are the ones who have taught me about love with words and through their actions. My parents have gone through the roughest of times in their marriage and life too. Because of the rocky patches they hit they have the strongest relationship I have ever come to know. They respect each other’s differences, go out on dates for some “one on one” time, and still make each other laugh after 26 years of marriage. I have never heard either one of my parents complain about the other and they always make sure their rare arguments are private and settled before they go to bed. Because of my parents amazing example of love I do not sell it short. Love should be unconditional like the kind my parents share right now. In my future I will make sure that my children know this love. The certain kind of love that we strive for, the love that can make you smile no matter where you are and how old you are. It’s called real love. When my kids are just old enough to understand I’ll sit them down and I will tell them, “Real love isn’t caught in a glimpse it’s made and takes some elbow grease but it’s all so worth it in the end and there is no better feeling than love.”
This blog post topic, in general, is so touching, but reading about your parents specifically got me all choked up! Your description is truly what I want out of my future relationships and if I didn't say it well enough in my own blog post, here it is in yours tearing me up! I like the movie reference and the quote is great. For the next blog post, I would proofread one more time because there are teensy grammatical errors here and there, but otherwise I loved reading this blog!
DeleteLove is a strong affectionate feeling that you have towards an individual. This is the strongest emotion that a human can have due to it affecting you in positive and/or negative ways. Love is supposed to be unconditional to you and your partner but we don’t live in a utopia. The positives of love is knowing that there’s someone always there for you when you're in times of need and that you can act like yourself around that person. The negatives of love is getting your heartbroken. This is apart of humanity and those who truly see this learn from it and try not to repeat the same mistake. Finding someone that you love is something special to you that you always think about, pretty sure i found that. Their behavior stayed the same from the first time i met her. Not really one of those relationships that puts on a show for the public, just bestfriends but my love at the same time. Before meeting this individual I acted a certain way and I still do to this day, wouldn’t change my personality for anyone. Our personalities represent who we are and if we were to change that for an individual then we would just be fakes.You cant get attracted to an individual just by eye contact i believe. You have to really get to know the individual that you want to be with. Evaluate that individual and if that person is right for you then you're attracted to that individual. I’m not looking for potential relationships I’m happy where I’m at. Nobody taught me about love. My earliest memory of love is watching my parents as I grew up. They always enjoyed being around each other and they would always smile and laugh when they were together. That memory doesn’t affect the way I see love. You should be with someone that you enjoy to be with. Enjoy the memories as they go on because life can also be harsh. The one that you love can be gone at any day so cherish the moments that you have with that individual. It’s kind of a scary thing to think about. Love yourself and respect yourself as well as your partner, preacher Larry out Peace !
ReplyDeleteThe title of this blog post says a lot about how different and opinionated we all are. Why is the question “why do we love?” so “unanswerable”? As stated in the post, many poets and writers have defined it in their own way. Their ways aren’t necessarily wrong, we just all process emotions differently, including love. For me, there is no such thing as love on a romantic level. I’m too young to understand falling in love, but we’ve all had our dumb little crush or two. But because it’s all just fun now, I have no way to define that kind of love. Though I haven’t had any serious “romantic” relationships, I do have many great relationships with my family and with my friends. When I say I love my parents, I love my parents. I love my Dad very much, but maybe because my Mom and I are both girls and we can relate more often, I feel like I have a stronger bond with her. In the past few years of my life, I’ve constantly been reminded most nonchalantly that I’m growing up and that I’m going to college soon. Sometimes my Mom jokes that she wants me to go to Stockton so she can make me breakfast every day. The other day she asked herself what she was going to do when my sister and I were both in college. It’s true that they’re lives are going to change drastically as well as ours, and all of these subtle reminders pain me. Now every day when I get on my bus, I’m sad to leave her. My Mom and Dad care so much about my sister and I and we care for them right back. My definition of love is the feeling of missing someone when they’re gone, and knowing that they miss you right back.
ReplyDeleteAs I said before, I have never been “in love”, though my Mom and Dad set a pretty good example for me! They don’t argue too much, though sometimes it’s healthy, and they show their affection for each other. Besides the two of them, I haven’t really seen a couple truly in love before. Of course there are movies and TV shows, but it’s all just acting. I’m yet to see a couple truly in love.
The reasoning for being attracted to certain people is physical features and personality. Different people have different definitions of “cute” and “good looking”, that topic is opinion based. Personalities of someone a person may be attracted to usually are similar to that original person’s. The saying “opposites attract” is completely irrelevant to reality. A couch potato wouldn’t marry a marathon runner! It just doesn’t add up. Therefore, a person’s lifestyle is usually mirrored in someone they are attracted to. Personally, for future relationships, I’d like to be with someone who is like me. When people have different opinions and values, that’s when things go awry. A “perfect” relationship would be with someone who appreciates me for who I am and shares personality traits. That way, the relationship wouldn’t grow old and fade away. We wouldn’t argue as most couples do, and we would want the same things out of life.
I learned about the whole concept of love from the show “Friends”. I don’t know why I didn’t watch it earlier, but I am obsessed with it now. I see all of the character’s relationships on the show and I always stop to think: “Is this real, or is this just TV?”. Maybe it’s just TV and everything I know about this so-called “love” is wrong, but I am young and naive. I can’t remember my first experience with seeing love. Maybe I was so young that I didn’t understand what kissing was or maybe it only settled into my brain while watching “Friends”. Whenever that was, I know it doesn’t affect me much because I can’t even remember how it happened!
For the future, I will teach my kids that love is a strong feeling that should be cherished. Every minute spent complaining about chores and nonsense is dumped down the drain. No one can turn back time and every minute not spent loving your family is a minute wasted! I cherish every moment I have with all of my loved ones because life isn’t forever, so I want my future children to remember and cherish the warmth that runs through their hearts when their Mom gives them hugs and kisses before bed.
Hey Kassia, I like how for this blog you focused mainly on the love you feel for your family, as opposed to romantic relationships. We're all really young, so I think that the only definite love that we've known is the love that we have received from our parents or from other family members. Your reference to Friends was 10000% accurate because 1) that's one of my favorite shows and 2) the acting seems so sincere at times that you often forget you're watching a scripted tv show. I also admire how dedicated you are to your family and how you don't take any time spent with them for granted.
Delete*PART 1*
ReplyDeleteWho the heck knows what love really is? Not me, not our peers, and definitely not adults. In my 16 years of living, yes I could say I had a taste of what I assume is love. Love is when you say to someone “this reminded me of you” or “drive safe” and of course, the famous but infamous, “I love you”. It’s when you realize you’re blushing when they say your name. It’s when they’re the first thought in the morning and the last before you sleep at night. It’s when you get into huge fights but kiss and make up because their happiness comes before yours. Believe it or not, once you’re in love everything changes. I’ll admit, I have said “I won’t let a boy change who I am” and for the most part that’s still accurate, as for the other part... it changed me in a way I had no idea was happening. I’ll admit, I put him first over my other priorities which was not the best thing to do because besides him, I also love myself, my family and my closest friends. I took them for granted (but that’s a different story). Anyways, subconsciously I changed without myself knowing it. According to my mom, she heard me singing as I was doing my chores-- and let me tell you, I never sing nor voluntarily do my chores. I guess by washing the dishes and doing my own laundry she couldn’t yell at me whenever I was on the phone with him, because I saved her from doing extra work around the house. I would wake up a little earlier on weekends, spend extra time in the morning to look good for school, and surprisingly walk through the halls a lot faster so we could talk before class. It’s stupid, I know. The day I caught myself walking fast, was the day I knew I caught feelings. Ask Kennedy, I talked about it in French class as soon as it happened!
When we see someone with common interests we most likely gravitate to them. It’s a whole lot easier than getting into relationships with people who are polar opposites. There’s less conflict, less arguing, and less stress. Now I’m not saying that if you find someone who is similar to you that you aren’t going to have fights, because trust me you will, I’m saying that the more you see yourself in them there is the more you can appreciate the relationship and your significant other. Relationships are tricky, yet, what I look for is very simple. Laughter, honesty, and reassurance. If it’s all work and no play, that's never fun and if it’s all play and no work, then eventually you’ll become tired of the same old jokes. Without honesty, what do you really have? The truth hurts terribly but it’s a hell of a lot better than staying committed when you’re being lied to constantly. Finally comes reassurance. It may sound desperate, but I need to be reminded that he still has feelings for me. Having to deal with my insecurities, sometimes I forget there's good in me so having reassurance is just what I need to keep me sane. All those qualities, to me, are my idea of “a perfect relationship”. Let’s be honest, “perfect” only occurs in dreams.
*PART 2*
DeleteLove isn’t something that can be taught, for me it came naturally. If I had to pick, I’d say my parents taught me to love myself, my sister taught me to love family, and oddly enough my first boyfriend freshman year taught me to love love. Being the awkward inexperienced freshie I was two years ago, love was a whole new ball game (my ex was a baseball player, ha!). You have your first love and then there’s your FIRST love. I could say “real love” but like I said earlier, who really knows what that four letter word is, real or not. I was so scared I would fall too hard and too fast that I never said it back when he told me he loved for the first time. Eventually I realized there was no point because I figured he was just as scared, so I finally told him a few weeks later. I don’t remember the first time I saw love and affection. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to be surrounded both my whole life and so I just assumed everyone possessed the trait. I will gladly teach my future children about love by simply showing them as they grow. I promise you, my husband and I will be that grown up couple who act like teenagers in front of my son’s friends and embarrasses my daughter by picking her up from school and calling her “lovey” in front of her crush. Also, annoying the crap of my future son by teaching him to stay safe but more importantly, to respect the girl he dates and my daughter to know her values before giving in to that one boy she can’t keep her mind off of. Getting into relationships can be such an experience, good or bad, so I encourage them to go for it (when they’re old enough). If you’ve never been in love and you’re one of those people who are anti-relationship, I definitely think it’s worth a shot. I’m not forcing you to get into one and there’s nothing wrong with staying single. I’m just saying you’ll be surprised.
Jchiao, I would totally do the same thing with my future kids because I love messing with people. But, I would encourage my kids to go for relationships also. Relationships are a great experience and some people are scared to get into one. It won't hurt to try. (Well it probably will but you're going to have go through it at some point.)
DeleteJasmine! I really think when you're love it changes you. You act differently, you see things differently, all because you love someone. It's crazy how much someone can affect you like that.
DeleteAw Jas, I remember when you told us that you caught feelings. I totally and completely agree with you. No one really knows what love is and relationships are hard. Your idea of a perfect relationship isn't asking for too much so never settle for less than you deserve.
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